11

Two months had gone by quickly, and preparations for Rowena and Salazar's wedding had rapidly ensued Christmas. Helga had responded with almost as much enthusiasm as Rowena herself had to the proposal.

They had decided to announce the engagement at dinner the very night Salazar'd proposed. Rowena couldn't have stopped smiling if she'd tried. Helga had eyed her suspiciously until after they'd eaten when Rowena looked to Salazar, grinning and bright, and then addressed Helga and Godric. "We have something we'd like to tell you." She said, sliding her right hand into his left under the table. Salazar smiled and took the last sip of wine from his glass.

Helga had sat up straighter and smiled in her motherly way that said she was expecting something wonderful. "Yes?"

Rowena looked to Salazar who looked back at her and said, "Rowena and I…"

"We're going to be married!" Rowena blurted out, her heart still walking on air. She looked to Salazar who was smiling back to her with the very same excitement in his eyes.

Helga clapped her hands together and smiled widely, "Oooo! There'll be so much to do! When? Of course we'll have it a big ceremony here. Who to invite?"

"Helly!" Rowena had laughed. "Why don't we get through Christmas before we start planning too much." Helga let out another girly squeal before she nodded in agreement stating just how exciting it was going to be.

Now the wedding was merely a month away. They'd decided to make it a short engagement, much to Rowena's satisfaction, but there was still so much to do before March 19th. Together, Salazar and she had convinced Helga to just invite a few friends and family members rather than the entirety of Hogsmeade, but they'd only just finished owling the invitations that morning. Salazar, she knew, had already finished writing his vows, but she couldn't figure out what she wanted to say in hers, and it was driving her crazy. Food was still being debated because there wasn't all that much new vegetation yet, as the spring hadn't quite set it yet. The dress she and Helga had picked out for her was still being hemmed at Missus DuPont's tailoring shop. Sighing, Rowena stopped to think of her dress.

Helga and she had poured through designs for hours. "What about this one?" was a common question from Helga who seemed to very much liked dresses that were very decorative, but these made Rowena cringe, for reasons Helga couldn't possibly hope to know. Rowena liked simple dresses that showed her neckline but covered her shoulders and had a bit of ruffle to the skirt.

"Hmm… I prefer this one…" She'd often said until they turned a page one day and Rowena's heart just stopped. "This is it."

"This one?" Helga asked, a little surprised.

"Yes. This is the one." The design was floor length with a square cut around the neck. The sleeves of the dress were short and would only just go over her shoulders, but they would cover the scar she had there. The bodice was form fitting over the chest area and down the ribs then began to fan out into the skirt at the waist. In the skirt there were slight ruffles here and there where the material was tucked up with a small white jewel. The actual material of the dress was white silk and she loved the feel of it now that it was mostly complete. Salazar, of course, had yet to see her dress.

Fiddling with her engagement ring, Rowena smiled and looked out at the rainy evening. The full moon flowed in her veins and she had discovered that in order to get to the room in which she would be able to safely change, she had to walk past its place in the hallway three times thinking about what she needed. She'd also discovered that while in the room she could change it to what she wanted. If she wanted water or a window it would appear out of nowhere. It was where she went when she needed to just have time to herself now.

Her potion sat on the table in front of the fire across the room from where she sat in the window sill. Scowling at the little flask she recalled a question she'd asked when Salazar'd first come up with the potion: "can't you add sugar for the taste?" He'd said that they should test it for a few months to make sure it was in proper working order before they experimented with it, and it had worked for four consecutive months now. She looked at the carafe a little while longer before she waved her wand and conjured some honey up from the kitchen.

She walked across the room to the container with the cup of honey in hand. Sinking into a chair, she snatched it up and popped off the lid. About two tablespoons of honey flowed thickly, slowly into the opening before Rowena set down the honey and re-capped the potion and shook it to mix in the sweet taste.

Once she thought the honey well mixed, she took the lid off her flask once more and drank down the potion. Smiling she set it down again. It tasted much better than it had in the last months and she was glad for that.

For a little while she sat there in the comfortable chair and looked into the fire, any moment now she'd start taking her wolf form and just go to sleep, comfortably. She yawned and let her head fall back to the chair and felt the sun's rays disappear from the sky. Rowena took off her robe and the transformation began.

She felt her bones as they cracked and stretched and moved in their sockets, beginning to form the skeleton of a wolf. Black and silver hairs began to grow all over her body and her spine and face elongated. Her teeth and nails turned sharp and long. It was as it had been every year since she was eleven, but it was different from the last few months. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. Her mind wasn't nearly as clear, she felt herself becoming more animalistic, and she got the feeling she was not in control.

Panic swept through her. She'd altered the potion enough to make it ineffective. Her heart began to race in pure fear and the long repressed wolf tore through her mind with fury and hunger. "No! No! This can't be happening!" Rowena's mind screamed, but her voice was gone, the transformation was complete as her eyes changed to yellow and the wolf took complete control.

Inside Rowena thrashed around, angrily, terrified, but the wolf was calmly furious. It stalked about the room thinking, 'Out! I want out! How do I get out?' and growling lowly as it tested it's legs out for the first time in months, as apposed to Rowena using them. It did not listen to Rowena's cries for it to stop and stay in the room, it just kept pacing thinking, 'I need a way out!'

As the words "I need" passed through the wolf's mind, an open door appeared in the wall. "NO!" screamed Rowena, but the wolf growled, "Yes…" and walked out. The door closed behind it and it began to hunt the halls.

The hallways were empty as silent paws fell upon them seeking out prey as the woman in the wolf's head cried and begged to stop where they stood. "Please don't let anyone be up! Diana, please! Diana keep them safe in their beds!" she prayed desperately.

Turn followed turn and they headed down a flight of stairs into more corridors in an endless maze of stone walls and closed doors. Rowena wanted nothing more than for the wolf to get tired and lay down to rest, but it seemed unlikely. The wolf was becoming frustrated with not finding anything to hunt, not even a mouse crossed their path. Corner after corner and still nothing. This was a gift for Rowena, but motivation for the wolf.

Long agonizing minutes went by as Rowena held her breath before every turn, and then it happened. The wolf smelled something worth pursuing. Rowena knew the scent. It was a man. She'd prayed for it to be a cat or a rodent, but it was a man, one who she'd been living with, not one of the travellers that occasionally stopped there. It was an earthy and sweet scent. Rowena's begging reared back into a full fledged fit. She screamed in the wolf's head and demanded that it turn tail now, and run, but it did not listen, it seemed to no longer hear her.

She couldn't see him yet, but his scent just got closer and stronger, and Rowena just screamed louder and more desperately inside the wolf's mind as they moved along the corridor. The wolf began to slow it's pace as they approached the corner and listened to the light footsteps of the man around it. "PLEASE! NOT AGAIN! NOT HIM!" The man did not seem to notice that anything was wrong, he did not sweat in fear nor were his steps hesitant. 'This is it…' thought a part of Rowena's mind as she screamed relentlessly at the beast that was her. 'This is where I've come to again.'

Baring its teeth, the wolf ran around the corner and leapt with a snarl at the man who, shocked and frightened, turned just as the claws came into contact with his left cheek, scraping across it, but no sooner did the wolf's feet hit the ground and let out a howl than Salazar shouted, "STUPEFY!" sending her flying backwards into one of the walls. She heard a crack as her head hit the stone, and everything faded to black to the sound of Salazar's voice, "Oh my god! Rowena!"

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Rowena woke groggily with the mother of all headaches. The last thing she remembered was the horrible crack of bone hitting stone. 'Was it a dream?' She opened her eyes to see a high arched ceiling of grey stone. It was fairly light in the room, but she could hear rain pounding on glass. For several moments she could not remember where she was, could not recognise the room… She tried to sit up, but her head spun as she did so, and so she laid back down, placing her hand to her forehead.

Quickly she drew her hand away and gasped as she felt bandage wrapped around her skull. 'It wasn't a dream!' she realized and then she opened her eyes wider as it dawned on her, 'Where's Salazar?!' Rowena turned her head and saw him laying in a bed next to her, asleep. He had four rows of stitches on his cheek, and her stomach turned. She had to look away from him. 'I hurt him… I've done it… I hurt him… God… He'll want nothing to do with me…' Rowena let out a sob and tears, that she hadn't even realized were building up, began sliding down from her eyes. Her old self-loathing reinstated itself and consumed her, eating at her insides. She knew that it was bound to happen eventually, 'but I let myself believe in this illusion that he could love me for what I am and that nothing bad would ever happen to us… Stupid…' "Stupid…" Scolding herself and crying, she slowly sat up and put her feet on the floor, facing away from Salazar. "How could you be so bloody foolish?" On her feet now, she grabbed the slip that was folded beside her bed and put it on.

Guilty and defeated, she used the railings of the beds to make her way to the door, passing sleeping Salazar on the way; she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She walked to the door, pressed her hand to it, and whispered, "I'm sorry. Goodbye." And at that, she pushed the door open and headed down to their room.

It was quite the process trying to get down all the stairs, especially when her head was as cloudy as it was, the steps seemed endless and every time a staircase moved, she had to cling to the railing, just to remain upright, though it did nothing for her sense of balance. The entire way she cried quietly, the pain of hurting the one she loved yet again… Again she'd allowed herself to feel secure and safe, and again she'd proven that she couldn't handle that sort of thing.

"God damnit!" Rowena swore as she reached the second floor and leaned with her forehead against the wall, waiting for the staircase to move into place for her to get down. "God damnit… Why? Why didn't you leave at the end of your first month? Why?" She pushed away from the wall and headed down the next set of stairs as it locked itself into place. The revulsion for herself swelled inside her, crashed around her like the waves of the ocean, dragging her down the steps to what had been their room, drowning her. Her throat closed up with the tears she cried, feeling her own shame suffocating her.

"Why didn't you just walk away before you got attached?" Each stair seemed an endless trial she must endure to reach the next and then the next. Her world was crashing as she stepped through the door and headed straight for the dresser not bothering to close the door behind her. She frantically searched for a bag and then began throwing clothes into it, trying to fold them so that she could fit a few more. "So stupid!" Rowena put a warm dress on over the slip, threw on some shoes, then closed the dresser door and pressed her eyes tightly closed. She hit the door with her fist once and left it there as she bawled for a minute and prepared herself, mentally, to leave Hogwarts for the last time. Emotionally… she knew she couldn't prepare for leaving again, so she just let her heart break, as she'd known it would eventually.

Taking a deep breath, she turned around, picked up her bag off the bed, and walked out the door, closing it firmly behind her. It gave her a sense of finality to have it closed to her. She walked down the hallway, every step and breath and sniffle she took echoing off the walls, surrounding her with the sounds of her own self-created agony.

The stairs seemed miles away, but she reached them, and looked only at her feet until the light of the main floor lit the stairs before her. "Wren?" Came a feeble question from above and she stopped in her tracks to look. Salazar stood at the second step, seemingly frozen as she was, looking down at her. By the light of the last torch on the wall, she saw the pain on his face, and she looked away.

"I… I'm sorry." She choked out after a great pause of tense silence keeping her eyes glued to the stair in front of her. "I can't stay… I'm so sorry…"

Salazar opened and closed his mouth several times before swallowing a gulp of air that was suddenly very cold. He looked down to his feet and ran his fingers through his hair. Sickness swept through him like nothing he'd ever felt before. His fiancé was leaving… and the only reason he could come to was that it was because of him. Another cold breath entered his lungs and he fought back tears fiercely. "P-please… don't go…"

Rowena shook her head and shut her eyes, never turning her face toward him. "I can't stay Salazar… you must understand…" She was trembling all over, and the bag in her tightly clenched hand was becoming heavier by the minute, harder to hold.

"But…" Salazar looked up to stop himself from shedding tears. There was a place and time for that, but it wasn't here or now. He had to stop her. "Why?"

She bit her lip and moved up the stairs past him, keeping her eyes down and nearly closed. "You know why, Salazar…" The sound of rain was coming down harder now and shook the windows as it pelted them. That would be good, she could run in that, when not many others could.

"Wren… Please don't leave me…" He sounded like his soul was being ripped out of him, and indeed he felt like it. The last thing Salazar wanted to happen was to have her walk out on him. Especially now so close to the time when they were supposed to be married.

"Salazar… I… I have to. I can't stay…"

"Why not!" He demanded, regaining strength in his voice.

Rowena turned around and looked him in the eyes, tears streaming constantly from hers. "Why not? Salazar… just look at you! Look at your face! Don't you even realize what happened? Can't you see?" She choked up and turned away from him.

"I…" He stopped, swallowing, hoping - no, praying - he had misunderstood her… "If you never want to see me again… I… I can live with that… but I'll go, you can stay…" Salazar was now looking at the floor.

Rowena too was looking at the floor, her back to Salazar. "I told you that you would hate me…" She murmured, taking a step away toward the front door.

Salazar looked up quickly, "What?"

"Nothing…" She walked on.

"No. Not nothing. You told me that I would hate you? I… I told you Rowena… Never… God!" He came forward and grabbed her shoulder to stop her. "Rowena… I thought… God! I don't hate you! I thought you'd hate me!"

She turned around, a baffled look on her face. "Me hate you? Never! Not in a thousand years! Why would I?" Salazar touched her head, "But… how can you not hate me for that…" She raised her hand toward his face, then drew away, looking down again. "Look at what I've done to you that forced you to protect yourself so…"

Salazar sighed and placed a hand on her cheek, turning her face toward him. "Rowena… It doesn't matter to me. Sure I'll be left with a few scars - no big deal… Is that why you're leaving? Because you scratched me?" She winced at hearing in words what she'd done, but feeling it was much worse than how Salazar put it.

"Salazar… I'm dangerous. I hurt you…"

He looked down and she didn't hear him mutter, "I hurt you too."

"Sure it may be a… scratch, this time… but what if it happens again. And now… I'm sure that Godric and Helga know?" Salazar nodded. "I won't doubt they want me out… What if I hurt them? What if I bite one of you? I would die if I changed any of you! You're all too wonderful of people to have such a curse lain on you."

"So are you!" Salazar protested, stopping her in her rant. She stood, shaking, her hands sweating, causing the bag to slip slightly in her hand so she had to re-grip it. "Look, Rowena, I chose to be with you. I chose to become intimate with you. I chose to propose to you. You are my fiancé, my betrothed, and I chose that, knowing full well the risks I was taking. I love you, Rowena. I don't care if you're dangerous, we'll be more careful, I'll find a better room for you, we'll lock it from the outside." He was trying everything he could to make her see that she didn't need to go, that she could stay there and still be safe and loved. "I found your flask in the room next to some honey three days ago, I think-"

"Three days?! How long have I been out?" Rowena interrupted, shocked.

"About eight days in total… We didn't know when you'd wake up…" Rowena gasped, not realizing that she'd been unconscious for more than a week. "But I think that the honey's what may have stopped the potion from working. We'll just not experiment with it, just use what works. And isn't it better that Helga and Godric know now, I mean, now they know that they may need to protect themselves from a wolf, and it will be a good thing to consider when we're starting the school. You don't have to leave. Sure, Helga was frightened at first, but she's getting used to the idea of you being a werewolf, and so is Godric. They don't want you to leave either."

"So they tell you…"

Salazar ignored the comment thrown in, "Please, Rowena, my little Wren… my wife-to-be… don't go…"

Quivering, Rowena looked into Salazar's eyes. He was pleading, begging her to stay with him. He needed her, and she could see it. The truth revealed itself in his eyes in that moment. It struck her in the face like a tonne of bricks, making itself so undeniably blatant and obvious that a blind man could have seen it. The truth was… she needed him too, and no matter how far or long she ran, she would always feel a dull aching need for him that would never die until she did. All the risk and all the fear warred against her need to stay and it all happened inside her within minutes of still silence. Neither she nor Salazar moved, they barely breathed, as if should either of them break the silence, they would lose each other forever.

Her heart struggled against her head and he waited in anticipation for her to come to a conclusion. As far as he was concerned, she was staying, for she had not left yet, and he'd left her an open opportunity, and that meant that he had penetrated her fearful need to run, and the desire was crumbling as they stood. "Salazar… promise me something… If I am to stay, I need you to promise me something…"

"Anything." He said without hesitation.

She bit her lip nervously, then took a breath, "If I stay, you have to promise me that if I hurt anyone again… you will let me go."

He cringed inwardly, but held her gaze as he told her, "If that happens… I will let you go… But I will not stop loving you. I will love you, no matter what, and I will do everything in my power to make sure this doesn't happen again. I promise you."

Rowena swallowed in an attempt to keep her voice from cracking in tears. He did care for her, she knew it now more than ever. She knew that it was easy, character-wise, to get down on one knee… but it took much more… so much more to endure the trials of the action when they were so extreme, as they were, and would always be, in her case. Salazar loved her… he really, truly did… either that or he was stupid… but she believed he loved her more than he was stupid (even if she did believe the latter was in him as well). The bag in her hand slipped out of her fingers and she threw her arms around him, being careful of his scarred cheek.

She knew there were to be worse trials ahead… but for now, she couldn't care less.