Chapter Eleven: Taking Risks

Matty and Taylor sat with their legs in front of them on the mattress as they watched the movie, drinking bottle after bottle of beer as it continued. They smoked together, laughed at certain scenes. During other scenes, Matty was reminded of Marbles as moments came up that his friend had went on about in the past to them.

There was a constant feeling in the pit of Matty's stomach, that radiated up along his chest and ribs. Part of it was soreness as he'd been beaten, but other parts were more of an emotional thing. The thoughts were always in the back of his mind. Taylor helped to distract him from them but when he wasn't able to be distracted, when the memories came back, it would make breathing difficult for Matty as if he suddenly wasn't getting enough oxygen. Matty was holding it back the best he could but a part of him wanted to ... he wasn't sure what. Taylor was right; there was nothing he could do. But he felt time and time again that he was on the verge of losing it.

He tried hard to focus on the good in his life. He tried hard to focus on Taylor. Taylor's being there made it easier and he was thankful that his friend agreed to live with him. He began thinking back to the conversation they'd had the night before, when both had admitted that neither of them cared to have a woman in their lives because they had each other. That they were all the other needed. It had been Matty's way of saying that he loved Taylor and that he wanted to be with Taylor, but he worried what it was Taylor had meant by it. It was clear now that they loved each other and that neither of them cared to have anyone else around but did that mean that Taylor wanted a romantic relationship?

Matty imagined just how that might be. He imagined Taylor embracing him; holding him in his arms, surrounding him in love and comfort. He imagined Taylor gently kissing him as he ran his hands along his body. Matty's heart beat faster and this time, it wasn't in pain. The feeling was good and Matty craved it in that moment. He thought to say something, to ask Taylor what he wanted, but he hesitated due to his fear. He worried that it would ruin things between them; but just when he had that thought, he realized it was unlikely. Taylor was willing to give up his very existence for Matty. Having a conversation like this was not going to push Taylor away. The man was willing to give up everything for him, there was no way Taylor would turn on him.

He could trust Taylor. There was no one in the world that he could trust more.

And they only had one life. Everything that happened in Montana made that fact stand out like a sore thumb.

"Taylor..." Matty said, not looking at his friend and instead looking down at the beer bottle in his hand.

Taylor turned his head and looked at Matty, curiously.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Wh-what we have now..." Matty began, stuttering. Taylor wrinkled his brows, sensing Matty's nervousness as he waited for his friend to continue.

"You want it to stay like this, or...?" he ended, finally looking at Taylor, his eyes dark and his jaw tight.

Taylor wasn't sure how to respond. He looked down at the bottle in Matty's hand as Matty nervously ran his thumb back and forth against the neck. Matty kept his eyes on Taylor until Taylor finally looked back at him, meeting his gaze. They stared at one another for a moment; blue eyes searching through brown and vice versa.

Looking deeply into Taylor's eyes, it suddenly became clear to Matty that he and Taylor were on the exact same page. With the eye contact, Matty felt he could see right through Taylor and that Taylor could see right through him. Matty felt Taylor's nervousness, felt his hesitation. Felt his love, his desire. And in that moment, he knew Taylor could feel his.

Matty blinked and lowered his eyes, quiet. Taylor did the same. Both were uneasy. That look had said more than words ever could.

Matty saw in his mind the image of Taylor on the floor, flinching and groaning after being shot and hitting his head on a pipe. All to save him. Again reminded that you only live once.

"You ever want more...?" Matty asked, carefully. There was no turning back now.

Taylor hesitated as Matty looked back at him. Speaking in the moment was difficult though he mustered up the courage.

"I thought about it," Taylor replied. He kept his eyes off Matty and looked only at his own lap. Matty swallowed, his brows creasing. His heart swelled with emotion. He ached for Taylor's love badly; so long he'd felt unloved, especially after all that happened in Montana. And now that he knew Taylor felt the same, about everything, he became eager. He wanted that life for himself, and he wanted to give it to Taylor. After a moment, very quietly, Matty whispered.

"You did...?" he asked. Taylor nodded slowly.

"Why didn't you do somethin' about it...?" Matty continued. Taylor looked at Matty, seeing strong emotion in his eyes. He looked away, picking his cigarette back up and relighting it. He took a drag before he spoke.

"Didn't wanna risk it," Taylor replied, quietly. Matty almost laughed, but instead let out more of a sighing sound.

"This comin' from the guy who risked his life..." he said, looking at Taylor, curiously.

"Savin' you is one thing..." Taylor began. "Wouldn't risk anythin' if it meant losin' you."

Matty's lips parted for a moment as he thought of what to say but nothing came to him; all he could do was feel. He became overwhelmed with emotion. He clenched his jaw, brows creased, then he slowly moved closer to the warm body near him. Taylor looked at Matty out of the corner of his eye as the lean man slowly and gently put his arm around Taylor's shoulders. Taylor tensed at first but then he relaxed, enjoying the feeling of Matty's body pressed against his side. Enjoying the feeling of the other man's arm around him. Matty kept his eyes on the TV and then very briefly looked at Taylor, and Taylor looked back. Matty looked down at Taylor's big lips then blinked before looking away; turning his eyes back to the TV, heart pounding.

As time passed, both became calmer and became used to the touch; settling into it. Matty winded up falling asleep. Taylor looked over at the smaller man and his heart overflowed with emotion. He watched Matty's ribs expand and inflate as he slept. Taylor never felt such pleasure before. Everything he'd ever wanted in life, he was getting. He was living with Matty, the only person he ever really had feeling for. He was sleeping with him and would always be there to keep an eye on him, protect him.

Taylor looked away and then shut his eyes. He fell asleep in a short amount of time, free of worry for the first time in a long time. He knew Matty would always be safe by his side.

During the night, they would move to get into more comfortable positions. Matty had a hard time staying asleep but the feeling of Taylor's warm body pressed against his back gave him a tender feeling and made him feel comforted.

To be continued...