Tris

He really does look like crap. It sends a guilty feeling through my body. I just wish I could back the clocks to the night I died, I wish we could have at least gotten a proper goodbye. I know it doesn't matter now but that's what he deserved.

It's going to be different this time. I am not going to let anything hurt him because I love him. He mends me, now I'm going to mend him.

"I'm so sorry, Tris." He looks at me with sorrow. I don't want sorrow. I want his eyes to gleam with happiness.

"Hey," I place a reassuring hand on his toned arm, feeling his skin on mine gives me strength, "Tobias it is not your fault," my voice shifts to be firm so it gets through his brain, "It's mine. I should have fought harder to come back. I was the one who wasn't strong enough to handle that. Please, please, please don't blame yourself," I'm pleading now, "You don't deserve that."

I know he heard me and for a time I get lost in his mesmerizing gaze until he tucked a stray hair behind my ear. His eyes begin to glisten while he lets out a choking sob. I see a tear fall down his face, down his jaw, and onto his jeans.

Seeing him like this kills me. Trying to be strong right now fails, I lose it and throw myself onto him. My arms wrapping around his neck. He lets himself melt into me yet as he hugs me a sense of caution still linger around him.

Tears stream down my face and land on his shirt. I notice it is a little damp with tears that I'm guessing have been there for a while, but I decide not to mention it. There is a lot of emotions going around Chicago now. I dig my face into the crease of his neck and catch a glimpse of his back tattoo.

I feel hot tears land on my paper-thin gown but I don't care, I'm just glad he can be this open with me. I wish we could stay like this forever, protected and calm in each other's embrace. I hope he feels the same.

I swallow my tears and pull back. I rest my hands on his shoulders to stabilize me. I instantly want to be wrapped in his arms again, he's like a magnet. I try to muster a smile but my bottom lips continue to tremble.

"I'm going to tell you everything now. You're not gonna like it but I have to tell you, okay?" he just nods. I press my body into a crossed leg position while he sits at the edge of the bed, gripping my hand.

I bite my lip to stop the trembling, reluctant to tell my story. "Well remember, the time we did it." He cracks a small smile and nods. "yeah so- um. When I woke up after David shot me and after my mom explained everything began to get sick. We thought it was just a side effect of the serums and the wounds so we thought nothing of it. But I started getting more hungry and then I missed my period. I was pregnant Tobias. I was so happy when I found out. I had a little piece of you with me. I started to beg the Bureau to come back and they reluctantly agreed. I was 12 weeks and started to show. But on the morning, we were supposed to come I woke up covered in blood. I screamed for my mom but I was too late. My baby died. O-our b-baby." I break down into massive sobs with tears staining my gown. My breaths come quicker and his grip on mine let's go. My hands begin to twitch when I notice him silently wiping tears from his eyes. I cower away from the pain and put my head in my hands. My body shakes and I can't stop it. No matter how hard I want to comfort him I just can't. my face is a sea of tears and it's difficult to breathe. I feel bile rise in my throat but I swallow it. I rub my eyes and trying to compose myself again but be pulls me into a hug. I feel so small in his arms.

My heart races against his chest, he pulls my hair from my face, cupping my face in his hands. "hey, hey. Look at me." I refuse to look at him, knowing I will find a tear soaked Tobias. "Tris please, just look at me." I try not to look at him, I really do but I'm not strong enough. My eyes meet his. "You're okay. We are okay. Please don't feel alone. I'm always her. I will always be there for you."

Even more, tears glide silently out of his eyes as water glides across the ocean. I need to be strong. I can't cower from this pain. It will only make it worse for him and me.

I take an audible gulp and lift my head out of his hands. "I need to tell you the rest."

"More? How can there be more?"

"It's about the times I blank out." I force the words out between soft sobs. All the words eventually spill like water from a glass. "It's like I'm having a nightmare. I see things I Hope I'll never have to see. The time at the late I saw all our friends, all the ones I love, in the Dauntless cafeteria. Everything was great, no one was dead. Not even Al. I looked up from my-my food and everyone w-was slowly bleeding t-to d-eath. Everyone except Peter, Jeanine, and Eric. I was covered in blood as they were screaming at me telling me how it was an m-my fault. Y-you were there i-it was horrible." The last parts are barely comprehensible as I fall into his open arms.

"You're not in a nightmare anymore Tris. You're safe in my arms. If they ever come back I'll fight them off with my bare hands."