Chapter 11: To Be or Not To Be

Ivy

"It's felt like centuries since I've been here," Ivy breathed as she walked through the doors of the Cerulean Gym.

"Did you go here often?" Jay asked her, looking around the lobby they had just entered.

"Oh yeah," she nodded, thinking back on all of her days at the gym. "Before I went on my journey, I started helping out Misty with some of the gym chores. She never let me watch her battles though. I guess she didn't want me learning her battle style or something."

"Well, you would be at an unfair advantage because you would know how she battled," Jay pointed out.

"I guess you're right," she nodded once before calling out, "Misty? Are you here?"

"Psyy?" Came a response making Ivy look down and see Psyduck waddling towards them.

"Hi, Psyduck," she said, giving it a kind smile.

"Psy?" It grabbed its head and tilted its head slightly to the side like it always did.

"What's wrong with that Psyduck?" Jay asked her then as he bent down to examine it. "It looks sort of…"

"Clueless?" Ivy filled in the word he was looking for. "That's just Psyduck; it's always been that way."

"Oh Psyduck, there you are," Misty's voice came then as she ran over and picked up Psyduck. "If you keep running around like this you're going to give me a headache." Then she paused as she looked up from Psyduck and saw Ivy and Jay standing there in front of her."Oh, and Ivy!" She smiled kindly at the younger trainer. "It's so good to see you again."

"You too, Misty," Ivy smiled before adding, "Oh yeah, and this is Jay."

"Nice to meet you," Misty said with a slight nod. "You must be on a Pokemon journey similar to Ivy, right?"

"Yes, I am," Jay nodded, putting his hands behind his back as he said, "But I'm not collecting badges, that's just Ivy."

"That must mean you're here for a gym battle," Misty smiled at this. Then she paused and added, "Oh, but first things first. Do you have my bike?"

"Oh, right….that," Ivy glanced over at Jay once before back at Misty. She hesitated before finally explaining, "Well, you see, your bike sort of got…"

"It got burnt to a crisp because of Ivy's Charmander," Jay finished her sentence bluntly.

"Hey!" She turned to him, fist rising, as she yelled, "It was your fault in the first place!"

"No it wasn't!" Jay shot back. "It was your Charmander who burnt it!"

"But it was your Bulbasaur who attacked Charmander in the first place!"

"It's not my fault that the bike got in the way!"

"And it's not my fault that you can't control your Bulbasaur!"

"I can too!"

"No you can't!"

"Okay, okay!" Misty exclaimed, trying to settle them down. She then gave an awkward laugh as she said, "It isn't the first time that bike got destroyed. I hardly use it anymore anyways."

"So you're not mad?" Ivy asked.

"No I'm not mad," Misty smiled as she put Psyduck down on the ground. "Now let's battle!"

…..

"This will be a two-on-two Pokemon Battle between the Gym Leader, Misty, and Pokemon Trainer Ivy," The judge declared. "Let the battle begin!"

"Now Ivy, don't think I'm going to go easy on you," Misty called from across the pool. She pulled out a pokeball and continued, "So you better be ready. Let's go, Politoed!"

"Politoed! Politoed!" It cried out as it made a little dance on one of the platforms in the pool.

"A Politoed?" Ivy echoed. "What's that?" She brought out Pokedex, then, to examine it.

"Politoed, one of the evolved forms of Poliwhirl. It gathers groups of others as their leader and its cries make Poliwag obey."

"Be careful, Ivy," Jay told her from the sidelines. "That Politoed looks strong and you don't have any Pokemon that are good against water types."

"I know what I'm doing, Jay!" She snapped at him once before turning back to Misty. She took in a deep breath before releasing her Pokeball and crying, "Go, Charmander!"

"Charr!" It cried out, letting out an ember attack as if trying to show off its strength, before looking at its opponent from the other side of the pool.

"Politoed, into the water, now!" Misty ordered then, not wasting any time on starting the battle.

The Politoed disappeared into the water then, causing Ivy more grief than she needed. At least in the Pewter Gym there wasn't many places for a Pokemon to hide, but now Politoed could be anywhere in this gym with all the water that there was. She was at a clear disadvantage, but maybe she would be able to luck out again.

"Uhh…" She struggled to figure out what to do then as she stared at the water, trying to find where Politoed was. But it was futile when Misty called out her next command.

"Water gun, now!"

A water gun attack then shot out from somewhere in the pool, slamming into Charmander and almost causing it to fall into the water. Thankfully, though, it landed near the edge and managed not to fall over the side. But either way that one hit was enough to knock it out.

"Charmander!" She cried, jumping over to the platform Charmander was on and kneeling down beside it.

"Charmander is unable to battle," The judge declared then. "Politoed is the winner."

"Good job, Charmander," Ivy whispered, taking out Charmander's pokeball. "You should rest now."

"Choose your next Pokemon, Ivy," Misty told her as her Politoed jumped out of the water and onto one of the platforms. It did its little dance again before clapping a few times.

"Ivy, you should just forfeit now," Jay suggested as Ivy made her way back to her own spot. "You don't have a chance."

"I'm not forfeiting," Ivy muttered. "I have more pride than that." She sent a silent prayer then before releasing her next Pokemon. "Good luck, Magikarp."

"A Magikarp?" Misty questioned, looking at the Pokemon as it floated in the water. "Don't you have another Pokemon?"

"No, not really," Ivy rubbed the back of her neck before standing up straight and saying, "But I'm not giving in."

"Alright, Ivy," Misty sighed once before calling out another command. "Politoed, use headbutt!"

"Uh, Magikarp go underwater!" Ivy shouted out, slowly starting to panic as she realized Magikarp's horrible chances. Maybe I shouldn't have caught it in the first place…

But thankfully it dived into the water, barely missing the headbutt attack. Ivy let out a sigh of relief, but her relief did not last long as Misty called out her next command.

"Politoed, go under water and use your tackle attack."

Uh oh…

There was absolutely nothing she could do. She was frozen from panic as she saw Politoed dive into the water and head straight towards Magikarp. She heard Jay shout something out at her, but she couldn't hear it. All she heard was Magikarp's cry as Politoed slammed straight into it, causing it to fly out of the water and land hard onto the platform in front of Ivy. Ivy didn't even have to look to know that Magikarp had horribly lost that battle.

"Magikarp is unable to battle," she heard then. "Gym Leader Misty is the winner!"

"I'm sorry, Magikarp," Ivy whispered as she returned it to its pokeball. "I know I've failed you."

"Maybe you should train your Pokemon more, Ivy," Misty suggested as she stepped off the platform and back onto the sidelines. Her Politoed followed her. "Or get some more Pokemon, and when you're ready you can come back." She disappeared through one of the doors, then, her Politoed dancing along beside her.

There was only silence then as Ivy remained on the platform, staring down at the water in front of her. She remembered the many times she had stared at this battlefield, eagerly waiting for the day where she could face Misty in battle, but she had failed miserably. She knew Misty was a strong trainer, but she had never expected that she had been that strong. Then again, maybe Ivy was just miserably weak.

"Ivy…" Jay walked over to her to the pool.

"Just don't say anything, Jay," she told him quietly. "I don't want to hear it right now."

"I wasn't-"

"I'll see you later," she didn't let him finish whatever he was going to say as she made her way to the door. She didn't hear Jay follow her as she walked out of the room and to the only place where she could get her thoughts straight.

…

Cerulean Cape was a beautiful place. Ivy remembered the many times she used to come here as a child and stare out at the ocean, thinking of the many places in the world that she was determined to see. Three weeks ago, a week before she started on her journey, Ivy had stood at the edge of the cape, imagining all of the kinds of things she would be able to see when she finally set out on her journey. She had never imagined how difficult it would become.

What was I kidding; I have no chance of becoming a Pokemon Master. I've lost so many battles… I only earned that Boulder Badge because I got lucky. Maybe I shouldn't have set out on my journey so soon…

Both of her Pokemon had been taken out with one hit from that Politoed. Even if they had survived after one hit, she had no idea if she would have been able to win. She probably would have lost anyways because of how badly she had begun to panic near the end. She couldn't even do anything for poor Magikarp who stood no chance to begin with. She felt sorry for the poor thing; it got stuck with an awful trainer.

Sitting down at the edge of the cape, she took out her badge case and opened it up, seeing her single badge shining back at her. She didn't feel proud of that badge anymore, she felt ashamed. She had won out of luck; not talent, not skill, not strength, but sheer luck. She didn't deserve that badge and that badge didn't deserve her. She closed the badge case then, closing her eyes tightly as she felt a certain anger well up inside of her. She was tempted to throw that case out into the ocean and she almost did, but a voice stopped her.

"I finally found you," Jay's voice came from behind her. She opened her eyes and looked up as she saw him come up beside her, sitting down on the ground with her. "Your mother said you'd most likely be here."

"What are you doing here?" She asked with a rough bitterness in her voice. "Are you going to lecture me now? Because I'm really not in the mood."

"No, I'm not going to lecture you," he told her, his voice for once calm and friendly. "I wanted to see how you were."

She looked over at him again, studying his face once before asking, "Why?"

"Because you looked upset and that's the genuine thing to do," He answered simply with a careless shrug.

"Oh gee, because I thought it might be something out of friendship," Ivy shot back at him sarcastically, turning away from him.

"And that too," he murmured quietly.

She glanced back at him, this time more surprised than she had been originally. But instead of thanking him for his concern, she just looked back down at the badge case in her hands as she said, "Yeah, well, you didn't need to come."

Jay sighed, quiet for a moment before saying, "It's just one gym loss, Ivy. You'll have other battles."

"No, it's not just one gym loss," her bitterness returned as she glared down at the badge case. "It's a collection of losses. The only real battle that I won was won out of luck. What does that say about me as a trainer? You're always saying that I'm not experienced enough; well, maybe you're right."

"You can't give up, Ivy," he told her then suddenly. Though she had suggested nothing about giving up being a trainer, he somehow seemed to sense that she was thinking that.

"Why not?" She shot back. "I'm no good as a trainer; maybe I'll find something else to do."

Jay was silent again, staring out at the ocean before back at her. Finally he stood up and said, "Just think about it," before turning around and walking away. She didn't bother in calling him back because she knew that there was nothing else for him to say. He couldn't change her mind; she had to make this decision on her own. Either she kept working on becoming a trainer, or she gave up now. She wanted to become the best trainer there was, but was it worth it if she didn't have the skill nor talent that it takes?

To be a trainer or not to be a trainer… this is the decision that I have to make. And no one can make it for me.