Chapter Eleven: Loose Ends and Balances
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Julia rose late and reluctantly next day, leaving Sirius sprawled across the bed. As if he owns it, she thought wryly, touching the back of his hand where it dangled over the side of the mattress.
She had just switched the kettle on when Albie gave the sharp warning bark he reserved for strangers, and there was a knock at the front door.
Isaac was on the step, more smartly dressed than usual and holding a large book. He was not alone. With him was another man: brown skinned, sharp eyed and elegantly attired in a dark suit and vivid blue tie. His white hair was cropped close to his head, not shaved as it had been twelve years before. He still wore a large gold earring.
She stared in amazement. "Kingsley! What on earth—?"
"Julia," Kingsley inclined his head. "It has been a long time. It's good to see you again. Your memory has been restored." It was not a question.
"You've been keeping an eye on me? All this time?"
"Isaac has, yes."
"Isaac?" Julia turned to him. "You're a wizard?"
"I'm a squib, Julia. Can we come in?"
"I'm forgetting my manners." She waved them through into the sitting room. "Would you like some tea?"
"Kingsley needs to see Sirius," said Isaac. "Where is he?"
Julia turned to go upstairs, but Sirius was already standing in the doorway wearing just a pair of loose combat pants, holding his shirt in his hand. His expression was shuttered. She found his physicality as mesmerising as ever and it gave her inappropriately hot and lustful thoughts.
"Merlin!" breathed Kingsley. "It really is him. This is beyond anything!"
"Kingsley," said Sirius with some reserve.
Kingsley stepped over and took Sirius's chin in his hand, looking hard into his eyes. Sirius scowled. "Merlins beard!" he complained, "I wish people would stop bloody doing that. I'm not a horse and I have all my own teeth."
Kingsley looked amused. "We have much to talk about. Julia, is that offer of tea still open?"
"Of course," she said. She went into the kitchen but left the door wide open, afraid of missing anything. When she had switched the kettle on again, she observed the three men from the doorway.
Kinsley sat back in an armchair and clasped his hands in front of his chest. "Before we discuss anything else, Sirius, I have to ask you what your intentions are. Do you have any plans?"
Sirius gave a rough, sardonic laugh. "Don't worry, Kingsley, I have every intention of keeping my head down for the foreseeable future. I'd hate to make life difficult for you!"
Kingsley nodded. "Well, it might be best for the time being at least. I'd appreciate you coming to me first if you change your mind."
"Oh, why is that, Kingsley? Would it be tricky for you to explain my return from the dead?"
Kingsley was sanguine. "It would be a challenge, certainly. But it is my job. I'm sure we'd manage."
"Huh. I'm sure you would."
"Can you tell me how you managed to stage such an impressive . . . comeback? Of course I have heard legends of such things, but never believed them to be true. Do you know how this came to happen?"
To Julia's disappointment, Sirius pulled his shirt on and sat down on the arm of the sofa.
"I've been thinking about it for the last couple of days," he said. "I've an idea, though I can't be sure it's right. I believe that if I hadn't fallen through the Veil at the moment Bellatrix's curse hit me, I'd have died." Absently, he rubbed his chest where the star-shaped scar was. "I let something distract me. I was careless. Sorry," he said, looking at Julia. "But because I did fall though the Veil, I stayed with my . . . soul. Does that make any sense? I wasn't dead. I wasn't alive, mind, either. I didn't eat or sleep. I don't know if I breathed or if my heart beat. I wasn't . . . anything. But sometimes I was—aware. It could have happened a day before I came here or a thousand years ago. The Shadow Path is outside Time, you know, it can move in any direction. Forwards, backwards, sideways . . . and then there are times when the barriers thin, when the Shadow Path and this one grow very close."
Julia stood still, holding the tea tray and listened. She did not think she had ever heard him talk for so long before.
Sirius continued. "I remember speaking to Harry; he needed me. I—I thought he had passed through the Veil. He was able to talk to me and hear me answer. But then he went away and I was glad. And there were times when I thought I was talking to . . . a child. A girl. She was telling me to come back. Then I heard someone calling, and I had to come. I knew there wouldn't be another chance. So I followed the voice that was calling me back and found myself on the side of the hill. This hill." He gestured beyond the garden.
"The Widow's plea," said Julia with a slight shiver. She put the tray down and poured four cups of tea. "It's ancient, and I felt its power while I was saying it. I felt as if someone else was speaking through me."
"Yes," said Kingsley. "Old Magic. We forget about it, but we shouldn't. Because we don't understand it and can't control it we either ignore it or try to destroy it. We interfere with it at our peril. Is that not right, Isaac?"
Isaac looked slightly sheepish.
Julia exchanged a brief glance with Sirius. Without asking, she understood that he did not feel any inclination to mention Robin and Mab, or the shadowy threat they had yet to deal with.
"Sirius. And Julia." Now Kingsley was sombre. "Much has happened in the last twelve years."
"We know Albus Dumbledore is dead," said Julia. She put the tea tray down and picked up the Hogwarts school prospectus she had read so many times. She passed it to Kingsley and leaned on the back of the sofa behind Sirius.
Kingsley looked at it briefly. He seemed uncharacteristically hesitant. "I should tell you about Regulus," he said.
"Regulus?" said Julia.
"My younger brother," said Sirius. "He died."
"Oh Sirius, I'm so sorry! I'd forgotten. You never talked about him."
He looked round at her. "We didn't talk about anything much, did we? Talking would have taken time and we didn't have much of that. We had other more interesting things to do." He gave a lewd grin.
"It's something you should know," said Kingsley. "Regulus was not killed by Voldemort because he had decided to change his allegiance. In fact he had discovered something of Voldemort's plan and died in an attempt to thwart it. He was quite the hero, though no one knew until very much later. His is quite a long story, perhaps now is not the time to tell it all."
"Bloody hell," said Sirius. "I wish . . . I wish I'd known. Wish I'd spent more time with him."
Julia took his hand in hers and squeezed.
"And Severus. Snape."
"Snivellus!" the corner of Sirius's lip curled. "What about him?"
"He was not altogether the villain you believed him to be. He had spent seventeen years pretending to be one of Voldemort's acolytes while working to keep Harry safe. He was always in love with Lily, you see."
"No." whispered Sirius. "Where is he now?"
"Voldemort dispensed with his services when he had no further use for him. Permanently"
Sirius shook his head in silence.
"The war took many casualties. Fine, brave people. We lost Alastor Moody."
"Ah, old Mad-Eye. Dammit!"
"And Fred Weasley."
"Oh no!" cried Julia, "oh poor Molly and Arthur!"
Now Kingsley fidgeted with his tie and looked uncomfortable.
"What is it, Kingsley?" she said. "There's something you haven't told us."
"Not . . . not Harry?" said Sirius, tensing.
"No, no. Not Harry," said Kingsley. "Harry's absolutely fine. I'm sorry, there's no way to soften this. Remus is dead."
"Remus! No!" Sirius groaned and buried his face in his hands.
"And Tonks."
"Merlin!" the word was a cry of pain. Julia wrapped her arms around his chest, pressed her cheek against his back and wept for those friends who had been all that remained of the good part of his life. She could feel the muscles in his back and shoulders stretch and tighten as he fought for control. He gripped her hand so tightly it hurt.
Kingsley waited, sipping at his tea impassively until Sirius had pulled himself together and let go of Julia's hand, wiping at his eyes. Her knuckles cracked as she straightened her fingers.
"They were married a year after the battle in the Department of Mysteries."
"Married! Remus and Tonks?"
Julia was not as surprised as Sirius. "I'm glad. Tonks adored Remus."
"They had a child," said Kingsley.
"A child! Bloody hell." Sirius's brow creased.
"A boy. Edward—Teddy, after Tonks' father. He's ten now. He lives with his grandmother: your cousin Andromeda."
"He'll be—Merlin, he'll be—what?" Sirius turned to Julia. "Help me out here."
"If Tonks was your second cousin, he'll be your second cousin once removed," she said. Sirius looked at her with respect. "He'll be Megan's third cousin," she added.
"I want to meet him," said Sirius.
"Of course you do," said Kingsley, "and you will meet him. You'll want to see Harry again too, and the others. But give yourself some time. I think there is someone rather more important you need to get to know first. I will leave you now. You will be able to make contact with me if you wish. Isaac should be able to fill in any other details."
Isaac handed Julia the heavy book he was holding. "It's all in here," he said.
She read the title. A Complete History of the First and Second Wizarding Wars by Percival Weasley, with a foreword by Hermione Granger-Weasley, O.M. Original illustrations by Romilda Vane. Photographs by kind permission of the family of Colin Creevey. A picture of Albus Dumbledore twinkled out from the cover.
Kingsley left by the front door, but when Julia looked down the path there was no sign of him.
Isaac took one of her hands and pressed it to his lips."This is the most amazing story," he said. "Never did I expect to see such events unfold. I feel a book coming on. I will change the names of course. Can I come and see you tomorrow? I owe you some explanation."
"You certainly do," she said. "Come over in the morning."
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When he had gone, she went back to Sirius. He stood with his arms crossed, his hands on his shoulders, looking out of the living room window towards Lay Hill. His eyes were shadowed, unreadable, his lips pressed tight together. She remembered this expression and ached for him.
"I have to go out for a while, Julia. You understand don't you?"
She turned him to face her and brushed an errant lock of grey hair away from his face.
"Of course I do," she said. "You will . . . come back?"
"Where else would I go?" He gave her a rueful smile. "You are my home, Julia. Wherever you are. Of course I'll be back." He bent and kissed her.
They went to the back door. Albie was already there, waiting.
"Promise me you'll keep away from the sheep, both of you." Julia opened the door; watched the two great black dogs race away up the side of the hill. There was nothing she could do for Sirius now. He had to find his own way through this maze of knowledge and grief. Kisses and soft touches and gentle words were no use to him at the moment. But she no longer sensed in him the sharp, fragile instability that had frightened her sometimes during their precious short time in the house at Grimmauld Place. Twelve years in that shadowy place where time, if it existed at all, could move in all directions, had somehow repaired what had been ripped away from him all those years before. There was balance now. Not the precarious balancing on the knife-edge of sanity she remembered, but the balance of night and day: of body and soul: of sunlight and shadow.
Lying alone in bed later on she heard—or thought she did—a deep and mournful howling from some distance away. And not so very much later felt Sirius's cold body sliding into bed beside her, moving into the shelter of her arms as she pulled him close, offering him the only comfort she could.
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Next morning, as promised, Isaac came to see them.
"Come through," she said. "Help yourself to a mince pie."
Sirius was standing by the window, with his arms folded, leaning back on the sill. Isaac handed something to him.
Sirius looked at it, bemused. "A jar of gherkins? What in the name of Merlin—?"
Julia giggled. "I think you have to open it."
"Open it?"
"Yes," she confirmed. "Open it."
He looked at her, puzzled, and effortlessly twisted the top off with a pop.
"Jolly good," said Isaac. "You've passed the most vital test." He made himself comfortable in an armchair by the fire and selected a mince pie.
"Test?" said Sirius
"Julia's test of suitability for a partner. You passed."
Sirius grinned and handed the jar to Julia.
"I knew your uncle Alphard, you know," said Isaac conversationally. "He spent a lot of time in this cottage. You look rather like him."
"Uncle Alphard! This was his house?"
"One of them, yes. He didn't leave you everything, you know. Thought you probably had more than enough to be going on with. He left this one entailed in case of—emergencies—at Dumbledore's discretion. And," he added, "I thought you might like to hear the latest bit of village gossip."
"Oh," said Julia, "what's happened now? Young Jack Hargreaves done his first bank robbery?"
"Nothing like that," said Isaac. "But rumour has it that John Brooks has made a remarkable recovery. They're saying it's a miracle."
He looked at Sirius. So did Julia. Sirius looked back at them, his grey eyes clear and guileless.
Julia listened, unobtrusive in the background, as Isaac and Sirius talked for a time of old acquaintances she knew nothing of. At last, she quietly removed herself and took Albie for a walk.
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In the evening, after they had eaten, she led Sirius into the sitting room. "I don't know if I should even show these to you," she said, "but I think you'll want to see them. You'll probably want this too." She handed him two photograph albums and a packet of tissues.
He looked at the tissues with an expression of faint despair. "Please Julia, don't tell me I'm going to cry again. This is getting ridiculous."
"No it's not," she said. "You're getting in touch with your feminine side."
"I'm what?" he sounded appalled.
"Start with this one," she said opening it to the first page.
Megan; tiny, wrinkled and red like an overripe tomato. Megan asleep in her cot. Megan, puce and bawling with rage. Megan taking her first steps; learning to ride a bicycle; blowing out the candles on a birthday cake; proud in her new uniform on the first day of school. Megan, who looked out from the pictures with clear grey eyes that saw things a little differently to the way most people did.
Sirius was silent, turning the pages slowly, looking at the photographs with an intensity and longing that made Julia hurt for him. She stroked his back in gentle circles as he wept for all those lost years.
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