XXX
Story: [A Pathetic Elf]
Summary: Chamo's new master isn't as good with flirting, but she's cute enough to not need it. Not that he's gonna tell her that. His master clearly needs to get laid.
Crossover: (Zero no Tsukaima) / (Mahou Sensei Negima)
Genre: Humor, Friendship, Romance
XXX
Louise coughed as the smoke slowly began to thin out. At least something had happened this time. Even if it was another one of those damn explosions. So... was it possible that she'd managed to summon something this time? She couldn't possibly have failed to do even this much magic, could she?
Finally the smoke cleared completely, revealing a small shape in the grass. It looked about the same size as Montmorency's toad, only-... An ermine? She'd summoned an ermine? What the hell kind of element was that supposed to represent?
Half the point of summoning a familiar was to have solid proof in case a student's element proved difficult to accurately predict. So what was an ermine supposed to be? Earth? They were supposed to burrow, right? Or was that weasels? Or was she mixing them up with something else entirely? They certainly weren't Fire, or Water. She was pretty sure that it was otters who represented Water. But they couldn't fly either, so Air was right out as well.
She was an Earth mage? The hell? Then why couldn't she get any of the Earth spells to work? In fact, if she'd had to guess before this moment, she would've classified her element as Fire purely on behalf of her proficiency towards explosions, fire-less though they tended to be.
"Oi, what's the big idea?!" A small voice came from the ermine as it shook itself. "I haven't even stolen anything this time!" There was a pause, before the voice amended in a quiet mutter. "That you know of."
Louise stared at what was apparently a talking ermine. And familiars weren't supposed to be able to talk, were they? How badly had she screwed up this time?
The ermine glanced around, and finally glanced down to what it was sitting on. Some kind of fabric. "These? Uhh... they were given to me! Freshly donated from a volunteer!" The ermine nodded hurriedly, making it blatantly obvious that the ermine was making up this excuse as it went along, though what exactly it was trying to excuse, Louise didn't have a clue about. "These are for my little sister, you know! She's very ill, and needs this stuff to be able to keep warm at night!"
Louise frowned, a dawning suspicion niggling at the back of her mind as she considered the silky-looking piece of cloth.
The ermine said something more, elaborating on just how ill and sickly and in dire need his little sister was, and how he as the responsible brother that he was needed to help provide for her. Louise wasn't really paying attention. She finally figured out what exactly the ermine was sitting on top of as it continued to yammer on about its blatant lies.
Somehow, in the middle of her anxiousness before the summoning, and the stunned confusion of the resulted creature being summoned, Louise had started to feel oddly numb. And now there was just a tiny little drop of displeasure to go along with that numbness, because apparently she'd summoned a panty thief.
"Fireball." She intoned blankly, mostly knowing that it'd misfire horribly, but honestly not capable of bringing herself to care overly much about making a good impression on her summoned familiar.
She refused to bind a creature to her will, if said creature's thieving ways could then legally be placed on her own shoulders. Or, at the very least, she refused to allow for such an escape of the law to happen without first assuring herself that her familiar would know not to do such things in the future.
"Gah!" The ermine leapt out of the way, bouncing impossibly across the courtyard as Louise continued to train her wand on its blurring form. "That's why I told you! They're for my little sister!"
"You don't have a little sister." Louise declared with absolute conviction.
"Tch!" The ermine landed some way away from her, standing on its hind-legs, and pulling out a strange burning stick that it placed in its mouth. "You're a clever one, aren't you, Anego?" The ermine glanced around the courtyard that was now covered in small craters. "And scarily violent, too. You wouldn't happen to be related to McDowell, by any chance? You kind of look alike."
The burning stick smelled a bit like tobacco, which was weird, but probably not quite as weird as a talking ermine who stole panties and then spun ridiculous stories as a way to excuse itself.
"Ah. But I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot, Anego." The ermine took a deep drag on the tobacco-stick. "The name is Albert Chamomile. Former familiar of Negi Springfield of the Ala Alba, and current freelance advisor and renown author." The ermine made a vague approximation of a sweeping bow. "I can't promise any dates with Aniki, because he's a very busy man, but if you've got a good cause, I can certainly put in a good word for you!"
Louise tilted her head, still feeling oddly numb. Was this how Tabitha felt all the time? Was that why she was always so admirably calm in the face of adversity? Though Louise could admit that she hadn't ever actually seen the quiet girl struggle, so perhaps she was simply always calm because she was always calm?
"What is 'Ala Alba'?" She asked, deciding not to mention the name of some irrelevant no-name noble, even if she had apparently summoned a familiar that had already been discarded by a mage.
The ermine stared at her for a long moment, then the tobacco-stick finally fell out of its mouth and landed silently on the ground. "You-..." The ermine shook its head, eyes wide. "Have you ever heard of Mundus Magicus, Anego?"
"No. Are they related?" Louise was wondering if perhaps the ermine might've been summoned from a very long distance away. She'd certainly never heard of any talking animals before, and it seemed surprised to hear that she hadn't heard of the Ala Alba, whatever that was.
The ermine collapsed, sitting down in the grass in a bizarrely humanoid fashion, clearly thinking hard. "What about the Life-Maker? The Mage of the Beginning?"
"Are you talking about the Founder Brimir?" Louise guessed, seeing as he was likely the most famous mage there'd ever been.
The ermine just stared at her for a long moment, before sighing. "Well, that's a bust." It shook its head in a kind of despairing daze. "No Mundus Magicus, no Ala Alba, no Aniki, no-..." It stopped. "No world-ending crises? No crazy world-rewriting fanatics? No scary vampires? No having to deal with bullshit-tier mages who can squash me like a bug?"
Louise stared at the ermine as it started to shudder oddly.
"AHAHAHA!" It leapt to its feet. "We're back in business, baby!"
Louise had a sudden sinking feeling.
XXX
Siesta really hadn't expected her day to turn out the way it had when she'd woken up that morning.
Of course everyone had heard of the young Ms Valliere's abysmal attempts at magic. But apparently the girl had managed to summon a familiar. A talking familiar who claimed to have been the former familiar of a great mage from a far-away land.
Siesta wasn't quite sure how the ermine had managed to convince Ms Valliere to partake in the ritual it confessed to remembering. Likely, the ermine had won the argument by presenting it like an experiment to prove beyond doubt that Ms Valliere could indeed perform magic.
Unfortunately for Ms Valliere, the ritual required two individuals to perform, and she didn't exactly have anyone to turn to amongst her peers. So she'd been desperate enough that she'd resorted to seeking out the school's staff. That is, the commoners, not the professors.
Siesta didn't actually want to get involved though, no matter how the ermine claimed that she'd receive some kind of magical artifact for her participation alone. She'd seen enough of nobles to know better than to volunteer. And since the ritual was dependent on mutual consent and an equal partnership of sorts, participation was very much down to Siesta's personal choice.
Ms Valliere hadn't seemed very eager to search out another commoner however, and had resorted to negotiation after being prompted by the talking ermine.
But Siesta knew better than to trust a noble on their word, when the noble's word would be all that would matter before the law. No, if she was really to participate in a magical ritual, receive a magical artifact, and then partake in an equal partnership between herself and a noble... If she were really to do that, then Siesta wanted a written contract.
The ermine seemed to approve though, cheering her on by mentioning how two others had struggled with the ritual because of their differences in rank. The familiar had continued by admitting that the rank-gap wasn't as large in that country as it seemed to be in this one, and that a written contract to make sure what bounds they were and weren't allowed to overstep with each other, was perfectly reasonable.
After all, equal partnership is difficult to achieve when one of the individuals involved in it can force the other to comply by phrasing it like an order.
The contract wasn't overly complex. It said that the two individuals involved in the ritual would be equal partners in all things that could be traced back to the ritual. No harm would befall either parties involved in the ritual during or as an immediate result of the ritual. Siesta would receive a magical artifact and be allowed to keep it no matter what it was. If their partnership proved them incompatible in personality long-term, there would be no repercussions to their separation, and Siesta would still be allowed to keep her magical artifact. And Siesta committed herself to the duties associated with the ritual, for as long as it didn't interfere with her duties as an employee.
The wording of the last stipulation basically meant that, should Siesta ever be fired or otherwise contractually removed from within the vicinity within which she could attend to her ritual-appointed duties, Ms Valliere would be the one providing her with a salary until a satisfactory resolution could be achieved.
Which Siesta was guessing might very well lead to her getting paid vacation-days during the summer-break, which would be neat. It was always nice to one-up a noble at the negotiation-table.
Nodding her agreement at the thorough and official-sounding contract, Siesta signed it.
Not long after that, Siesta felt a shudder ran down her spine, as the talking ermine had somehow managed to create a complex-looking magical circle in a matter of moments with a single piece of chalk underneath both of their feet.
"Now kiss!" The ermine ordered with enthusiastic cheer.
Ms Valliere spluttered. "What?!"
Siesta's ominous feeling was replaced by one of imminent doom as she stared at the familiar with wide eyes.
"It's a Pactio. It's sealed with a kiss." The ermine explained. "And none of that cheek-kissing stuff either! It'll make the ritual fail! Aniki had two Ministra who tried that, and it didn't work at all!"
Feeling her ears start to burn along with her face, Siesta and Ms Valliere stared at each other for a long moment. Before the noble's shoulders finally slumped.
"Alright. If that's what the ritual is." Ms Valliere took a deep breath. "It's a ritual, so it doesn't count. Understood, mai- Siesta?"
Still blushing, Siesta nodded and leaned down within reach of the shorter girl. It was a ritual, and so it didn't count. And no matter what happened, she had received a copy of the contract that both herself and Ms Valliere had signed.
Her lips were soft. Like-... really soft.
And she leaned into it, sort of hesitatingly, but very gently.
A bright light, and the loud cheer of the ermine, and then they both immediately pulled away.
Ms Valliere was blushing too, her lips pouting a bit, as if she hadn't quite wanted to stop kissing her. But Siesta probably shouldn't be reading anything in to that, because it was probably just her imagination.
It'd felt nice. She wouldn't really have minded doing that a few more times, just in case Ms Valliere failed the first dozen or so. But that was massively inappropriate thought, and Siesta hurriedly discarded it.
They'd succeeded on their first attempt, and there was a large card with a perfect image of herself on it. There was also some text-like scribbles on it, but whatever language it was in was one she didn't even know the alphabet of. And she was dressed in strange armor-like clothing and holding a spear-thing.
Siesta thought it looked pretty impressive, but that didn't make it any less of a bizarre image to her eyes. And what kind of spear was that supposed to be anyway?
"A card?" Siesta voice her hesitation, before wincing at having spoken in front of a noble, even if this one was supposed to be contractually obliged to 'treat her like an equal'.
The ermine laughed smugly, clearly not bothered by her tone. "It is proof of your pactio. Say 'Adeat', and the artifact will appear."
Frowning warily, Siesta nonetheless followed the ermine's instructions, and was promptly enveloped in a bright light. A light that, once faded, left her wearing armor, and wielding the same spear-thing from the picture on the card.
"Ohoho? A samurai maid." The ermine somehow managed to grin at her, despite how it shouldn't have the facial expressions necessary for that. "Ojou-chan would be jealous." It paused, seeming to think through that for a moment, before shaking its head. "Then again, who can say with that girl?"
Ms Valliere gave her familiar a dubious look. "This... 'Ojochan', was she one of your former master's Ministra?"
"Oh yes." The ermine nodded happily. "One of the first. But I was mostly thinking about her Ministra." It snickered. "That girl had a thing for samurai." It paused, looking pained. "Or maybe it was just that she had a thing for a samurai. I swear that girl got confusing, even to someone like me."
"Someone like you?" Siesta turned back towards the ermine from shifting the spear-thing's weight around to get a feel for it.
"Ah, I'm no mere ermine, little ladies." The familiar puffed up its chest. "I'm a Cait Sith! The most noble of creatures!"
Ms Valliere paused, looking thoughtful for a long moment, before her face rapidly began to lose color. "Y-You're fae?"
The ermine blinked, a bit confused. "Well, yes. How did you think I was able to talk?"
Siesta mostly wasn't listening though, because she'd kind of frozen stiff at hearing that admittance.
"Umm... I think we've missed a point somewhere?" The ermine glanced between them, still looking confused. "I mean, it's not like I'm big-time fae or anything. I'm still just an ermine. Kind of. I don't even really get involved with wood-spirits and the like." It paused, frowning thoughtfully. "Well, I guess I've seen plenty of weird stuff whilst traveling with Aniki, but not fae-weird."
"Familiar. Elves are the enemies of humans." Ms Valliere stared at the ermine.
The ermine blinked at her stupidly for a good long while. "Wow. That's amazingly stupid. That's nearly as crazy as Cosmo Entelecheia trying to erase the world in order to keep it from ending."
Siesta wasn't quite sure what the ermine was babbling on about, but it had just insulted the teachings of the Founder, and she could see Ms Valliere flinch at it.
"Besides, if you're talking about enemies of humanity or whatever, then wouldn't demons be the first ones on the list?" The ermine shook its head. "Not that there's anything wrong with demons, mind you. I've met plenty of decent folk who've been demons." It paused, shuddering. "Excepting of course the crazy vampire lady."
A fae-ermine which associated with demons, fae, and vampires? And they'd agreed to follow through on a magical ritual that it had suggested to them? What heresy were they going to be convicted of?
The ermine scratched its head. "I'm really not getting this at all. Aniki was human, most of his Ministra were human. A few of them were half-demon or something like it, one was a ghost, one was a robot-..." It paused, frowning curiously at them. "Do you even know what a robot is, in this place?"
It was probably something ridiculously heretical, just like everything else spilling out of the fae-ermine's mouth.
"It's kind of mechanical automaton. A doll that can move around on its own." The ermine explained, apparently classifying it as an alviss of some sort. "Anyway... I don't think you guys are even listening to me anymore, are you?"
An elf was an elf, even if it was an ermine, right? But did that mean that it could wipe out human armies on its own, or did it just mean that it could wipe out ermine armies on its own – if those could even be imagined to exist? The former meant that they didn't stand a chance, but the latter might let them take it down before it annihilated the whole school. Maybe.
"Oh come on! It's not like I've ever met an elf whose ass Aniki couldn't hand to them on a silver platter!" The ermine scoffed. "Not to mention what the other crazies of Ala Alba and Ala Rubra might do!"
So the fae-ermine's former master was some unstoppably powerful mage who could wade through elves like elves waded through humans? That was horrifying.
The ermine stared at them for another long moment, before slumping. "Well, you can't say that I didn't try to be honest. So, if that's not going to work-..." The ermine grinned with feral glee. "Bring me all of your panties, and I might not strike you down where you stand, silly little humans!"
"Fireball." Ms Valliere deadpanned, before the out-of-the-way room exploded.
"Gakh! You're as violent as Asuna-neechan!" The ermine complained as it hacked up smoke. "I was just asking for a tithe for my loyal services!"
Ms Valliere stared at her familiar for a long moment, before sighing. "A fae that is an ermine before it is a fae. I see now. I managed to screw up even the summoning spell, didn't I? A useless fae, for a useless mage."
"Oi! I'll have you know I'm from a long line of ultra-impressive-!" The ermine started, only to make an 'eep'-noise and shut its mouth when Ms Valliere leveled her wand at it again.
Ms Valliere turned to Siesta, her lips pressed thin. "I-...I can't order you to keep quiet of this, Siesta. But from what I've seen so far, he's far too lousy a liar to actually be hiding anything impressive underneath that white fur of his."
Siesta blinked, and realized that she was being given a choice.
She could alert the school that Ms Valliere had summoned a fae-ermine, and that it knew magic. Or she could keep her mouth shut, and continue to pretend as if it was merely an ermine capable of speech, and with a memory of the rituals of its former master.
Ms Valliere stared at her for a long moment, face carefully clear of expression, before it softened, her eyes turning warmly grateful in a way that made Siesta's chest feel a bit tingly.
"Very well." Ms Valliere turned back to her familiar. "You shall speak to nobody of your species, familiar. On pain of execution by the Church."
The ermine stared at her with calculating eyes, and then nodded. "It's not like I ever cared all that much about it."
And so the three of them went their separate ways, and Siesta slowly found herself distracted from her worries over Ms Valliere's familiar, by the memory of something soft and warm pressed to her lips.
Though, she wasn't quite sure why everyone in the kitchens kept asking her about a boy that day. She hadn't met a boy? And she wasn't all-but-skipping as she walked, was she? No, that was just ridiculous, she was walking just like she normally did. Who even came up with these things?
XXX
Louise was eternally grateful that, out of everyone she might've ended up asking, she'd asked Siesta.
Not only because she hadn't immediately rushed off to inform the headmaster of Chamo being a fae – which could've easily landed all of them in very hot water with the Church. Honestly, it was more that Siesta was pleasant enough to spend time with, and was always curious about the idea of training with magic.
A Ministra could make use of the magic of their Magister, augmenting their physical abilities far beyond what should be humanly possible. And whilst Louise was highly suspicious of Chamo's tales of people punching their way through mountains, seeing Siesta crushing boulders after only a few days of practice was enough to make them both hesitant to dismiss the stories outright.
It was a bit weird, treating a commoner as an equal. But it was what it meant to be a Ministra and a Magister, and it was a condition that they had both agreed on, so to do anything less than that would've been a slight on Louise's honor.
That didn't mean it didn't get awkward, or that Louise was entirely sure what the hell kind of etiquette she ought to be following whilst in the girl's presence. She couldn't treat her like a noble, because that'd be... 'insulting to other nobles' was probably the easiest way to sum up that problem. But Louise couldn't exactly act like a commoner either, in no small part because she honestly didn't have a clue how those were supposed to act.
It was makeshift and awkward, but Louise had sworn that – in all things outside of Siesta's duties as an employee at the Academy – she would treat Siesta like an equal.
Even if that meant that she only realized, after having already allowed Siesta to enter her room, that she couldn't exactly ask the girl to dress her – which would've been perfectly appropriate for their relationship before their pactio. Meaning that Siesta ended up standing awkwardly to the side as Louise pulled on her clothes whilst desperately trying not to look like she was hopelessly embarrassed about being seen undressed.
It didn't really help matters that Siesta still decided to adjust her collar afterwards, having apparently noticed it being crooked.
So, their relationship was awkward, and more than a bit uncomfortable at times, but Louise was still hopelessly relieved that it'd been Siesta rather than anyone else whom she'd formed a pactio with.
The girl was patient, understanding, funny, sneaky, kind, cheerful, hard-working, and always happy to distribute hugs.
Louise felt that her existence at the Academy before her pactio with Siesta had been woefully lacking in hugs. In fact, a large portion of her life outside of her interaction with her sister Cattleya had been severely lacking in hugs.
She definitely needed more hugs in her schedule. And Siesta was very good with hugging people. Her hugs were warm and soft and smelled really nice and sometimes they made Louise's stomach go all tingly.
She'd definitely managed to nab the best Ministra ever. Even if she still wasn't entirely sure what a 'samurai' was supposed to be, or why it made Chamo giggle like a maniac whenever they brought it up.
XXX
A/n: Man, this one's really old. Born mainly from the idea of "a Louise that isn't blatantly leaning on her Familiar for every little thing", and then combined with "Louise ends up popular with the girls" for shits and giggles.
Not really a "Take That", it's just that I can only read so many "summoned Familiar is overpowered beyond belief"-fics before I'll start poking at something else out of boredom.
Discontinued because-... Do you seriously expect me to write the kind of epically long adventure-romance that this would require to get everything sorted out properly? This ran out of steam pretty damn fast.