Chapter Eleven
An icy pang of dread settled in my chest. I was just a replacement to him, more akin to a placeholder. A love like that which Killian and Milah had shared couldn't just be pushed aside, like he seemed to do so often. Neal had even said I looked quite similar to his mother, during the rare times she'd been happy during his childhood. I wasn't someone to him; I was a reminder of what he'd lost. I stood and further covered Hook with the blanket I'd been using until a few minutes ago.
I needed to get out of here and back to my forest. I should have never ventured out from its protective depths in the first place. I made my way back into Killian's quarters to collect my bag, but not before taking the time to write him a quick note. I needed him to stay away from Granny's until I had packed up my things and gone. The only way to do that was to make him think everything was fine.
Killian,
Sorry I had to leave early, but I needed to get cleaned up before
John and Allan arrived at Granny's. I had a great time last night,
so I'll meet you for lunch at the diner around one. I'm buying.
R.
I had to stop myself from crying as I left the note attached to his hook, hanging from the rigging of the mast above him. I drove Ruby's car back to Granny's in silence, seeing very few people on the streets of Storybrooke this early on a Sunday morning. It was nearly eight in the morning by the time I reached the B and B, parking out the front and then using Ruby's keys to let myself in. Ruby made her way to the reception desk with a bright smile on her face, but her expression sank when she caught sight of me.
"What's the matter, Robyn?" she asked worriedly. "If he hurt you, I'll kill him." She rushed over and pulled me into a firm hug.
I shook my head. "No. He didn't hurt me; at least not physically. Do you think you can help me pack my things? I'll be leaving for my cabin in a few hours after John and Allan have left."
She blinked at me in surprise. "You found them? How? And of course I'll help you pack. Whatever you need, Robyn. I just need to call the diner and tell Granny I'll be a couple of hours late. Go have a shower and change. I'll be right up."
"Thanks, Red. I'll tell you what happened while we pack," I declared, then shakily made my way upstairs to my room.
Two hours later I'd made all the arrangements with everyone I'd needed to, packed my things, and taken all my supplies to the park ranger's cabin at the entrance to the forest trails. All I needed to do was settle my business with my new employees, and then I could be on my way. I'd already wasted an hour with Ruby, just crying as I tried to put myself back together, and repeating my account of yesterday's events – as well as this morning's incident.
John and Allan promptly arrived at ten, after which I hired them as two more forest rangers of the Storybrooke region. The paperwork was completed, then sent to the Records Office and Regina's. They had two weeks to get everything in order and break in their forest garb before I would pick them up at the Hidden Lakes campsite.
My last stop before I left for the forest was the diner. I needed to say my last goodbyes to Granny, Ruby, and maybe Jefferson, if he'd gotten the message I'd left on his phone. The letter I'd written to Killian to explain everything weighed heavy in the pocket of my old hunting jacket. I couldn't take the leather overcoat he'd given me; it would only remind me of him and make it that much harder to stay away. My friends were waiting in the back alley, just as I'd asked them to.
Grace rushed over as soon as I'd gotten out of my car. "Please don't go, Aunt Alice. We need you here. What about Mister Jones? Won't you both be sad if you're gone for so long?" She pleaded and pulled me close to her own small body.
I wiped Grace's tears away and knelt down in front of her. "We will be sad, but we need some time apart and I'm needed in the forest. We can't let the monsters get into the town now can we? If you're a good girl for your Papa, I'll bring you a photo of a real-live unicorn next time I visit. Alright?"
She nodded and then gestured to Henry, who was waiting beside his mother, before running back to Jefferson for comfort.
"Did you want to say goodbye to the 'big, bad she-wolf' too, Henry?" I asked him playfully as I stood.
He nodded and pushed a small package into my hands. "Yeah, this is for you. I don't know why you're running away from Hook, but I hope you work everything out. He really likes you, Miss Alice," he replied in a solemn tone.
I ruffled his hair and hugged the wise young boy close. "I really like him too, Henry, but sometimes that isn't enough. Thank you for my present. I'll open it when I get home."
Jefferson and Emma were next, choosing to say goodbye to me at the same time. "Are you sure you can't stay? Everyone is really going to miss you, especially Hook. I don't know what happened between you, but you don't have to leave," declared the Sheriff supportively.
I shook my head. "It'll be better for everyone and he'll find someone else easily enough. I just can't compete with our ghosts anymore."
Emma nodded understandingly and hugged me, then re-joined the children, taking them into the diner for a hot chocolate to cheer them up.
"You're going to have to stop running one day, wolf-girl," Jefferson remarked, using one of his childhood nicknames for me. "Until you do, you're only going to miss out on everybody's happiness. Including your own. Killian will hunt you down for an explanation himself, if he has to, you know that. He won't stop until he has legitimate answers – not excuses."
I nodded. "I know, 'top-hat', but he'll have to find me first. My cabin isn't my only hideaway, and where I'm going he won't be able to find me. As for answers, I have a letter for him that will explain everything."
"I hope you know what you're doing, because Hook won't give up on you that easily. He spent three hundred years trying to get his revenge."
I leapt forward to hug my friend fiercely. "I hope for the same thing, but I can't be happy playing pretend in place of Milah's ghost. I need to let him go. Can you keep an eye on him for me? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid and get himself killed because he's upset?" I asked my friend, desperately wanting Killian to be safe until I next returned to Storybrooke.
Jefferson released me with a sad smile on his face. "We'll all look after him for you, Marian, and make sure he stays in one piece. Just promise you'll look after yourself and visit as much as you can," he farewelled, and left to join Emma and their individual children inside the diner.
Granny gifted me with a hug, a gruff warning to look after myself and a key to my usual room at the hotel, saying that she would keep it ready in case I need it, because it was all mine now. I could have almost sworn she had tears in her eyes before she departed.
Ruby was definitely the most tearful goodbye, on both our ends. "I don't know why I'm crying; I'll see you during the full moon in a couple of days," she said, dabbing her tears away with a tissue.
I handed her the letter for Killian. "Can you give this to Hook for me? He deserves some sort of explanation from me for leaving like this. He'll be here around one expecting me to meet me, but you may want to get as many people out of the diner as you can before then. I don't know what will happen after he reads it, so it's best to be careful."
She nodded. "I'll look after him as best as I can. Goodbye, Robyn," she farewelled sadly.
I hugged her tightly. "Goodbye, Red, and thank you for everything while I've been in town," I replied, before getting into my car and waving farewell to the other werewolf of Storybrooke.
The majority of the time I was in the forest, I left my car in storage beside the forest ranger's cabin, because I didn't have any use for it on the trails. I gave Leroy fifty bucks to make sure it worked every few weeks and drive it around a little. The only method of transport with all my supplies - besides walking - was via quad-bike. I unloaded my personal belonging from my car, then parked it around the side of the ranger's cabin and covered it up. Leroy knew where I kept the keys.
I'd just loaded up the last of my supplies on the back of the quad-bike, when my brother came loping out of the trees. I stole a quick glance at my pocket watch, noting he'd come from the direction of Storybrooke. Everything had taken longer than I thought, it was just after one now, and already a commotion was happening in the wake of Killian's reaction. Hurriedly, I started up the all-terrain vehicle and took off up the trail.
"What the bloody hell do you mean, 'Robyn's gone?' Where did she go?" Killian roared, before he began pacing the length of the diner. Emma, Ruby, and Jefferson were the only ones there, as Granny had closed the diner and taken the children to Snow and Charming's house. Just to be safe.
"She went back to the forest, Hook. Robyn is needed there and she didn't want to hurt you both with drawn out goodbyes. She knew it would only hurt you both more if you fought against her leaving," explained Ruby in a brisk tone.
The pirate's pacing paused as he gleaned something from Ruby's words. "Why would I fight against Robyn leaving? I knew she had to go back to the forest since she told me a few days ago. What aren't you telling me, She-Wolf?" He asked warily.
Ruby sighed and dug out an envelope from the pocket of her apron. "Robyn gave me this before she left. It's for you, Hook, but you won't like what she has to say," she answered despondently.
Killian accepted the plain stationary from her hand. "What does she have to say?" he questioned the group, already dreading their answer. He knew that, whatever the reason they'd all gathered here for, it couldn't be good.
"It's goodbye, Killian. This is Robyn's way of saying goodbye, without sorting out her problems. She runs away," Jefferson replied in a final manner.
Killian reached out a hand to steady himself on the table. His legs suddenly feeling weak, but not so much that he felt the need to sit down. He needed to get out of the diner, and back to his ship. The bracing sea air and the presence of the Roger would comfort him.
Half an hour later, Killian collapsed on the deck of his ship, a defeated man. He'd read over her letter twice back at the diner, and now Robyn's words haunted his mind, as if she herself had whispered them into his ear. He pulled the letter from his pocket and began reading aloud, so the Roger could hear what the werewolf had written.
"Dear Killian,
I don't expect for you to forgive me for this, because it's the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I'm saying goodbye. For good. As much as we want this relationship to work out in the long run, it never will. We both have pasts entwined with losing loved ones at the hands of others and I can no longer fight past the ghosts that reside in our memories. I believe it's for the best that I do this. Neither of us expected the connection between us, despite the unresolved issues we have yet to deal with. I wish you the best in your life, Killian, because you deserve more happiness than I can ever bring you.
"Sincerely, Marian," he finished in a hoarse tone, as he moved to lean his forehead against the mast.
Killian could feel the presence of the Roger in his mind, trying to comfort him as the last fragments of his love fell from his soul. He gritted his teeth against the stray tears that welled up in his eyes. It was then that his ship bombarded his mind with her personal memories of Robyn. The first was the words she'd whispered against this very part of the mast when he'd invited her aboard yesterday.
"It's nice to finally meet you in person; I've heard so much from our pirate that I feel I know you already. You have my thanks for keeping him safe for so long, and you can trust him with me. I'll keep him safe, too."
The next memory was the one that shocked him the most. It was after they'd fallen asleep against the mast. Robyn had rolled onto the deck during a nightmare, curled up in herself for only a couple of minutes before he'd sensed her absence and curled himself up around her protectively. Robyn had burrowed her head against his chest before murmuring softly, "love you, Kil'."
The third memory was of earlier this morning in his quarters. Robyn was at his table writing the note he'd found attached to his hook. She'd kept a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs as she wrote. "I'm sorry, Killian. I may be falling in love with you, but I can't be her," she'd said to herself sadly.
The last memory was the most important. He watched with a sense of horror as she woke up and caught the tail end of his own nightmare, before he'd called her Milah and begged her not to go. It was no wonder why she'd run away. Robyn believed that he thought of her as just a copy of his lost love and she couldn't live with that. No one could have. Gods, he was a fool of the highest calibre, and he couldn't go after her now, because he'd never find her in the forest – not when she didn't want to be found. Killian had lost her: the only speck of light left in his life after Milah had died and his revenge had been given up on. For the first time in his life, he didn't have a plan. He didn't know what to do.
Later that night, I let Robb into the cabin and curled up next to him as I cried. My brother sat there calmly in his wolf form, occasionally nudging me with his muzzle and moving closer when he sensed I needed it. I feel asleep in front of the fireplace, curled up in a nest of blankets pillows, with Robb at my back. My dreams were far from peaceful, being the worst I'd had in years. These were worse than the ones I'd had after Will was murdered by Cora, and the nightmares I'd had after I was silvered three weeks ago. I'd woken up more times than I could count. Sometimes I'd be screaming, or crying, or sometimes both. Either way, I felt horrible afterwards. My throat and eyes would feel raw, and more often than not I'd also be sweating
I woke up feeling more exhausted than I had before I'd gone to bed, but I had no time to sleep in. Killian may not have been able to find me in my own forest, but it wouldn't stop him from trying. I had a few other hideaways here, the nearest being a large tree house two miles away. All I had to do was pack enough food and supplies for a week, then stay at the house while I went about my usual duties and tried to keep myself together. I didn't really have another choice. Either way, I would have to be careful during the upcoming full moon.
"I wonder what happened to make Robyn leave? Obviously it had something to do with Milah, but what?" Emma asked Jefferson discretely, while they watched both their children enjoying the use of the playground.
The realm-jumper shrugged. "I don't know, but whatever it was made Robyn run for the forest pretty quickly. She only runs that far and that fast when she feels completely out of her depth. It was enough to make her give up on everything they had together."
She nodded thoughtfully. "It must have been bad, because you saw what they were like at your place last week. They were happy and practically all over each other…almost like my parents," she added.
"I know. They were probably the best people to help each other heal. I've called Robyn twice already and both times it's rung through to voicemail. Have you tried talking to Killian yet?" Jefferson asked her, before taking a sip from his thermos of tea.
The sheriff shook her head. "No, not yet. I thought it would be better to let him mull over his mistake and get it out of his system before I did. He's not the most stable person at the best of times. God knows what grief has done to him. David caught him firing his canons at some trees yesterday, so I have no idea what to expect today," she explained.
Jefferson nodded understandingly. "If you don't have any luck with him, let me know and maybe we can switch tomorrow. You can try contacting Robyn, and I'll try to get through to Hook. It can't hurt to try, Princess."
Emma rolled her eyes and slapped him on the arm. "How many times have I told you to stop calling me that? It's bad enough that I get it from everyone else; I don't need it from you. It does sound like a good idea, though. If nothing happens, then we can always send Ruby to slap some sense into them both. It's barely been a week and already they're falling apart."
Her boyfriend settled his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side. "We'll find a way to help them – even if we have to knock them out and leave them in a cell together. We can only hope that things will work themselves out in the end."
"I hope you're right, because I don't know how much more of this they're going to be able to take," she answered him in a worried tone, relaxing into his comforting embrace.
A/N:
Hello again. Here's the latest chapter for Of Hooks and Arrows. i hope you enjoy it after the monumental cliff-hanger i finished the last chapter on, and that you all continue to tell me what you think of the story. It was a little delayed because my lovely Beta, was undergoing the treacherous waters that are high school exams. As always i love to hear what you think or any song suggestions that i can add to the story playlist.