A/N - Sorry for the delay. I took a break over Christmas. Now we're up at our cabin. I didn't think I'd get this posted because there's no internet here, but our neighbor got wifi and is letting me use. Yay! Now I just need to keep the kids from knowing there's wifi because that is not the point of this place. I will type in secret after they go to bed. :)

Thank you for the warm holiday wishes. I hope you all had a wonderful, happy holiday as well!

July 2018

For the rest of May and June it was still mostly lunches, with the exception that Emily would bring lunch to the park on a Saturday or Sunday when Derek had Joey. There was no immediate connection with Joey that was any different than Emily felt about Henry or Jack. But there wasn't less of a connection either; there wasn't sadness. The first time she saw Joey, she went home and walked for hours after, thinking and making sure she wasn't sacrificing any part of herself by spending time with him. She did the same the second and third time. After that, it became unnecessary.

On July fourth, Derek invited her over to his house in the afternoon, after he'd dropped Joey off with Savannah. Emily felt a little sad that day, but was thankful to see they were both beyond the need to sit together, cry and talk through everything again.

"So I had this idea. I hope you like it. If you don't, we don't have to do it," he told her sheepishly after taking her on a tour of his house.

"This isn't one of your ideas of 'fun' is it?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Derek laughed quietly. "Nothing like that. I just feel like we're both doing pretty well now, and I don't ever want to forget, but I like that we're moving forward. So I thought, something to remember that feels positive, where we could both let go and grow at the same time."

He gently took her hand and lead her out of the house and to the backyard where there were two small trees, blooming with purple flowers.

Derek seemed nervous as he spoke. "This type of tree will grow in a pot just fine, and won't be too big for your patio. I thought we could put one in a pot for your place, and plant one in the yard here."

Emily stared at him for several seconds and blinked back tears, trying to get ahold of the rush of emotion she was feeling. She reached her hand up and touched his cheek. "It's a good idea. I like it."

Derek smiled, relieved. "I have a pot for yours right there," he said pointing. "My neighbor said I could borrow his truck and I can drive it to your place tomorrow."

"Perfect," she whispered.

They got to work, transplanting her tree into the pot first before digging a hole in his yard for his tree. When they were finished, they linked their dirty hands and looked at the tree. "How big will it get?" she asked him.

"About five feet tall or so. It will survive the winters here just fine. It starts blooming around the middle of May and blooms through the fall."

"Thank you, Derek."

She felt him let go of her hand and saw him move towards her. For the first time in almost two years, he initiated a hug. She put her arms around him and heard him whisper gratefully, "Thank you."

They sat on his back porch that evening, drinking beer and eating take-out. Emily heard a car horn beep from the front of the house, and then saw Fran Morgan appear out of the front door of the little cottage in Derek's backyard.

"I didn't know she was home," said Emily.

"She was giving us space, I think. She's off to volunteer for a shift at the high school firework display. Her church is selling food as a fundraiser."

Fran smiled when she saw Emily and walked up onto the porch. Emily had met this woman one time, over a decade ago, and under horrible circumstances. She was surprised when Fran reached out and gently touched her cheek. "You're a remarkable woman. Derek is very lucky. You carry a gun, and I'm pretty sure this situation could have gone either way," she said with a wink and a grin.

Emily laughed at the unexpectedness of that statement. But then she was further stunned when she saw Fran look at Derek and then back at her, her eyes a little teary. She bent forward and kissed the top of Emily's head. It was very motherly, and Emily appreciated all of Fran's emotions, both her humor and empathy.

"I better get going. I'll see you later," Fran said.

Emily sat quietly for a bit, taking in that exchange. "It must be nice having her so close."

"It is. But she rides me harder than she ever has in my life. She used to hold back a lot of her thoughts about my behavior. Now if she thinks I'm screwing up, she gets right in my face and tells me so. It's unnerving and refreshing at the same time," Derek said with a small smile.

"Have you been screwing up a lot?"

Derek looked at her and quietly replied, "Not lately."

Emily grinned at him. "I agree with that assessment."

Derek laughed. "Good to know."

"You want to go see the fireworks?" she asked.

"We'll see them, but we don't have to go anywhere. Are you done eating?"

"Yes."

"OK. Wait here a minute."

She watched him run into the house. He came out with a blanket, a lantern and a grin on his face. "Grab a couple of beers and come on."

He lead her to the back of his garage and a ladder. She raised one eyebrow at him. "Drinking beer on the roof of a garage. I just had a high school flashback."

He laughed. Emily realized how much she enjoyed laughing with him, and how that laughter had become a regular part of their time together lately - even on this day.

In a flat space of the roof, under the window of the roof's attic, they laid comfortably next to each other on their backs and waited for it to get completely dark.

"Speaking of my fun ideas," he said.

Her head snapped to turn and look at him, in shock, immediately assuming he was thinking about the last time they were on a roof together.

"No, Emily. Not that. Sorry. I shouldn't have said it that way. Hotch and I were talking about taking Jack up to a lake this summer and jet skiing. It's fun, and I was wondering if that might be something you're up for."

"Oh," she said quietly and thought about it. "Maybe." Then she laughed. "But I'm driving."

Derek joined in her laughter. "Deal."

When the fireworks started, they could see them over the tree line of the backyard. Emily watched for awhile before turning to look at Derek. He felt her gaze and turned his head towards her.

"Do you remember that case with the homeless people when I told you you were a good guy?" she asked him.

"Yes," Derek replied quietly.

"You still are."

Derek smiled. "I lost him for awhile, but I think I got him back."

"I agree with that assessment," she said with a grin.

He smiled back at her. He didn't reach for her, but she could see he wanted to. In terms of the direction they were headed, she could see he would be content with this forever; any more was up to her.

He turned his head back to look at the sky. "I've been spending so much time analyzing myself. I had a couple of really bad things happen to me when I was younger that were completely out of my control. I became very guarded and overly-confident to compensate for that, for years. Even with you in a lot of ways. And it's not that I'm not confident anymore, but I have much more humility now. Because I finally had something really difficult happen that I was in control of changing the outcome of, and I didn't."

Emily took in those words and turned to look at him again. He kept staring at the sky, blinking quickly. She reached her hand out and placed it on his. He didn't meet her eyes, but he squeezed his fingers around hers.

After the fireworks, Derek walked her to her car. She wasn't sure what to expect when she'd first accepted his invitation to hang out on that day. She felt content; sadness felt a long way away.

"I'll bring the tree by tomorrow afternoon if that works for you," he said when they got to her car.

"Yep. I'll be around. I have a ton of paperwork I need to catch up on."

She went to give him a hug, and it was a hug that lasted much longer than any of the others they'd shared since the July before. He was warm and solid under her arms and hands, and safe. It was an epiphany that came to her in the moment, that this was the first time she'd felt totally safe with him. It wasn't that she'd gone into an affair with him thinking he'd ever intentionally hurt her, it's that she knew hurt was likely inevitable in that situation. In the past what they were doing was dangerous; there wasn't any of that feeling left in her, and she didn't want to let him go.

They eventually released each other and she smiled at him. "Thank you for today, Derek. It was really wonderful. I'll see you tomorrow."

A few days later, Derek walked Joey up the steps to Savannah's house and knocked on the door. When she opened it, she grinned and scooped Joey into her arms, kissing his cheek. Derek smiled. Whatever residual feelings of anger he had for Savannah had dissipated on its own in the past year; he found himself just happy that Joey had two parents who loved him.

Joey squirmed down from Savannah's arms to go the living room and see the toys he hadn't seen in a couple of days.

Derek set Joey's bag on the floor of the entry way. Each of their homes were stocked with toys and clothes, but they had one small bag that went back and forth that contained his current favorite things.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Derek asked Savannah. He felt nervous, but tried to push that feeling down.

"Sure. What's up?"

"Emily was over the other day and I spent some time worried you might show up because I forgot to put Joey's blanket or favorite book in the bag. I've been thinking about ti and I just want to avoid that awkward situation. Emily and I are friends again. We're not dating. I really don't know what we're doing yet, but she might be at the house sometimes, and she's seen Joey a few times. I just wanted to be honest and let you know."

He could see a flash of anger on Savannah's face, quickly followed by tears she tried to blink back. "I'm not sure I like this, Derek," she finally said, not quite succeeding in sounding neutral.

He reached out and touched her arm, trying to soften the blow. "I'm not asking for permission, Savannah. I'm sure you don't like it, but I'm hoping in time you can get used to the idea. I understand if you're angry, but I'm not the appropriate person to talk you through that."

"I'm not sure I'm angry as much as shocked and jealous. Shocked that she'd talk to you again; jealous that you might end up getting exactly what you wanted out of all of this."

Anger and sadness surged in Derek. He wanted to remind her that he wouldn't get everything. He may not get anything more than Emily's friendship. He'd come to terms with that, but he couldn't get their baby back. Whatever life he might have with her was going to come with a lot of work and look nothing like what he originally wished for in his heart.

Savannah must have sensed some of his feelings with his silence. She looked down and then back up at him, putting an end to the conversation for the time being. "I'll make sure I call first before I come over if I need to pick something up. I wanted to take Joey on a walk before dinner, so we should get going."

Derek nodded, walked over to give Joey a hug and kiss goodbye, and let himself out of the house before either of them exploded in the anger they were both probably feeling and said something they would regret.

Emily leaned against Rossi's kitchen counter and looked at the man who had become such a good friend to her. "I think you should celebrate your birthday this year," she said with a smile.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Dave, your birthday is at the end of the month, and I think it's time we get the family back together. All of us."

He smiled and placed his hands on Emily's cheeks. "I'd really like that if you think you're ready for it."

"I am. I miss us all together and I want it back. I don't want another Thanksgiving where plans that have been there for years are altered for us. Wherever Derek and I are headed, this piece of us needs to come back together."

The last Saturday afternoon in July, Emily's family gathered together for the first time since she'd stood in a bar with them in February 2014, after they helped save JJ. There were additions and omissions from that group; Blake was gone, the BAU had two new agents that weren't invited to this gathering because Rossi felt like it should just be them, the core of them. And Derek was there with one addition - Joey.

When Derek showed up and set Joey down on the back patio, Emily was both surprised and happy when Joey saw her and grinned. He toddled over to her on steady legs and she picked him up. "Hey, Joey," she said with a smile. She'd seen him several more times that month, at the park and joining them on a trip to the children's museum, and they were both getting more comfortable with each other.

He babbled something she couldn't understand, a series of garbled language that obviously told a story that was both animated and indiscernible.

"I think he's trying to tell you about the colorful language I used when a cat ran out in front of my car on the way here," said Derek softly.

She looked at Derek and noticed the now familiar look of him holding back tears of happiness and thankfulness, tinged with regret. She reached one hand out and touched Derek's shoulder. "It's better than okay. Let's enjoy this."

They did enjoy their afternoon and evening, all together again. Emily could see in the faces of their friends that they weren't quite sure how to be at first. There was an undercurrent of exuberance and relief that they didn't want to overtly express. But gradually, after the first hour or so, they settled into themselves again. There was laughter and comfort and an overwhelming feeling of joy.

As dusk turned to dark, Joey tried to keep up with Jack and Henry as they chased fireflies in the backyard. Derek had gone inside to use the restroom and Emily said she'd keep an eye on Joey. She was taking it all in - that little boy with an infectious giggle trying to give chase to the much bigger boys - when Hotch came and sat next to her.

"Many years ago I told you you needed to be objective and you told me you needed to be human. I think you have more humanness in you than all of us combined," he told her quietly.

She shook her head, "I don't think that's true at all. I think this whole group has it."

Hotch contemplated that for a few seconds. "Maybe," he finally whispered. "But thank you for this. I know this was your idea. I didn't realize how much I missed us all together until today."

Just then, an exhausted Joey toddled over to the patio. He looked around, probably searching for Derek, but didn't see him. His bottom lip went out and then he spotted Emily. He walked over to her and lifted his arms to be picked up. Emily lifted him and he rested his head on her shoulder. Affection swelled in her. "I think you're tired, buddy," she whispered while rubbing his back.

She glanced to the side and saw JJ smiling at her, happy and slightly concerned. She grinned at JJ to let her know she was okay and suddenly found herself blinking back tears at the feelings she wasn't sure she could develop with Joey surging inside her. It was a small spark that didn't mean anything yet for the long term, but it was a spark she was surprised she welcomed so much.

By the time Derek came out of the house a few minutes later, Joey was asleep on her shoulder. Derek touched her back gently. "Thank you. I should get him home and to bed."

He moved to reach for Joey, but Emily stood and said, "I'll take him. I can walk you to your car."

Joey transferred from Emily's arms and into his car seat without waking up. She buckled him in and gently touched his cheek before backing herself out of the car. Derek stood there, looking both lost and happy. She put her arms around him and gave him a warm hug.

"Thank you for today, Emily. It was really great to all be together again," he whispered in her ear.

She stepped back. She had so many feelings and thoughts swirling around and she needed some time to process them. She smiled at Derek and said what she knew was true in the moment. "I'm looking forward to the day when we stop thanking each other for being normal."

He laughed lightly and touched her arm before settling in his car. "I'll work on that," he said through his window before pulling out of the driveway.

Derek drove home and got Joey into a fresh diaper and pajamas and held him until he'd fallen asleep again. He laid him in his crib and smiled at him before leaving the room. Then he went to his living room and turned the TV on, but kept the volume down. Sprawled on his couch, he ran through the evening in his mind. It was so good to be together as a group again, but what he couldn't get out of his mind was how comfortable Emily looked with Joey asleep on her shoulder. It was a vision that filled him with a mixture of happiness and guilt.

He was startled out of his reflections awhile later when there was a soft knock on his front door. He stood and looked through the peephole and saw Emily standing on his porch. Excitement and worry competed in him as he opened the door, but the worry went away when he saw her give him a content smile.

"I left Rossi's not long after you and I drove around for awhile thinking, trying to figure out everything I was feeling and what I wanted to do next. I drove by and saw you still had a light on. You drop Joey off with Savannah at noon tomorrow?"

Derek nodded. "Yes."

Emily smiled. "Are you available for dinner?"

He grinned. "I could do dinner. Emily…"

He had a million questions in his mind and he could see her read them all. She patted his chest gently. "It's a date. You know dating, Derek Morgan?" she asked with a grin.

That simple touch on his chest sent his heart racing. "I do. I think. I'm not sure with you, with us. I mean, I'm not sure what that looks like."

She smiled again. "Meet me at my place around 6:00."

"Should I bring anything?"

"That nervous, bemused grin. I kind of like it. Dress casually." She patted his chest one more time and turned to walk away.

"Emily," he called out. She turned to look at him. "I don't deserve you," he said softly.

She sighed and stepped back towards him. "When you say things like that, it makes me feel like I should be more damaged than I feel. I'm doing well, I'm happy. I can't predict what comes next, but stop feeling like you don't deserve this, whatever this ends up being."

Derek thought about that. "Maybe deserve isn't the right word. I feel like I'm asking too much of you."

Emily threw her hands out to the side and said softly, "Derek, you haven't asked a single thing of me since I called you last November. Not once. I'm not doing anything I don't want to do."

"What if it doesn't work?" he asked.

She stepped forward so she was standing right in front of him and gently took his hand. "That last October in Los Angeles, I thought to myself that we were the perfect puzzle, we fit together with no pieces missing. But the reality was there were a lot of pieces missing. We'd never dated, we talked but we couldn't be completely honest with each other, and everything we did involved lying to people we cared about. I want to see what this looks like without all of that baggage. I don't know if it will work. There are no guarantees here, only possibilities. I'm open to starting over and trying this the right way and seeing if we can figure it out, though."

"And what if we try to figure it out and lose our friendship in the process?" he asked, the concern clear in his voice. When it came right down to it, that was what worried him the most. It was a surprising revelation to him once he'd said it out loud, that he'd take the friendship of this woman he loved with all of his heart over being able to actually love her.

Emily exhaled. "I don't think we're going to be moving so quickly that backtracking won't be an option if we decide it's not working. But you're right, that's a risk. Then again, against all odds, we found our friendship again now."

Derek considered that and decided maybe a small risk would be worth it. With a thrumming heart, he smiled. "So you're talking good, old-fashioned dating."

Emily laughed, "Something like that. When was the last time you did that?"

"Probably never."

Emily grinned and touched his cheek gently. "There's a first time for everything. Tomorrow. Six o'clock."