"Ali, oh you will never guess!" her dark eyes were like saucers, and her chest was heaving from having flown up the stairs at record pace. Leaning against the firmly shut door she tried to catch her breath, placing her free hand on the side of her boned bodice, her breath coming in short gasps.
Constanze had been on the receiving end of my voice lessons with the young Maestro for a few weeks now. Having decided it was best to distance myself from him completely, I withdrew from my lessons complaining of an affliction in my throat - a simple malady that would be mended with rest. A perfect excuse, I could hide under my quilts with my nose in a book until he took for Paris. Naturally, my Papa was disappointed in this loss of the fine instruction, but he was quite surprised when Constanze stepped forward to inquire about replacing me for her own benefit. "My daughters study with the most famous young Maestro in europe!" Papa would boast to anyone who would listen, he was proud that his daughters had impressed such a travelled man with their vocal talents. He was practically giddy when Wolfgang had compared me to the finest principal soloists in Vienna. Having never heard them myself, I could not be sure if such accolade was genuine, or simply silver tongued flattery. Nevertheless, Papa was beside himself with the opportunity and of course, the notoriety!
Stanzi, nearly sixteen, was a darling girl with plain features and an even less impressive aptitude for song. She had a limited range and could muster mezzo parts at best, nothing compared to the silvery tones of my high tessatura or the powerful soprano of Josepha, our eldest sister. Stanzi wasn't much of a musician either, preferring her needle work to her scales. Which I suppose is why Papa was so happy to comply with her request, a sudden change of heart - perhaps a Prima Dona could be made of her after all, or so he thought. I knew the truth of motivations and shook my head as she leapt at the chance to be tutored by Wolfgang. Her sudden interest in singing was due to her infatuation with Herr Mozart - a young girl, lured by a talented, arrogant music maker with a flirtatious tongue and wandering hands. Stanzi was prey, Wolfgang knew she was not destined for the stage - but he was more than happy to oblige her efforts through daily lessons. She was no diva, but at least she was something to look at, a muse or possibly just a feast for the eyes. Blossoming her own feminine features, she certainly made up for her lack of vocal ability in other, more visible ways. Mozart was more than complementary, teaching her breath control, diction and gently pushing her range each day. She would lay sprawled across our bed recounting every last detail, describing how he had taken her hand - or given her an encouraging look. She was nearly out of her mind with him and I think he played the part quite well.
This afternoon's lesson had fallen rather silent below my feet, suspiciously so. Having begun with scales, arpeggios and the like - I tuned out the muted voices and stopped only to notice when the sound grew thinner, then ceased all together. Rather short for a lesson, I thought to myself - then I soon heard the panicked climb of feminine feet up the stairs, stopping just outside the door before Stanzi flew in wildly...
"From the looks of it I probably will." I raised my eyebrows at her from my place on the bed, "Is this about a Mozart?" I said coolly, trying not to let the black pool of jealousy spill out, she was only a child! What could he possibly want with a plain little thing like Stanzi? Then again, the same man had no difficulty exploring my assets on more than one occasion, so why not anyone else? I fingered my silver pendant while recalling our tryst in the wooded area just down the path. He had taken full advantage of the situation, what was I to do? He only let up, likely in fear of being caught! "That is not my place to educate you" I recalled him saying as he pushed my hands away and stood up to right himself, and the heated incident in the carriage to the garden party - what of that? I scoffed at the memory and closed my book.
She jumped when she heard a series of loud footsteps barreling up the stairs, stopping familiarly just outside our door. She was being pursued. Her eyes grew wider and she stared at me like a doe about to be slain, "Ali!" she whispered lowly in a hushed panic, then came a knock on the door. "What do I do?" she mouthed silently to me, pressing the full weight of her body against the door protectively.
"Oh Stanzi move!" I huffed, swinging my legs off of the bed and plopping my bare feet onto the cold boards below. Pushing the delirious young girl out of my way, I threw open the door with my hands on my hips, daringly wearing only my night frock, my hair down and eyes blazing. Wolfgang flew back from the door, obviously having been pressed to it in attempts to listen through to the other side.
"Oh, Frauline!" he said sheepishly, beginning to blush as he registered my state of relative undress, "Excuse me…" he muttered as he backed away, just as Stanzi poked her head out from behind me. "Stanzi" he paused, stepping forward but then hesitating when he noted my disapproving glare. He looked to me and was met with a threatening scowl, he then looked to Stanzi apologetically. "Can I help you Herr Mozart?" I spat coldly.
"I….no." He bowed stiffly and turned towards his room, practically running inside and closing the door quickly behind him. I stood in the doorway to our room for a moment, watching his door - would he peak his head out? What did I care, it was done. I turned back to my sister who was staring at me with her mouth agape. "Ali! Why would you scare him away like that? And in your night dress!" she hissed, "You're practically….."
"Naked?" I crossed my arms defiantly, "Hardly Stanzi - and do you really think that Mozart fellow is so innocent that he's never seen a woman in a state of undress?" Stanzi sat on the bed with a sigh, "Do you think so?" she questioned
"Darling, I know for certain." Truthfully, I did know!
"I don't think Wolfie is like that Ali, he's so sweet and kind." she protested childishly, "And he'll take whatever he can get his talented little hands on!" I quipped, beginning to lace up a simple bodice and shimmying into a heavy skirt. "Aloysia!" she scolded, "Rude!"
After a time as I was pinning up my hair and about to walk out, leaving her to daydream alone, she asked quietly, "Are you about to go scold to him?" I snorted in response, tucking my last curl up and securing it with a small pin just above my ear.
"He doesn't deserve to speak to me child!" I said flippantly, opening the door and practically running straight into the devil himself.
"Wolfgang!" I gasped as I collided with him fully, "Please excuse me Frauline, I was about to knock." he sputtered, smoothing out his jacket, casting his eyes down fearing another confrontation. "Again? What business do you have with my sister?" I eyed him suspiciously, "I have some notes from our lesson this afternoon that I said I would write out for her. I have them now - here" he pressed the small book into my hands with an impish smile, his blue eyes begging for mercy. He backed away and stood with his hands behind his back, waiting for my response.
"Stanzi!" I called over my shoulder, "Your tutor is here to see you." I said salaciously and colour began to rise in Wolfgang's cheeks. Stanzi slinked into the hallway, keeping her back to the wall, her small hands tucked behind her as she too feared my judgemental stare.
"And when were you leaving us again, Herr Mozart?" I said casually, my toned was tinged with acid, "For Paris that is…."
"Unconfirmed Madame." He cleared his throat, "The commission has been paused due to my mother's ailing health. I cannot leave until she has made a full recovery."
"Oh? Can you only tour in the company of your Mama?" Turning to look back at Stanzi who was making serious work of studying the floor, "I had no idea an artist of your stature required chaperoning, you must give your parents quite the reason to worry - why else the watchful eye?"
His eyes flashed angrily towards me, but he knew better than to engage - he simply stood, crossing his arms, waiting for my next he knew his place as a guest in our home, fed at the generosity of my Papa. He wouldn't risk his next meal on a petty argument with a scorned soprano, however, the very fact that he was not arguing with me was a concern in itself. Was it true that he could not travel unsupervised? I did not like where he was leading my adoring young sister, she was too innocent and too juvenile to be allowed near this lecherous creature. I had made my own mistakes but it was my duty to protect her.
"Think what you wish Madame, however you must know I have only the most honest intentions and wish only to share my music with the world. My Mama is meant as a travel companion and an agent of sorts, to keep me on schedule from one engagement to the next. When one travels and performs as often as I do, it becomes an impossible to task to manage every event on one's own." He said smoothly, feeling brazen enough to take my hand, "I am certain one day soon, you too will know the rigours of a performing career mein Leibling." He pressed his lips to my knuckles, never breaking his eyes from mine. My urge to rip my hand away faded, despite my mind screaming at me to push him away and perhaps deliver a slap across his perfect little face.
Stanzi covered her grin with her hands, trying to stifle a shy giggle. She could hardly contain herself watching the dramatic slaying of the Weber dragoness right before her eyes. Leaving me fuming, he released my hands and seized the opportunity to march past me and over to poor Stanzi who practically squealed when he took her hands and patted them as he spoke, "Please read over the notes I wrote and perhaps your sister will help you with the diction before I see you next." He whispered something to her that I could not hear which caused her to blush wildly, eyeing me cautiously he backed away and bowed to us, "Damen, I shall see you this evening." He retreated to his room, closing the door behind him quietly leaving my sister and I both stunned in the hall. Looking to Stanzi I sighed, tossing the book to her - "Here. I'm going for a walk." She nodded and I glanced back at his door, still shut. "Don't even think about it Stanzi. Learn the text, that is all." She nodded compliantly and turned back to our room, I left her with her little red book - only slightly curious at these notes he had crafted especially for her. I was certain she would tell all when I returned from my walk.
Later that evening as Stanzi and I were preparing for bed, I sat brushing her hair as she struggled with the scrawl of Mozart's pen. "I hate Italian! Why would he write me something Italian if he knows it is the language I struggle with the most?" I chuckled, brushing back a thick strand of her dark curls, "He's supposed to be teaching you something you do not know Stanzi, not something you already do." She growled with frustration and tossed the book onto the floor. "I don't even understand what I'm memorizing!"
"Well, perhaps he will explain it to you in your lesson tomorrow." I offered as she crawled under the quilts with a huff. "He wanted me to learn it for tomorrow - not learn it tomorrow!" I picked up the small book which had fallen open onto its pages, creasing the blue inked scribblings. "I'll read it tonight and teach it to you tomorrow morning, not to worry Stanzi, I'm sure it's not as bad as all that." She frustratedly mashed a pillow over her face, abruptly ending our conversation. "I'll come to bed in a minute Stanzi" I soothed, stroking her bare arms, she grunted in response. Poor thing, she desperately wanted to impress Wolfgang but he cruelly faced her with an impossible task. Picking through the pages a few words caught my eye, "Libidine, gemito, seno" What on earth was this - I read the sultry text over again, to be sure of it's wording,
Come to me my sweet darling
Come to me my love
In the evening when it's dark, you shall know my lust
The only music in the night should be your gentle moansBy the time I had translated the text fully, Stanzi had begun to snore softly, I pityfully shook my head. Reading it a third time over I acknowledged that the cleverly written notation was indeed scored beautifully - a gentle largo, almost a lullaby. Written above her range though, Stanzi would never be able to sing so far from the staff without great strain - and what a text! The subject was completely inappropriate, was he hoping that she would not know the meaning of it, or worse, that she would? Anger for that little man child was growing inside me once again as I slipped out of bed quietly and wrapped a wool shawl around my shoulders, gripping the censor worthy book as I padded down the dark hallway and deciding against knocking, simply threw open his door. Jumping up from his writing in complete surprise, he nearly knocked over his ink, it threatened to spill out over the score that he had been hunched over - his desk was illuminated by a single candle, dwindling down to it's last pathetic nub. "Aloysia!" he yelped in surprise, looking about wildly, noting Stanzi's little red book clutched aggressively in my steely fingers. "Where did you get this text?" I demanded, bare feet striding right up to him so that we were practically nose to nose.
"I…" he back into his desk - bumping the tools that lay about on its top. "Well…." he stumbled over his words as I pressed the book against his chest angrily, "Where." I hissed, narrowing my eyes.
"I wrote it." he coughed, admitting quietly. I stared at him in complete shock, I suppose on some level I had expected that answer but had been hoping it was a poor choice in pedagogy rather than filth from his own mind. "For you actually…" he sat slowly down onto the stool he had been perched on when I barged in, "You'll notice it's not exactly Stanzi material. The range is too wide and the technique it demands will take her years to master. I thought it would be a challenge for her though." I was completely baffled, was this a compliment or some sort of trickery? I was at a loss for words.
"You are fortunate that my sister knows little Italian - I read the text and it's wholly inappropriate." He grinned, "I know, but again, it was written for you." He gently pried the book from my hand, tossing it onto his desk and took both of my hands, looking mournfully up at me he lamented, "Since you've decidedly cast me aside, I thought nothing of gifting your songs to Constanze, considering she is so eager to match her big sisters - why not allow her to try something tailored to you?" Choosing not to respond, he continued - pressing my hands to his face, nuzzling them gently, "You are a most talented soprano, and I miss our lessons dearly. I wish you would not push me away as you do." He said with a whimper, kissing the insides of my wrists. At that moment, I should have backed away, returned to my room, put him in his place - something! Alas, I was frozen, that familiar feeling in my gut awakened by his touch, soft and gentle. Looking down at his large blue eyes, framed by those soft lashes I couldn't help but lean into his touch. He smiled hearing my silent accord, pulling me down onto his knees. "I must go my darling" he whispered between the kisses that he showered along my neck, tightening his arms around my sides, drawing my back towards him. "I cannot stay in Mannheim forever" he pulled my hair gently over one shoulder to expose the crook of my neck as he began to nip there causing me to squirm. "Will you ever forgive me?" He turned me to face him directly, my cheeks flush and eyes dark. I freed my hands from his grip and pulled him forward, crushing his lips to mine. I could taste Mama's sweet coffee from earlier that evening and a hint of dark wine. With a gentle hiss, the candle finally sputtered and gave out, sending a weak plume of smoke into the darkness of his small room. Breaking our kiss, he pressed his forehead to mine, "Time for bed." he whispered. I felt the urge to protest the abrupt end of our passion, before I realized that he had no intention of sending me on my way. Wrapping his arms under my legs and back he lifted me impressively and carried me through complete darkness to the small bed just feet from where we were. Wasting no time, he was quickly on top of me, having resumed his earlier attentions. Scenes from our evening walk through the woods flashed in my mind as he unbuttoned the bodice of my night dress, exposing my bare chest to the cool air. Feeling appreciatively in the dark he caressed each breast, fingering my pert nipples tentatively. His weight limited my movement, but it was an oddly welcome crushing sensation. Edging up the hem of my dress and nudging apart my thighs with his own, he was quick to have me in a compromising position. I could not make myself care for the moment as I arched into his kisses, shuddering at the touch of his hands. He brazenly traced a swift trail down to my inner thigh, raking across my most sensitive area. Instinctively I tried pulling away, he hushed me, "Ali, please - I promise you." pressing his forehead to my own, registering my anxiety, "I would never hurt you." Kissing me to both soothe and silence, his fingers found a most wondrous spot and began manipulating slowly, my stomach tightening as his touch. "You see?" he kissed my cheek as he concentrated on his ministrations, listening for signs of my approval. I began to pant, my breath coming in ladden bursts, small whimpers escaping my open mouth. "Good girl" he would whisper encouragingly as my thighs began to quiver, I gripped his arms with such strength that I thought he would protest but no, it seemed moreso encouragement. Pressing his mouth to mine, exploring with his tongue, I let out a small moan as I felt the tightness in my belly reach unbearable levels. I pushed against his hands, seeking mercy but he only increased his efforts until I threatened to spill over completely. "Bella, it's alright…" he cooed softly in my ear as I felt it. A wash, a rippling heat that pulsed through my body causing waves of shuddering convulsions leaving me panting wildly and damp with sweat. My aching legs fell limply against his sides and I felt as if I had melted under him. Dazed by the sudden overpowering tidal wave, I barely registered him removing what remained of his own clothing. Even in the dark I could still make out the masculine differences in his silhouette, he was thin but wirey, making quick work of his breeches and shirt he resumed his position.
Still reeling from our earlier moment, I had little energy to resist as he began to kiss and nibble against my neck and chest, running his hands warmingly over my trembling thighs. Something bumped against me, there. My eyes flew open and I opened my mouth to protest but his hand flew to cover it. "Ssh - I'll stop if that's what you wish." Muted by his hand I paused and he slowly dropped his guard, "Aloysia?" I weighed my options, and shrugged off my better judgement - being too far into this moment to stop now. I kissed him hungrily and in response and I felt him smile into it, lifting one of my thighs to rest over his hip he pushed himself against me, meeting initial resistance. "Kiss me are hard as you can" he whispered needily and I gladly complied, not prepared for the unpleasant pinching that came next. I yelped and squirmed, immediately shaken from what had a been until that point a most pleasurable experience. "It's done Ali, the worst is over." he reassured me, stroking my hair as I struggled feebly. "Is it over?" I asked, barely above a whisper and he chuckled, kissing me chastely "Not quite…" when he drew back I felt the soreness below, and then again when he began to thrust, gentle at first then building vigour. I lay still completely in awe of the proceedings, allowing him to do what he must. After a short while he too began to whimper gently, his movements becoming more frenzied and desperate. Finally he stifled a groan and stiffened, his middle tensing and trembling terribly. He finally collapsed on top of me panting with exhaustion, squeezing the last breath out of me. We lay like this for some time, unable to move or to untangle from one another. I stroked his hair absently as his breathing slowed to normal and he slowly rolled to one side, reaching to pull me close. "Most perfect" he murmured, tucking the quilts around our bodies. "Most perfect." I am not sure how long it was before we were both asleep, but I knew something had changed forever in that moment. But what, I could not yet be sure.