Here it is, everyone! The much awaited chapter that tells of what happens when Sev gets home drunk! I know you're itching to skip ahead but I have just a few things to say... I tried to get back to almost everyone who reviewed the last chapter (cuz you all rock socks, just sayin) but there were a few guest reviews that I didn't get to reply to for obvious reasons. So all my guest reviewers- Sheepcat, Jaxa, Nikolette, Dorothy, Chris, Dracolover and all the rest- thank you for your reviews! And a special note to guest reviewer Ashley~ wait to read Hermione's POV on this before you let this ruin the chapter for you. It's not quite what you think ; )

That having been said, read on, oh beloved readers!

11

Severus looked around at the wreckage of his bedroom and fought off waves of nausea. Every piece of furniture save one lone chair had been smashed. Papers were scattered everywhere. Some were research notes, some lists, but most were sketches of Hermione. Her image greeted him everywhere he turned. Her eyes staring up at him no matter where he looked. Smiling, laughing, concentrating with her lip caught between her teeth. She would never look at him in happiness ever again, he was certain of it. All his dreams, gone in a few moments of drunken stupidity. He could never take it back.

Though he didn't deserve the release, he stumbled over to the Adfectus and pulled the memory of the last hour from his mind.

I stumble to my feet and pass another galleon over to the bartender. He knows its as much for the drinks as it is for his silence. I can apparate to the flat, but I don't want to startle Hermione. Nor do I have any desire to get myself splinched. Instead, I walk along the dark road. It isn't night time yet, but the part of London I am in is never bright. My kind of people, those that work best under cover of darkness, favor this area just for that reason. What would Hermione think if she saw me here? What would Hermione think if she knew half of the things I've done in my life?

I hope the brisk walk back to Diagon Alley will help sober me up. After only a few steps I realize that I am very, verydrunk. Did I have two bottles of Firewhiskey or three? I remember that night Hermione had half a bottle of wine with me and got tipsy. She had been adorable, giggling and teetering on her feet... She is so sweet, so pure... She doesn't belong with me. Not at all. Even aside from the fact that I am old enough to be her father- she deserves someone good and wholesome like she is. But I don't want anyone else to have her. Even trying to think of someone deserving of her makes my blood pound in my ears and rage pour through me. She is mine!

But no- she's not. She can never be mine. She will only ever be mine in law, in name. Never in truth or deed. How can I possibly win such a woman as her? I fucking can't. I never could. Even Lily knew better than to choose me. She chose James blasted Potter. She had children with him. No, child. Just one. Then she died. Because of me. But I saved her son. I saved the boy that has James' face. The boy that should have been mine. It isn't fair that I didn't get to have any children. That the chance was taken away from me.

But I would make a terrible father. I don't deserve children any more than I deserved Lily. Any more than I deserve Hermione. My wife. My wife! The woman that I can never have. And I want her the way I've never wanted another woman. None of the women I've fucked over the years appealed to me the way that Hermione does. They were all whores, most of them servants of Voldermort hoping to garner favor with him by bedding me. I have done so many twisted sexual things that I don't remember them all. Used women in ways that someone like Hermione could never dream of. I do not want to fuck her the way I fucked the others. I want to... I want to be gentle with her, to be tender and soft, to make her scream my name in pleasure. But I know that I would want to fuck her, too. Hard and hot and deep. I want to show her every deviant fantasy I've ever had.

I fold my arms, bringing my robes around myself to hide my erection from sight. Not that anyone is looking. Who would look at me? I know what I look like. I know my eyes are so dark they appear black, soulless. I know my hair is so fine and lank that it always appears greasy. I know that my lips sneer more than they smile. That my nose would be better suited as a bird beak than on a human face. That my skin is eternally pale. That my height makes me loom over people. I am powerful in a way that scares people. My size, my past, my knowledge. I am terrifying. What could I possibly have to offer the beautiful little witch waiting for me back at my flat?

I stumble up the stairs, trying to make as little noise as I can. I don't want anyone to wonder what all the commotion is and come running to investigate. No one can see me drunk. It is my rule. I've never broken it before. But Hermione will see me now. My wife will see it now. Hermione. My wife. Mine. Will she be outraged? Angry? Sad? No, my Hermione will lay me down and put a cool cloth on my forehead and stroke my cheek gently until the world stops spinning. She will give me tea and tell me that she has faith in me, that she trusts me. My Hermione.

I turn the doorknob quietly so as not to startle her. The door creaks slightly as it opens and I step inside. I hear a gasp and my eyes sluggishly turn to find the sound. When I do, I cannot believe what is right in front of me. It cannot be. Surely...surely this is something my drunken mind has made up to torment me.

"Severus," Draco says, pushing Hermione away from him. But I don't see them separate. I see them exactly as they were when I first saw them. Hermione's hands are on Draco's chest, his arms around her. Her lips on his. Her lips... I feel my breath start coming quickly as deep, black rage steals over me. I look to Hermione, searching her face. She looks different. Beautiful. She is always beautiful, but this is more. The dress that I had seen her wear a few weeks ago- the dress that I love- only not that dress. This one is tight, shorter and more revealing. Her legs are more bare than covered, displayed by the high heels she is wearing. Her lips are crimson and her eyes dark dark and wide. Even her hair looks different. I realize that she has dressed up. Dressed up for him. Draco. One of the few people who knew where I was. And why not? It suddenly makes a horrible kind of sense. Of course she would want Draco. Cool good looks and a gilded tongue. Money, influence- even her own age.

Of course she'd needed a contraception potion last week. Of course she hadn't asked to come along with me when I'd left earlier. She'd been waiting for me to leave so that she could bring Draco over. So she could dress up for him and kiss him and fuck him. Did they take a sick pleasure on fucking on my bed? Flaunting their romance right under my nose? I suddenly can't see clearly. The blood is pounding in my head and I can't think straight. I can only see Draco, with his hands on her-my wife!

My wand flicks before I even realize I've done anything. Draco vanishes. I don't stop to think of where I've put him. He is just gone. I smile what I know must be a chilling, menacing smile. Gone. He's gone, and its just Hermione and I. She takes a sharp breath and holds a hand up to me.

"Severus, I know that must have looked-"

"Do not speak to me," I hiss at her. I don't want to hear her voice. I don't want to listen to her excuses, to her lies if she tries to hide her treachery. I know deep down that this isn't a betrayal because we are not really married, she isn't really mine, but I can't acknowledge that. She ismine. I will show her that she is mine, and drive any thoughts of others from her head. I am at her side in two quick strides and wrap her hair around my fist. I tip her head back sharply, exposing the long line of her throat to me. The fingers of my other hand curl around the long pale column. I brush my thumb over her fluttering pulse and then tighten my fingers fractionally. Her eyes widen but she doesn't flinch or struggle. My fingers tighten more and then relax. I don't want to hurt her. I can't hurt her. But I want to punish her. To brand her as mine forever. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?" I slur the words in her ear. "Did you think you could fuck him in here without me knowing?" I hear her gasp and feel her try to turn her head to meet my eyes but I hold her tightly in place by her hair. "You are mine, Hermione." I take her mouth before she can say anything.

The kiss is hard and demanding. I know I am crushing my lips to hers with brutal force. My brain is screaming at me to be careful, to back off- to stop! But I don't listen. I want her. She is mine. That is all I can think about. Her lips are open and I explore her mouth with my tongue, my cock throbbing harder and harder every time I feel her gasp. I slide my hand down from her neck to the front of her dress. My fingers move along the edge of the fabric, touching pale, soft skin. She trembles and I cover her breast with my hand and squeeze. Her flesh tightens under my touch and I growl in satisfaction. I move my head down and kiss her neck. My other hand leaves her breast and slides between her legs. She cries out and her body bows.

"Severus, wait!" I bite down on her shoulder hard where the delicate muscle there meets her neck. Her hands come up to my shoulders, nails digging into my skin through my clothes. Somewhere, my drink fogged brain registers that she said waitand not stop. Clothes, we are wearing too many clothes! I can feel the heat of her through her panties and it is making me crazed, mad with lust and want. I tear them away and palm her. She is hot and slick and I need to be inside her now right fucking now! I lift her with one arm. Her legs go around my waist, bringing her flush against my straining cock through my trousers. I bring us to the table, unable to make it any farther before being inside of her. I push her back onto the table and then pull her hips roughly to the edge. Her dress rides up as I spread her legs. My fingers fumble as I undo my belt and free my erection. Hermione comes up to her elbows and tries to speak again. "Severus! Wait!" Wait, not stop, my darkest self whispers. Not stop. I can't stop. I have to have her.

"You are mine," I growl and push her back down. My lips find hers, dominating her and silencing her. I reach between us, my hand seeking her out because a small, sober part of my brain won't allow me to hurt her, it needs to make sure she is ready for me to fill her. I feel her excitement slick against my fingers and my cock throbs in response. I slide one finger into her and...and...

I freeze.

No. Its... NO. How is that possible? My brain tries sluggishly to process what I am feeling under my fingertip. A very thin barrier. Dazed, I lift my head and look into her eyes. She is breathing heavy and looks up at me with those big brown eyes, looking almost as lost as I feel. A virgin? Could it be true? She's never been with anyone before? But then, with Draco... My head spins as I try to figure out what this means.

Suddenly I look down and realize what I am doing. I have her pinned to the dining room table, her dress shoved up, my cock inches away from her virginentrance. Inches away from robbing her of her innocence with one brutal thrust. My hand is between her legs, violating her. Suddenly my senses aren't dulled by drink. I realize that I've done something terrible. Something unforgivable. I wanted to punish her. To fuck her and prove to her that she is mine. But she isn't mine. She never will be. Am I no better than those bastards in the potion shop? I was going to...I was going to rape her. I jerk my hand away as if she is burning me. I stumble away from her, fighting back bile. What have I done? She is staring up at me, still fighting to catch her breath. Her eyes dart from my face, down to my groin and back. I button my pants with trembling fingers and try to think, try to apologize. But no apology can touch this.

"Forgive me," I gasp the words like a man drowning. What the fuck am I saying? I do not deserve her forgiveness. "Fuck!" My oath is strangled. Hermione is still staring up at me with those wide brown eyes. I cannot bear it any more. I turn and storm down the hall to my bedroom. I slam the door behind me and with a flick of my wand every ward I know is in place over the door. I need to keep the world at bay. I cannot face it. I cannot bear what I have done. The anger comes in hot waves. How could I have done something so terrible? I lash out, splintering the table to my side, smashing the large guilt mirror, throwing the chair against the wall where it shatters. I continue to rage, unable to believe what I have done, unable to let go of the hatred churning in my gut- hatred felt for myself. I finally stop, hands braced on the desk. I want to crack it in two. On the surface there is a large chunk of mirror. I see my reflection staring back at me. As I look into my own black-green eyes, I realize two things with perfect clarity. The first is that I have fallen madly, hopelessly, desperately in love with my wife. The second is something I have been afraid of admitting my whole life. But I cannot deny it any more. I truly am a monster.

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**A/N...I almost stopped this chapter here just to let that sink in for a few days, but I decided that would be just too mean, so let's see how Hermione viewed all that, shall we?**

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Hermoine stared at the place Severus had been only moments ago. Why did she keep having to do that?! She was shaking and didn't know what to feel. What to think. Slowly she smoothed down her dress and sat up. She could hear crashes and things shattering in Severus' room. But what had just happened? She brought her hand to her kiss swollen lips and touched them experimentally. He'd just...stopped. A delayed reaction to her asking him to wait? Or because he'd felt her virginity? Was he mad about it? Was he just angry that he'd realized his accusation was false?

Suddenly angry at the memory she got down from off of the table and smoothed down the dress. He'd actually thought she was sleeping with Draco?! He was an idiot. Worse than an idiot. Hermione had been living with Severus for months and actively trying to seduce him for weeks now! Why would she possibly want to fuck Draco bloody Malfoy?

The only thing that made her feel bad was what it must have looked like when Severus had come in. Hermione had just sat down to drink a calming cup of tea when someone knocked on the door. Instantly worried something had happened to Severus, Hermione answered it and had been shocked to see Draco standing there on her doorstep.

"Where is Severus?" he'd asked as he came in. Hermione was so shocked she hadn't been able to speak for a moment.

"He's not here," she finally said, closing the door. "He's out right now and I'm not sure exactly when he will be back."

"Damn it!" Draco ran a frustrated hand through his already mussed blonde hair. "I need to talk to him!"

"What's wrong? Is everything ok?"

"It's fine," he snapped. Hermione stiffened and Draco let out a breath, pushing his hands into his pockets and shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I just need to get this damn case solved. And I think Severus is the only one who can help."

"What about Harry?"

"He's doing what he can, but Severus is the one with knowledge of dark curses. I need him to figure out what we are dealing with."

"Do you want to wait for him here? Like I said, I don't know when he will be back, but-"

"No, thanks Granger. Er, Snape."

"Hermione," Hermione urged gently. Draco sighed again and nodded.

"Hermione," he said. "Look, Hermione, about the other day..." He trailed off and then met her eyes. Hermione waited with raised brows. She wasn't about to let him off the hook. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm an arse. You don't deserve that."

"You're right, I don't." Hermione's voice held a wealth of disdain, but then softened. "But I appreciate the apology."

"I don't think of you that way, if it makes any difference. I used to think I did. My father... well I know better now. I'm not expecting you to forgive me for seven years of me being a prick, and I'm not about to start making friendship bracelets, but- well-"

"Draco, are you friends with Harry?" Hermione interrupted his halting speech. Draco looked uncomfortable and shrugged.

"We don't sit around and braid each other's hair."

"But are you his friend? Is he yours?"

"I guess," Draco admitted roughly.

"Then I'm your friend too." She cocked an eyebrow. "But don't get your hopes up about those friendship bracelets. They aren't my style." She chuckled when he looked relieved. "I trust Harry. If he's decided that you aren't a complete twit anymore then I'm going to choose to believe that too. And the fact that you were willing to admit to me that you consider him a friend says a lot about how far you've come."

"Thanks," Draco said quietly. "I really have been trying. Its not easy, but Potter keeps telling me that nothing worthwhile ever is." He gave a small smile. "And listen, about my father-"

"Don't, Draco. You aren't responsible for what your father does. You don't have to apologize for him."

"I know. Its just that, well, he'd mentioned something about you when he got back from Azkaban. I hadn't thought he'd meant anything by it, so I didn't tell anyone. If I'd have thought even for a moment that he would try to...you know...I would have told Harry to go there and do something about it."

"Well, Severus was there, so everything turned out alright in the end." She smiled at him and he shifted a little.

"So...er, that's going well?"

"Are you asking me if I'm happy with Severus?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"I am," Hermione said softly. "If you'd told me four years ago that one day I'd be happily living with Severus Snape, I'd have thought you'd gone daft. But I really am."

"Good. I'm glad. I mean...you deserve it."

He was being so sweet, so different from the Draco she'd known in school, that Hermione stepped forward and did something that started the chain of events that almost lead to her being deflowered on the dining room table. She went up on her toes to give Draco an kiss on the cheek. Draco's eyes widened and he jerked back so quickly that Hermione almost fell. She stumbled forward and Draco reflexively caught her. His hands wrapped around her arms just above the elbows and her hands came up to brace against his chest so she didn't fall into him completely. He looked like he was about to push her back.

"Draco, relax. I was just going to kiss your cheek. Its something friends do sometimes." She gave him a small smile and moved her face forward to try and kiss his cheek again. She almost laughed at the way he held perfectly still, his hands still wrapped around her arms and his face scrunched up as if she were going to wipe something icky off on him instead of give him a peck on the cheek. But she bit back her laughter so as not to hurt his feelings and leaned in. Just as she did, the door opened. Draco jerked his head around to see who was coming in. And of course, he turned just enough that Hermione's lips landed not on his cheek, but smack dab on his lips.

And then all hell had broken loose.

Severus had staggered in, looking like he was going to murder Draco. He only had time to say Severus' name and then suddenly he was gone. Hermione was fairly certain it hadn't been a voluntary disappearance. And Severus had stalked towards her as if cornering prey. When she'd raised her hand to try and explain, he'd sounded dangerously angry. He'd kissed her, hard and unyielding, but never hurting her. He'd tasted of firewhiskey and desire. Hermione put her hand to her lips again as she recalled what had happened in the next few minutes. Hot, urgent kisses, insistent fingers and gasping moans. She'd been so caught up in his touch, in getting what she'd been waiting for so long for, that she'd almost forgotten that it was important for him to know that she hadn't been kissing Draco. But he'd ignored her when she told him to wait. He'd driven her body higher and higher, wound tighter and tighter until she'd been aroused and unable to remember what she'd wanted him to wait for. And right when he was there, so close to giving her everything she wanted, he'd stopped! It had been hard for her to bite back her cry of disappointment when he'd pulled away.

Suddenly he hadn't looked angry or drunk or turned on. He'd taken two sharp breaths as if fighting back the urge to be sick. A look of horror had come into his eyes, then utter desolation. It was a look so bleak that Hermione's heart had twisted for him. His choked words, "forgive me," had nearly brought tears to her eyes. Was he asking forgiveness for thinking that she and Draco had been kissing? For accusing her of 'thinking you could fuck him in here' without him knowing? Or for being so forceful with her? Or was it that he wouldn't have gone so far if he'd known she was virgin? They'd never actually talked about it, and of course he would have assumed that she would have...at least with Ron... but she hadn't thought he would be upset to find out. Shocked, surprised, and she secretly hoped he would be pleased. But she had never dreamed he would react the way he had.

She tried to get the image of his erection out of her mind but couldn't. She hated that her first look at him under his clothes had been when he was desperately trying to get away from her. As she picked up her shredded panties from the floor, she tried to sort out her feelings. There was so much going on in her head that she feared she would never get it straightened out. She was upset he'd had to see her with Draco that way and upset that she'd hurt him. She was angry that he would assume she was sleeping with Draco and hadn't even given her a chance to explain. She'd been utterly turned on at his forceful kisses and his dominating touches. Of course she was indignant that he'd ignored her when she told him to wait, but that was only after. In the moment she hadn't really cared. Her brain had been battling her body, and she had wanted him to keep going. So she couldn't really be mad at him about that, could she? Maybe she was, but it was only one small part of it. Regardless of whatever else she felt, she needed to talk to Severus, to find out exactly what had happened. When had he gotten drunk, and why? Why had he assumed the worst when he'd seen her and Draco? And why the hell had he stopped and left just before taking her?

With a sigh, she went to his door and found it guarded by a dozen different wards. The crashing had stopped, but now the room was ominously silent. Hermione got out her wand and went to work on the wards, undoing them one at a time.

This was one of the most complex, gratifying, difficult and fun chapters for me to write. I hope you enjoyed that rollercoaster ride as much as I did! Want to know what they will say to each other when she gets through that door? Then leave me another lovely review and you'll bribe me into posting the aftermath on Saturday (US time). Thank you for reading, all you lovely people! See you soon...or maybe sooner than that!

PS. go listen to the audio at you tube dot com...it took me for-stinkin-ever to get the memory scene right. Severus is one tough nut to crack, but hopefully I came close ; )

Happy Reading, Reviewing, and Listening!