Ok, here be the new chapter......

have fun!

oh, and i just typed this really quickly from my notes - computer, so if there are any mistakes.... don't let me know and ignore them ^^

The door opens.

It's not Paul, but a short skinny man.

"Yes Miss….?"

"Ummm, Suze," I say finishing his sentence.

"What is the purpose of your visit?" he asks not annoyed and not interested.

"I'm here to visit Paul….Is he in?"

"Yes, wait a moment, I shall alert him of your arrival," he says very old-fashioned.

"No no, that's fine, I'll just surprise him," I say fumbling for the word surprise.

"Could you just remind me where his room is?" Dammit, this isn't going to work. Turns out I get the answer, upstairs and to the left.

It's closed. I don't bother knocking, I just open it slowly.

"Hey hone-" it was Kelly's voice and her model underwear figure that caught my attention immediately. She was lying on the bed in only underwear.

She looked upset about me being here, clearly. I stopped moving. I mean I knew that he had something with her, but I mean, this? This just hurt. Why would he do this? I mean, Kelly? He said-, whatever.

Kelly smiles, "Did you really think he was going to pick YOU over ME?" point who 'you' and 'me' were.

I just nod my head and go back the same way I just came from.

I mean I was expecting it, Alex practically told me…. but still, she's such a bitch. Walking down the stairs I hear another door open and close then a male voice mixed in with Kelly. I lead myself out the main door and it slams closed. Looking at what made it slam, I see Alex, but he disappears as quickly as I saw him.

Walking to the car slowly, feeling like such a stupid fuck for thinking Paul was actually going to change. Fuck!

Instead of getting in the car, I look at my reflection in the car window. I see a simple girl, brown almost black hair, not that bad looking, with a scrunched up look on her face.

The first tear came.

Of course Kelly was prettier, she always gets what she wants because she's beautiful and rich. Next to her I'm just nothing.

Suddenly the house door opens behind me. I look and see Paul.

I don't move, neither does he. Seeing the expression on my face he put two and two together.

"Suze, look" he starts while walking toward me. I don't say anything, just open the car door and not even violently. The problem is that the movement is too slow. He catches the door and closes it.

I look at him, not crying, not saying anything. Just looking at his own pained face. I don't know why it's pained though. I mean, looking back at my expression, comparing it to Kelly's face.

He puts his hands on either side of my cheeks, making me look at him again.

Getting pissed I shove his hands off my face and attempt opening my car door again.

"Suze look,-" he says closing the door yet again standing in front of the handle.

"-No! I'm done looking; I'm done looking at you Paul. I don't get what you want. You say one thing and then do another fucking thing."

"No Suze please, listen, I didn't know-" he grabs my shoulders.

"Stop it, I don't wanna hear it anymore. I get it, you-. You. Paul, just let me get in the car," I say completely fed up.

He looks about to cry, "I should never have made up with you today. So that you know, this hurts more than the first time, and you wanna know why?" He just looks at me sadly. "Because it's still the same thing. Same person, you getting everything, Kelly….. being Kelly, me being stupid and thinking you've changed.

He doesn't say anything.

"I am changing though, I'm trying," he says. "I don't want to lose you."

"Fuck you Paul, FUCK YOU!" I shout and try opening the door again.

"Look Suze, you didn't want me to be with you-"

"Don't you fucking blame this on me! Don't even…… just go away."

"No Suze, please-" he says not moving.

"Paul, just, leave me alone," I say fed up and push him aside.

Starting the engine, putting the gear in shift, I feel pissed and under Paul's gaze it wasn't going to get better anytime soon.

On the way home I realize that I'm not as mad as I was last time.

Amongst this thought, Alex pops up in the passenger seat.

"Look, it's for the best, I promise," he says reassuringly.

"I just don't get why he did it again."

Silence.

"He actually didn't do anything. That was her, he didn't know she was here…"
"then why did you make me do that? I thought you said they were doing something….. more." I say crying again.

"That's not what I said, I just said call, but you drove there."

"why though?" I ask completely confused.

"Because I know there is something better for you. You see now Paul is going to do something I told him NOT to do, but he feels the need to do anyways. What you need to do now is forget this, seriously. I'll deal with Paul."

'So they didn't do anything, why was she there though?' Questions like that kept going through my head.

'I'm good, I don't need him.'

"Ok, I have to go now and…. I'll try to not bother you unless I feel the need to. BYE!"

And he was gone….. just left.

When I arrive home I go right up to my room.

I wake up at 3 in the morning to my cell phone. I pick it up.

"Hello?" I say my voice rough and quiet.

"Suze, just listen, I love you. I didn't know Kelly was there, I swear to God. She wasn't there after I talked to Grandpa, and when I came back, she was there. I told her to leave by the time I came back. So I left, then I heard the door slam and when I saw that Kelly was still there I asked Brice, and he said that you had just left….. I'm sorry, but nothing happened!"

I don't say anything. What was I suppose to say?

"Can you please say something, please?" he asks his voice quivering.

I don't know what to do. I mean, I do have feelings for him, but…. It's Paul, he can't change. People our age, I mean, they think they can change so quickly, but they just can't. Paul can't change from being that 'John Tucker' guy to a guy who is going to dedicate himself to one girl. He just, he just can't….. right? I mean, Alex said…. Maybe Alex had a small influence too.

But I mean, if we were really meant to be, then a ghost wouldn't have any effect on us, or me. Oh, I don't know what to do.

"What do you want me to say Paul? If you were me, what would I say?"

Eagerly, he says, "I would consider how much you are trying to make it better and try again."

"You serious? I mean, Paul?" I say starting to get pissed again.

"Just, look out your window," he says grunting.

Rolling over to face the window, I see Paul sitting out on the tree.

"PAUL!?" I say a bit too loudly and fall out of bed.

Getting to the window I open it and he leans in and kisses me. I pull back, but suddenly something changed. Like his kiss triggered something to try and change my mind. It wasn't like those other kisses we had, this one was full of want and need.

And even though I pulled back, he just climbed in and hugged me really tightly saying, "I love you, I'd do anything for you. Please know that."

Breathing in his scent and him just being there even after I yelled at him – no, not again. Never again.

Putting my hands on his shoulders and pushing him again gently, saying, "Paul, do what you want, but not with me. I mean, I'm sorry, this just obviously …. Paul, what are you doing?"

He was getting a bottle out of his jacket. Looking at the bottle he said, "If I drink this, I will change, not permanently, but I'll change…. For you."

"What are you talking about, it's water." I say knowing that by the way he was handling it, it wasn't just water. And to top it off, right before the cruise.

"No, it's not, it's something that'll make 'us' better. I don't want to be without you, and if now you don't accept me, maybe after I drink this-"

" Paul, what the fuck? Don't do anything stupid, you can't change like that because you drink….whatever that is. You can't just change because you want to, it's not that fucking simple! It just doesn't work," I say more to myself.

"This can," he says getting close and placing his hands on my neck/shoulder. "I've done all the preparations, shifter stuff, it's going to work. I'm going to change, and I'm doing it for you." He ends with cradling my cheeks.

"Paul, stop it!" snaking my face away from his hand. "You have to stop this, I'm serious. Tomorrow we go to the Caribbean, don't ruin that."

"Then say that your mine," his arms grabbing my shoulders again in a way that would have made me change my mind immediately. But now there is just this Kelly stuff and Alex.

"Be with me and I won't drink this."

I look at him and see that he was ready to do anything for me, no matter what happened in the past. I remember when we first kissed and how sweet he was. I look slightly behind him and see Alex, reminding me of all the other stuff between Paul and me.

How he was supposedly waiting for me after detention, but I see Kelly stuck on him. How that made me feel like crap…..And even though I might still have feelings for him, I don't think I can go through it again.

"Uuumm, I don't think…. I can't do that…..I'm sorry, I don't think you and I were meant to be."

Paul drops his hands from my shoulder and puts them on his face. He looked really hurt, but I mean. I can't, I don't really think I want to. Maybe if there were more time…. No, not now.

"I think you need to go now Paul…."

Alex was just there giving me the thumbs up.

Paul uncovers his face and looks at me. Almost on the verge of tears he says, "Ok, promise me that you'll try tomorrow. Just talk to me and …. Give me a chance. Please?"

I look down and step back, "I dunno Paul, maybe."

He nods and probably knows that I won't talk to him, so he leans in and gives me a long peck on the forehead. I let him.

"I'll make it up to you, I love you," and then he left. Not looking back, just out the window.

Then Alex goes, "Ok, sweet cakes, here is the deal,. Pauli-boy here decided that he loves you and will change himself for you. So now this 'water' that he's going to drink is going to change the way he acts and thinks…. It's not permamnent….. It'll last maybe a week or two or something like that."

"But why?" was my only response.

"Because he thinks it'll help him get to you, but it's not going to…. The numbchuck messed it up and won't listen to me.
Whatever, at this point it doesn't really matter anymore, you just do your thing. Ok?"

He sounds so excited, nothing like I feel. I feel like I could cry, but I know I'll hate myself if I do. I mean, Paul is a great guy and all, but he just doesn't get it. He doesn't get how much he hurt me, the fact that he was messing around with Kelly even though we were 'together'. And then he just comes by and apologizes for everything BUT that.

I mean, he said he's sorry and all, but if he can't own up to it, no matter how perfect and wonderful he is and the way he said it, I just…. No.

Maybe later….

"Sure," I say crawling back into bed trying not to think about Paul, but end up doing it anyways.

"Ok, go back to bed and have fun on the cruise Chika!" and with that I was left alone again.

The way it always seems to be.

comment if you feel the need, just saying, i have most of this saved on my computer already, if you want the next chapter faster,,....just review more or something......

:D

~Diabolo