The night was long. Longer than any hours could count, or years. My hands ran over Prim's things. I found Buttercup in the corner, and he started mewling at me. I didn't know whether I wanted to kick him or hold him tightly, so I just walked away from him. I almost lost my strength every two minutes. I had to just give myself orders and yell at myself within my head. Get up. Iron this shirt. Throw a toy in the basket. Fold the sheets into a pile. Throw a toy in the basket. Collapse on the stale empty bed and fall apart. Get up. Throw a book in the hallway to keep. Throw a toy in the basket. Wash a blanket until the sweet smell of Prim (like a beach in Four, where she'd never been to, mixed with the herbs she worked with in healing) was gone. Hang up the blanket to dry, so as to have another thing to curl into against the nightmares. Throw a toy in the basket. Walk into bedroom and open window. Walk back into Prim's room and open window. Collapse on stale bed. Get up. Throw a toy in the basket.

By the time the sun was up, my tears were done, and gone. I put the basket of toys outside of the room door, and took a once over of the room. Everything was stacked, as if ready for someone to come through and take it all and leave. I fell back on the stupid mattress, and wished I didn't take the sheets off. I wanted to wrap myself up in everything I could and never move again.

When I heard a crash downstairs I came back to reality. I looked around confused, taking in my surroundings. I was in Prim's room, I was packing everything away. What was the noise, who was here? I don't care, who cares. I just want to lay down again...

But then I heard a sort of strangled scream, and found myself on my feet and running down the stairs. I found Peeta in my kitchen, pots all on the floor and his hands upon a drawer of silverware. I quickly made my way over to him and shut the drawer, trying not to stare at the knives like he was doing. I nudged my body in between Peeta and the counter, and he shook. "Go away, go away, go away," He mumbled, as if a sort of mantra, his hands back on the counter behind me and I was stuck in the middle of them. I sat on the counter to give myself some extra height, and brought Peeta's forehead to mine like I did last time. "Peeta," I whispered, and he closed his eyes. I repeated his name as my fingers played in his hair. His hands were balled on either side of me, and my legs rested on either side of him. I hummed the Valley Song again, and wondered if singing it would help more.

I could feel it the moment he came back to me. As if I could feel the bad blood being drained from his body. His hands unclenched, and he blinked, looking at me confused as to how we got so close. His eyes flickered to all the pots on the floor, and he hung his head in shame. I brought him closer to me, and enveloped him in a hug for a bit as he just stood there, feeding on my warmth. I was alright with that, more than alright. There had been so many times in the past that I've done the same thing, I understood the need for this. He pulled away eventually, and the two of us cleaned up the mess. "Let's both make breakfast today," I said lightly, and we got to work.

We ate in silence. I looked out the window as I cleaned our dishes, and took a deep breath. The sun was out. "I'm going to go into town today," I told him and turned to see him.

"I have some bread to deliver. We can go in together."

I considered telling him no. I had all intentions at going at this alone. But I thought of Prim, and how her face fell every time I pushed myself away from anyone and everyone. It'd be a spit on her grave if I continued to disappoint her. "Alright, let me dress and get ready."

In a half hour, Peeta was back in my house and I came down the stairs with the basket in my hand and a jacket on. Peeta had a bag of bread. I had a blanket on top of everything in the basket, hiding its contents, and although I saw Peeta look at it curiously he didn't ask.

We made our way into town. We avoided some streets purposefully, not feeling the ability to see them. Peeta stopped by some houses on the way giving bread, and I stood at the edge, never walking up to the door with him. He struck up conversation easily with the people. Our talk was light and nonsensical; I didn't even really pay attention to what we were saying. We stayed away from everything we actually needed to talk about. We were in public, surrounded by people. Some people turned to stare at us, and I wondered what they thought. I wondered if they still believed everything from the Capitol, and thought that we were married, or even engaged. I clutched my jacket around me tighter.

When Greasy Sae's place finally came into view, I turned to Peeta. "If you have other things to do it's alright..." I lingered off on the words. I didn't know if my want for his company and to be with me was more strong than my desire to not have to make anyone else but myself deal with this.

He grabbed my hand and smiled. "I made her some bread, have to go in as well. Let's go."

I sighed and nodded, letting him semi drag me to the door. Although the distinction between the Seam and the Merchant side of town no longer existed, Greasy Sae still chose to live where the Seam once laid. Her house was modest, but at least it wasn't falling apart. It was one of the first houses done, most other places were still being rebuilt. Her front door was opened, and the main room was a sitting place. Graesy Sae was serving several that were seated at a sort of bar some stew.

Peeta and I sat down, and he right away handed her a loaf of bread that she thanked him for. She turned to me and said hello with a smile. I returned the pleasantries, and then went right into why I came for fear that I'd run off if I didn't just start talking. "I came to apologize."

"You don't need to apologize, Katniss. I understand–"

"No, but that's why I have to apologize. I keep hurting the people that do in fact understand, the people that deserve much better treatment." I glanced quickly over to Peeta as I said this, and saw him looking at me. I turned back to Greasy Sae. "I wanted to say I'm sorry for what I did to you and Jear. It's hard, and I know you know that, but that's not an excuse. I," I picked the basket up and I took the blanket off of basket and showed Greasy all of Prim's old toys that I brought with me. "I brought this here. I'm cleaning out her room. Having it sit there as if waiting for her to come back isn't what I should be doing. Jear needs these toys. I want her to have them. Prim would want her to have them too." I left things unsaid, but I think she understood. I couldn't hold onto these things and cling to the ghost of Prim. I couldn't let myself go off and die with her. I couldn't become my mother, a shell of grief and death. I thought guiltily to how I've been acting, and realized that I did. I became everything I promised myself I wouldn't be. My mind tried to protest it all. I didn't have a family to care for at least. That wasn't a good excuse, there were still people I needed to care for. Greasy Sae and Jear. Haymitch. Peeta.

I stood up, not giving her a chance to give me back the basket. "This isn't enough to be a thank you for everything you've done for me, but it's the least I could do. You made sure I ate and held myself together before and after long nights. I'm not okay, but I'm getting there. And I think I'll be fine with making my own food from now on." I saw as Greasy Sae's eyes flickered to Peeta, where he stood by my side. He inched closer to me, our hands brushed up against each other. I wondered whether he moved unconsciously, or did it to show Greasy Sae that he'd be by my side to make sure I was doing okay.

"Alright. If you say so." She smiled, showing her old, yellowed teeth. "Stop by, the both of you, so that I still can see you, yeah?" We nodded, and she took the basket of toys off the counter. She waved us off and we left.

When I stepped outside, I took a deep breath. I felt Peeta snake his arm around my waist, leaving a flurry of goosebumps on my skin where he touched it. "You okay?" He asked, and I turned to him to see him looking at me worried.

"Yeah. Or eventually maybe. I don't know." I looked forward. "It's not going to ever get easier, is it?"

"Eventually. Maybe." We stood silent for a bit, and his arm fell away from me. "Come on."

We walked down the road at a slow pace, looking around at the town. Everyone was rather hard at work for rebuilding. It was weird to see no actual boundary between the Seam and the Merchants, but I could feel it. As we crossed into the Merchant's side, I had to fight back an unease. It wasn't like that anymore. The war evened everything out. Everyone lost everything. Everyone was rebuilding. As if to prove my point, a group of people – both dark haired and blonde – walked past us with large pieces of wood upon their shoulders.

I turned to Peeta, and realized that he slowed down, his eyes at something nearby and trained on it. I turned to see where he was looking, to be welcomed by the Mellark bakery. Or rather, what used to be the bakery. A couple of beams still stood slightly, but everything was charred and destroyed. "Peeta," I called to him and stood by his side, my hand finding his. He didn't turn away from the ruins though, but he started walking again. I didn't know what to say, but I figured that maybe right now the best thing to do would be not to talk. I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back, and we continued not to talk. His eyes stayed glued to where his family's bakery used to stand.

He stopped when we were right across the street from it. I wondered if this was the first time he was looking at the ruins of the place, and thought it most likely. I couldn't see him seeking this out. But did we happen upon this? Or did he have every intent to face this today when he asked me if he wanted us to go into the town together?

There was a bench carved of rock behind us that I moved us to to sit down upon. He followed my lead, and we sat in continued silence, eyes never leaving the mess across the street. I stayed holding his hand, and his grip on mine was so tight that his knuckles were white. We sat as still as the stone beneath us. Peeta's arm – and entire body, really – was tense. The veins in his arms were more visible than usual, and his eyes were strained and dark. Would he have another episode? Was he in the middle of horrid thoughts now? I tried to not think of it and just concentrated on our hands clasped together, our shoulders touching. Tentatively, I brought my other hand and rested it on his arm. I was slightly wary what another touch would do to him, but he didn't even seem to notice. I looked back up at him, and realized how far away he seemed to be. His hand in mine felt cold, and everything about him lacked the warmth and glow that has always been Peeta. It scared me, and I almost wanted to slap him for being like this, but I sat there, as still as him. I was being selfish. Everyone has their moments of cold. I couldn't expect him to always be strong.

But this seemed different. I wanted him to look at the bakery and break down in tears. I'd hold him and rub his back and we'd go to one of our homes and I could make him tea. I'd comfort him like he always felt like he had to do with me, and maybe even we'd fall asleep with my arms around him. But this was not what was at my side. I had a hunk of flesh existing next to me. Looking without seeing upon the house that he lived and grew up in.

When the sun started to set, I stood up and tugged on his hand. He turned away from the rubble that used to be the bakery and let me lead him back to our houses. I kept looking at him, waiting to see if tears would fall that I could catch and try to stop. But there was nothing. I've seen this look before and that scared me; I've seen it when I looked in the mirror.

He took his hand away from mine the moment we got near his door. I shook my hand and knew I'd probably have a bruise somewhere upon it from how hard he was holding it. He went inside without another word, and I heard the door lock. Haymitch was outside with his geese, and he tried to yell something in my direction, but I didn't take it in as I went into my own home. I didn't lock the door, and instantly looked out my window towards Peeta's house, to see if I could catch his silhouette moving anywhere or anything. He never even turned the lights on. I made myself a dinner I could barely even taste and spent the night in and out of nightmares. Every time I woke up, I'd look out to Peeta's house. Still dark, but I knew he wasn't asleep.

The next morning when I woke up, I made extra breakfast and placed a wrapped up plate of it on Peeta's front step. His door was still locked. I went into the town and was happy when I saw a group of workers hunched over plans nearby where the bakery used to be. When they went to work on the building, I went to work with them as well. I was going to do everything I could to make sure another bakery with the name Mellark was in District 12 again.

Wow, thank you to everyone with the continued reviews and favorites/alerts! It means a whole lot! I'm home for Spring Break, and sadly it's almost done (I want another several weeks, gah). I've been spending a lot of time with family and everything, so that's where I've been. Also, I'm working on an AU that you all may eventually see, with Katniss and Peeta. Exciting yes?

Anyway, here's this chapter. Thanks to everyone who's reading this and everything. A couple of you have said how my writing reminds you of Suzanne Collins, and I must say I blushed quite a bit at that to myself! Sundowner – You're incredibly nice and thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that to me! Everyone's nice comments that you all take the time to leave me really brighten my day and make me want to write even more.

Hope everyone's week was great~