I Hate to Do This!

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Thanks for asking, though. Rating: K Time: The Summer between Season Two and Three.

Rick and Kate walked into the police station the next morning. "Good morning, Chief." Rick said. "Is there any coffee? Homicide detectives run on coffee, you know."

Chief Brady directed them to the coffee machine. Kate was happy she had her morning coffee at Castle's before coming to the station. "This isn't as bad as the old coffee at the 12th, but…"

"Mostly monkey pee with very little battery acid." Rick opined.

"Mr. Castle," Chief Brady said, "Dr. Muir said he'll have the coroner's report over in an hour or two. What do you want to do until then?"

"We should see the crime scene." Kate replied.

"Do you want a ride?" the chief asked.

"We'll walk. I'd like Detective Beckett to get a feel for the town."

As they approached the crime scene, Kate noted something. "There's no crime scene tape around it and the car is gone."

"Maybe they took it down when they got done? And the car's probably been moved to the impound lot."

A half an hour search of the crime scene showed nothing.

"I hope this means they were very thorough and bagged everything." Kate said.

"Or the killer was very careful and left nothing behind."

"Where to next, Castle?"

"The police impound lot is just down the road. We should look at the car."

The car made Kate feel better. "It looks like they dusted for prints everywhere. That's a good sign."

Castle rubbed dirt off of the car's roof. "This car hasn't been washed in a while. Knowing Lisa, there may be fingerprints from every guy in the Hamptons." He caught Kate's look. "Except for me, of course." He added quickly.

"Okay, let's see if the coroner's report is in."

It was.

The report was a nice thick document in a three ring binder. Kate began reading the report and as she read each page, she took it from the binder and handed it to Castle.

"Castle! This is…It's absolutely…"

"The worst coroner's report in the history of coroner's reports. I thought the three pages dedicated to the weather was a nice touch."

"I thought it was…" Kate stopped when she saw Chief Brady enter the station. "I need lunch. Take me home please.

Once back home, Kate sat in the kitchen and watched Rick make lunch for them. "Rick, is this Dr. Muir that bad?"

"He's only a part time coroner. I doubt if he's ever done a coroner's report on a murder before. But he is a good doctor. He set my finger when I broke it playing polo."

"Polo? You're lucky you only broke your finger. I didn't know you played polo."

Rick smiled. "Actually, I was the horse."

"The horse?"

"A young lady was the polo player."

"Was clothing optional?" Kate asked coldly.

"Oh, not at all. Each of us horses wore shoes."

"I don't want to hear any more, do I?"

"No." Castle thought for a minute. "Well, yes you do. I have no interest in playing polo anymore, unless a certain homicide detective wants me to. But no other people. Or horses."

Kate laughed. "I'll pass on the polo match."

Suddenly the house was filled with the shrieks and giggles of a group of teenaged girls. Alexis and her friends headed out to the pool.

"We should go upstairs. Once they turn on the music, we won't be able to hear ourselves think."

"And you certainly don't want to see the bikini Alexis is wearing." Kate said slyly.

"What?" Rick whipped around. "I've told her that…" he stopped. "Very funny, Detective Beckett. Shall we go upstairs?"

Kate sat on the bed and looked at the coroner's report. "I hate to do this."

"Look, Kate, Chief Brady can call in the State Police. It's just that they don't consider small town cops to be real cops and they let everyone know it. Brady is a proud guy, but if you want to drop the investigation…"

"I've never backed off from a murder investigation in my life and I'm not starting now." Kate said stubbornly.

"Then what…"

"We need a first class coroner's report. That means I have to call Lanie."

Rick sat down next to Kate and took her hand. "Kate, no matter what happens if anyone finds out, it won't change a thing with us. I promise. We'll still be together."

Kate leaned over and kissed Castle. "Thanks. I hope you don't end up with an unemployed detective on your hands."

"I won't. The NYPD isn't that stupid."

"Do you want to leave while I call her?"

"No, when she finds out about us, she'll have a few words for me. May as well be now."

Kate hit her speed dial.

"ME's office. Dr. Parish."

"Hi, Lanie. It's me."

"Girl, how are you? How's things up there?" You okay?"

"Are you alone? Can you talk?"

"I'm not alone, but I don't think any of my customers will interrupt us."

"I have a problem. I need your help."

"What is it? Man troubles? Tell Lanie all about it."

"Actually, I've gotten involved in a murder investigation and I need help."

"What? Don't they have police in the wilds of New England? How dare they ruin your vacation?"

"Lanie, I'm not in New England."

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the Hamptons. On Long Island."

"Where in the Hamptons?" Lanie asked suspiciously.

"I'm at Castle's house." Kate said quietly.

"You're at Castle's house!" She yelled.

"Don't yell. There's a strict policy about colleagues dating. I could get in trouble."

"Sorry, I just couldn't…" She stopped. "Where in Castle's house are you exactly? Does he have like a guest cottage, or something?"

"Right now, I'm in his bedroom,"

"She's in our bedroom." Castle added.

"Castle!" Kate hissed. "This isn't helping."

"It's helping me, girl. Where are you in the bedroom?"

"On the bed." Kate confessed.

"Both of you?"

"Both of us." Castle said.

"Are you both naked?"

"No!" Beckett shouted.

"You mean you're going to give me a blow by blow description from when he starts to…"

"NO!" Beckett yelled. Castle was too busy laughing to say anything.

"Look, Lanie, I have a murder to solve and I have the world's worst coroner's report on it. I need you to come up her, please."

"No problem. I feel some woman problems coming up tomorrow. The nice thing about woman problems is that Montgomery never, ever questions them. I'll get an early start and call you when I get near you."

Castle grabbed the phone. "Lanie, I'll call and have a car pick you up. It's the least I can do."

"Oh, that is by no means the least you can do, Castle, but it's a start."

Next morning, the limo had hardly stopped when Lanie leaped out and ran to Kate, who was standing on the front porch with the Castle family.

"Sweetie!" She yelled as she threw her arms around Kate. "I'm so happy for you." She snuck a look at Castle, who had a dopey grin on his face. "He doesn't deserve you, of course. I'll be sure to remind him daily how lucky he is you allow him to date you."

"Lanie! Don't you dare! I've told you, the department has a very strict policy about colleagues dating. If anyone finds out about this, I could lose my badge."

Lanie shook her head. "Fire you? The best homicide detective in the whole city? They'd have to be crazy."

"I've been trying to tell her that." Castle added.

"Lanie, Castle may not know the NYPD, but you do. Do they ever do irrational, crazy things down at One Police Plaza?"

"Um, all the time?"

"So no one, and I mean no one, can know about this? Agreed?"

"Anything you say, Sweetie." She turned to Castle. "And if you ever hurt this little girl, you'll find out what an autopsy is like, first hand." She turned to the two Castle women. "And Alexis, introduce me to your high school friend here."

Martha laughed. "I like you already, Lanie. Come inside. We have one of the guest bedrooms all ready for you."

"One of the guest bedrooms? I think I could get used to this."

"It's the guest bedroom farthest from our room." Kate added with a smile. "So you won't be kept up all night."

As they headed inside, Lanie asked. "How long have you two been together? Tell me all about it."

Once Lanie was settled in, Castle called Chief Brady. Then he talked to Kate and Lanie. "Okay, Dr. Muir has been advised to expect you. According to Chief Brady, he's thrilled a real ME is going to take over. He's really conscientious, so you should have no trouble with him. I don't know if he has all the equipment you'd expect, though."

Lanie shook her head. "Don't worry about a thing. Do you think I brought all of those suitcases for my one night at castle Castle? I have everything I think I'll need. If not, I have a pal over in Jersey. She'll do anything for me that I can't do here. You two will have the best coroner's report the Hamptons have ever seen, promise you."

"Chief Brady also said the uniforms have finished their work. He'll have their report when we get in. Although after the coroner's report, I'm not sure what use the report will be." He sighed deeply. "I'd hate to have to bring Esposito and Ryan up here as well."

"Esposito and Ryan? Are you out of your mind? Why not just take an ad out in the Ledger? Kate Beckett is now at liberty after being fired by the NYPD. Castle, I don't know what…" Kate looked over at Castle and saw he was laughing. "Lanie, you won't have to worry about being kept awake tonight. I have the feeling things will be very quiet in the master bedroom tonight."

"Um, Kate, honey? I'm sorry. I should…"

"Take us to the police station. Now!" Kate managed not to laugh until Castle had turned around and headed for the door.

They dropped Lanie off at Dr. Muir's and headed for the police station. Their worries about the quality of the uniform's report were justified.

"Haven't these guys ever heard of spellcheck?" Castle asked rhetorically.

"I thought the three pages about the weather at the time of the murder was a nice touch." Kate said sarcastically.

"Well, we do have the names and twenties of two people who saw her the day of her murder. Her boss, Joseph Angstrom, who owns an art gallery, an one of her friends, Andrea Archer, a waitress at a local ice cream parlor."

"She had women friends? I'm surprised. I thought the whole female population of the Hamptons would have been her blood enemies."

Castle shrugged. "I'll let you judge for yourself. I don't want you to get any preconceived ideas from me."

"And that means?"

"Just what I said."

"Castle, are you angling to sleep in your office tonight?"

"No, my only goal in life is to help the best detective on the planet in every way possible, including making sure she's in a very good mood tomorrow."

"In that case, I intend to make you work very hard at making sure I'm in a good mood tomorrow."

Castle just smiled.

"Okay, who'd first? This is your town?"

Castle thought. "We'll call The Palace of Earthly Delights and see when Andy Archer will be in."

"The Palace of Earthly Delights? That sounds more like a bordello than an ice cream parlor."

"The ice cream is truly sinful."

Andrea didn't go to work until the evening shift, so Kate and Rick went to Angstrom's Art Gallery.

"Mr. Angstrom? I'm detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. I'm assisting Chief Brady on the St. Croix murder. Mr. Castle is assisting me. May we ask you some questions?"

Angstrom was a tall, well-dressed man in his early fifties, grey haired with a ruddy complexion. He oozed a certain air of wealth and breeding that went well with the Hamptons. "Certainly, Detective. Perhaps we should go to my office? It's more private."

Angstrom's office was surprisingly Spartan. Bare walls, inexpensive furniture, industrial carpeting.

"Lisa St. Croix worked for you here?" Beckett began

Angstrom nodded.

"In what capacity?"

"Customer relations."

Castle almost laughed.

Kate glared at Castle, then turned back to Angstrom. "Could you be more specific?"

"Lisa's duties were many. This is a small gallery. She showed art to customers…"

"Was she knowledgeable? Did she know a great deal about art?"

Angstrom tried to cover a distasteful look. "Her idea of art was a painting of Elvis on black velvet."

"As a resident of the Hamptons, perhaps I could enlighten you, Beckett?" Castle asked.

Kate nodded. "Please do."

"Lisa worked here to attract wealthy New Yorkers, men, of course. She'd show them the art, then she'd show them Lisa. The men could hardly spend so much time at an art gallery without buying, their wives would get suspicious, and so they'd drop a few thousand every once in a while. Everyone was happy with the arrangement. Especially Mr. Angstrom."

Angstrom smiled. "You make it sound so mercenary, Mr. Castle. I only gave Lisa an opportunity to do what she would have done otherwise and to earn a better salary than someone of her limited intelligence and abilities would otherwise have secured."

"Did you sleep with her?" Kate asked.

"About once a week." Angstrom held up his left hand to show he wore no wedding ring. "I was divorced well before I moved to the Hamptons."

"Do you know of anyone who would have wanted to murder Ms. St. Croix?" Kate asked.

Angstrom shrugged. "Every married woman in the Hamptons?"

Walking away from the gallery, Kate asked Castle. "What did you think of him?"

"He didn't look the type to kill the goose that laid…Well, maybe not the golden egg, but…"

"I get the picture, Castle. Anything else?"

"He's a born liar. "Oh, yes, Mr. Moneybags. Paintings of dogs playing poker are very avant garde. You are truly a Renaissance man. A Lorenzo the Magnificent."

"Ruler of Florence during the Renaissance. A renowned patron of the arts. Da Vinci and Michaelangelo were at his court."

"You never cease to amaze me, Kate."

"And I never will cease to amaze you."