Here is chapter eleven. Thank you so much for reading and for your support. It means the world to me.
Chapter revised and updated in 01/03/2014.

Chapter XI – Yes or no

| Jon POV |

We had been walking for two days and just like Lily had said, the passage on the river was exactly there, but we still had a long way to go and our journey was nowhere near the end.

I looked from the corner of my eyes and saw that Sam was talking to Gilly about history and things like that, they had been getting too close for my liking. But as long as they remained only talking and were not making any body contact, I would be fine with it.

Even though I kept glancing and shooting warning stares at Sam, two weren't the thing that worried me the most. Lily had been really distant since we left Craster's Keep, keeping her distance from me and the others and we barely heard her voice anymore, unless it was necessary. She was so close, yet so far and I missed her.

"Let's camp here, night is coming." She announced while stop walking. The horse stopped too and I did as well, looking around. There was nothing but a few trees and snow around us.

"Should I make a fire?" Sam asked, once he was standing on the floor. "No fires." She said shortly. "We will freeze out here!" Sam cried, but her tone was simple and straight, even sharp and I noticed that my friend feared when she was rude like that. "No fire."

Said that, Lily walked away, probably to search the perimeter to make sure it was really safe to camp.

"What has gotten into him?" Sam asked, standing next to me. "He is probably worried about the mission, don't mind him." I said, but in reality I had no idea of why Lily was behaving so coldly. I would speak to her later.

We arranged a small camp with some blankets to lie down near the trees, it would be harder to spot us if we were hidden. "How is our food, Sam?" I asked and he turned to look at me. "It's fine, will last for at last a week and a half if we are careful enough."

"Good, good…" I sat on the floor, taking my sword out to lean on it, watching as Sam sat with Gilly and begun talking about old stories he read on his books.

I still had some cuts and bruises all over my body and it ached sometimes when my clothes touched them, but I was healing nicely and I could move without wishing to lie down and die.

After a few minutes Lily came back and I looked at her, but she didn't look me back. "Gilly, there is a river just ahead, you can wash yourself if you feel like it." She said and the young woman smiled and got up. "Thank you."

"I will escort you to make sure no one tries to peek." Lily said, glaring at Sam for several seconds and I muffled a laughter, while he grumbled something.

| Lily POV |

Avoiding Jon was being hard for me, but I couldn't look at him and not feel guilty, the bruises on his face were a reminder of how wrong my acts were. I shouldn't be in the Night's Watch, putting him on jeopardy. I shouldn't love him…

I walked with Gilly to the river, it wasn't so cold so she could at least wash herself a little. I removed my mask once it was safe and kneeled down on the edge of the river and splashed the water on my face, sighing deeply. It was a lie. The water was freezing and felt like freaking knives on my skin.

"Why are you at the Night's Watch?" She asked and I looked up to her. "Well… My father died when I was young when our village was sacked… And since then I decided to protect people. The Night's Watch accepts you despise who you are, unless you are a woman of course."

"Isn't it dangerous…?" She was washing her arms and legs and I turned to the woods, putting my mask back on. "It is." I couldn't think of a better answer or a more elaborated one.

"Have you thought about leaving?" She sure was curious. "Recently I've been thinking about it… Disappear during this mission. No one would come looking for me. For them I am Lee Peis, but without my mask I am Lily, just a woman."

"Why do you want to go…?" I felt a little frustrated because of all the questions and scratched the back of my head. "I've put Jon in danger because of my identity. That's why Craster beat him, because he was hiding me."

Gilly gasped and touched my shoulder sympathetically. "He looks like a good friend." A good friend… Friend… He isn't only a friend.

"He is…" I smiled at her. "Are you done?" I got up while asking, she nodded. "Let's go back then, it's getting dark."

We returned to the improvised camp and she sat next to Sam, they were getting really friendly, but who am I to judge? Jon was looking at me and I looked away, but my heart begun beating fast. Maybe I should talk to him… Or pretend I am fine and that there's nothing wrong. Hesitantly I walked to him, sitting by his side, looking to the ground without saying a word.

The silence between us was uncomfortable and I shifted sometimes on my place as time flew by. Sam and Gilly fell asleep next to each other for more warmth since there was no fire. The young girl shivered sometimes and I removed my own coat, placing it over her body. She was pregnant, she needed special care.

Now I was freezing and went back to my spot next to Jon, trying to hide the shivers.

"You are cold…" I heard his voice, but ignored and kept looking straight. "Lily…" He called and I looked at him. "I am fine, Jon."

"For how long are you going to behave like this?" He asked low, trying not to wake up the two near us. "I am acting normal." No, I am not. I almost laughed at my own stubbornness and lack of confidence in my voice.

"Sure you are." He said sarcastically and I glared. "At least let me stay close to keep you warm…" He asked, approaching his body slowly, part of me told me to back away, but I couldn't.

"Don't walk away from me…" Jon whispered, his face closer to mine. My mind went numb for a few seconds and I groaned after regaining my senses, he was killing me. Without thinking much, I stood up and walked away into the trees, it was already dark.

"Lily!" He called and I knew he was following me, once we were out of sight I felt his hand on my arm and he forced me to stop and turn to him. "What?!" I shouted.

"What is going on?" He asked, more demanded and I felt angry, my breathing was heavy and I saw the smoke coming out of my mask because of the cold.

"We need to end this." The expression on his face killed me, it was pure pain and I knew my own expression was identical, my chest hurt so much and it made all the anger I felt minutes before go away.

"What…?" He whispered, taking a step closer, he was still holding my arm and I didn't move. "You got hurt because of me… We were almost found out… We can't continue with this, it is too dangerous…" My voice barely came out in a whisper and I looked away.

"Look at me… Look at me, Lily." I removed my mask and look at his face, the same pained expression from before and I fought to keep my tears from falling. "Stop talking nonsense… I am not letting you go…"

"Continuing is not an option…" I whispered, looking away. "Letting you go is not an option." Jon's voice was strong like I never heard before, yet his face still showed pain and sadness. "Jon…"

"Shut up."

"Jon…"

"Shut up." His hands touched my face and I looked into his eyes, they were firm yet full with emotion. I melted with his touch and couldn't look away or move. "Shut up, Lily…" Jon whispered, his face inches away now.

I couldn't stand being so close without doing anything. I leaned closer and pressed my lips against his with full force. The kiss wasn't soft or slow, it was deep and strong with so many emotions.

His hands left my face and he wrapped his arms around my waist strongly, pulling me closer while I grabbed his hair with one hand and embraced him by the chest with the other arm.

I didn't mind the lack of air in my lungs, I couldn't pull away and by his desperation, he couldn't either. Our lips parted slightly when Jon's hands travelled to my legs and pulled me out of the ground and I wrapped them around his waist. My back hit a tree and we restarted the kiss with even more passion than before.

Jon pressed his waist against mine with strength, but pulled his face away and I groaned in frustration. "Do you still want to go?" He asked, looking directly at my eyes and my frustration eased when I saw the look on his eyes.

It was clear Jon too was feeling the same desire I did, I could tell because of his waist pressed against mine, but his eyes showed so much more. I could see love, passion, need, yet so much fear.

"I won't go… I just don't want you to get hurt…" I whispered, holding his face with both hands gently, his forehead touched mine. "I won't get hurt…"

"Promise…?" I closed my eyes, just feeling his breaths on my face. "I promise…" His lips touched mine really gently, differently from all the heat from before.

"Jon? Lee?" We heard Sam's voices and Jon turned to see that he was really close and could see us. His eyes widened in shock and he kept staring.

"You and… Lee… Are you two into guys…?" I coughed then started laughing, he couldn't see my face because Jon was standing in front of me. He set me down on the floor and I grabbed my stomach because it was hurting from all the laughing.

"I am not into guys!" Jon hissed while frowning. "I am a woman, Sam." I admitted and he got closer to see, a growing blush appearing on his face.

"I… I talked about girls in front of you! I took a piss in front of you!" He seemed really shocked and I was still laughing, leaning on a tree. "I didn't look, if that comforts you." Sam blushed harder and Jon was still frowning.

"You can't tell, Samwell." Jon said seriously and I could sense the danger on his voice and by the way Sam looked frightened, so did he. "S-She is a woman on the Night's Watch, it is a crime!" He yelled and Jon censored him with his glare.

"Yet, I am a better brother than you are." I didn't mean to offend him, I was just pointing a fact.

"And you are sleeping with Jon… Which means you two broke the oath…" I felt a little uncomfortable with his statement, but there was no way we could deny because he caught us in a very self-explaining position.

"If you think about saying anything, Samwell, I will kill you before you begin the first word." Jon had taken Longclaw out of the sheath and was approaching Sam dangerously. I had never sensed an aura like that coming from him before, he looked dangerous and I strangely found it really attractive.

"It's alright, Jon, he won't say anything. If he does, we could say that he escaped with a girl, one of Craster's wives." He had shrunken from fear, which means our intimidation plan had worked.

"I won't say anything… I won't, I swear." He whispered and Jon put away his sword. "Wise boy. We didn't mean to intimidate you, Sam, but we needed to know if you were going to say." I said, standing next to Jon.

"You are my friends… I won't…" I smiled at his phrase and he looked at me, blushing. "You are a girl…" He said. "Oh, duh. Seriously, you guys can be dumb when you want."

Jon was still tense and I touched his arm gently, trying to calm him down, his muscles were stiff because of the tension.

"Go back to Gilly, Sam, we will join you in a minute." I said and he nodded, walking away quite fast.

I turned to Jon who hadn't moved an inch yet and walked to stay in front of him, looking up to his face. "Jon…" He hesitantly looked down to my face and I smiled. "It's alright. He won't tell."

"How do you know? He said himself it is a crime, we broke our oath, we are doing something wrong." His harsh voice came at me like a punch and my smile disappeared. "I am sorry…" Was all I could say before walking back to the camp.

~\~/~

Since that night on the woods I hadn't spoken to Jon, not even a single word, I hadn't even looked at him. Sam sensed the tension between us and did his best to tell jokes and avoid the topic of me being a woman.

The way Jon had spoken, the way he said that what we were doing was wrong had hurt me so deeply and I could still hear his words echoing in my mind even though it was two nights ago.

But what hurt more was that in only one night he had changed his way of seeing the situation. He claimed he didn't mind the danger, but not an hour after he said it was wrong. It confused and hurt me.

We had reached another part of the river, but this one didn't have a shortcut, we were going to have to cross the freezing water.

"Gilly, stay up on the horse with Sam, I don't want you to freeze." I said and she nodded, smiling thankfully. I pulled the rein and stepped into the water, it felt like a thousand knives were cutting through my body, but I ignored, maybe the water would wash away the pain.

Jon was on the other side of the horse and walked on the water too, that was getting deep and deep until we had to swim instead of walk.

Luckily the river was short and we reached the other side in no time, I shivered like mad because of my completely wet clothes.

"You are freezing." Gilly said, walking to me and putting her coat over my shoulders. "I am fine… I just need to change my clothes…" I smiled at her and returned her coat, slowly walking to the trees with my bag.

I stripped slowly, every movement causing a little bit of pain because of the cold. I knew she was going to keep Sam busy so there was no way he would peek. I was completely naked and was drying myself with a piece of cloth when I heard steps coming from behind me and turned quickly, covering my body with the cloth.

"Jon!" I yelled, seeing him get near, he too was wet, his face got red when he saw me and I blushed myself. "S-Sorry, I didn't know you were here." He said, but did not take his eyes away from my body.

"Stop staring!"

Jon muttered a sorry and turned around, beginning to take his clothes off as well, I just stood there staring at his body. "I know you are staring." He said and I blushed even more. "I am not!"

I turned away quickly, stooping and picking up some clothes from my bag so I could change.

"Lily…" I heard his voice after a while and looked to his direction, Jon was standing next to me, wearing only pants and I blushed deeply at the sight. "I am sorry…" He said, kneeling down next to me.

"You were right, what we were doing is illegal and was against our oath." I made sure to put every word on the past, he got closer to me.

"I am probably late, you must hate me… But I don't care… I don't care if it is illegal and about the oath… I don't care about the Night's Watch." I blinked several times, confused by his sudden confession, but still felt the anger inside me. "Sure you don't. And I am a bird. I didn't know we were saying stupid things now."

Jon muffled a forced laugh and kept staring down at me, his eyes warm and his expression simple. "I am serious. The Night's Watch means nothing anymore." I Crossed my arms on my chest and kept staring at his face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that it may have taken me a while to realize… But I don't want to be a brother anymore." I felt even more confused, being in the Night's Watch was everything Jon ever wanted and now he didn't want anymore?

"I don't follow, Jon." I had forgotten completely about how cold I was feeling because the only clothes I was wearing were a pant and a light shirt, but in that moment paying attention to his words were more important than everything else.

"Run away with me." My ears must have been mistaken; there was no way Jon Snow would have said that. "I have water on my ears, I didn't hear you right." I said, patting my ears gently, he laughed and held my hands with his.

"I said: Run away with me. A brother of the Night's Watch should take no wives, father no children, they must die at their post without love. I don't want that anymore." I didn't know what to say or think, so I just stared at him, my mouth partially open.

"We would become deserters…" I whispered after a moment of silence. "Yes, but it is nothing compared to how many illegal things we already did and how many times we did it." I blushed madly, understanding what he was saying and he laughed.

"Just say: yes or no?"