Thank you for all the reviews and for following this story. It's all great! Keep reading and I'll keep writing, deal?!
This chapter is a bit short but needed to get me to the next one. I am really excited about the next one. Hopefully, you are too.
Thanks again and happy reading!
Today is dragging by pretty slowly. Tobias and the others left early this morning. I stayed in bed this morning for a while until it was clear that it was pointless for me to do so. Regardless of what I did, I would be thinking about Tobias so I might as well get my day started.
When I arrived at breakfast, Christina was already there. "Hey, I was surprised I didn't see you earlier when the guys left." I have no idea what she is talking about.
"What do you mean? They left really early."
"I know. I walked with Will to the train to see them off. I'm really surprised you weren't there. Guys like stuff like that." She sounds so matter of fact.
"Oh. I had no idea. It actually didn't even cross my mind." I frown as I tell her this. Did I do something wrong? Should I have been there?
"You know Tris, if you want to keep Four around for the long term, you really should start thinking about stuff like that. You don't want him to get bored with you and think you don't care about the small things." Where is this coming from? She usually doesn't criticize me like this and I really don't know how to respond. Thankfully, I don't have to. Christina turns to someone sitting next to her and starts chatting away.
Work goes well except I make a big mistake on a practice tattoo I was working on. I was just going through the motions of tattooing my doll and Tori came up to see how I was doing. I obviously wasn't paying too much attention because I had misspelled the word I was working with. My mind was just so focused on how much I missed Tobias. If I couldn't get through one day without him, how was I possibly going to make it through two or three? Tori just laughed when she saw my mistake. I am clearly not ready for human models yet.
I didn't bother meeting Christina for lunch. I didn't want to be criticized more but I did see her at dinner. She was sitting alone so I went up and sat near her. She started telling me about her day and how much she loves her job working in the retail center. It really is a perfect job for her. She starts telling me about some new clothes they just got in. "You really should come shopping one day while Four is gone, Tris. Some new clothes might help with your issues."
"Christina, what are you talking about? I don't need any new clothes and I don't have issues with Four." I am getting pretty angry at this point.
Christina sighs and then starts talking to me like I am a child. "I'm just saying, maybe some new clothes will make you feel pretty and Four will be able to tell that there is something different about you. He won't be able to keep his hands off of you."
"I don't really need to help Four out with that. He likes touching me just fine, thank you." I can't believe she is talking like this and I have no idea where this is coming from.
"Oh, I didn't know that you guys were already having sex." She sounds a bit upset that I hadn't told her yet.
"We aren't. Regardless, I don't need to change my clothes to get Four to like me any better. Where is all of this coming from, anyway?"
"I just don't want to see you hurt if Four decides that he wants to move on because he is bored." I sit there stunned by what she has just said.
"You know Christina, that was a really crappy thing to say." I get up and leave her sitting there by herself. What the hell? Why was she talking to me like that? Did Tobias say something to her when he left this morning?
When I get back to the apartment, I know I am not going to be able to sleep. So, I turn right around and head to the training room. I try and work out some of my frustrations. By the time I am done, I need a shower and I am exhausted. I make my way back to the room, shower and then fall into bed. I can't stop thinking about what Christina said today. Is she right? Do I need to start worrying about how Tobias will feel in the future and should I make some changes now to help things? Maybe I should start wearing makeup more often and try to wear better clothes. Ugh, does he even care about such things? Maybe he doesn't now, but he might later. I finally drift off to sleep but it isn't a restful sleep. I toss and turn all night. At one point, I grab onto Tobias's pillow and hold it to my side as I inhale his scent. I miss him. I want him in bed with me. I'm so used to falling asleep next to him. I wonder if he is having a hard time sleeping as well. This is the last thing I remember when I wake up the next morning.
When I go in for breakfast, I see Christina at a table with a few other young Dauntless. There is an open seat next to her but I am not going to take it. Instead, I sit at the table across from her and face away from her so I don't even have to look at her. Unfortunately, I can still hear her. "I packed Will a bag full of snacks for his trip. I try to do little things like that for him so he knows how much I care and that I am thinking of him." She isn't talking quietly and I think she wants me to hear her conversation.
One of the other girls sitting with her says, "Christina, Will is so lucky to have you as a girlfriend. I bet he loves you and can't wait to get back to be with you."
I hurry up, eat my food and leave for work. It's another long day of wandering thoughts but at least I don't mess anything up. Did Christina really pack will snacks? Couldn't he have done that if he wanted to? Should I have packed something for Tobias? I guess I could have written him a note or something and snuck it in his bag. What kind of girlfriend am I if I don't do little things to make him feel good?
For dinner I just grab some food and eat in the apartment, alone. I don't want to overhear anymore conversations from Christina. As I eat my food, I wonder why Tobias is with me. I know he told me after my fear landscape, when I told him I had an intimacy issue, but maybe those reasons have changed. Maybe he doesn't know why he is with me. I don't do little things like Christina was talking about and I don't dress up or wear makeup all the time. I would much rather lounge in sweats or jeans than wear a dress or skirt. Maybe he would like me more if I did. Could he already be bored with me? Maybe he was glad to get away on this trip so he could have some space. No, that's ridiculous. I know he is missing me and didn't want to leave in the first place. Right?
I torment myself like this for the remainder of the night. I don't sleep well at all and when my alarm goes off the next morning, I don't feel like I have gotten any rest. At least I can focus on the fact that Tobias should be home today. What will I do when he gets back? Should I ask him about it? Maybe I will dress up a bit for when he gets home. I focus on what I can do to make myself look the best I can as I walk to get breakfast. Again, I don't sit next to Christina but I overhear her conversation.
"I'm so excited that Will is coming home today. I bought a new outfit and some new eyeliner yesterday to surprise him with. He won't be able to resist." She laughs along with the girls that are sitting near her.
I refuse to buy any new clothes. Besides, if I did, I would have to get it from Christina and that's not happening. Instead, I try and focus on my tasks and try not to think of finally seeing Tobias again. I don't know when they are supposed to get back. I hope it isn't too late.
After work, I put on the only black dress I have, line my eyes and apply a little more makeup. I try sitting in the apartment but I just can't sit still. I decide to go on the roof so I can meet him when they get here. As I open the door to the outside, I see Christina standing there as well. We don't talk to one another; we try not to even look at one another. She is wearing black pants, high black heels and a black lacy top. She looks really dressed up. A bit too dressed up if you ask me. She also looks a bit nervous. This doesn't make much sense to me.
Thankfully, we don't have to stand around awkwardly for long. As the next train approaches, I see Tobias partway hanging out of the train car. When the guys have jumped from the train, I can't help the huge grin that appears on my face. I take a tentative look Christina's way and see that she is biting her lip, looking at the ground. Right then, Tobias walks up to me. I throw my arms around him and he buries his head in my shoulder. It feels like heaven. Then he picks me up and my feet are not touching the ground. We both start laughing as he gives me a long kiss. As he puts my feet back on the ground, he leans in and whispers, "I missed you." He kisses me again and rests his forehead against mine.
"Me too. I'm so glad you're home." Just as we start to pull away from each other, Zeke comes up behind us.
"Get a room. No one wants to see that." Zeke has a mock grossed out expression on his face. Tobias punches him in the arm as he takes my hand so we can walk in the building together.
"We already have one. Where do you think we are headed?" Tobias elicits a laugh out of Zeke as we walk together. I notice that Will and Christina aren't really talking. They aren't even holding hands as they walk in the building. I don't really care. Tobias is home and I don't want to spoil it.
We head by the control room so Tobias and the guys can drop some things off then we go straight to the apartment. As soon as the door is closed behind us, I am in his arms. I kiss him and relish in the fact that he is home safely and in my arms. When we pull away from each other, Tobias takes in my appearance. "You look good, Tris." I can feel my cheeks blush a bit. "What's with the dress and the makeup? You didn't get all dressed up to welcome me home, did you?" He brushes a strand of my hair away from my face.
"I thought it would be nice for a change, that's all." It's not entirely the truth but it is something different. "Do you like it?" I turn around slowly in front of him.
"Of course. I like anything you wear." He leans in so his face is level with mine. "You know, I don't really care what you are wearing. You could be wearing nothing and I would still feel the same way. It's not the clothes, it's you I care about." My face is bright red. How did we go from talking about my dress to me being naked? He takes in my expression, laughs and moves to unpack the small amount of things he took with him. "So, tell me about what happened when I was gone."
Before I have time to think, it all comes tumbling out of my mouth. "Well, Christina and I got in a big fight. The day you left she started criticizing me for things I don't do in our relationship. She told me that I should have been at the train when you all left, even though that never occurred to me. She also said I should dress better because you will eventually get bored with me. She kept saying things like that. Then I overheard her telling a group of girls that she packed Will some food for while he was gone and I felt bad that I hadn't done the same for you. I was thinking that maybe what she was saying made sense and I wondered if you ever thought that I was a bad girlfriend because I don't do little things for you and I never look nice. I messed up on a tattoo I was working on one day because I just couldn't clear my mind." I don't realize that I am pacing near where Tobias sits on the bed.
Before I know it, he has grabbed me and pulled me down so I am sitting on his lap. He buries his face in my hair and I can feel him inhaling and exhaling. Next to my ear, he says, "I missed the way you smell while I was gone. You smell like home." I say nothing, because I have no idea what to say. I feel the same way about him. My shoulders start to relax and I can feel my whole body do the same. He pulls away just enough to look at me when he talks. He rubs small circles on my back. "I don't care about what you wear, like I said earlier. That stuff has never mattered to me. And you know, you do more small things for me than you realize." I wrinkle my nose at this because I don't think it's true. "It's true. When I sleep in after working for days straight, who gets me breakfast and brings it here so I don't have to get up? Who foregoes spending time with friends so she can spend time with just me? Who can pull me out of a bad mood quicker than anything? Tris, you are all that I need and all that I want. Don't let Christina's troubled relationship make you question ours."
"What do you mean her troubled relationship?" I have no idea what he is talking about.
"I thought she would have told you but apparently she took a different approach, entirely." He sighs. "Will is getting his own apartment. He wants a break from things. He feels like she is too clingy and he doesn't want to feel tied down right now."
Oh. "Do you feel tied down?" I bite my bottom lip because I am afraid of his answer. Will and Christina have always seemed so happy together and if they can fall apart, we aren't immune either.
"No, I want to be tied down." The look on his face is pure adoration. I throw my arms around his neck. He chuckles lightly. "It's not all Christina's fault. I just heard Will talk about it this weekend. I have gotten the impression over the last few weeks that he really wasn't invested in it. I guess they both could have changed things." He shrugs.
"I was so angry with Christina for making me feel like crap. I guess I should go talk to her tomorrow and find out what is going on. I don't know why she talked to me the way she did."
"Well, maybe she was too embarrassed to tell you so instead she wanted to pick you apart to make herself feel better." He laughs. "What do I know? I don't pretend to understand teenage girls."
"You understand me."
"Well, you aren't the typical teenage girl. You are smart, brave, strong, and you're mine." He nuzzles my neck and tickles me. As I start laughing, he stands up, without letting me go and throws me on the bed. I continue to laugh until he lays on top of me and makes me forget everything when he starts kissing me. I'll worry about Christina tomorrow but right now, I have more important things to think about.