The Reclusive Music Producer and The Journalist

by areaderofmanythings

Chloe is Rolling Stone Magazine's newest intern, she's left Atlanta to start life over in San Francisco. Beca's a cute regular who she befriends at the part time job she has until getting hired on at the magazine. What happens when Beca isn't straightforward about who she is and Chloe refuses to talk about her past? Will Chloe ever get the cover story she's dreamed about for years?

11. Chapter 11

I'm back pitches! Like serious for real this time! I really don't have any excuse for you guys for taking so long to get this chapter done except to say life and work have been super hectic lately that I've hardly had any time to do anything. Plus I needed to take a little extra time off to refocus and make sure that I crafted this chapter correctly and it was going in the direction I had always intended from the very beginning.

Once again I was going to have this be a 2 part chapter, but because of my absence I'm giving the whole thing as a peace offering...Don't worry, the next chapter will have a time jump and things will continue to progress, but that's all I'll tell you for right now ;) don't want to give to much away!

Another huge shoutout to my awesome beta sugarlandaddict23 for making it through this novel of a chapter! I can't thank you enough for working your skills and catching things I didn't see!

Disclaimer: The universe of PP isn't mine so any ideas/quotes/songs/references aren't either. But I will tale fill responsibility for any and all mistakes!

And I know I suck for not getting back to you guys reviews and there's no excuse, but please know that I do read every single one and they mean so much to me! So thank you to each and everyone of you who have taken the time to comment or PM, hell thank you for just reading!

With all that said I will send you on your merry way! Cheers!

P.S. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO!

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Staring at herself in the mirror, Beca took in large gulps of air as she gripped the edge of the bathroom sink like her life depended on it. She's never had a panic attack, she's always considered herself much to laidback to get to that point, but she imagines this is probably what one feels like. Sure she's been stressed to the point of exhaustion, except her heart never pounded like this and she's never had such intense feelings of dread. Once she calms down and doesn't feel as frazzled as she looks, she can probably self diagnose as having had her very first panic attack.

It had all happened so fast, one minute Beca was floating though the grocery store without a care in the world and the next her manager is dropping this bombshell without any warning. She grimaced, even she didn't buy that lie because Gail had tried to call and she had just sent them straight to voicemail. So she'll only take part of the blame the other half goes to Gail, who should've informed Emily. It just pisses Beca off to no end that Gail refuses to even acknowledge Emily's existence let alone include her in day-to-day operations. Things probably wouldn't have gotten so out of hand had her fucking assistant known what was going on.

For all practical purposes Beca has been discovered, how bad and to what extent, well she is way too scared to even think about Googling herself. All she knows is that her face and name are out there for everyone to see and that means people will start camping out day and night just to catch a glimpse of her. It's bad enough that they're probably already trekking all over San Francisco trying to find her usual hangout spots and talking to people she interacted with, just so they can speculate on how she lives her daily life.

Then there's her mom, Beca's sweet, loving and talented mother and how their worlds would now be forever linked. People in the movie and jazz industry are probably already making comparisons, critiquing every little nuance in their music and trying to decipher if the mother or the protégé was better. She hated that, she wanted her mom's legacy to be just that a legacy, because it's so extensive and impressive that it deserves to stand on its own without anyone's name attached to it. Beca writes songs and produces top forty hits and that doesn't live up to anything her mom ever did. And now her one foray into the movie industry was going to be intensely scrutinized by all her mom's friends and colleagues.

Beca wasn't doing the James Bond song so she could dominate another part of the music industry, she was doing it as a tribute to her mom. She hadn't told anyone, not even Chloe, that if she was lucky enough to be nominated for an Academy Award then that's when she had planned on revealing who she really is. She wanted to be able to walk the red carpet or possibly even accept the award and show her fans and the music industry that she wasn't riding on the coattails of her famous mother. She has never wanted to be better than her mom, she has never wanted the comparisons, she just wanted to be seen as an equal and not the golden child who got everything they wanted because of who their mother was.

Beca hated the fact that everything went down the way it did, she hated that this was putting stress on herself, her friends and most of all her girlfriend. Things were going to be different now because if her name and picture was out there, then it was only a matter of time before Chloe's would be too.

Thankfully they weren't the type of couple who try to hide their relationship, hell their friends constantly comment about how into each other they are and that's still mind blowing for Beca. She's never had someone who she wants to constantly be around or hold hands with and kiss in public and honestly she loves finding stupid reasons to touch Chloe, but she's not exactly sure how Chloe will react knowing that the whole world will now want to watch every move they make.

Banging her fist against the sink, Beca let out an angry breath, she had been awful to Chloe a few minutes ago. She had cut her girlfriend off and yelled without even listening claiming her problems were worse than whatever Chloe had to say. The despondent look she saw on Chloe's face right before storming off to the bathroom like a spoiled child is now ingrained in her brain and she needs to apologize for being such an asshole. The last thing she wanted was for Chloe to cry, but seeing those beautiful blue eyes glassing over and filled with hurt and a tinge of hopelessness was the worst thing ever. She never wanted to see a look like that and she never wanted to be the person who put it there.

"Fuck," rapidly tapping her fingers against the sink Beca continued to stare into the mirror. The more she looked at herself the more pathetic she felt for having been so harsh. "You're sucking in the girlfriend department Mitchell," she whispered disapprovingly, "you fucked up and you," she pointed at the mirror, "need to fix it."

There was a loud and heavy knock on the door and Beca's head whipped to the right just as the handle was jiggled.

"Beca," Gail's authoritative voice permeated through the wood and it made Beca roll her eyes and silently thank god that she had locked the door, "we need to get a press release going and discuss how we're going to handle this."

Anger was beginning to boil Beca's blood, as far as she was concerned they can't undo her name and picture being out so it didn't matter how long she stayed in the bathroom.

"Beca please," Gail's voice was stronger, like she was pressed right up against to the door getting ready to break it down, "I think an interview is going to be necessary."

"Oh for fucks sake!" Beca screamed making Gail's voice falter on the last word. In any other circumstance she would find it highly amusing to ruffle her managers feathers, but right now things were far from funny, "A fucking interview is the last thing I'm doing."

"Then let's talk, I need to get on top of this," Gail answered.

Beca's eyes were fixated on the wood door, more than anything she wanted to just take a nap so when she woke up this nightmare would be over.

"Jesus Christ, give me a minute," Beca shouted as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You've been in there fifteen minutes," Gail's reply was taunting and it was tipping Beca's annoyance level dangerously close to maximum capacity.

Beca had lost all track of time after she entered the bathroom, but fifteen minutes was a surprise. It should be obvious because after entering there was a lot of commotion, tons of chatter, followed by doors slamming throughout the house, but now it was completely silent. No one, not even Aubrey or Jesse, even attempted to approach the closed bathroom door and for painfully obvious reasons, neither had Chloe.

"I'm on my way," Beca halfheartedly yelled again.

Flipping the faucet handle, Beca let the sound of cold water hitting the bottom of the sink and swirling down the drain distract her for a few seconds, before eventually scooping up a handful and splashing it on her face. Quickly doing it a second and third time she then blindly turned the water off and reached for a towel to dry her face. The cold water was all she needed to get her head on straight and after tossing the towel aside she took a deep breath and swung open the door.

Beca was half expecting to be greeted with a living room and kitchen full of her friends trying to be obvious but not too obvious as to why they had congregated there, yet there was no one. The only people in the room were Gail and Aubrey and they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch shooting daggers at each other.

Of all people Beca really thought Jesse would be the one here, usually Aubrey sends him to handle damage control when situations get crazy. So it surprised her that Aubrey had apparently offered to stay behind and pick up the pieces. Aubrey didn't really like to 'mingle' in Beca's business affairs and most of the time let the whole fame side of Beca's life play out without much outside interference. Sure, Aubrey would show up to random recording sessions claiming to be bored while Jesse was busy or that there was an artist she wanted to see, but Beca knew it was more than just keeping her company. Aubrey was playing the older sister role by making sure she was getting enough rest and food and like true sisters they had always fought about the meddling.

In all honesty, Beca loved it and she loved giving Aubrey shit for hovering over her like a protective sister, but she also loved having a friend that would go to such lengths to make sure she was ok. But for Aubrey to have willingly stayed behind with Gail meant that she was probably in big trouble for being an asshole to Chloe. Quite frankly she deserved whatever dish of supreme verbal whoopass Aubrey was about to open on her and she wasn't even going to try and fight it.

Aubrey was the first to notice her and Beca quickly put on a hesitant smile, "You ok?"

Beca gave a half shrug, "I've been better."

"Look Beca I…"

Holding up a hand Beca stopped Aubrey's lecture before it began, "Is Chloe ok?"

"She's upstairs," Aubrey stood and stepped around the coffee table then took a few steps closer. "I'm not here to lecture you," she reassured in an even tone, "but I really think before you jump to any conclusions that you talk to her."

Beca merely nodded with downcast eyes, "I know I was a jerk and I'm sorry I snapped at her and you. I was just blindsided."

"I understand and please just promise me you'll listen to her," Aubrey was trying to be diplomatic and tactful without giving away that she knows way more than Beca realizes, "She's been struggling with what she wants to tell you for a while."

Aubrey saw Beca's face drop and a flash of hurt cross her features. Aubrey needed to smooth things over before Beca thinks she's an even bigger inattentive girlfriend than she already does.

"It's not what you think, you haven't done anything wrong," moving closer made Beca take a step back and Aubrey knew she needed to be more explicit. "She's just been trying to find the right time to tell you."

Shifting her eyes up Beca locked them with Aubrey's, "What's she hiding from me?"

The voice was small and so full of hurt that it made Aubrey's whole demeanor shift from anxious and worried to melancholy. Beca has the right to be upset because Chloe has been hiding things from her, but Chloe has simply been trying to protect the person she loves most, the only way she knows how. Except nobody, not even Chloe, had anticipated Beca's identity getting revealed the way it did. Rolling Stone's plan was disgusting and it made Aubrey want to throw up but it also left Chloe caught in the middle of a bad situation looking guilty no matter how she tried to explain it.

"She's not hiding anything in the way you think…" Aubrey just watched a crease form in the middle of Beca's forehead as she folded her arms across her chest. "She loves you, so just keep that at forefront of your mind before you start blaming her."

Beca was hesitant to answer because Aubrey was right, she and Chloe's love and relationship should be what matters most, "Ok…"

"Good," Aubrey gave a firm nod.

"Sorry to interrupt this little bonding moment between friends…" Gail began walking up beside the two but was abruptly cut off by an icy glare courtesy of Aubrey Posen.

"Sister," Aubrey curtly corrected, "Beca is like my sister and whatever you were going to say to finish that sentence I suggest you keep it to yourself, because unlike Beca," she pointed a finger right Gail's face, "I have no attachments to you. Therefore I have no qualms in slapping the shit out of you right now."

Aubrey could barely see the proud smirk resting on Beca's face as she tried to make herself just a little bit taller and threatening. It seemed to work because Gail quickly retreated away a couple of steps under the premise of straightening her business suit jacket. Gail may be a great manager and weirdly loyal to Beca, but her professionalism was questionable. The woman had no filter, let alone manners and her snarky, off color remarks always rubbed Aubrey the wrong way.

"Anything else?" Aubrey cocked an eyebrow daring Gail on to say something, but got no response. "So now that I've said my peace without," she stressed silently acknowledging the agreement they had made a few minutes ago, "any interruptions, I'll be upstairs."

"With Chloe?" Beca quietly asked looking up the stairs with hope.

"No," Aubrey gave a soft smile, "I've actually got a bone to pick with Jesse, he never gave us any warning that an unwanted guest was here," she shot another glare in Gail's direction making perfectly manicured hands shoot up in defense, "I'll leave the groveling up to you, but just listen to her ok?"

Beca watched Aubrey look between her and Gail before swiftly turning and sprinting up the stairs. For someone pregnant with twins, that was done with relative ease and it made her smile. A throat clearing made her attention shift her back to her manager.

"Right, so we need to make this quick, I umm…" Beca scratched the back of her neck feeling the guilt creep up again, "need to apologize to my girlfriend."

"We, Beca, need to sit down and come up with a game plan," Gail reiterated, she had waited patiently for Aubrey to finish her little speech and now it was her turn. "We need to discuss what information to release now that your name and picture are out there."

Beca let out a heavy sigh, she just had this sinking feeling that if she didn't get to Chloe the damage she had created was going to be irreversible, but in a very small way Gail was right they couldn't just pretend this didn't happen.

"Look can't you draw up like a press release or some shit," Beca asked, her eyes quickly looking to the stairs then back. "I don't know mention how I'm not happy," she pinched the bridge of her nose exhaling, "but confirm everything then add that for personal and professional reasons I'd like for people to respect my privacy."

"I can do that," Gail typed out a few notes on her cell phone then looked up, "We created that tentative statement a couple years ago, I can elaborate on it."

"Yeah, just don't get overly descriptive, but don't be vague either if that makes sense?" Beca's palms were sweating just thinking about the ramifications and questions that would be asked from just this one statement. "And don't…" she paused to take in a heavy breath, "please don't mention my mom. People will eventually find out if they haven't already and I'd like to keep her out of this until I release the Adele song."

Gail's face seemed to soften and for once Beca saw a shred of compassion in her manager's demeanor.

"That'll be my top priority," Gail answered quickly, "any inquiries about her will be squashed."

"Thank you…" Jamming her hands in her back pockets Beca teetered on her feet, "It's not that I don't want to talk about her," Gail just nodded, "it's just that I don't want my shortcomings to affect her legacy."

"Understood," was Gail's only response.

Beca took a shallow breath and it caught in her throat as tears stung the edge of her eyes, "I'm, uhhh, getting more comfortable talking about her and what happened, but I'd rather not relive the worst part of my life on an international scale so people can twist and turn my words around."

"Beca, you and I never really got along," Gail saw a hint of a smile and she gave one back, "but your mom took a chance on me when no one else would and up until you, she was my most successful client." Flicking a piece of lint off her jacket she continued, "We had a conversation about you one afternoon and she asked me to watch over your career, if anything was to happen to her."

Gail was at times overly confident and had an abrasive and brash attitude, but she had been her mother's manager forever so they had history. A Grammy winning music producer was never the kind of talent Gail wanted to represent, so taking on someone like Beca was unusual. Except Gail had far too much respect for Elizabeth Richardson to allow Beca to sign with some big agency that would take advantage of her and for that Beca's thankful.

Beca shifted nervously on her feet, Gail was actually being nice for once. It was a sharp contrast to the direct and obnoxious manager Beca was used to seeing on a regular basis.

"She kind of foreshadowed a lot didn't she," Beca lightly laughed.

"I think so, but I promised her I would do my best and although I push you a lot," Beca let out a snort of laughter making Gail roll her eyes, "I'm just trying to do what's right. I've done everything you've ever asked and you have no idea how many offers I've turned away." Eyes shifted to hers in alarming question, "You wouldn't believe the amount of money that gets thrown at DJ Titanium on a daily basis, but I don't even bring half of them to you because they aren't good for your career."

Running a hand through her hair Beca let that sink in, maybe at times she was a bit unreasonable with what Gail brought to her, "So how exactly does this pertain to what's happening right now?"

"It means that I'll do my best to suppress the situation."

"And?"

Gail took in a tense breath, "I'll only release what you allow, but we've got to work together. I believe in a relatively short period of time this will all die down. However," she pressed a perfectly manicured finger to her lips, "you'll have to release things periodically and you'll also need to do a few interviews," the scowl she saw made her take a sizeable step back, "just trust me on this. You need to give your fans more than just a few pictures and the occasional statement otherwise they'll invade your privacy like you've never seen."

Beca paced while rapidly tapping her fingers against her thighs in thought, "I hate to say it, but you're right. And you're positive I can lead a normal life by doing all that?"

"Yes, you're fans are…" Gail absentmindedly swirled a finger in Beca's direction because Beca had no clue what her everyday fan looked like, "they're unique. They love you, but not enough to follow you through the grocery store." Beca just smirked, "Ok, maybe there are a few fanatical ones that will, but the vast majority just want a little insight into your life…" She paused again choosing her words carefully, "Will people want autographs and to talk to you at random times? Yes…Will they camp out in front of your studio at midnight waiting for a picture? Of course and I can't stop them, but as long as you're a gracious and accommodating celebrity a majority of the time," Beca simply nodded in understanding, "I think you, your friends and your girlfriend will be left alone."

"I'm still not sold on the whole interview thing, but I'll think about it," Beca said after contemplating Gail's explanation, "In the meantime we'll start small."

Taking a step forward Gail stopped Beca's nervous pacing, "Don't let your level of elusiveness reach Prince's status, you won't be able to walk down the street without people following you if you doo."

"Makes sense…"

"Prince was a genius, you're a genius, and living in the shadows worked for you when nobody knew your name or face. San Francisco, your home," Gail placed a hand on Beca's shoulder, "your studio and Aubrey's awful little diner," Beca scoffed in annoyance, "are your safe havens. Don't turn them into the prisons that you can't leave…"

Turning away Beca took a few steps and sat down on the edge of the coffee table placing her head in her hands. She hated to admit it but Gail was right, she had no choice but to start consenting to a lot of the things that she despised.

"Ok…" Beca whispered from behind her fingers. She heard the approaching high heels on the hardwood floor and looked up, "but there's going to be limits."

"I'll start putting things in motion," Beca heard the frantic taps of typing on a cell phone and she looked away as Gail continued to talk, "I'll need to have a conference call with you and your PR team once I'm back in the office this afternoon."

"Emily can handle that," the typing stopped and Beca glanced away from the windows facing the ocean and saw Gail blankly staring down at her. "I won't ask you again," she sternly stated, "you will utilize Emily or I'll make this whole situation very hard for you."

Shoving her phone in the side pocket of her jacket Gail straightened her wardrobe again and Beca watched the mask of upper class, annoyed by everything and everyone, slip back on Gail's face.

"Don't start with me," Beca spat out, "utilize Emily…and while we're at it this situation has no influence on me ending my break earlier than expected. I'm still taking a year off," an eyebrow was raised in challenge and she rolled her eyes, "keep it up and after my year is up I'll continue to tack on time just for the hell of it."

"Fine," Beca got the slightest bit of vengeance hearing Gail concede, "but one or two interviews will be needed to promote the James Bond song."

Beca held up a hand, "I'm sure Adele and her people can handle them. However," Gail's mouth snapped shut, abruptly standing she added, "I'll consider things on an as needed basis, through Emily, especially if the song gets nominated for an Academy Award."

Gail was dumbfounded by the sharp tone yet willingness to consider potential interviews. It was something she wasn't prepared for and it left her speechless, maybe she was actually getting through to Beca.

"At least that gives me something to work with," Gail answered folding her hands in front of her.

"Good…" Beca moved toward the kitchen.

"One other thing."

"What?"

"Your official website," Gail eyed Beca as she removed a water bottle from the refrigerator and crack it open, "I've had the PR team keep it up to date on a regular basis. If you give me the word, it'll go live in the next few hours with your statement and maybe a couple pictures on the home page."

Taking a swig from the bottle Beca thought that the website may be the best idea Gail has had all day. It would be relatively easy to share bits and pieces of her life there and still have total control over what gets posted.

"That'll work…" Beca took another sip then recapped the bottle, "But under no circumstances will you sell merchandise," she got a single head nod, "you can link my music to my iTunes page but if I see even the slightest hint of a forty-five dollar t-shirt or a seventeen dollar sticker, I will shut that shit down faster than you can think up an apology. I'm not using my website to make money are we clear?"

"Understood," Gail said typing out the instructions on her phone, "I've also got you an official Twitter and Instagram ready to go live too."

"Fuck Twitter," Beca said in a firm voice, "Everything I want to say will get released on my website. And Instagram," resting her chin on the bottom of the bottle she thought for a few seconds. She already had one for Gizmo and was in tons of Chloe's pictures so it couldn't be that hard to maintain another one, "I'll use it, but don't ask me to post promotional stuff."

"I think that's a smart decision, it'll give you a chance to interact with your fans in the comments if you want," Gail didn't like those terms, she wanted to use it as a promotional tool, but Beca was agreeing to release pictures and that's what she ultimately wanted, "Anything else?"

"Are pictures of my girlfriend circulating?" Beca asked after an awkward pause.

"Yes, TMZ has posted a few of you two together," quickly opening her photo app Gail pulled up the screen shot, but Beca just waved it off, "I think it's best for your image if we try to maintain that you and her are just close friends right now."

Beca didn't even need to see a picture to tell that no one would buy that theory, "Yeah, close friends who sleep together."

Gail shook her head, "We can give it a couple months, test the waters, then release a statement saying that you're together."

Beca slammed her water bottle down on the kitchen counter, "Kids need role models to look up to and I'm not hiding who I am so my image looks good Gail," she iterated in disdain. "You will mention that my girlfriend would appreciate it if her privacy was respected too."

"If that's what you want," Gail replied in an icy tone tucking a stay strand of hair behind an ear.

Beca's eyes ventured to the staircase again then back down, "Being in a committed and loving relationship will not affect my album or single sales. If you or any of my fans don't like the fact that I'm dating a beautiful, intellectual woman with a master's degree and a career, well," she threw her arm up, "fuck you all. She is who I love and I won't hide it."

There was muffled cheering and the faint sound of hands clapping coming from upstairs and Beca gave a triumphant smile to her manager. Her cheering section right now could only be Fat Amy and Stacie, because they were the queens of snooping and eavesdropping was their specialty. For once she was happy they had listened because it just proves her point even more.

"Anything else?" Beca asked.

"How much do you know about this 'girlfriend'?" Gail casually asked following Beca to the door.

Beca just rolled her eyes as she turned the handle, "Her name is Chloe and you two have met…Remember?"

"I know, but you never," Gail stressed with an overly pleasant tone, "told me what she did for a living."

"That doesn't matter," Beca said in exasperation.

"Well I did my own research and found out she's a journalist for Rolling Stone Magazine."

Beca just motioned for Gail to leave and didn't even acknowledge that comment, "I would say it was nice to see you but…"

Stepping across the threshold Gail flipped around, "Beca photos of you mysteriously got released today, while you and your girlfriend are in Malibu and far away from San Francisco and Rolling Stone."

"Purely coincidental," Beca added beginning to shut the door, but a hand propped it open.

"I don't think it's coincidental that Chloe, who works for Rolling Stone, just happened to wander into Aubrey's little deli?" Beca just blinked and Gail sweetly smiled, "Of all the restaurants she could've ended up she just happened to stumble into the one," she held up a finger, "you frequent and have a permanently reserved table."

Beca's hand slipped off the door and it swung open. Chloe wasn't using her to get ahead in her career, Chloe wasn't anything that Gail was trying to insinuate, Chloe was just Chloe. Gail making accusations like that was enough to really piss her off, Gail didn't know anything about Chloe. So instead of spouting off like she usually does when angry she just clinched her fists at her sides.

"How much do you really know about her?" Gail whispered. Crossing her arms and tapping her foot in victory, "Did she even tell you her family was in a car accident?

"Yes and I know they died," Beca gritted her teeth, Gail was baiting her and her anger was building, "I don't ask because she doesn't like talking about it," she slumped her shoulders, "I've tried."

Gail still didn't buy it, even though she had read all the articles she still feels like Chloe Beale was strategically placed in Beca's life.

"Fine, then ask yourself this question, why now is your identity all of the sudden an issue? You don't have a new album out and you've been on vacation the last month," Gail was met with complete silence. "She's nowhere near the scene of the crime now that everything is out there, she did her job and now she looks innocent."

Beca began closing the door again, she was done with this conversation, "She doesn't have anything to do with this, so quit being such a bitch because you don't think she'll be good for my image."

"I'm just trying to protect you," Gail immediately backed off, but she had seen the way Chloe reacted when the entire room found out that Beca's picture and name had gotten out. Chloe Beale hadn't exactly been surprised.

"From what?" Beca propped the door open with her foot so all she could see was half of Gail's face.

"Rolling Stone has hounded me for years about you Beca, years," Gail pushed the door open a little wider, "if she isn't a part of this I can guarantee that she knows what's going on."

Beca rapidly shook her head and bitterly laughed off the accusation, "You're wrong, if they were using her to get to me, she would've told me by now."

Gail gave a firm nod and straightened her back while adjusting her suit jacket again, "Well I tried."

"Whatever."

"Take the information as you will."

"Is this why Aubrey was pissed at you?" Beca asked narrowing her eyes.

"Yes, she was vehement that her best friend would never do anything to hurt you," Gail stated matter-of-factly.

The tension dropped from Beca's shoulders and her heart rate began to slow because if Aubrey didn't buy Gail's bullshit then Beca didn't buy it either. Aubrey was too good at figuring out if people were being real or fake and if Chloe was even remotely any of those things that Gail was suggesting, Aubrey would've picked up on it. Plus why would Aubrey refer to anyone as her 'best friend' if they were only out to get information on DJ Titanium? Yes, Chloe had a slew of personal problems that she didn't like talking about or dealing with, but that doesn't mean Chloe's involved in this situation.

"I think you have more important things to do than worry about my girlfriend's job," Beca easily stated. Removing her foot from the door she slowly started closing it again, "Get with Emily when you have my statement and website ready. I'll let you know if I want any changes."

"Will do," Gail said before turning as the door clicked shut behind her and the deadbolt slid into place.

Beca dropped her forehead against the cold wood door and closed her eyes with a heavy sigh. She wasn't happy with anything that just transpired, but at least Gail had agreed to not put anything out there she wasn't comfortable with. This was going to be a major transition, people were going to know who she was when she walked down the street now and she just hoped, well prayed really, that Gail's assumptions about living a normal life after the nostalgia wore off was true.

Pushing off the door Beca turned away from it while her shoulders and back ached from being so tense. She didn't exactly sleep much last night so that was weighing her down, but most of all she was getting that familiar feeling of needing to write music. Burying herself in her music worked when she wanted to forget about the shit storm that was her life and she could spend hours and days doing it. For the past few years it was how she coped, but then she met Chloe who made her realize that there's more to life than work and music.

Beca's eyes shot to the stairs, she couldn't drown her sorrows in music and lack of sleep right now because apologizing to Chloe was her top priority. She needed to listen to what Chloe had to say because if she didn't then there is no way that their relationship will survive. Communication was the key, well that and also admitting that she had been a complete and utter asshole like less than an hour ago.

Dragging herself across the small hallway Beca began trudging up the stairs and before she knew it she was walking through their bedroom towards the closed bathroom door where the love of her life was hurting on the other side and it was all her fault.

Lightly tapping on the bathroom door Beca took a deep breath and tentatively asked, "Chlo? Can I come in?" She got nothing in response, but she did hear movement and sniffling making her frown. Giving the handle a jiggle she dropped her shoulders in defeat, it was locked. She should've known it wasn't going to be that easy, "Babe, I know you probably hate me right now and I won't argue with you, I was a jerk, but can we talk?"

It felt weird talking to a door knowing that Chloe was on the other side just listening. It was so unlike Chloe, then again it wasn't because Chloe tended to just shut down at random times when something triggered a painful memory. The only promising thing was that at least Chloe hadn't run yet.

"I'm sorry…" Bracing her hands on the doorframe Beca closed her eyes, "I overreacted and I shouldn't have yelled at you when you were just trying to help. Everything hit me all at once and I should have listened to you." She was met with dead silence so she pressed on, "I'm a private person and unfortunately that came crashing down today and I didn't know how to react and you were caught in the crossfire. I've had some time to think and I've got a better grip on things now. Well not like a hundred percent or whatever…" she gave an uneasy laugh as she pushed back and forth on her hands. "I want you to know I wasn't upset with you," she rested her cheek against the door and listened for any sound, but the persistent silence was heartbreaking, "I love you Chloe and I'm sorry."

"I love you too Bec," the voice sounded so close that it made Beca flinch away from the door and look just blink at it, "but can you give me a few minutes?"

"Sure…" Beca bit her lip.

Beca wanted to say more, to explain how things would return to normal in a few weeks once this all blows over or that they were still going to have their big group dinner and bonfire tonight to celebrate Aubrey and Jesse's announcement just as planned. But saying or doing all those things would be a lost cause because none of them could keep their mouth shut when there's a giant pink elephant drinking a margarita in the room. The next few days things were going to be different and as much as Beca wants to go back to the way things were this morning, in the pool, that's just not going to happen.

Drumming her fingers nervously against the doorframe Beca sighed, "Can I get you anything? I can go find Billie for you."

Beca was grasping at straws but she needed to see Chloe's face because hearing the muffled voice behind a closed bathroom door wasn't comforting.

"She's in here with me," Chloe's voice was distant, like it wasn't right up against the door anymore and Beca frowned. "I just…" Beca held her breath waiting to hear the end of that statement, "I just need some time alone."

Beca nodded, that was fair enough, it was a start and she couldn't really ask from much more, "Ok…"

"Thank you…"

Turning away from the door Beca tiredly rubbed her eyes, "Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you…" Beca mentally prepared herself for the possible outcome to her question, "Are you breaking up with me?"

---

It physically pained Chloe to hear Beca ask that, like it made her insides twist into knots and she honestly wanted to throw up. Her heart was aching, Beca thought this was all her fault and that just wasn't the case. Once that bathroom door opens and Chloe tells the truth, it will be Chloe asking the breakup question.

Stepping closer to the door Chloe ran her hands along the smooth wood, "Can we just wait to ask that question?"

There was an awkwardly long pause and Chloe thought Beca might have left the bedroom but just before she was about to retreat back to her spot on the floor next to Billie, she heard a very faint and hurt, "Ok, I'll just hang out on the bed until you're ready."

That just about killed Chloe, Beca wasn't running, wasn't even arguing, she was just accepting that fact that their next conversation could be their last.

Walking over to Billie, Chloe sat down on bathmat and pulled her knees in close to her chest.

"God I fucked up," Chloe kept repeating while raking her hands through her hair, "the one good thing in my life and I fucked it up."

No matter which way Chloe tries to play this, she is wrong because she should have prepared Beca for all of this. Granted she didn't know Rolling Stone would stoop this low to get to Beca but she thought quitting was the right move and that it would make everything go away. However as she stood in that grocery story listening to her former boss, her entire world collapsed.

In a roundabout way her dad is laughing at her, saying that Chloe was incapable of being loved because she was a screw it up. It's his way of pointing a finger and saying 'I told you so', in that disappointing tone with a face etched in mirth, that confirmed everything he had predicted would come true. He hated the fact his daughter, one she is sure he never really cared about her in the first place, could even think about dating a woman or be a successful journalist. It went against everything he and his social circle of friends stood for. He was never the proud parent, unless he was putting on a front when they were around, and her mother fell right along in line with him. She knew they were looking down on her and wiggling their fingers while whispering how she was getting everything she deserved.

Chloe had spent a beautiful morning with her friends and the love of her life and she had been so happy, happier than she had been in a long time. For once she felt free from everything that had ever happened to her just by being in Beca's arms and laughing. Seeing Beca so happy made her happy and she finally allowed herself to accept what her heart had been feeling all along; that she wants to marry Beca Mitchell. They had talked about it a few weeks ago and Chloe had openly acknowledged that she wanted to get married, but that she wasn't sure if she was ready. However this morning was the first time she allowed herself to fully embrace her true feelings, she was ready to marry Beca and it had felt so good to finally admit that. Except now, she's not sure how much a viable option marriage between them will be and that devastated her.

As Chloe sat there, letting the minutes tick by, she knew the longer she waited the harder it would admit that she'd fucked up. There was no sneaking out the backdoor or window because there wasn't one, the only way out was through the door where Beca was waiting for her on the other side. With one last look at Billie who was curled up sleeping at her feet she gave a deep sigh and pushed herself up and off the bathroom floor.

Standing at the door Chloe straightened her shirt then wiped her smudged eyeliner hoping she didn't look as fragile as she felt. Unlocking the door she rested a hand on the handle for a few seconds then gave it a quick turn.

"How could you do this to me?" Chloe heard the question before the door had completely finished swinging open.

When the door came to a halt, Chloe found Beca sitting on the edge of their bed looking at pictures. They weren't just any pictures they were pictures from the folder that Rolling Stone had presented to her when they tried to blackmail her into writing an article on Beca. Chloe had totally forgotten to hide that folder when she came upstairs. She had mistakenly tossed her purse on the bed and ran off into the bathroom instead of burying it in the liner of her suitcase where it had been for the past month. And now Beca had been looking at everything and getting the totally wrong impression.

"Beca I…" Chloe's mouth quickly snapped shut when she received an icy glare, one she had never, ever, seen from Beca before.

"No, just…just save it Chloe," Beca said with finality. "I let you into my life and this," she flipped the picture of her and Gizmo standing at the front door of her studio, "this is how you repay me?"

"It's not what it looks like," Chloe took a step forward but stopped when the picture was tossed on the bed. She watched as the one of Beca exiting Aubrey's diner was turned around, "Can you just let me explain?"

"And you'll tell me what?"

Dropping that photo to the ground Beca shuffled through the stack again. This time she flipped one around that showed her exiting a downtown bookstore with a bag in one hand and her cell phone pressed to her ear with the other. She was smiling in it and she would know that smile anywhere, it meant that she was talking to Chloe.

"That you were doing your job? That you were trying to make a name for yourself at Rolling Stone? Have they always known who I was or did you find out and then take it to them?" Beca mocked. Taking another look at the picture she crumpled it up and threw it in Chloe's direction, "No wait let me guess I must have been an assignment and they were just waiting for a beautiful intern to stroll in so they could be planted into my life so that I'd never be able to tell. Well guess what, you succeeded!" By the end of that statement she had run out of air and her face was beet red from lack of oxygen and anger, "What did they promise you?"

Chloe just dropped her shoulders in defeat, "Beca, it's not like that, I wasn't promised anything…"

Beca slammed the remaining pictures down on the bed, "I guess I'm just another rung in the ladder on your climb to the top then right?"

"No, never," Chloe quietly answered. The hurt in Beca voice was evident even though it was trying to be disguised as anger.

"You know how much I struggled telling you who I was?" Beca accused, her eyes didn't even blink and it looked like Chloe was about to cry, "I don't let many people into my life for this," she pointed to the pictures scattered on the bed, "very reason. I trusted you…Are you even in love with me or is that all a lie too?"

Balling her hands into fists Chloe felt her anger rising, that accusation was a low blow, "How can you even ask me that?"

"How can I not?" Beca indifferently shrugged.

"You won't even let me explain," Chloe interjected then took a calming breath, "I'm trying to explain but you keep shutting me down, just like you did downstairs."

Beca pounded her fist against her thigh, "I don't need an explanation, that folder is telling me more than enough about the person I love and I thought loved me."

Closing her eyes Chloe let out a long annoyed breath before slowly opening them again and looking directly at Beca, "Can I at least have five minutes to tell you my side of things?"

"I don't see how it would help," crossing her arms over her chest Beca let out an over annoyed huff and looked away.

"You are so stubborn," Chloe angrily throw her arms out in frustration then let them drop to her sides, "you're trying to play the victim and point fingers at something you have no clue about."

"Because I am the victim Chloe, my whole life shattered this afternoon and that," Beca gestured with her chin in the direction of the folder, "is what you've been feeding Rolling Stone since the day we met."

"That's absolutely not true Beca," Chloe fully stepped into the bedroom and tried to keep her voice neutral even though all these accusations were killing her on the inside and making her defensive. Things were starting to escalate and she needed to try and remain calm, "I had no clue who you were when we met."

Gail's previous words were running rampant in Beca's head and she gave a snort of laughter, "Right and you just happened to accidently find Aubrey's restaurant too."

The sarcasm was grating Chloe's nerves, "Beca that's what happened, we've been through this. You know I turned down the wrong street on my way home one day."

"Yeah, but you lied to Aubrey in your interview," Beca spouted off a little known fact that Chloe wasn't aware of and she could tell just by the wide eyes that she'd hit a sore subject, "she said you made it sound like you needed help during your internship."

They had barely been dating a few weeks when Aubrey casually mentioned that Chloe had been evasive on some interview questions and not exactly forthcoming with information on others. Beca never asked what Aubrey knew or how she found out, all she knew was that when Aubrey confronted Chloe nothing was denied. Aubrey was very vague about the whole situation, she played the best friend card to a tee and Beca really couldn't argue. She found it strange that Chloe, her girlfriend, was keeping things from her, but she couldn't be to judgmental because at the time she was hiding the whole DJ Titanium thing.

"I didn't lie, I just wanted something to take my mind off things," Chloe replied in a hurt tone, "I'd been traveling for two years and had barely finished my degree. I just wanted to start over in a new place. So yeah…" she nodded her head, "I made the decision to not tell my whole story and I regret it."

"How is that not lying?"

"Do you really think people would look at me the same if they knew everything about me?" Chloe replied in exasperation, Beca was trying to antagonize her by playing the lying card but she held her ground. "I just wanted to be normal," Beca gave a bitter laugh and looked away, infuriating Chloe even more. "What? That's something you constantly say you want, why can't I want that too? We have lived similar lives and we want the same things and that's what initially drew me to you. I didn't come to San Francisco looking for you. I didn't even come here looking for a relationship, but I found everything I wasn't looking for in you and I fell in love along the way and that's the truth," she finished looking away and biting her lip to keep from crying.

"You swear you had no idea Aubrey was friends with me when you started waitressing," Beca asked after calming somewhat.

Beca couldn't help but feel guilty for being so harsh, she had known the truth all along and out of anger she had tried to throw it back in Chloe's face hoping for a different outcome.

"I swear," Chloe said after connecting their eyes and placing a hand over her heart, feeling like she had finally been convincing, "I wasn't put in your life to take advantage of you. The first time I ever saw you was in that picture on Aubrey's desk."

Resting her elbows on her knees Beca propped her chin up with her hands, "I love you Chloe, you're the first person I've ever loved, but why does it still feel like you lied to me?"

"Because I haven't told you everything," grey-blue eyes shot to Chloe's and she knew that was the wrong thing to say, "but I haven't lied, I've just left certain things out."

"But I've told you everything about me," Beca sighed. She isn't sure how she should be feeling right now, she doesn't want to be angry or hurt by Chloe, but she can't help it because she's never felt so betrayed by someone in her entire life, "Why are you hiding things from me? I thought you loved me…"

"I do…" Chloe wasn't going to make excuses anymore.

Chloe's hands were nervously pulling at the bottom of her shirt and she was getting that feeling like she should just run. It's the same one that made her run right after her family died and their court case was settled, yet her feet were firmly planted to the floor refusing to move. She desperately wanted to run, to escape from the problems that she created and never look back just like she did last time, but even she can admit that she never found any solace in doing that. Running only pushed her problems to the side and so far the only comfort she has ever gotten was from Beca and she didn't want to lose that.

"Yet you still hide everything, your family they," Beca said in regret but was instantly cut off.

"Don't! Don't you dare bring my family into this…" Chloe spat pinching the bridge of her nose in aggravation.

"Right, forgot, touchy subject," flicking a dismissive hand in Chloe's direction Beca added, "not allowed to ask about them. Heaven forbid your girlfriend asks a question about them." That pissed Chloe off and Beca pressed further knowing the next words out of her mouth were going to sting and that she shouldn't go there, "Gail said something interesting downstairs, she insinuated that I don't really know anything about you," her eyes never wavered from Chloe's as she spoke slow and steady, "and I defended you, but now I think she's right."

Stepping over to the dresser, Chloe heard the bed sheets ruffle and she knew Beca was following her movements. Placing her hands on the top she glanced in the mirror and saw a hurt and confused Beca Mitchell looking back at her waiting for an explanation.

Pounding her palm down on the top of the dresser caused it to shake as Chloe irritably bit out, "We are not discussing my family right now!"

"Why not?"

"Because they have nothing to do with that folder and those pictures."

"They have everything to do with this, because it shows how good you are at hiding things," Beca replied. She had hit a sensitive subject, she knew that, and she did it on purpose. "You tell me the bare minimum before you change the subject and I always let it slide."

Chloe closed her eyes, "Just shut up you know nothing about them."

"Because you don't talk to me Chloe, that's my whole point of dragging them into this…" Beca stood and kicked her shoes across the room, "You never say a word about them when you're hurting, you just shut down and hope I don't notice."

Chloe's eyes shot open hearing a shoe hit the closet door, "I don't need to talk about them."

Beca dramatically sighed, "You're so supportive of me and all the progress I've made in dealing with my mom, but I don't even think you've begun to process your own problems."

"I don't need to."

"Yeah well, I thought the same thing," Beca quietly said averting her eyes to the spot where her shoe had hit the closet door, "but then you walked into my life and I wanted to get better not just for myself, but for you and our relationship." Walking over she rested her head on the closet door and closed her eyes, "I hate admitting that I need help it's just not me, but I did so that I could be in this with you one hundred percent."

Tilting her head Beca cracked an eye open and saw Chloe just blankly staring at herself in the mirror.

"I'm not used to letting people in to that part of my life."

Chloe's voice almost cracked and it was heartbreaking for Beca to hear, "Yeah well, join the club."

"I'm not good at it like you are," Chloe waved her hands in the air gesturing wildly.

"You think I just willingly talk to people about my problems?" Beca gave an indigent laugh, "Talking to you is just easy and I love that about you. I love how you ask thoughtful questions and listen to me ramble late at night about whatever's bothering me, it's comforting." Their eyes connected in the mirror, "And I want to do the same for you, but I've resigned myself to the fact that it'll never happen and it doesn't make me love you any less."

"You're the first outsider I've let in since everybody I loved died," tears were stinging Chloe's eyes but she refused to let them fall, "I left my hometown because I could hear people whisper about me in coffee shops and department stores. Do you know what it's like," she closed her eyes as a tear fell, "to be blamed for your whole family's death and never be allowed to explain yourself?" Opening them again she turned away from the mirror to look directly at Beca, "I had an argument with my father that made him head home earlier than expected and they all died…my fucking sister is dead because I lied about law school and that I was dating a woman and I got caught."

Beca righted herself and tentatively took a step forward, but stopped mid-stride and rested her shoulder against the wall. This was more information than she had gotten in the entire time they had known each other. She hates that she got it this way, but at least now she's beginning to understand how Chloe's mind works.

"And it's not like I could hide what the argument was about," Chloe took in a shaky breath, "I had to testify in court about it and every single newspaper in Atlanta ran the story." She's not sure Beca had taken a breath since she started talking. "The defense tried to place all the blame on me," she jabbed a thumb in chest, "not the semi-truck driver who had clearly been driving recklessly. They said I had enraged my father so much that he forced his limo driver to speed through the Lincoln Tunnel and that caused the crash."

"Chloe I'm sorry," Beca closed the distance between them and tried to place and hand on her girlfriend's shoulder but it was blocked.

"After a while you start believing what people say behind your back. But," Chloe sidestepped away, "that's ok, I've accepted my punishment and will live with what I caused for the rest of my life."

"Chloe that wasn't your fault," Beca quietly said after a few seconds of silence.

Deep down Beca had a feeling Chloe blamed herself for everything. It's something that had always lingered in the back of her mind when she would be given even the tiniest bit of information. But hearing it straight from her girlfriend so angrily and full of such devastation she felt like a giant asshole for trying to be vindictive.

Yes, Chloe was good at hiding and covering things up, but after hearing a confession like that Beca doesn't think Chloe is even capable of destroying anyone to get ahead in life. If anything Chloe was just trying to survive while not disrupting anyone else's. Gail was wrong in everything she tried to insinuate earlier, Chloe had a great heart, and was a loving and caring person.

"You wanted to hear why I'm so screwed up," turning her back to Beca, Chloe dried her eyes with the corner of her shirt, "well, you got it!"

Beca honestly didn't know were to go from here, "Chlo…"

"You can believe what you want," Chloe crossed the room to look out the windows, "but that's the truth."

"I believe you," the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and Beca knew they were teetering on the edge of a major fight and she doesn't think she's going to be able to stop it no matter what she says next, "I'm sorry for pushing. I just…" She scratched the back of her neck nervously, "I feel like you leave me in the dark sometimes when you're hurting. It's hard for me to recognize but when I do…"

"Oh here we go again with the whole I miss signals because I lived a sheltered life," Chloe was flat out tired of that excuse, "you're a fucking adult now, Beca."

"But it's the truth…"

"Yeah I know," Chloe answered sarcastically.

"I'm not pulling that card right now and whether you want to believe it our not I've gotten better at reading your signals," Beca wanted nothing more than to be this great girlfriend, the type that understood the complex working of their significant others mind but she wasn't. She was lacking in a lot of ways, but she had been making progress figuring out Chloe's different moods and what triggered them. She had put in the effort because she loves Chloe, "All I'm saying is that if we're going to work, you need to let me in."

Hearing the soft and almost insecure voice, Chloe let out an annoyed huff of air, "Oh like you're some saint in the I reveal everything department."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Chloe mocked pressing her hands to the glass, "that you don't tell me everything either Beca."

Beca just cocked her head to the side in a questioning way, "Are you trying to pick a fight right now? If so you might want to save it until we get to the whole folder thing." She shoved her hands in her back pocket to avoid punching the wall, "Or are you avoiding it like you do everything else by changing the subject hoping I'll forget."

"Oh please," Chloe flipped around so her back was to the window and the beautiful ocean she'd woken up to every morning, "you were just a completely open book at the beginning of our relationship."

The daggers Beca was being shot from across the room almost made her flinch, but she held her ground, "Yeah because I was afraid of what happened today happening!" Her arms flew out and her shoulders scrunched up to her ears then she dropped in this way that said she didn't know why that was even an issue, "I need to trust someone before I can reveal who I am. Fuck, it took me an entire year," she pointed at the closed bedroom door, "to tell Jessica and she's the quietest person I've ever met."

"When exactly did you decide to tell me then Beca? Before," Chloe pointed to the left, "or after," she pointed to the right in a mocking fashion, "I gave it up to you?" Her voice was getting progressively louder and she didn't care, "I hadn't slept with anyone in over two," she lifted her fingers indicating the number, "years and you knew that. I trusted you enough to take that step and that was huge for me. Can't say you gave me that same respect back."

Other than their hard breathing there was utter silence in the room, neither of them wanting to be the person who spoke next.

"That's unfair and you know it," Beca harshly stated stepping to the end of the bed, "you know I'm not like that, we didn't even have sex until after I told you I loved you, I even suggested we wait! How's that not trusting?"

That morning had been one of the best of Beca's life because she had fallen in love with someone and was beginning to give her all to them. Chloe wasn't some one night stand she would never see again.

Chloe just nodded with an expressionless face, "But yet you still fucked me for an entire month and never said a damn thing."

"You weren't some sexual conquest I never got tired of," Beca couldn't believe she was being accused of this, "I told you I loved you and I still love you."

"Then why didn't you just tell me," Chloe knew she was just being vindictive but she wanted answers.

"Because I was scared once the fame thing came out that you'd vanish," Beca reluctantly said in defeat after a brief pause, "I've never loved anyone before you. It was just easier to be Beca Mitchell around you and I liked that feeling," her eyes briefly connected with Chloe's and she felt like her reasoning was finally understood. Sitting down on the edge of the bed she stared at the hard wood floor, "You made me feel so confident and loved without all the hype that surrounds DJ Titanium. I was just normal."

"Even when I figured out who you were I never confronted you about it because I didn't care…"

Beca slowly nodded, "I know and I regret not telling you sooner. I should've told you before we slept together."

Chloe rested her back against the sliding glass windows, she knew the whole sex thing was a low blow and if she could take it back she would, "So do you believe me when I say that I had nothing to do with that folder?"

Shifting to look over at a devastated and broken Chloe, Beca blindly reached for the stack of pictures she had dropped on the bed earlier, "Then why do you have these?"

Chloe bit her lip, if she played this right she could still steer this so that Beca never knew Rolling Stone had tried to blackmail her, "Because I've been trying to figure out the best way to tell you about them."

"Who gave them to you?"

Chloe quickly answered with, "I found it in my mailbox one afternoon."

Anger with creeping up, because Beca had just been outright lied to again. Chloe's voice had slightly hesitated then lightly broke at the end and if Beca hadn't heard it before when they had discussed things that Chloe really didn't want to talk about she probably would've just accepted that answer.

"This isn't a movie Chloe," Beca answered, "things like this just don't show up randomly in your mailbox."

"I Googled you," Chloe blurted out of nowhere and inwardly cringed when Beca's eyes shot to hers. "It's how I found out who you were," she said softly, "I came across this Tumblr page that kind of solidified everything. I wanted proof so I created an account and messaged the user."

"Was it the IloveDJT page?" Beca baited as she shifted through the pictures again.

"Yeah?" Chloe suspiciously asked.

"I've seen it, Gail alerted me to that page about a year ago," looking up from the pictures Beca rapidly laid four different ones out on the bed so Chloe could easily see them. "One of my publicists investigated it and said it was just a fan making random assumptions."

Chloe nodded then bent to look at the pictures, "It took time, but they sent me that," she pointed to the photo of Beca leaning up against her SUV talking to Cynthia Rose, "It was the first picture I saw."

Which wasn't a lie, it was one of the first that the Rolling Stone executives had set down in front of Chloe that afternoon.

"Interesting," Chloe just looked at Beca with alarming eyes, "because my PR team found out that a fourteen year old living in Wisconsin ran that page. Kind of hard for them to take professional pictures like this while attending middle school."

The tone was not meant to be funny and Chloe knew she had been caught, "Beca I'm sorry."

Slowly releasing a breath Beca was furious, "Why can't you just tell me the truth?"

"Fine, you want the truth I'll tell you…" Chloe stepped around the bed so she was directly in front of Beca, "You're practically a ghost on the internet, there's not even a high school yearbook photo."

"I missed those days ever year because I was kinda in college," Beca interjected.

"You don't even have an official website."

Beca just smirked, "In a few hours I will, but please," she waved a hand, "continue."

That smartass statement just irritated Chloe, "But there were little bits and pieces of information floating around that I eventually linked together. And that's what led me to that Tumblr page," she threw her hands out in disbelief, "It just confirmed everything."

Then Chloe went on to explain, in detail, how she deciphered that Beca was DJ Titanium as Beca just sat and listened to the fast and frantic talking. Beca thought she had done a good job of covering her tracks, but Chloe had been right, unless random people knew her and her friends there is no way they could ever link her and DJ Titanium together. As far as she knew the Dr. E.R. Muzeik aspect of her career was still safe from the general public, which she was more than happy about.

"And you want to know something else," Chloe finished winded and red face making Beca raise a condescending eyebrow, "I never, ever would've searched for you if you didn't accidentally tell me how your life was a 'secret'," she used air quotes, "before you fell asleep the night before we slept together."

See now that, that royally pissed Beca off, "I can't believe you didn't just come to me."

Beca thought Chloe was looking at her rather suspiciously during breakfast that morning and had asked her weird random questions about music and songs.

"Would you have admitted who you were if I'd asked then?" Now it was Chloe's turn to raise a condescending eyebrow and all she got was a hardened look in return. "Yeah that's what I thought. So how dare you," she bent slightly to get at eye level, "accuse me of hiding things knowing you would've lied right to my face."

"Besides being DJ Titanium everything I've ever told you about me is true," Beca yelled. "I just didn't tell you one," she held up an accusatory finger, "thing."

"Yeah one huge thing Beca, the biggest thing in your entire life," there was a loud thump and both their heads whipped in the direction of the bedroom door. Chloe completely forgot they weren't alone in the house and they hadn't exactly been quiet while arguing. Straightening her back she lowered her voice, "I never cared that you were famous, I never cared that you had won Grammy's or Billboard Music Awards or that you made millions of dollars. All I cared about was being your girlfriend and that I fell in love with someone when I least expected it."

Beca nodded in understanding, she had been in a bad place, the worst in her entire life, when they first met, but Chloe had been this bright star in her otherwise dark world. She had fallen hard and fast for Chloe and it was everything that she needed.

"It's not like I was looking for love either," Beca dropped her tough guy attitude and decided to be honest, "I was lost and confused when we met."

"So was I," Chloe smiled and Beca gave a small one back, "but then we started hanging out and I gained this clarity I can't really explain, but finally something was right in my world and I opened my heart up to you."

"Me too…" standing Beca shoved her hands in her back pockets and tilted on her heels, "You're like this amazing entity in my life and I love you so much." She let out a breath slow breath, "You tell me love me and I can feel it, but I'm not sure how much I know about you."

"Everything…" Chloe's voice caught in her throat and she cleared it, "I haven't held anything back from you unless it involved my family."

Chloe's not sure what she expected when she came out of the bathroom, but so far this conversation hasn't gone any way she imagined. They weren't even arguing about Beca's identity or Rolling Stone, instead they were arguing over little things they had been holding back for a long time.

"Things are weird right now, I get it," Chloe began, "I get that you're upset with me and you have every right to be."

Removing her hands from her back pockets Beca wanted to reach out and absorb the comfort Chloe's hands and fingers always provided but she wasn't sure it was the best timing.

"I should be angry and yell at you for having that fucking folder and not telling me," Beca massaged her temples with her fingers and breathed out an annoyed sigh, "but it's hard to be hateful because I know what it's like to struggle on a daily basis like you do."

"If you want to leave you can go," Chloe's whole body went rigid as she watched Beca contemplate that sentence. Beca wants to blame something so she's giving her girlfriend an easy way out, "I won't stop you."

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know…"

Beca gave an indifferent shrug as she looked to the door then back at Chloe, "But you're the one who always runs, so you go."

"Beca, I'm giving you the option to blame me for everything that's happened today and for being a closed off and an insecure person during this whole relationship. And I'm allowing you to do it with no questions asked," Chloe's voice rose in pitch as her fingers clinched at the hem of her shirt, she was being provoked into an argument again and she was tired of fighting it, "That way months down the road when you're bitter and angry," she was trying to hold the tears in but they were already falling, "you can tell everyone that I broke your heart."

"Chloe, no that's not what I want…"

"You can leave, but I want you to take this…" Chloe stepped over to the bed, scooping up the pictures she haphazardly put them in the folder and held it out with a shaky hand, "Take it, fucking take it Beca," she shouted while shoving it against Beca's chest causing her to stumble a few steps backwards, "and march out there," she pointed to the door, "and tell all your friends what I did to you, makeup whatever you want." She furiously wiped at her eyes, "You can blame me for everything, it'll be just like my hometown so don't worry I'm used to it."

Apparently accusing Chloe of being the one who ran to escape her problems was the wrong thing for Beca to say because it had triggered something deep down in Chloe. Beca had never seen Chloe this angry before, wildly rambling off things that aren't true and trying to push Beca away, but then again this was Chloe's typical thing. What little Beca knows about her girlfriend's childhood, she understands that Chloe deals with things in two ways, shutting down or getting extremely defensive. And right now she was seeing the defensive side in full force and it was scary.

But in typical Beca Mitchell fashion she doesn't know when to stop and gets defensive right back, "What do you want from me Chloe?"

"I'm giving you a free pass, so just take it," Chloe flippantly said.

"A free pass at what? At walking away from you?" Beca shouted making Chloe visibly jump. "I don't want it, I'm standing here telling you I want you in all your dysfunctional fucked up glory," her hand not holding the folder gestured at her girlfriend. "I love you and I want to take care of you, I want to help you but I can't do that if you don't tell me what's going on!"

"It's just easier if you go, you don't need to be involved with someone like me," Chloe sobbed out, she never wanted to hurt the person she loved to most, the person she wanted to stand by her, but Beca was right she was a broken person and she needed help.

"If you think I'm walking away without an explanation you're wrong," Beca threw the folder to the floor making the contents spread across the space between them. "If you want to leave then you can go not me…but if you do I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore because that should be the only reason you run right now! I love you with everything that I am," she pounded a fist against her heart to emphasize her point as Chloe just stood there crying while she breathed in hard and fast, "I want to marry you Chloe, I want to have a family with you and I want to give you all the love you never had growing up!" At this point she didn't care that everyone in the house could hear them, "And what do you want? You want to fucking run instead of just telling me what's going on."

Chloe wasn't sure what she should say next, she had underestimated Beca's will power when it came to working this out between them. Yet she was still trying to push the person that obviously loves her more than life itself away because she was afraid of how bad the truth about her family and the whole Rolling Stone fiasco thing sounded. She is more screwed up then she ever imagined and that's scary, but what's scarier is actually having Beca walk away. Now that she sees how stupid she was to try and push Beca away out of self-pity and defensiveness.

Chloe wants them to work therefore Beca needs an explanation, but she wasn't sure what good it would do since she had practically destroyed everything. She was going to start with the folder and its contents because her family issues could be brought up later.

"Rolling Stone…" Chloe began after a short silence.

"What about them," Beca asked.

"T-they had someone follow you," Chloe finally managed to get out, even though she refused to look at Beca in the face, "they figured out we were dating."

"How?"

"In there," Chloe gestured to pile of pictures on the floor, "there are pictures of us all over San Francisco."

Bending down to pick up the pictures, Beca realized she hadn't made it to the ones in the back of the stack, which were all of them together, "How did they know it's you?"

Chloe wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, "Someone in the photo editing department recognized me and I guess my name started circulating with the pictures."

"So you never told them I'm DJ Titanium?" Beca felt so unbelievingly guilty. If she would've just listened to Chloe when she stepped out of that bathroom their entire argument could've been avoided.

"No," Chloe vigorously shook her head, "I told people I was dating someone but I never gave your name. I never knew who you were until the Outsides Lands Music Festival."

Shuffling through the photos Beca hated that some of their private moments were being exploited. It's one of the major things she feared the most about living her life in the public eye.

"How many people know?" Beca regretfully asked.

"In the beginning just the executive board, they actually confronted me and my boss the last day of my internship." Chloe hated to put the next part out there, but she had to be honest, "That's where I got the folder."

Letting out a deep sigh Beca backed off because continuing to argue wasn't going to get her any answers, "So Rolling Stone gave all this to you?"

Chloe took the shift in Beca's tone and demeanor as a sign of progress, "Yes, but I don't know how long they knew before they came to me."

Looking away from the pictures Beca asked, "Can you start at the beginning?"

Sitting down on the bed Chloe wasn't sure if she would be believed but she was willing to give it a shot, "Sure…"

As Beca sat there listening, like really listening without making any comments or snide remarks, her heart rate quickened. She had accused Chloe of trying to get ahead in her career when in actuality she had just been the pawn in Rolling Stone's game to get to her. Beca was the one to blame for this mess, if she hadn't have been so stupid by getting loaded at the dive bar with Jesse and blabbing away for the whole world to hear they wouldn't even be in this situation. They could've been in domestic bliss right now celebrating Aubrey and Jesse's big announcement while snuggling up together by a bonfire. Instead, they are sitting in their bedroom and she was listening to a distraught Chloe Beale explain how she had been blackmailed.

"They said I could sign my ticket to the top if I got you to agree to an interview," Chloe paused to take a breath, "Bec they wanted me to use my sexuality to…"

"Ok I've heard enough," cutting her girlfriend off Beca pinched the bridge of her nose.

"But that's not it," Chloe quickly quieted when she was shot a glare, "sorry."

Beca was fucking livid at Rolling Stone. How dare they try to use Chloe, or anyone for that matter, to get to her? She knew the press and paparazzi had a tendency to do questionable things, but this was outrageous. They were trying to destroy someone's career because they refused to write a fucking article. She needed to talk to Gail because they needed to get her lawyers involved, she wasn't going to let Rolling Stone win.

"Chlo why didn't you just come to me," Beca finally asked after a few beats of silence, "I have teams of people to handle situations like this."

"I just…I was hoping it'd go away," Chloe knew that wasn't a very good excuse but it was the truth.

"Is that how you got the whole month off?" Beca knew that didn't come out right, but Chloe seemed to understand.

"No," Chloe shook her head again, "that was a coincidence."

Setting the pictures aside Beca rubbed the palms of her hand on her thighs as she thought for a few seconds, "So are you writing the article?"

"Absolutely not," Chloe answered direct and to the point. After that whole speech and how disgusted she had been with the Rolling Stone executives how could Beca even think that.

"Chloe you have to," tapping her fingers against her knee Beca wasn't sure if this was her place to suggest something like that, but this was Chloe's career, "I won't let you turn it down."

"I'm not doing it," Chloe reiterated with finality.

"Yes, you will," hands stilled her nervous tapping and Beca looked down at Chloe's fingers. It's the first time they had touched since this whole debacle started and it calmed her racing mind, "I won't let you throw away your dream to try and protect me," she turned her head and gave a hesitant smile.

"I've already turned it down," Chloe answered lightly stroking her thumb over Beca's fingers, "I love you and respect our relationship too much to do it and that's basically what I told them."

Beca felt like a complete idiot for being so angry, Chloe was just trying to do the right thing and she had refused to listen. She had automatically assumed that Chloe was behind everything, that all those questions and the contract she found in that folder was merely a formality for an article that was already written. She had been so harsh when Chloe was just trying to do the right thing. Fuck, since they met Chloe had always tried to do what she thought was right.

Abruptly standing, Beca walked over to her nightstand and removed her lyric notebook and pen from the drawer. Tossing the book on the bed she quickly uncapped the pen with her teeth before grabbing the folder and fishing the contract out. She had scribbled her name and date at the bottom of the page before Chloe could even process what was happening. Beca didn't deserve a girl like Chloe Beale and she wasn't under any circumstances going to allow this situation to torpedo Chloe's career.

"I'll get a copy of this to Gail in the morning," Beca said recapping the pen then tossing it next to her notebook. Picking up the contract she held it out, "Please Chlo, you need to do this."

"Beca no, I appreciate that you're willing to go this far for me," Chloe saw the pleading in those grey-blue eyes but she didn't let them deter her, she refused to take the signed contract, "but I won't cave to them."

"You have to," Beca placed the contract in Chloe's hands and it was quickly picked up and torn in two then dropped to the floor. "Please don't be like this," her voice was short and tense, "if you don't do it I'll just have Gail call and arrange it with Rolling Stone, then you'll have no choice."

"No…"

Beca was trying to keep her cool, but they were gearing up for another fight, "I won't let them put another journalist on it."

Standing, Chloe backed away from her girlfriend, "Then it'll never get done."

"What's that mean?" Beca narrowed her eyes.

"It means," taking another step back Chloe knew Beca was going to lose her shit with what she was going to suggest next, "It means I'd rather quit than write an article about you."

"I saw you with that guy in the grocery store," Beca irritably said.

"That guy was my boss, he was telling me what was going on so that I could warn you."

"Do they still want you to write the article?" Chloe just shrugged and Beca took in a tense breath, "Just write the god damn article Chloe."

Placing her hands on her hips Chloe stared at Beca who had now started pacing.

"They only want me because I'm sleeping with you and I can add personal touches to the article," Beca came to an abrupt stop and Chloe knew she had her girlfriend's full attention. "They don't give a shit about me or you, all they care about is magazine sales and securing the exclusive rights to talking to you first."

"But you," Beca's voice caught in her throat because Chloe had a point, "you told me they wanted to fast track you to success."

"And how will that make me look?" Bending down Chloe picked up the torn contract and to emphasize her point she ripped it up again then tossed the pieces into the air making Beca's nostrils flare, "I'll never be taken serious if I ride your coattails."

"You're not riding anything," Beca said in exasperation, "I've willingly giving this to you."

"Well it'll be hard to do it now anyways," Chloe's hand flew to cover her mouth. In one heated exchange she had revealed what she never wanted to in the first place.

"Why?" Beca knew they had stumbled upon on a rocky and unstable subject just by the fear in those brilliant blue eyes, "Tell me…"

"It just will," Chloe answered weakly after dropping her hand.

Stomping over to the bathroom door Beca slammed it shut in aggravation and an audible gasp from behind the closed bedroom door was heard and she didn't care who was listening anymore.

"Jesus fucking Christ Chloe!" Beca's hands threaded through her hair so harshly that it was giving her a pounding headache, "Didn't you listen to anything I said before. You need to talk to me, not keep hiding shit."

Chloe rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands until she saw spots, "Fine…"

"I'm waiting, the clock is, tick, tick, ticking," Beca pounded her fist on the wall in time with her words, making the framed picture of her and her mom in the recording studio, the same one she used in the obituary, jump around on its hook.

"It'll be hard because I've already quit," Chloe's voice resonated around the room and the immediate silence that followed was deafening.

Beca's fist dropped from the wall, "You quit?"

"Yes…"

"Because of me?"

Chloe's eyes connected with Beca's, "In a way yes."

Letting out a ragged breath Beca didn't know if she was hurt that Chloe quit her job or that she'd gone an entire month without knowing, "But what about that job with the Chronicle?"

Chloe bit her lip and decided what's done is done no sense in covering it up now, "I accepted that job a couple weeks ago…I was just making it seem like I didn't want to work at Rolling Stone."

Beca slumped against the wall with downcast eyes, "So you lied to me?"

"I was protecting you."

Beca lightly beat the back of her head against the wall, "You had me convinced that Rolling Stone wasn't the job for you. I never thought you'd do something that big without at least letting me know."

Moving closer, Chloe placed a hand on Beca's arm and was thankful it wasn't pushed away, "I love you and I was trying to protect you, they said that if I didn't do it that they'd release your identity and blame it on Cynthia Rose." Collecting her thoughts she realizes how much she had hurt Beca by not saying anything, "If I quit, they couldn't release anything personal about you without your authorization because they were scared of being sued and looking bad for invading your privacy." She took a slow breath and when Beca didn't respond she said, "So I quit, I wasn't going to allow them to throw you, me or our friends under the bus."

"If you would've just told me, I would've supported you," Beca finally said after a few minutes of silence, "we could've worked out this together."

Dropping her hand Chloe backed away hurt, "And what was I supposed to say Beca? They had me cornered, I couldn't tell them to hold on and let me go talk to you first."

"You could've lied to them like you lied to me," Beca bit out.

"That was low," Chloe replied, her temper flaring, "I was trying to protect you."

"I get that, I do," Beca crossed her arms over her chest, "yes my situation is different because I actively worked to protect my identity, but I'm still a celebrity. I knew I couldn't hide forever, I even told you it was only a matter of time before someone found out or I released the information on my own."

"I do the right things I get ridiculed," Chloe mimicked Beca's pose, "I do the wrong things I get ridiculed, I can't fucking win here." Shifting her eyes away she fought back the tears, "Why can't you just acknowledge the fact that I tried my best to be a good girlfriend?"

"You really want me to thank you for quitting your job? How can I say 'thanks'," Beca used mocking air quotes as she pushed off the wall, "when you constantly hide everything from me?"

"Oh here we go again with my problems," Chloe bitterly stated.

"Jesus Christ," Beca just threw her hands up as she moved into the closet.

Storming over to the closet door Chloe blocked Beca from leaving.

"I'm sorry ok, I'm sorry for being so screwed up in my head but I need help," the tears had started up again and Chloe just broke down, "I need help and I don't know how to ask for it is that what you want to hear?"

"Chlo, I'm not mad that you tried to do the right thing," jamming her foot into a shoe Beca almost fell over but quickly righted herself and that's when she saw the tears and the complete devastation on her girlfriend's face, "I'm mad because I just want you to talk to me, that's it."

Chloe looked away when Beca started crying too, "Beca, I…"

Bending down Beca quickly tied her Converse then wiped under her nose, "I can tell that you're happier since we've been together and I love seeing that."

"I know I need to work on myself," Chloe didn't know what was going on, but Beca looked ready to bolt and honestly she didn't blame her girlfriend.

"Look," standing up Beca grabbed a hoodie then ducked under her girlfriend's outstretched arm that was bracing the doorframe and stepped back into the bedroom. "I'm not trying to hurt you by saying this all this, I'm saying this because I love you and I care about you." Grabbing her lyric notebook she shoved it in her hoodie pocket, "Fuck, everything that has happened today, the fact that you quit or that my name got out there, is all beside the point…The core of our problem is that whatever happened in your life is still causing you to not talk to me about certain things because you think I'll be angry and upset or even leave you. And I know how that feels because I was there once too." She took a breath and slowly let it out as she wiped away her tears, "I thought I could handle everything on my own, but you taught me that life doesn't work that way."

"You're right," was all Chloe could say, "you're absolutely right."

"All I care about is you and making you happy, I've always told you that. You want to know why I constantly bring up your family?" All Chloe could do is nod while barely looking at Beca, "Because good bad or otherwise it's part of who you are and I just want to know all of you."

All Chloe could do was stand there and listen, everything Beca was saying was right, she was completely broken and just using smiles and a happy attitude to cover it all up. Beca wasn't being malice or trying to be vindictive, she was giving her a hard dose of tough love and she needed it. She needed someone to pointblank spell all this out for her because she needed to fix herself but she didn't know how or where to begin.

"I mean fuck Chloe, I don't even know your parents names, just your sister's. And I only got that after we'd been dating for months," Beca paused as Chloe quickly gave names and birthdays in a quiet sob. She felt guilty and it made her soften her edgy and tense tone, "I'm not asking for much, I just want to feel like you need me in the same ways I need you."

Leaning against the closet door jam Chloe watched Beca put her hoodie on. She saw how much this was killing Beca and she needs to make some definitive changes in her life, "Please don't give up on me…"

Beca's shoulders slumped as she turned to face her girlfriend, "I'm not, I'm fighting for you, I'm fighting for us. I want to be with you and I want to marry you and that's why I haven't walked away."

"Then where are you going?" Chloe quietly asked not wanting to hear the answer. "I'm basically telling you I need help and it looks like you're leaving."

"Right now I need a fucking drink," Beca walked over to the bedroom door and yanked it open making Stacie, Fat Amy, Jesse and Aubrey scatter down the hall.

As Chloe followed Beca downstairs, through the kitchen and to the back door she thought about everything that was said. It was true she has problems that she doesn't want to acknowledge and that they've been simmering for far too long. This whole fight, started out simple and morphed into something huge, was the best thing that could've happened because it's forcing her to really look at how she's been living her life. Repressing the fact that she had verbally abusive parents who forced her to hide everything about herself was something she thought she had grown past. But then Beca stepped into her life and all her emotions were challenged, she realized she is still living behind the very defense mechanism she had created years ago. Chloe's never dealt with a person like Beca who loves her for who she is and wants to be with her regardless of her past situations. So in a way she reverted back to how her teenage self dealt with things so she wouldn't lose the best thing that has ever happened to her.

Beca was fighting for her and Chloe wants to fight for Beca, because she needs Beca in every way she can think of and she needs to start learning how to express that.

"I love you Beca," Chloe said before Beca could open one of the French doors that lead out to the pool, "and that's the only thing I've been sure of this entire time."

Slowly turning Beca gave a teary smile, "I love you too," she dropped her defensive shoulders, "and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you like I did."

Chloe just nodded, knowing she deserved everything she heard, "I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Rolling Stone and how I quit my job, but most of all I'm sorry I haven't let you into the most painful part of my life like you have let me into yours." She fought back more tears but they just kept coming, "I screwed up, I didn't know keeping that part of my life a secret hurt you so much, I never meant to hurt you."

"Thank you," dropping her hand from the door handle Beca closed the small distance between them and pressed a soft kiss to Chloe's lips, "You don't know how much I needed to hear that."

"So can we talk now?" The tears were freely falling down both their cheeks and Chloe hoped this wasn't the end of them, "Like really talk about everything?"

Beca leaned back against the French doors with a heavy sigh and thought for a few seconds. She knew she shouldn't leave but just she needed to get away and write some music so she could process her thoughts.

"I just need some time to myself right now," Beca honestly said.

"So after everything that just happened, after everything you just said," Chloe tried to take a calming breath but it was no use, the mere thought of Beca leaving right now made her livid, "you need some alone time?" She bitterly laughed at how ironic Beca was being, "I want to run, but I'm still standing here. You say I don't talk to you, but I'm willing to right now!"

Beca slumped against the door and hung her head she hadn't thought of it like that. Chloe was pleading with her and she felt like an awful girlfriend for trying to leave, but she needed to clear her head. Music and emotions were tearing her up inside and she needed to get it out on paper to make sense of what's going on. If she stayed and tried to talk this through all they would do is continue to argue and say things they didn't mean.

"I'm not bowing out," Beca softly said, "you should know that. You tried to give me a free pass earlier and I refused to take it," lifting her eyes she almost started crying again seeing how much pain Chloe was in, "I'm just asking to take a brief timeout…"

Chloe looked away, "Oh whatever…"

"I'm asking for a couple hours alone, that's it," Beca replied with an equally icy tone.

"Beca I gave up everything for you and have admitted that I need help and now you're refusing to give me five minutes," Chloe refused to wipe her tear stained face for the simple reason that she wanted Beca to see how much this was hurting her. "I loved that job, but I love you more and that's the whole reason I hid everything from you. Did my fucked up excuse of a childhood influence my decision not to tell you what happened? Hell yeah it did, but just so you know," she stressed loudly, probably louder than needed but she was fed up, "it had nothing and I mean nothing to do with my decision to quit."

Hiding her face in her hands Beca sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Just save it and go do whatever you're going to do…" Chloe turned her back to her girlfriend and she took a ragged breath. The lock on the door handle clicked out of place and she couldn't help but say, "The very second I saw the pictures of us, looking happy and in love," she glanced over she shoulder and found Beca just staring blankly down at the door handle, "I didn't have to think twice about quitting, because I wanted us to always look and feel that way. And that's why I did what I did."

"Chloe I…" Beca's hand dropped from the door handle and she took a step closer but instantly stopped, "I'm sorry…"

"Everyone in the room that day saw DJ Titanium in those pictures, but I didn't…I saw you," Chloe was finally bearing everything that had been bottled up inside her for so long and it felt good. "I saw the person who makes me laugh and smile and loves me like no one ever has before." She saw the regret and guilt spread across Beca's face, but she wasn't done, she wanted her girlfriend to fully understand her motives. Fiercely drying the stray tears with her shaky hands she added, "I saw Beca Mitchell, that's who I see everyday, you're who I love and care about…" She paced a couple steps and she knew grey-blue eyes were following her as she flatly stated, "You think long and hard about all that while you are out processing things while I sit here and wait."

Beca should've given Chloe time to talk, they should be sitting down right now and talking this through but they aren't because she's screwed up again by not listening. She loves Chloe more than anything but she doesn't know how to cope with this situation other than taking a break from it and making music. And it makes her feel like she's being twofaced and contradicting because everything she told Chloe that she had been doing for months, Beca's doing right now. She would like to blame it on her lack of experience in reading social cues but Chloe's already reprimanded and told her to fucking grow up once today and she'd rather not hear it again.

"C-Chloe," Beca chocked out her voice breaking because she was so distraught and perplexed right now.

"Just go Beca," resting her hands on the back of the couch, Chloe didn't even bother looking behind her because if she did she would feel even more broken than she already did. She could easily tell by their rapid breathing that they both had no idea where to go from here.

"We both just need to cool off so we don't keep arguing," Beca pleaded reaching out then retracting her hand, "Can we at least agree on that?"

"Yes," turning her head Chloe gave a grateful yet teary smile.

"Look, I've been a real dick," Beca gave a small genuine smile at her lame attempt at a joke and she'd be lying if she said she hoped to hear the giggle that she loved so much, but she was met with nothing but silence. Closing the distance between them she breathed a sigh of relief when Chloe didn't try to move away. "I want to talk, we need to…I want us to figure out the best way to help you because I can't lose you, but we both need some space right now."

"But you have so much going on with your fame thing to deal with right now," Chloe bit her lip and looked away, "how can you even think about helping me?"

"I can't change that, all I can do is manage it and Gail helped me get a firm grasp on how to move forward and still live a somewhat normal life," they needed to talk about that because Chloe's life was going to change too, but Beca knew that wasn't what was important right now. "You're way more important to me," using a finger she tilted Chloe's chin so they were looking at each other, "you and us is all I care about."

"Ok…"

"Ok?" Beca got a single nod as she wiped the tears from Chloe's eyes and tried to hide her own, "Promise me you'll be here when I get back?"

Chloe nodded, "I promise…"

Stepping over to the couch, Beca picked up the spare leash and jingled it and Gizmo came barreling down the steps and over towards her. Stooping down she locked the leash in place then opened the door and left.

Chloe's not sure how long she stood at the French doors staring out at nothing but before she knew it the tears were back and Aubrey was at her side.

"I feel like I should run after her," Chloe said finally turning.

"Under normal circumstances I would highly agree with you, but I'm going to advise against it this time…" The sigh Aubrey heard was full of pain and she completely understood, but she hadn't seen Beca this worked up since her mom died, "She won't go far, Beca Mitchell is a creature of habit and sticks to places she's comfortable," that earned her the tiniest bit of laughter and she smiled at her best friend. "She's probably down at that crappy little beach bar that's open until three, Jesse and I've picked her up many times there." Fixing her hair in the window's reflection she added, "The bartender went to high school with her and is one of the few people she got along with, so he won't let anything happen to her."

"Yeah?" Chloe tried to laugh but all she could think about was how this might be the end of them if she really didn't get her shit together.

"Yep," looping her arms through Chloe's, Aubrey grinned as she steered them away from the doors, "she'll come home a sloppy drunk mess and pass out, but unless you want to keep fighting it's not worth following her. Trust me I've tried."

"Fair enough…"

---

Hours later…

Scribbling in her leather bound notebook Beca took a brief pause and looked behind her and squinted at 'Five O'clock Somewhere' clock above the bar cash register. Her vision was a little blurred but she could tell what time it was.

"Fuck it's still five…" Beca mumbled as she looked down at the slanted words that she had been trying to write for the past hour. "No wait…" Fishing out her phone from her hoodie pocket she double checked the time, "god damn it, it's midnight."

Glancing back at the clock on the wall again Beca rolled her eyes at her own stupidity, she was totally wasted right now. She had no idea how much she drank or where the time went, but as she flipped through her notebook it seemed like she'd done a lot of writing. Chloe's name was on a few pages and that made her sink ungracefully in her chair as their fight came storming back.

Leaving was the wrong thing to do, so Beca will be lucky if Chloe is still there when she gets home because she had been gone for hours. She only answered one phone call and that was when Emily called to say that her website was ready to go and waiting on her approval. She halfheartedly skimmed through the email containing some screenshots before shooting off a text telling Emily that she approved it and her statement. Everyone at her house had texted at some point asking if she was ok, but she had flat out refused to respond, even to the ones from Chloe. She just cleared them from her iPhone lock screen and went back to writing in her notebook and drinking.

Reaching for her beer bottle that was shoved in the sand next to her chair Beca brought it to her lips and tipped back.

"Shit," Beca whispered dropping the empty bottle back to the sand.

Marking her page with her black fine tip Sharpie, Beca shut her notebook and set it beside Gizmo then tried to stand. The chair was one of those bullshit wooden beach ones where the seat and back were somewhat slanted so the occupant could feel relaxed feel while watching the sunset and drinking, but as far as she was concerned it was the devil's contraption when a drunk person like her tried to stand. Her first attempt didn't really work all that great and she ended up somehow sliding down the chair rather than standing. Trying again she pressed her heels into the sand, gripped the arms of the chair and catapulted herself up and out of the seat, but due to her inebriated state she just ended up falling face down in the sand.

Flipping over Beca stared up at the stars and started crying, she was fucking wasted at midnight, on the beach covered in sand, like a pathetic loser. She was supposed to be cuddling with her girlfriend as they laughed at one of Fat Amy's stupid stories and shared a beer while kissing and genuinely being cute together, but she fucked that up by asking for a timeout and leaving when she knew she shouldn't.

Gizmo stuck his head in Beca's view and lightly licked the side of her cheek and she instinctively ran her fingers through his fur.

"You want to go home dude?" Beca slurred rolling to her side making Gizmo lay down and place his head on his front paws and just stare at her with wide eyes. "You miss Chloe and Billie don't you?" He happily wagged his tail and she lightly laughed through her tears because yeah, she missed them too. Drying her eyes with the back of hoodie sleeve she cringed when it rubbed sand into them, "I fucked up Giz, I fucked up and I don't know what to do."

Fishing her phone out of her pocket Beca typed her pass code in three times before finally getting it right and went straight to her pictures. Searching out one of her favorites of Chloe sitting on this very beach reading a book, she let out a heavy sigh as she zoomed in on her girlfriend's smiling face. God, that smile was out of this world and it completely melted her heart.

"Look, look," Beca drunkenly shifted to her stomach and put the phone between her and Gizmo, "she's so beautiful. She's like the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Beca," the voice started them and Gizmo immediately stood and protectively stepped closer to Beca.

Rolling around for a better view Beca squinted up at her favorite bartender and grinned, "Hey Jeremy, just the man I wanted to see! I need another beer."

"Why is it every time I see you, you wind up plastered on the ground and talking to Gizmo?" Crouching down, Jeremy regarded his friend with a warm smile.

"You should take it as a compliment, you make some killer cocktails," Beca slurred, "they put me on my ass."

Jeremy couldn't help but laugh, "Beca I barely put any alcohol in your drinks because you're a lightweight."

"Whoa," Jeremy's muscular hand helped Beca sit up in one easy motion, "dude you been working out?"

"You're like a hundred pounds soaking wet, no biggie," Jeremy laughed while dusting the sand off Beca's knees, "but yes I have. My girlfriend makes me go to the gym with her."

"Mine too and it's awful," Beca answered in a disgusted tone. As she tilted precariously to the right she asked, "Am I hammered?"

"Oh you're way past hammered," grabbing the back of Beca's hoodie, Jeremy helped his friend stay upright. When he was sure she wasn't going to fall over he sat down next to her, "You have someone you want me to call to help you get home?"

"Nooooo," Beca planted her forehead against Jeremy's shoulder, "I need to walk it off, besides I've got Giz," she reached out and blindly to scratch behind her dog's ears, "he'll protect me."

Jeremy let out a sigh, he hardly ever saw Beca anymore and it seems like every time he does she was upset about something and was drowning her sorrows in alcohol.

"What happened to the pretty redhead you introduced me to a couple weeks ago? She seemed nice," Jeremy heard an indifferent hum, "looked like she was totally into you too."

"That's my girlfriend," Beca weakly stated closing her eyes, "love of my life and the person I want to marry."

"So where is she?"

"We…" Beca's world was spinning and she's not entirely positive it's solely from the alcohol, "we had a fight and I fucked up by being a stubborn asshole, you know trademark Beca Mitchell at it's finest."

Jeremy tilted his head and looked down, "You didn't cheat did you," he hated asking but he quickly followed it up with, "not that I'm assuming you did."

Lifting her head Beca cracked an eye open, "Dude fuck no, she's like my everything and the most awesomest person ever…" she raised a finger than dramatically dropped it when she forgot where her thoughts were going. "I'd be a dumbass if I cheated on her, that gorgeous woman is the best part of my life."

"Is that the alcohol talking?" Jeremy simply questioned.

"Nope it's this," Beca pointed to her heart, "I love her…I wrote some songs about her wanna see?" She reached for her notebook and held it up for Jeremy to take but he easily said no and quickly helped put it in her hoodie pocket, "She does lots of stuff for me. Plus you know," she gave a slow wink and smirk, "the sex is off the charts."

"Bro, too much info," Jeremy laughed when Beca just shrugged and looked away. "So how you gonna fix it?"

Beca shrugged again and ran her fingers through the sand, "No clue, I kinda told her some things that she didn't want to hear, but needed to and our argument spiraled," she did loops with a finger while leaning into him, "out of control from there. I knew it would hurt her and that's why I said it, then said it again. I made her cry…"

"I see," Jeremy thoughtfully nodded, "so you were being a jerk?"

Snorting out a pathetic laugh, Beca absentmindedly dug the heel of a shoe into the sand, "Yep. I just want her to talk to me, that's what I'm most upset about. All that shit that started our fight," she waved her hands wildly sending sand flying, "I don't care about."

"If I remember, talking usually isn't your strong suit," Jeremy said and they looked at each other and laughed. Memories ran through his head and he can remember tons of times where Beca, who always seemed to cool for high school, would sit in the back of class and work on music and barely answer questions when asked, "it took a whole semester for you to say more than a two words to me."

"Yeah well I've matured since then, my vocabulary has evolved into snarky wit and sarcasm," Beca said with an air of sophistication. "Plus when you're famous and getting paid to produce music people want to listen to you." Snapping her fingers she pointed at him, "Did you know I'm a celebrity like for real, no joke people pay me to…"

"Beca I know," Jeremy interrupted, "pictures of you are circulating Facebook, it's pretty much what everybody from high school is talking about."

Beca curiously squinted at her friend, "And you're not freaked out by that?"

"Nope, it's kinda cool actually."

"Do you want an autograph?" Jeremy snorted out a laugh and Beca just looked at him strangely, "What? My bitchass manager says I need to be a gracious celebrity, so I'm starting with you."

"I'm good, you signed my senior yearbook remember?" Jeremy grinned at the memory, "So I've got the first ever DJ Titanium autograph, that's all I need."

"Well ok then," Beca quickly snapped her mouth shut. "I better not find that shit on EBay tomorrow."

After that they sat and stared out at the ocean for a few minutes until Jeremy eventually broke the silence, "You know you can start by telling your girl you're sorry."

"I shouldn't have left," Beca wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie, she was fighting back the tears again.

"So what the fuck are you doing here at midnight?" Beca just reeled back and looked at Jeremy in horror who continued laughing loud and hard.

"I don't know…"

"You keep saying say you need to apologize but yet you've been here all afternoon getting drunk off your ass."

Beca swayed a little and Jeremy's hand clasped down on her shoulder stilling her movements, slumping against his side again she sighed, "You're right…"

"Look if I had a girl that hot and trust me she's hot," Jeremy laughed when Beca tried her best to scoff and push him away while glaring, "well not as hot as my girlfriend or you but she's up there."

"Now's not the time to bring up your high school crush on me Jeremy," scooting away a little Beca brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them.

Back in high school they shared a couple of classes throughout the years and Jeremy always found Beca to be attractive and insanely talented. She got picked on a lot, so she tried to float through the day by keeping her head down and drawing as little attention to herself as possible but he always saw her. The very first day, when they were paired up as partners in English, he knew he was a goner and had to suffer through his entire high school career with the biggest crush her.

"Oh come on we're adults," Jeremy lightly elbowed his friend's ribs and got a smile. "Beca a little part of me will always have a high school crush on you and I'm not ashamed of it. And I tried to get your attention, but you had your music and were always running off to college classes."

Beca snorted out a laugh, "Sorry?"

"I don't think you are but it's cool," Jeremy looked down at Beca and they laughed. Mocking a disappointed sigh just made her laugh harder and it was exactly what he was going for, "Besides my current girlfriend wouldn't be to happy if I dropped her."

Beca stretched out her legs then leaned back on her elbows and stared out at the ocean for a few minutes, "Man I fucked up and I don't think there's any way to redeem myself."

Jeremy saw the heartbreak written all over his friends face, "Did either of you mention breaking up?"

Beca thought about that as she replayed their whole argument in her alcohol hazed brain. They had said some pretty hurtful things and she understands why Chloe had tried to push her away, but neither one of them had given up yet.

"Nope…"

"Then there's still hope…"

"Maybe."

Poking his friend's shoulder Jeremy said, "There's no maybe, a relationship isn't over until one or both of you actually say it is."

Rolling over and onto her knees Beca tried to stand. After failing a couple of times a strong hand gripped her bicep and practically lifted her from the ground and set her upright on her feet. Gizmo's leash was then shoved in her hands and sand was brushed off the front of her hoodie.

Jeremy got a small thank you and he gave a nod, "You sure you don't want me to call Jesse," all he got was an annoyed grunt in response making him grin, "I can walk you if you want."

"Can I have another drink?"

"No," Beca just pouted making Jeremy chuckle, "I cut you off a long time ago."

"Jerk," Beca crossed her arms over her chest, "I can make it home, remember I've got Gizmo," she replied tapping her temple, "he knows the way."

Jeremy watched Beca take a few steps down the beach awkwardly testing her balance. It would be highly comical if he hadn't seen her do this numerous times before.

"Hey Sherlock!" Jeremy yelled and Beca immediately turned to glare at him, "Your house and girl are the other way."

Beca scowled as she backtracked a few steps kicking sand along the way. When she passed Jeremy, she smacked her laughing friend then gave the finger over her head, "Later bro."

The trip home was eventful because Beca must have drunkenly stumbled over sand and her own two feet half a dozen times with the most spectacular one happening at the top of the staircase and landing a mere inches away from the pool. Overall, the ten minute walk home took way longer and as she lays face down on the pool deck, she's completely exhausted and her right hand really fucking hurts. She's a little hazy on the events leading up to that fall, but she had cut her hand. She didn't know if she did it falling or trying to get up, but it's whatever she deserves it for being an asshole to Chloe.

Gizmo barking in her face and tugging on his leash is what finally got Beca up and moving, this time keeping a sizeable distance between herself and the pool. Glancing up at her bedroom window she saw the light on and she thinks that maybe Chloe was standing there, but them she blinked and realized she was probably just drunkenly seeing things.

Bending down Beca released Gizmo's leash and he quickly ran over to his water bowl for a drink then curled up in his usual spot next to the hammock situated under the covered part of the pool deck. She was confused because usually at this time of night he's begging to be let inside so he could sleep next to Billie in their matching set of beds Chloe had bought them a couple weeks ago. It was kind of like he knew she was upset and was opting to stay outside to keep her company.

Beca's eyes ventured back to her bedroom window and she contemplated if it would be appropriate to call it a night and head up to bed. After everything that happened today she wasn't sure if Chloe would be exactly excited to see her, especially in her current drunken state with sand everywhere, a fucked up hand and the beginning of a rather painful hangover. So she opted to do the sensible thing and sleep everything off in the hammock then apologize first thing in the morning.

Dragging her feet the rest of the way across the pool deck, Beca carefully set her phone and lyric notebook on the table then unzipped her hoodie and tossed it on a nearby chair and kicked off her shoes. In the dim light she inspected her hand, the gash down the side of her pinky wasn't horribly bad and thankfully it wasn't bleeding, but it was still caked with sand and throbbing like a motherfucker.

Dropping her injured hand to her side Beca closed her eyes sighed, she was in desperate need of a long hot shower and some comfy pajamas because sand was everywhere, even in her socks. However, that meant facing Chloe and she had already concluded that wasn't a viable option tonight. When her eyes opened they landed on the pool, it wasn't exactly what she wanted, but it would work and probably sober her up some too.

Next thing Beca knew, her toes were at the edge of the deep end of the pool and she was just staring down at the water. She's still in her t-shirt and jeans and she's contemplating how pathetic she would look to outsiders if they saw her right now. The press, her fans and the paparazzi would have a field day with pictures of her looking all disheveled and drunk. Thankfully nobody can see her right now and she's free, at least for one night, to wallow in her own self pity until she has to make things right.

Taking a breath, Beca dove into the water and stayed under until her lungs started screaming for air. Pushing her sock clad feet off the bottom she popped back out of the water and took in a deep breath. The water was cooler than she expected, but it was a nice jolt to her system and after wiping the water from her eyes she looked back up at the light in her bedroom. She's not sure if Chloe's awake but it was nice knowing that a light was left on for her, it showed that Chloe still cared and wanted to make sure she knew the way home. Dunking under the water again she ran her hands through her hair trying to rid the sand from it before eventually giving up and floating on her back so she could stare up at the stars.

Beca's not terribly upset that her identity is out there, she's just upset that she isn't the one to release it. She'd been contemplating coming forward and had even discussed it with Chloe, but she had always wanted to do it on her own terms and in her own time. However today was not the day she envisioned this happening and had been so blindsided that she never meant for things to escalate the way they did and for Chloe to be caught in the middle.

So Beca had taken her frustration and aggravation out on Chloe and then blamed her girlfriend in the process. She went so low and hurtful that she's positive her mom is looking down on her with that expression that said she was in major trouble. Yes, Chloe should have told her what was going on and gave her fair warning, but it didn't give Beca any right to use Chloe's family as a weapon, that was a low blow even for her.

Except, Chloe didn't deserve to get off entirely scot-free in this whole situation and Beca thinks her girlfriend knows that. For all practical purposes, Chloe is majorly closed off on certain aspects of her life and an open book in others and that's exactly where they are similar. Where they differ is on how they have dealt with the cards they've been handed, she had Aubrey and Jesse to talk to if she needed them and consciously made a decision after years of denial and brushing her friends off to seek help, while Chloe had absolutely nobody and was forced to keep things bottled up and make it seem like she was all rainbows and sunshine. Beca's not asking to talk about Chloe's problems twenty-four seven, she just wants a little insight into Chloe's past so that she can better understand how she can help.

"Beca," the quiet voice startled the brunette and she immediately sat up and began treading water. Looking towards the house she saw all the lights in the living room on and Chloe standing in the doorway clutching a towel, "I was worried, I saw you come up the steps but then you never came to bed…"

Swimming to the edge of the pool Beca watched Chloe hesitantly step outside, "I'm ok…"

The air between them was tense and Chloe wasn't sure what to do about that, "Are you really?"

"No…"

"Me either," Chloe just frowned, because she had done this to Beca. "How come you're in the pool?" She asked trying to not sound like a reprimanding mother, but she was worried. Once she heard the splash she couldn't get downstairs fast enough.

"Because," resting her cheek against the pool deck Beca looked up at Chloe who was slowly moving closer, "I'm drunk…Oh and I," she held up her right hand and waved it around, "I cut myself, so I needed to clean it or whatever."

Chloe let out a tense breath as she set the towel on the table and picked up Beca's hoodie laying on a nearby chair. There was sand all over it while the right cuff of the sleeve had some blood on it, but thankfully it wasn't enough for her to be alarmed. Briefly glancing away she saw her girlfriend's head resting on an arm now with her eyes closed.

They had both been through a lot today and Beca looked every bit as exhausted as Chloe felt. She had spent the majority of the afternoon in their bedroom wondering if Beca was ok and trying to paint. She hadn't been very successful with her art, her mind was too cluttered with what had been so blatantly pointed out to her earlier. Beca on the other hand, looked to have done the same thing but had added drinking to the mix.

Tossing the hoodie back on the chair Chloe made her way over to the pool and crouched down. Running her fingers through wet hair she gave a sad smile when Beca leaned into the touch, "Bec?"

"Yeah?" Chloe barely heard the response and it broke her heart.

"Lets go to bed," the only response Chloe got was a small nod and a whole body shiver making the water ripple.

All Chloe wanted was to get Beca out of the pool, upstairs and into dry clothes otherwise she knew her girlfriend was going to end up sick. Except Beca didn't move, she just stayed where she was, resting her head on the top of one hand and holding onto the edge of the pool with the other. Dipping her feet in the water Chloe tested the temperature as she looked down at her pajamas, it was just an old t-shirt and a pair of loose fitting sleep shorts, so she really didn't care about them getting wet, so she easily slipped in the pool.

Gingerly taking Beca's hurt hand, Chloe wrapped it around her neck then snaked her other arm around Beca's waist.

"Come on Bec," Chloe encouraged.

Beca's eyes flew open, "Dude why are you in the pool?"

Stilling her movements Chloe gave a gentle kiss and smiled, "I'm helping you so we can go to bed."

"Oh…" Beca diverted her eyes, "Chlo, my hand hurts."

"I know it does and I'll fix it," moving them along the wall Chloe did her best to keep their heads above water until her feet touched the bottom. Pulling Beca against her chest she began wading them across the pool towards the steps, "How much did you drink?"

"Lost count," Beca mumbled, "I'm sorry."

Chloe stilled when she felt Beca shaking in her arms and she wrapped her arms tighter around her girlfriend when she heard quiet sniffles, "It's ok Beca, I've got you."

"I-I'm sorry Chlo, I'm so sorry," Beca was full on crying in a matter of seconds making Chloe feel the pain behind every single word even though she couldn't see Beca's face, "I've been a horrible person and an awful girlfriend and I'm sorry. I so sorry I should've let you talk, but I flew off the handle and tried to use your family against you. And that's just not cool and you have no idea how sorry I am and I love you and…"

Chloe pressed a kiss to her girlfriend's shoulder, she's never seen Beca like this, practically hyperventilating as she rambled off slurred apologies. What was happening now was similar to the afternoon she visited Beca's mom's grave, except the tears this time were of someone feeling guilty not grieving. So Chloe just held Beca for a few minutes and did her best to calm her girlfriend with comforting gestures and small kisses while trying not to breakdown herself. The thing was they were both responsible for the state they were in, they had both said things they didn't mean and they both weren't in any state to actually sit down and have a serious discussion. Chloe knew she was totally at fault for everything that happened and it was no use trying to tell that to Beca right now.

"Shhh, shhh, take a couple deep breaths," Chloe calmly repeated. She hated to move, but they needed to get out of the pool and upstairs otherwise they'd be here all night.

Getting them out of the pool wasn't easy, but they eventually made it and managed to towel off in almost complete silence while avoiding eye contact at all costs. It was strange, Chloe had never felt so close yet so far away from someone as she did right now. Running a hand down Beca's arm, Chloe shyly linked their fingers and was grateful that her touch wasn't brushed off.

"How about a quick shower then I'll put a bandage on your hand?" Chloe asked with timid smile.

"Ok…"

"Come on."

Being led into the house and up the stairs with Gizmo happily trailing behind them Beca asked, "Does my hand need stiches?"

"I don't think so," Chloe flipped the light on in the bathroom, "but I'll check after I clean it?"

Reluctantly dropping their hands Chloe leaned into the shower and gave the hot water faucet a turn then stuck her hand in the spray waiting for it to warm. When she turned her head, for the first time that night she had to stifle a laugh when she saw Beca struggling to get her wet t-shirt off while making quiet disgruntled sounds. Despite everything that has happened today nothing will change the fact that Beca Mitchell does some of the cutest things when she thinks no one is paying attention. Stepping over Chloe helped Beca free her arm from the shirt then tossed it, along with her own clothes, in the bathtub.

Making sure a drunk and apologetic Beca Mitchell didn't fall over in the shower as they rinsed the chlorine from their hair is not what Chloe thought they'd be doing right now. She had hoped Beca would show up a couple hours later ready to sort things out, but as the hours ticked by and the day turned into night she was left questioning whether or not she would even have a relationship in the morning.

Turning the spray off Chloe passed them some dry towels then hopped out of the shower and quickly dried off before exiting the bathroom to grab them some pajamas.

"You don't have to help me you know…"

Chloe looked up from where she was applying Neosporin ointment to Beca's hand a few minutes later. That was the first thing Beca had said to her since they stepped in the bathroom twenty minutes ago and the sorrow filled grey-blue eyes staring down at her spoke volumes.

"I know…" Chloe tucked a strand of hair behind her ear then concentrated back to her task. "I don't think you need stitches, just make sure you keep a bandage on it for a few days."

"Then why are you?"

Chloe heavily sighed before capping the ointment and setting it on the sink counter. Reaching for the package of bandages she replied, "Because I love you and I'm responsible for this."

"For me cutting my hand?

"No Beca, for driving you to this point…"

"What like being drunk and pathetic?" Beca questioned curiously and heard a hum. She winced as the bandage was applied to the side of her hand, "No, this is all on me I shouldn't have left."

Crumpling up the bandage wrapper Chloe tossed it in the wastepaper basket then smoothed out the edges so they would firmly adhere to Beca's skin, "Beca we're not talking about this right now…"

"You mean while I'm drunk?"

"Yes," Chloe nodded giving a weak smile at Beca's the lame attempt at a joke, "while you're drunk."

There was a beat of silence and to Chloe it seemed like Beca wanted to say more, her girlfriend's face was full of confliction and confusion, but she opted to remain quiet.

"Thanks for waiting up for me," Beca shuffled out of the bathroom behind Chloe and waited as the sheets were pulled back on her side of the bed, "Usually that's Aubrey's job," she saw a set of shoulders slump.

"How much of this conversation will you remember tomorrow?" Chloe looked to her right as she reached for a pillow.

"Ummm…" Beca bit her lip in concentration, "probably not much, I'm pretty loaded."

"I see…"

"Why did you wait up for me?"

"You really want to know?" Fluffing the pillow Chloe tossed it back in place then sat on the edge of the bed and closed her eyes. When the bed dipped she didn't have the heart try to move away but knew Beca was waiting for an answer, "Because the last time I had an argument with someone I loved they left and it was the last time I ever saw them alive."

"Oh…" Beca bit her lip as she diverted her eyes down to her hands.

"Yeah…" falling back onto the bed Chloe took in a ragged breath, she'd never confessed that to anyone and she knows Beca won't remember and she's ok with that, "so if my family didn't make it home I had to make sure you did. I almost came looking for you."

"Thank you," Beca faintly stated playing with the edge of the bandage, "I'm really sorry I tried to provoke a fight by using your family because I knew it would hurt you."

"I know you are," Chloe just looked over at her girlfriend, "and after thinking about our fight all afternoon I realized a lot of what you said about me is true." She reached out and gently took Beca's hand in hers, "I haven't dealt with anything that's happened to me, I just push it away and when people ask me about I get upset. So when you pointed out my shortcomings today, I got angry and tried to push you away too. I'm sorry Bec, I'm so sorry."

Toying with their fingers Beca cleared her throat, "I just, I was upset and I knew they were the easiest way for me to hurt you. I swear," dropping Chloe's hand she wiped an eye, "I won't ever say those things again."

"It's ok, it turned out to be something I needed to hear," shifting around so that she was under the duvet, Chloe tugged on Beca's shirt and helped her girlfriend into bed. Turning off the light the room went black, "I'm just broken Bec, I'm broken beyond repair because I have so much shit going on in my head that I constantly try to hide."

"But I fixed you," Chloe heard the voice tremble a little as Beca moved to lay on her stomach, "You said I fixed you."

"To an extent you have, you've taught me how to love and be loved again," silent tears were rolling down Chloe's face, "I just…I need help Beca."

"I'll do anything," Beca sleepily replied, "I can't lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either," Chloe answered, "I love you…"

"I love you too," Beca wiggled her arm under the covers until it found Chloe's and she gripped it tight, bringing it closer she pressed a kiss to it. "I'm really sorry and that's not the alcohol talking, but I still need to apologize while I'm not drunk. Plus I wanna figure out how I can help you."

"Me too…"

Chloe's not sure how long she laid there thinking but it was long enough for Beca to be sound asleep. She had thought a lot about it and she needed help, but what she needed most was to quit talking about it and actually get the help otherwise she would lose Beca.

The whole quitting her job thing can easily be fixed by just explaining her entire thought process during the time rather than spouting off half the story as their argument went in circles. The fame thing isn't an issue for Chloe either and she was fairly confident that she delivered that message loud and clear to Beca earlier. What Chloe needs to fix is her communication when it comes to her family issues and other compounding personal problems. And to do that Chloe needs to start facing and accepting the things she's pushed away for so long.

Beca doesn't want to know about her past so it can be used against her, she just wants to understand. And for the first time ever Chloe gets that, it's just unfortunate that this realization came the way it did. Except that argument had been a good thing because it was the swift kick in the ass that she needed for her to fully understand what she had been putting herself and others through.

Glancing over at the clock Chloe saw it was close to five and she sighed, Beca was still out cold and probably would be until late tomorrow morning. She knew what she was about to do was wrong, because she very easily could wait long enough to explain herself, but in her distraught mind she felt like leaving before Beca woke up was just easier. She had booked the first flight back to San Francisco so that she could be at a psychologist's office tomorrow morning when it opened. What this doctor specialized in treating was fairly extensive and she found herself mentally checking off problem after problem as she read down the list on his website. The office had already closed when she tried to call, so she had left a brief message with all her contact information. For close to an hour she contemplated what to do until ultimately deciding that instead of waiting for them to call she would just show up and hope to be worked in sometime that morning.

The thing was Chloe knows if she just talks to Beca that Beca will be supportive of the decisions she was making. Chloe also knows, despite what Beca may think, that she needs to take this first step alone because otherwise she'll constantly need someone to hold her hand. She just hopes, well prays really, that Beca will still be there for her once she's got a clear definition of what's going on and a plan from the doctor on how to move forward.

Slipping out of bed Chloe quietly entered their closet to change, her cab would be here in a few minutes and she wanted to be outside and waiting so the driver doesn't start honking. Rolling her suitcase down the hall, she set it and a few other carryon bags next to the front door before scooping Billie up and gently placing her in her travel carrier then headed back upstairs. She was also intentionally leaving a majority of her art supplies here, except for her sketch books and a few other things, with the hope that she'd be back here sooner rather than later. She just hoped after all is said and done that she'll actually be allowed to come back.

When Chloe entered the bedroom her heart broke, Beca had shifted in her sleep and was clutching the pillow she had just been using. Chloe knew she was a horrible person for doing this, she should be in bed with Beca's arm wrapped around her instead of that fucking pillow.

Removing a letter from the bedside table, Chloe laid it next to a bottle of water and two aspirin. Crouching down she just looked at Beca, trying to memorize the features and soft lines of her girlfriends face so she could sketch them later. Beca was so beautiful, she was so sweet and so good for her, yet here she was running like she always does. And she's not really running from Beca, she's running so she can fix herself so that they can hopefully spend the rest of their lives together.

Slightly leaning forward Chloe pressed a lingering kiss to Beca's cheek and whispered, "I love you so much, please don't hate me."

---

Beca's eyes cracked open and was immediately hit with bright sunlight, closing them with a groan she turned away from the window and that's when the pounding headache and queasy stomach began. She's not sure what happened last night, she only remembers bits and pieces after she got to the bar, but she thinks she went swimming before Chloe came out and made her go to bed. They had talked a little bit, about what she was clueless, but she's almost certain they had both been crying.

Flipping to her back, Beca rubbed her eyes with her palms and it caused her to suck in a painful breath. Her right hand was killing her, throbbing just as much if not more than her head, and as she held it out in front of her and saw a bandage covering the side below her pinky. She had no idea how the fuck that happened, but it was obvious that Chloe had done her best to fix it.

As Beca reached for her phone, she saw the time was close to eleven and that she had probably a dozen new text messages and a few missed calls. She knew if she tried to respond now she wouldn't be fully coherent and she'd probably throw up because even squinting to try and read the text messages was making her gag. Tossing her phone aside she smiled seeing the bottle of water and two aspirin sitting on her beside table along with an envelope with her name on it written in Chloe's loopy handwriting. God, Chloe was way too good for her, even when they were fighting Chloe took care of her. She has never loved someone like she does Chloe.

Pushing herself up Beca rested her back against the headboard and didn't even think twice about grabbing the aspirin and popping them in her mouth and chugging half the bottle of water. Recapping it she set it aside and reached for the letter. Before she broke the seal she got this overwhelming feeling that something was wrong and it was only confirmed when her fingers pried open the envelope and removed the two page letter.

Beca,

Let me first start by saying that I know this looks bad, but I'm doing this because I love you and I want to be better for you and for us.

I hate leaving things unsaid and I know this letter doesn't justify my actions, but I had to leave without telling you. I need to take care of myself…I'm tired of carrying the weight of my family's death on my shoulders and I'm tired of living my life like they are still here judging every move I make. And as much as I want and need you with me (god you have no idea how much I need you right now), I think it will be good for me to take the first step of seeking help alone.

We both said a lot of hurtful things yesterday and I take full responsibility for trying to push you away. Pushing people away is what I'm good at and when things get stressful it's the only thing I know how to do, but you stood there and fought for me and it opened my eyes. Everything you said was true, I haven't dealt with anything, I get angry and try to my best to change the subject when you ask simple questions and I'm guilty of hiding the most painful part of my life from you when you just want to help.

I told you that you fixed me and you have, so much and in so many ways. I've never had someone love me like you do and you're the first person in my life who has been brave enough to tell me I need to get help. You haven't given up on me, you refuse to, and I can't thank you enough for that.

Yesterday you said you want to marry me and that gives me even more incentive to seek help. I know we've talked about it but I want you to know I never lied or hid things from you when we discussed marriage. I want to marry you too, I want a life with you and I want us to have kids and to have the loving family that I've always dreamed of. It's kind of what I've known I've always wanted with you since that day you asked me on our first date in the park. If you don't believe anything I've said, please believe that and that I love you and that I've never been happier in my entire life than I am when I'm with you.

I plan on telling you everything and apologizing, but first I need my head to be in the right place and I've begun to deal with my problems the right way. I'm not talking about months and months of separation and I'm not saying that we're on a break or breaking up, I'm just saying it may take me a few weeks to a month to get to a place where I can begin to heal. After that I will need you more than you'll ever know…

So please don't see this letter as me breaking up with you, because I'm not, I don't want that and I hope you don't either. See this as me finally getting my shit together so that I can give you all of me and we can have the happily ever after that we bothdeserve…

I know I'm asking a lot, but can you please give me some time to figure myself out? Will you wait for me and give me a chance to explain myself when I'm ready?

I love you Beca Mitchell, you're the first person who has ever truly loved me and you're the love of my life…

You will forever and always have my love…

Chloe

P.S. I'll understand if you never want to see me again after all waking up and finding this pathetic, scattered brained, excuse for a letter. So if you think we're done, a simple text saying that is all I need.

Dropping the letter to her lap, Beca pounded the back of her head against the wall, she has no idea how to interpret Chloe's letter. She wants to be happy that Chloe has decided to finally get help, but she's also wants to be mad because she found it all out through a fucking letter.

Crawling back down in bed Beca pulled the duvet over her head and blocked out all the light. For the first time in a really long time she was all alone, she had nobody and she wasn't sure whose fault it was. Her girlfriend was gone and had left a cryptic letter behind with a half assed explanation and absolutely no resolution to what happened yesterday.

Was this her fault, was it Chloe's or was it Rolling Stone's for poking the preverbal hornets nest? Their relationship was crumbling and Beca had no idea who was to blame. The more she thought about it the more confused and heartbroken she became and all she could do was curl up into a ball and cry. Maybe, just maybe if she closes her eyes the next time she opens them this horrible nightmare will be over and Chloe will be beside her, smiling that brilliant smile, waiting to give her one of those amazing good morning kiss like they'd done for the past month. But then she opens her eyes and Chloe's side of the bed is still empty and the reality of the situation sinks in.

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Thanks for reading!

Liked it, loved it or hated it? I want to know your thoughts, so drop me a review or shoot me a PM and let me know what you think. Hopefully I didn't destroy you guys to much with that chapter, all I say is have a little faith in Bechloe and stick with them :)

On a side note hopefully you won't have to wait as long for the next chapter!

Until next time...