Hey all,

Here is chapter 11. I know some are not thrilled with the direction thus far, but hang in there! I promise things will get better! Send those reviews my way...they are always an encouragement:)

Enjoy

Chapter 11

Walking up to the front door of the Taylor home, he couldn't believe it had already been a week since Sam had been born. In honor of Jude's last night staying at the house, they were having a celebratory dinner.

As he waited for someone to open the door, Tommy recalled the past couple of days and smiled at the thoughts. Knowing that a new baby had to be a huge transition, he had stopped by at least once every day to help out around the house or give Jude a break from her "nanny" duties. Not that she needed any help though—she was amazing with Sam. The moment he started crying, she was there, knowing exactly what was needed and how to take care of him. If someone couldn't get him to sleep, all it took was for Jude to sing a sweet lullaby and Sam was out.

On the days he stayed for dinner, Even after Sadie and Kwest had gone to bed and baby Sam was down, he and Jude stayed up—talking, cleaning the kitchen, watching movies, or going over music. While Waking Blind's record was now done, there were still other artists that needed producing. Dairus had decided to give Tom two up-and-comers, wanting them to be produced by one of the best.

In the midst of his musings, the door opened, and Tom was a bit surprised to see Chuck on the side. More, he was disappointed that it wouldn't only be the four of them. He had truly been enjoying the one-on-one time with Jude the past week, and he didn't like sharing her with Chuck, especially when he viewed the band member as one of the reasons his relationship with Jude wasn't more romantic in nature.

Only nodding his head in greeting, Tommy walked past Chuck and straight into the kitchen. Since he had been helping out so much over the past few days, the house was familiar to him. Placing the two loafs of bread on the counter, he first went over to Sadie and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek, then shaking hands with his best friend. "Hey, man. Thanks for having me over tonight."

"Of course, T. Besides, who were we to deny the girl of the evening?"

"What?" He hoped that Kwest was saying Jude wanted him there, but wanted confirmation before silently rejoicing.

"Jude said that the only people she really wanted here tonight were you and Chuck. We were going to have more of a party, but she wanted something simple."

"Oh..." Though he tried, Tommy couldn't stop a small smile from breaking out. Wanting to direct conversation away from topics that caused him to blush and get his hopes up, he was about to ask Kwest about when he would be returning to work, but was interrupted by Jude entering the kitchen.

Sam in her arms, Tommy didn't think he had ever seen anything so beautiful. It was like the first night in the hospital when Sam was born. Though Jude hadn't seen him, Tommy had walked in on her holding the baby and whispering to him. She seemed to glow with love and adoration for her nephew, obviously thrilled with the new addition to their lives.

When her eyes landed on him, she smiled, immediately changing her course so as to greet him. Reaching up, she kissed him on the cheek, exclaiming, "I'm so glad you're here!" Her eyes landed on the bag of bread that he had brought, and her smile got even wider. "Oh! You brought the bread from that little French baker that I love! That will be perfect for tonight."

"I thought you would like that." Continuing to smile at his girl, Tommy reached for Sam, wanting to hold the precious baby. Who would have thought that this little boy would turn him into a sentimental and sappy kind of guy? After greeting the child, Tom turned to Jude, asking "Do you need any help? What can I do?"

Raising her eyebrows, Jude questioned, "Are you sure? You look pretty content holding Sam."

The smile she gave him was sincere and sweet, and Tommy was again reminded of how amazing she was. Wanting to stay close to her, he told her, "I can hold him later." Handing the child off to Sadie, Tommy washed his hands. "Now, what can I do?"

"If you're sure...start making a salad? Everything should be in the fridge, we just need to cut some tomatoes and avocado. There should be some Parmesan in that container and some dressing in the door." She pointed out the different ingredients as she listed them off, turning back to the stove where she was stirring a risotto.

A few weeks ago, Tommy would have been surprised to see Jude tackling a dinner like this, but now, it seemed normal. She had been practicing her cooking skills and was constantly receiving tips and pointers from Chuck, enabling her to have a few dishes under her belt.

Despite the fact that this was supposed to be a dinner thanking and celebrating her, Jude was doing a majority of the work, and it almost was as though she was hosting the dinner. As much as he tried to fight it, Tommy could imagine the two of them hosting her sister and family for dinners. He could see the two of them, kids running around, living together as a family.

At that image, it was like being hit with a two-by-four, and Tommy couldn't breathe for a moment. He couldn't imagine wanting anything more than he did a future with her.

But, regardless of how close they were after only a week of being friends again, Tommy knew that she wasn't ready for a romantic relationship with him. She still didn't fully trust him, something he was trying to change every moment he spent with her. But, no matter how much he was trying to "win her back", Tommy also knew that Chuck was working his way into her life. He could see how much the other man wanted her, and it brought a pain to his chest just thinking about it.

As he was thinking of the other man, Chuck appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. "Sorry about that, Darius was just giving me some more details about the tour."

"No worries," Jude spoke up. "Did he finally get the bus details worked out?"

"Yeah, thankfully." Looking over to Kwest, Chuck told him, "Darius agreed to give you your own bus."

Looking somewhat confused, Kwest asked, "Why? I don't need a whole bus to myself...that's a total waste."

"It would be if you were going to be by yourself on the bus, but since Darius also agreed to let Sadie and Sam go with you…Darius likes to pretend he's harsh, but when it comes to babies, he's a softie." Jude looked at her sister and explained further, "When you went into labor, I called Darius and asked him to let you and Sam join the tour. It wouldn't be fair to separate you guys after only a couple of weeks! He said he would think about it, but after sending him some pictures of my sweet nephew, he agreed. The only other thing we had to work out was the transportation. But obviously, D was able to get another bus and you guys are set."

With her son still in her arms, Sadie attempted to jump out of her seat, grabbing Jude in a tight embrace. "Thank you, Sis. I didn't know what we were going to do with Kwest gone!"

"No problem, Sades!" Separating herself from her sister, Jude looked around the room. Eyes landing on Tommy, she raised her eyebrows in question.

Intuitively, he knew she was wondering if the salad was done. Tom gave her a thumbs up before putting the salad on the table. He thought about what the next month or so would hold. Chuck would be gone with Waking Blind on their tour. Kwest, Sadie, and Sam would be gone as well, hopefully leaving time for him and Jude to spend together.

"Now, since I think everything is ready, let's eat!"

With that, the group migrated towards the table. Dinner was filled with conversation, and Tommy was surprised how well he was able to be civil with Chuck. Granted, he ignored the other man most of the time, but every once in a while they did speak. Tommy didn't roll his eyes once, something he was quite proud of.

As there was a lull in conversation, Jude stood to clear the table. Again, Tommy was surprised that she was doing so much of the work when this dinner was supposed to be for her. Standing, he told her to sit down, not allowing any room for disagreement. He began to gather plates and took them into the kitchen. A moment later he was joined by Chuck who, apparently had the same idea as him.

The pair worked in an awkward silence, Tommy washing the dishes, Chuck loading them in the dishwasher. Things were cleaned up quickly, both not wanting to spend any more time than necessary with the other. Ever the baker, Chuck got to work getting dessert ready. Seizing the opportunity to spend some time with Jude away from Chuck, Tom headed into the living room.

As he sat next to her, Jude looked up at him. "Thanks for taking care of the dishes...I really appreciate it."

He couldn't help but notice how tired she looked as he told her it was no problem. Her eyes closed for a moment, and she leaned into him. Tommy wasn't sure if she realized what she was doing, but he embraced the moment nonetheless.

Eventually Chuck joined them, bringing dessert with him. Despite his personal feelings towards the man, Tommy had to admit that he was talented in the kitchen. Another hour passed quickly, surprising Tom that it was already past ten. Looking next to him, he smiled at Jude, realizing that she was asleep. Her head hadn't left his shoulder, letting him enjoy their close proximity.

Before he realized what was happening, Chuck had walked over to her side of the couch and began stroking her arm to wake her up. "Jude, let's get you home."

As she began to awaken, Jude sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?"

Tom opened his mouth to answer, but Chuck spoke first, telling her, "It's past ten. Why don't I drive you home?"

Still groggy and not completely aware of her surroundings, Jude only nodded her head and allowed Chuck to pull her up. Not a minute later, the pair were out the door, Jude being shuffled into Chuck's car.

Tommy watched her go out the door, then transferred his gaze to the window, watching her being helped into the car. Even after the pair drove off, he was left staring at the spot Chuck's car had been. Startled out of his reverie by the cushion next to him sinking slightly, Tommy turned to see who joined him on the couch.

Not completely surprised to see his best friend, Tom turned to face Kwest more directly. "I can leave if you need to get some sleep…" He began to stand, but was stopped with a hand across his chest.

"Dude, sit down. Jude checked on Sam right after dinner and Sadie went upstairs as soon as Jude and Chuck left." Removing his hand from Tommy, he told him, "Let's have a chat."

Resigned to knowing this talk would happen sooner or later, Tommy nodded his head. Kwest stood and went into the kitchen, Tommy following a minute later, realizing that was his friend's intent. Seated at the barstools with fresh cups of coffee in front of them, the two friends held a companionable silence for a few moments. Eventually, Kwest looked up and asked, "How are you…like really?"

"Fine, man." No, he wasn't fine. But at this point there wasn't anything Kwest could do to make it better.

With raised eyebrows, Kwest looked at him and simply waited. Rolling his eyes, Tommy took a deep sigh, continuing again. "So, I'm not fine. But, it's my own fault, and there isn't really anything you can do about it."

"Humor me, T. Things with Jude seem to be back on track, right?"

"Yeah." Shrugging his shoulders, Tommy explained, "Jude apologized to me right before Sam was born. We were sitting in the waiting room, and she apologized. She told me that she was being immature and unreasonable about the whole Anna debacle. We're back to being friends."

"Just like that?" Kwest questioned, doubt obvious in his voice.

"Kind of…" As he thought of the past week, Tommy knew that there would always be something more to his relationship with Jude. "I told her that Anna was a mistake and that I was sorry for making her doubt that I care for her."

"You care for her?"

"I know, I know. I almost told her I love her, but she wouldn't let me."

"Of course she wouldn't." Obvious confusion covered Tom's face, inciting Kwest to offer more of an explanation. "T, I remember that night. Jude was finally ready to admit that she still had feelings for you and that she wanted to try something. After all of your talk about her being it for you and wanting to prove that you cared, she sees you kissing another girl…"

Tommy interrupted Kwest, crying in frustration, "I know I messed up!"

Kwest shook his head. "That's not even close to what I'm saying, man." Seemingly in an effort to make Tom listen, Kwest put a hand on the forearm that was gripping the coffee cup. "Tom, the fact that she initiated being friends again means she doesn't want to completely lose you from her life. And just look at this week…" He paused again, making sure Tommy was listening to him. "You guys have been together a ton this week and have fallen back into the natural Tommy and Jude dynamic."

"But I can tell she's still reserved…not completely letting me in."

"Of course not…she doesn't want to get her heart broken again."

"But I won't! I love her!" Tommy was tired of saying it, not because it wasn't true, but because he wanted everyone to believe him.

"I know you do. But just because you love her doesn't mean you can promise to never hut her."

Kwest's wisdom made sense to Tom. He never wanted to hurt Jude, but sometimes life got in the way of that. "I know that's true, but you have to know that I have never wanted to hurt her or make her cry. I do love her…"

"I know you do, Tom." His mouth was open as if to say something more, but there was a hesitation.

"What is it?"

"I don't say this to get your hopes up unnecessarily, but I think there is still a part of Jude that loves you too. Right now she's confused, but she obviously still cares. Show her that you're here no matter what, you aren't going to run."

"I'm not. Honestly, Kwest, I don't think I could. I need to be close to her, even if we are only friends. I want her to be happy, and if that means she isn't with me, then so be it." Tommy was being completely honest with Kwest. More than anything, he would love to be the one making her happy, but as long as she was happy, that was all that mattered. Wanting to move on from his depressing lack of a love life, Tom asked Kwest, "How is the adjustment with having Sam home?"

"Amazing!"

The proud new father literally beamed at the mention of his son, and Tommy instinctively knew that Kwest was going to be an incredible father. "Was it nice having an extra set of hands with Jude around?"

"She was a godsend. Seriously, I don't know what Sadie and I would have done without her!"

Tommy nodded his head in agreement. He had seen how natural she was with the baby and wasn't surprised at how much of a help she was to the new parents. "It seemed like she was a natural. Can you imagine how perfect she'll be when she has her own kids?"

"Yeah. I was kind of surprised, to be honest. But now, I'm a little surprised she doesn't have a kid already…or at least a dog."

"I totally know what you mean! She looked so perfect taking care of Sam…so completely beautiful."

"When is she not beautiful to you?"

The question caused Tom to blush, a pink hue covering his cheeks. He always thought Jude was beautiful—as a sixteen year-old punk rocker or her more mature self holding baby Sam. "I guess that's true, huh?"

"Yeah, always has been."

"You might be right," Tommy admitted. Realizing that it was past eleven, he stood and placed his mug in the sink. "Thanks for the chat, man."

"Anytime, Tom." Kwest shook his hand after they had walked to the door. "See you soon?"

"You bet. Call if you need anything."

"Will do."

With that, Tommy ran to his Viper, the coldness of the air surprising him. Getting in the car, he raced home, wanting to rest after a long week. As much as he had loved helping out Kwest and Sadie the past week, Tommy was ready to relax. He had loved spending time with Jude, loved watching her interact with Sam. At times, he allowed himself the brief fantasy that it was all real—him and Jude raising their son. But he had to return to reality sometime, accepting that Jude wasn't with him and Sam wasn't their son.

After arriving home, Tommy changed quickly and threw himself on the bed. He was tired, but couldn't seem to shake his and Kwest's earlier conversation. Kwest thought a part of Jude still loved him. Even if that wasn't the case, she cared enough to want to be friends with him.

For now, that would have to be enough. He hated that he couldn't do anything to change Jude's mind, and he hated that he wasn't the one bringing her home and taking care of her. Despite how hopeful he was for rest, Tom's mind continued to be plagued with thoughts of Jude. Knowing that sleep would not come, he reluctantly got up and wondered through his apartment. He grabbed a glass of water, taking small sips while looking across the city just beyond his balcony.

Allowing his thoughts to take their own direction, Tom continued to stare at the expanse of Toronto. He didn't know how long he stood there, but eventually, the thoughts began to come together. Unintentionally, lyrics were being formed, and a melody paired with the words.

In order not to forget, Tommy went straight to his office/studio and began writing the words, noting different chords that would complement the melody. Before he knew it, hours had passed, and three songs had been started. Feeling energized and refreshed, Tom looked over his work and smiled. Not surprisingly, each of the songs was influenced and inspired by his girl. They were good. But, with a little more work, they could be great.

Wanting to continue working, Tommy realized that he would be better off fine-tuning the songs away from here, away from her presence. He needed to take a step back from friends and work, get away from the normal routine that made up his days. Picking up the phone, he was about to dial Darius and ask for a few more days off before acknowledging that it was four o'clock in the morning and his boss would not be happy with a wake-up call.

Putting down the phone, Tommy instead went into his bedroom and began to pack a bag. An hour later, everything he needed was set by the door, and Tommy opened his computer to begin searching for the perfect retreat. Wanting something out of the way, it was important that it wasn't too far away; regardless, he was coming up empty. After an hour of exploring different hotels, cabins, spas, and resorts, Tom was slightly discouraged. Racking his brain for any last creative ideas, Tommy looked around his office, eyes landing on a picture of Jude and him at her family's farmhouse just before he left Toronto.

In a moment of pure genius, he knew that the farmhouse would be a perfect place to get away and write. He knew that it was one of Jude's favorite places to create music—bringing out honest and unique lyrics that had been amazing hits.

Knowing that she had an eight o'clock meeting scheduled with Darius that morning, Jude would be up soon and Tommy could ask for a key shortly. Darius, on the other hand, would already be up at this in-humane hour of six o'clock, so Tommy dialed him instead. With permission granted from his boss, Tom loaded his car and made a stop at Jude's favorite coffee shop. Rather than call, he decided to swing by her place, drop off coffee, pick up a key, and say goodbye.

Not a half an hour later he was standing in front of her door, saying goodbye, key in hand. He told Jude that he needed to get away for a few days, and she was glad to let him use the farmhouse, knowing firsthand how perfect it was as a retreat. Soon, Tommy was off, trying not to dwell on how perfect Jude had felt in his arms as she hugged him goodbye.

Only a few hours later, Tom arrived, automatically feeling more relaxed. It was amazing that he was feeling so refreshed after not getting any sleep last night. After unloading his things and the groceries he bought, Tommy was ready to get to work on more music. On the way to the farmhouse, he decided that this album would be a present for Jude—he would give it to her for her twentieth birthday in a few months. Sitting at the table, he brainstormed all of the things he wanted to tell her, the things he wanted to confess.

Visions of a future and declarations of love fill the pages of his notebook, and before he knew it the clock read midnight. Heading upstairs, Tommy went into Jude's room, wanting to be surrounded by her. They may only be friends right now, but Tommy had confidence that one day, they would be together.