An hour after her morning text from Tony, which complained that McGee wasn't stimulating enough conversation and stated how much he wished the desk across from him wasn't empty, Ziva let out a breath and knocked on Devon's office door. "Come in," her therapist called, so she turned the handle and stepped inside.

A steaming cup of tea was waiting on the table, one of Ziva's favourite flavours from Devon's collection. The other woman stayed at her desk, shuffling through papers, until Ziva sat down. The lack of greeting bothered her, so she waited to see what would happen. Finally Dr. Andrews took her usual seat and stared at her patient with a mix of compassion and apology.

"I need you to tell me about last week Ziva," she said softly, "because I've never seen you like and that I should not have let you leave in that state."

Her question pulled Ziva back into the vortex of emotions that had consumed her after her appointment with Mandy the previous Monday. Since last Wednesday she had successfully put the thoughts from her mind, but now they came roaring back, determined to smother her again.

She took a small sip of tea and dragged her thumbnail down the handle. "You could not have stopped me," Ziva pointed out, knowing herself too well to think she could have accepted help then.

"Maybe not," the doctor conceded, "but running away isn't an option this time." She shook her head slowly. "I don't want to have to make this mandatory."

Ziva's eyebrow curved up. "Threats Devon?"

Devon smiled. "Care disguised as one, if that's how you want to look at it. However, I think it's so much better when you choose to do this on your own."

The dark haired woman sighed. "What do you want to know?"

Dr. Andrews smiled. "That's a start." She glanced at her patient's left hand. "Why don't you tell me about that?"

Relieved to be starting with the easy stuff, Ziva's face broke into a genuine smile. "Tony proposed a week and a half ago."

Pride lit Devon's face. "Do you know what a tremendous step is it for you to have said yes?"

Ziva set her tea down and tucked her legs under herself, eyes shining. "He has become my everything," she almost whispered. "I cannot imagine my life without him."

"And now you don't have to," Devon assured her. "I'm sure the feeling is mutual. When is the wedding?"

The woman who refused to develop idle habits twisted the ring around on her finger. "April twenty-first."

The doctor checked her wall calendar. "Four and a half weeks. In a hurry?"

Ziva's hands cradled her bump. "Tony wants us to be married before the baby is born. He will be the father then, according to law as well as love."

A faint smile found Devon's lips. "I get the feeling he's pretty excited about that part."

She looked down as the baby shifted. "He will be a good father. It should be impossible how much he loves us, but Tony has made it a reality."

Devon nodded. "How are plans coming?"

Ziva shrugged. "Slowly. Many things still need to be decided."

"You have time," the therapist commented, skimming over her notes before looking up. "What else did I miss last week?"

Her eyes flitted to the sun-kissed window. "Monday I wrote my citizenship test, Friday I took the oath." She struggled to look happy. "I am an American now. This is home and I am safe."

Devon read between the lines that weren't all that hidden. "But you will miss being Israeli, and perhaps you feel disloyal for cutting ties?"

"My heart will always be Israeli," Ziva said softly, though her words were dead serious. "It is a very large part of who I am, no matter what my passport says." She changed positions slightly. "But I cannot go back and I-" she faltered and took a breath. "I will miss my country. I will miss belonging there."

"Do you regret your choice Ziva?" Dr. Andrews ventured to ask.

The look in her eyes sharpened. "I cannot, because then I would not have this." In a significant gesture, she splayed her left hand over her growing belly, ring fully visible.

"Okay." Devon accepted her honestly. "Now that we have that settled, what are you trying not to tell me?"

Still avoiding the topic of her doctor's appointment, Ziva picked a reliable tangent, revealing something different instead. "I had a flashback on Thursday."

Frowning, Devon paid close attention. "That's the first one in awhile."

Ziva did not disagree. "I could do without them."

"What was the trigger?" the doctor wanted to know.

Uncomfortable placing blame on the man who had been there for her every step of the way, Ziva looked anywhere but Devon's eyes. "Tony...put his hand on my leg." She swallowed, again feeling the panic that had overwhelmed her. "It brought some memories back."

Devon did not look impressed. "Engaged a week and he's already pushing boundaries? Ziva..."

"It was an accident," the other woman hastened to assure her. "We were watching a movie and...he did not do it on purpose Doctor. Tony is not like that."

"He better not be," Dr. Andrews said, clearly doubtful. But she let it go and focused again on the passage of time. "How was this weekend?"

Ziva thought back to Sunday night. "McGee and Abby came over for supper. They had a rather...unexpected announcement."

"Oh?" Devon's lips smiled. "Did he finally ask her?"

"Yes," Ziva said slowly, "but five months ago, not recently. They were married on October twenty-eighth."

Devon said back. "Wow, didn't see that one coming."

"Us either," Ziva replied. "It is a little hard to wrap my head around." She rested on arm over her belly. "It is also hard because she is pregnant, and in them I see what I will never have."

Not wanting to guess, Devon forced herself to ask. "And what is that?"

As much as she didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to say the words out loud, Ziva forced them out. "A child with the man I love." Her words were barely audible. "A child conceived in love, not abuse. Our child, mine and Tony's together."

"Why can't you have that someday Ziva?" Devon hated to step on what still sounded like a fresh wound, but it was necessary.

Ziva closed her eyes, she didn't want to make it real and not just another nightmare. "Somalia has taken even that away from me." She reluctantly opened her eyes to meet her therapist's concerned gaze. "My doctor informed me on Monday last that with the scarring from...everything they did, I will not be able to get pregnant again." She touched her belly carefully. "Even this child will likely be born early. I cannot keep him or her safe for as long as I should."

"Oh Ziva," Devon breathed out, for once very nearly at a loss for words, even when her job required her to know all the right ones to say, "I'm so sorry."

Her expression was infinitely sad. "As am I. And I was a mess last week because I did not want to accept the truth. I could only think about what Tony and I will never have."

"How did Tony react?" Devon asked, ready with the questions again. She hoped he had not made the situation worse, even if the news was very hard to hear.

Having the decency to look a little ashamed, Ziva looked away. "Tony does not know. I...I cannot tell him Devon. I cannot lose him too."

Giving the subject a wide berth for the time being, because if nothing else had made her shatter this news might, Devon let her patient have a few minutes to compose herself before taking them back to the previous topic. "How did Tony take Abby and McGee's news?"

Ziva licked her lips. "He held it together until they left. But he is angry and hurt at not being included, worried about how it affects me."

"Did he deal with that?" Repressed anger was a ticking time bomb.

"We talked about it, yes, but I cannot say whether it will come up again or not." She sighed. "I think it must be hard for him to always be the strong one. He is my comfort, everything that I need in the darkest moments, but he keeps his own demons far inside himself." Ziva looked at Dr. Andrews. "I do not want him to break."

"He's got you holding him together Ziva, but if he broke I know you would put him back together just as carefully as he has picked up the pieces for you these past several months. I'll bet Tony knows that too."

"I think I would do anything for him Devon," Ziva admitted quietly, "but I am afraid because there is still so much that I cannot give him, things he deserves from a wife."

Devon leaned forward to put her hand on Ziva's knee. "That will come Ziva. For heaven's sake please don't rush it. The way Tony has worked himself into your heart gives me hope to believe that you will one day be able to trust him with your body as well. It won't be easy," she cautioned, "but I am confident that together you and Tony will make it." She smiled. "I'm guessing that subject will come up more in about fourteen weeks, give or take."

Ziva didn't respond, so Devon picked a new topic. "So, second day off work right? What are you thinking?"

NCIS

Later, utterly drained from her session, Ziva stood in the hallway, feeling lost. She had no strength left to face Tony in the wake of everything she'd shared with Devon and the many thoughts that weighed heavily on her heart. She was afraid that with one look he would be able to read them all and that simply would not do. But neither could she drive home just yet, the way she was feeling.

And idea presented itself just then and Ziva hurried to act on it. Taking the elevator down to Abby's lab, Ziva was relieved to find it empty of the girl herself. As much as she harboured no anger towards the couple for keeping their secret as long as they had, she was not ready to talk to Abby about it yet.

Creeping into the Ballistics Lab, Ziva found Abby's roll up mattress and, to her surprise, also the pillow, sleeping bag and camping mattress Gibbs had made her use during their last overnight case. Spreading everything out in the corner, Ziva relaxed into her pallet and tugged a corner of the sleeping bag over her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut and sleep pressed in on her before she had time to fight it. Her last conscious thought was the worry of being caught and trying to explain without hurting anyone's feelings.

NCIS

Halfway through the day, Tim strolled back into the bullpen, having just finished sharing his lunch break with Abby. He glanced around and frowned when he saw that they were the only two in the room. "Hey," he asked Tony, who was diligently plowing through piles of paperwork so he wouldn't have to stay late, "is Ziva here?"

The sound of his fiancee's name got his attention fast. "Ziva? Why would she be?"

McGee shrugged. "I don't know, but her car is in the parking lot."

Tony's face was a mask of confusion. "Are you sure?"

Tim chuckled. "Her car's pretty memorable, I'm sure."

Immediately Tony stood up, reaching for his gun, badge and keys. "Maybe I will take a break after all. Tell Gibbs-"

The man in question strode in, stopping to give his senior field agent a look. "Going somewhere DiNozzo?"

"Boss, Ziva is-" he tried to explain, but Gibbs cut him off.

"Need that autopsy report from Ducky."

"Okay, as soon as I-" Again he wasn't allowed to finish.

"Now DiNozzo," Gibbs ordered with a tone that said argument was futile. "You'll see her tonight. Focus on the job."

Tony clenched his teeth and stormed towards the stairs before he said something that might or might not get him fired. At this rate, it was going to be a long day.

NCIS

Much to her surprise, Ziva managed to escape the lab unnoticed shortly after lunch. Everything was left just as she'd found it, nothing to give away that she'd been there. A minute later she knew she was lucky to have woken up when she did, because as the stairwell door was swinging shut, Ziva heard the elevator ding and Abby's voice.

"Hi, I'm Abby Scuito. Welcome to my lab."

It was clear to the forensic scientist within five minutes of meeting her first assistant candidate that the woman would not work. At least this time around all the prospects were female, that was something. And she was fairly certain it was Gibb' doing.

Shortly after her realization, Abby ended the interview and sent the lady away, waiting for her next appointment to show up. Two hours later she was certain this hunt was an exercise in futility. That was until the fifth person arrived. With mousey brown hair and a bright smile, Abby was ready to give her a chance. There was something about her eyes that seemed worthy of trust.

The girl reached out her hand. "Ms. Scuito? I'm Tami Larsen."

Abby took the hand. "It's Abby, actually." Tami's quick blue eyes flitted around the office behind stylish glasses, taking it in. Then her expression grew incredulous. "Is that a Plastic Death CD?" she questioned, glancing at the stereo. "I love your outfit by the way, nice to know the dress code leaves room to be yourself."

Tami had just won herself Abby's admiration and instant friendship, even if she didn't know it yet. "You like Plastic Death?"

"Well," she hedged, "'like' might be too strong of a word. Appreciate, maybe?" Tami shrugged. "My twin brother is a huge fan though, so I've been to a couple concerts."

Abby looked her over. "I'm impressed." She gestured to the empty chair. "Please, have a seat." Abby opened the folder in front of her, then leaned her chin on her hand. "So Tami, why NCIS?"

The girl bit her lip, trying not to smile. "Do you want the real answer or the interview answer?"

Abby was intrigued. "Both."

"Okay." She didn't seem at all flustered. "The interview answer is that my dad and granddad served in the Navy and this is as close as I'll get. True of course, but not as much fun as the real answer."

Abby raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

Tami glanced around before sitting forward and lowering her voice. "I wanted to see if the rumours about Agent Gibbs are true."

Abby laughed out loud. "Only half. The trouble is figuring out-"

"Which half," Tami finished with her and they shared knowing grins.

Finally Abby shook her head and got back to Tami's file. "So, Youngstown State University for Forensic Science, and then two years interning at the American Institute of Applied Science and a brief stint at the National Institute of Justice. You certainly get around." Her eyes caught Tami's birthdate and she looked at the girl. "Seriously? You're only twenty-five? Gosh I feel old!"

Tami eyed her critically. "You don't look it. How old are you?"

Abby snorted. "Classified. I am, however, very impressed by your references." She lifted one eyebrow. "You're aware that this is only a temporary position?"

"Six months, give or take right?" Tami clarified. "I figure six months of experience is something. And working under you will look good. You have quite the reputation in the forensics world Ms. Scu-Abby."

"I like you," Abby decided suddenly. "I've had...difficulties with past assistants, so you'll be on probation for awhile. But if you want, the job is yours."

Tami's mouth fell open. "Realy? Wow, that's awesome!" Then she schooled her features into a more appropriate professional expression. "Yes, that would be wonderful."

Abby rolled her eyes. "You can drop the formality Tami, we're all family here." She chewed on her lip. "Well, you might be a visiting, out of town relative or something. We'll see how you work out first before you get a label."

They stood and shook hands to seal the deal. "Thank you for this opportunity Abby," the girl said, still slightly in awe.

Abby shrugged. "Don't make me regret it. Come on," she waved her into the lab, "I'll give you a tour." Then she turned, frowning. "Do you know why I need an assistant?"

Tami shook her head. "Not really, no."

Abby leaned against her desk. "That would probably be good to know." She looked down. "I know you can't tell yet, but I'm pregnant and-"

A light went on in Tami's eyes. "The chemicals." Abby nodded. "How are along are you?"

Drawing her fingers over her abdomen, Abby smiled. "Just over fifteen weeks."

Tami glanced at her rings. "And when did you get married?"

Abby smiled sheepishly. "Five months ago on Wednesday."

She did the math instantly and grinned. "Didn't waste any time, did you?"

Abby played with one of her braids. "Yeah. Not gonna lie, the baby was a complete surprise. But we're happy. Actually, you'll probably meet my husband later, he's on Gibbs' team." Tami's eyes widened and Abby continued. "But for now, let me introduce you to my electronic team."

As the afternoon wore on it became clear to Abby that Tami would make a great assistant. She listened, watched, asked insightful questions and accepted Abby's originality without ever blinking an eye. Tami, the forensic scientist decided, would be fun to get to know. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad having an assistant after all.