Kiku's had a rough week.
After his and Matthew's little chat, he was on edge whenever he was near the blond. Not that he acted hostile towards Kiku in the presence of Alfred and the Vargas brothers, quite the opposite. He was the picture of polite, even causing Alfred to comment on it. And God knew he wasn't the most observant person.
No, Matthew never did anything. It was just Kiku's anxiety, inner turmoil, and fear messing with his head. More than once during the week, Alfred has commented about how tense Kiku is. Kiku shrugs it off, but inwardly, he's terrified.
The whole situation he's in is terrifying: loving Alfred, disobeying the rules, on the cusp of being found out by Matthew. And, of course, there's still the unresolved issue of Elizabeta and the looming possibility of Gilbert visiting.
All the tension just makes him want to explode.
"Keeks, what's bugging you man, seriously?" Alfred asks, flipping through a comic book. Yes, a comic book. A grown man reading a Batman comic.
He's sprawled out on his bed, sock feet on the wall. His glasses are lying discarded beside him.
"It's nothing, Alfred, I told you I'm fine." Kiku replies. He's trying to make his voice sound light.
"Well, you're not." Kiku looks at him in surprise as Alfred puts down the comic book and rolls over onto his side. "I can tell something's up. So, you don't have to tell me, but maybe it would make you feel better if you did."
Kiku bites his lip. He wishes he could tell Alfred. "It would make me feel better, but I can't."
"Kiku, you know you can tell me anything, right?" Alfred shoves his glasses onto his face so he doesn't have to squint. "We're friends."
Kiku opens his mouth to reply, then closes it. He does this a few times before actually speaking. "Of course."
An awkward silence passes before Kiku stands up and gets his coat on.
"Where you goin'?" Alfred asks.
"Not far. I'll be back." With that, Kiku escapes the crushing uncomfortableness of the dorm.
He leaves the college, letting his feet decide where to go. They take him along the streets, eventually landing him at a local coffeeshop; the same one Elizabeta was at, the same one Alfred and Arthur met at.
He ponders going somewhere else, but he's cold and a little bit hungry, so he enters and orders a coffee.
Seating himself at a table- there is nothing sadder than a lone person in the corner of a coffeeshop- he takes a sip and sighs. The caffeine travels to his brain and starts to calm him down. He scans the shop, leaning back in his chair to make himself more comfortable. His gaze comes to rest on a familiar figure, and he starts, burning his tongue on his coffee.
Elizabeta is sitting only a few metres away. She's staring off into space, notebook in front of her, pen in hand.
Kiku gets up. "Elizabeta!" He calls, walking towards her.
She jumps a little and turns around. "Kiku! What a... Surprise." She fiddles with her pen.
"Evidently." Kiku says. "I thought you knew I was here. You know, you stalking my victim and all."
Elizabeta looks exhausted. Her sandy hair is pulled carelessly into a ponytail and she's slumped in her chair. Her eyes are all blurry, from sleepless nights. It's all adding up.
"What are you talking about?" She asks nervously.
"You were spying on Arthur a while ago." Kiku cocks his head and narrows his eyes.
"Oh, that. That wasn't for your mission, you know, it was for mine, just a background check on everyone my victim knows, regular procedure..." Elizabeta says breathlessly, standing up and grabbing her purse. "It was nice talking to you, Kiku, but I gotta get back to my own mission..."
Elizabeta walks away quickly, ignoring Kiku's calls of, "Hey! You forgot your notebook!" Or maybe she just doesn't hear him.
Kiku sighs, looking down at the little book. Her name is printed on the front in gold. A bookmark marks her spot. Kiku flips to the spot, his mouth dropping open when he sees the heading.
Francis and Arthur.
Shaking, Kiku picks up the notebook. He leafs through pages and pages of notes, documenting their history, their childhood rivalry, their quirks, their talents, all the reasons why they're perfect for each other. It's far more in-depth than the feeble sketches he's written up for Alfred and Arthur.
What is going on?
-oooo-
Kiku sinks into the hot water, letting a small sigh escape his lips. A hot bath will calm him down.
After discovering that Elizabeta's mission was Francis and Arthur, he went back to the dorm, taking her notebook. Alfred had gone, so he went straight to the bathroom.
He settles into the bath more, letting the water massage the stress from his muscles. His eyes slip closed and for a moment, he just focuses on the noises around him: the gentle splish splash of the water, the wave and recede of cars rolling by outside, and the chattering of birds.
There's a pleasant feeling about having a bath during the day. Something about the daylight illuminating the water, instead of flickering lightbulbs. It could be the way he doesn't feel dirty at all, just cleansed. Or perhaps it's the lovely quiet surrounding him. It's not a silent quiet, it's the calm quiet of being peaceful in the midst of chaos.
Since Alfred is gone, he allows himself to pop his wings out. They come loose with a flourish, a few stray feathers floating on the bathwater. He wraps his wings around himself, sighing into the soft down.
Kiku needs to think. Nothing is making sense to him right now.
First off, Elizabeta's mission. Francis and Arthur? How did this happen? Never, never, never, ever in the history of heaven have two angels gotten conflicting missions. Either this is a glitch or some sort of new test, like he initially suspected.
But, now that he knows her mission contradicts his... Kiku allows himself, just for a split second, to feel a slight twinge of hope. If Elizabeta's mission succeeds, then what's to stop him from pursuing Alfred?
Get a grip, He thinks suddenly, snapping his eyes open and sitting up. It simply isn't possible, and that's all there is to it.
But is it really so wrong? What exactly is so sinful about falling for a human? They might be simple creatures unaware of their own mortality, but they are strange, captivating, and wonderful. They are beautiful, happy, angry, passionate beings... Kiku gasps as he realizes, they're just like angels. Same form, same emotions, same triggers, same values.
If he and Alfred are essentially the same being, why is it so wrong?
He buries his face in his hands, swishing the bathwater as he sits up. This isn't supposed to be this complicated!
Kiku jumps at the he hears the door bang open. "Kiku?" Alfred calls.
Kiku retracts his wings and grabs a towel, stepping out and drying himself off hurriedly. "In here!" He responds, draining the tub. Slightly panicking, he notices a few stray feathers stuck in the drain, and snatches them up. He tosses them in the trash.
Redressing is unpleasant. It's as if everything he pondered in the bath is being smothered, smothered by a harsh and confusing reality. And when he opens the bathroom door, it's as if he is submerging himself in lies once again.