"Tonight I need your sweet caress, hold me in the darkness. Tonight you calm my restlessness, you relieve my sadness." –Bob Seger, Tonight I need

She'd been quiet. Lost in her thoughts he'd figured. They were sitting in what was now her room in his loft. She'd put most of her clothing up, set up the bathroom and was settling in nicely. She'd allowed him to come along with her to her appointments on Monday morning. Bright and early they were both up, and he'd driven to her apartment to pick her up and help her bring her things over to the loft. After setting her things in what was now her room she'd joined him in the kitchen for coffee and a quick breakfast. Although still not happy to be living away from home, she had to admit that she was grateful that she would be able to enjoy his presence over the next weeks.

The pre-operative consult wasn't at all what they'd planned it to be, instead of meeting with her surgeon, she was sent to billing services to be sure they had all of her correct insurance information. Billing, ah yes, the one place where they take the time to know about everybody, she dryly thought to herself. Once everything was worked out they were directed to the elevators and down two floors, to the department of anesthesiology. There she was met by a woman that looked no older than she was, but held an air of confidence about her. After introducing herself she asked Beckett several questions, mainly about allergies and past experiences with general anesthesia.

A good amount of time was spent going over her medical records from the shooting, which provided the doctor with a good picture of the chemical combinations that Kate had managed well during her previous stay. She'd also discussed pain management with her, offering to insert an epidural before the procedure so that her pain would be easily and swiftly controlled from within the hospital. At first Beckett objected to the idea, not at all impressed with the thought of not being able to get up on her own, to move around, What if I need to use the bathroom? She thought to herself.

As if reading her mind, the doctor explained that she would remain in bed for at least 24-36 hours after the surgery. A catheter would be placed during the surgery. Kate looked to her feet and tried to control her blush, for a moment wishing that she'd just come to the appointment alone. No sooner than the thought had crossed her mind she felt his hand on hers and a gentle squeeze. Forcing herself to make eye-contact with him, she didn't see a look of embarrassment or pity, but of love, strength and complete support. She smiled to him and squeezed his hand in return.

"Ok." Kate looked back to the anesthesiologist, "If I am going to be forced to remain in bed for such a long time after anyhow, we might as well give me the good stuff." She smiled at Rick, deciding that unlike her recovery from the gunshot-where she rode the pain out on her own, she wasn't going to make the people who cared the most about her have to watch her in pain. The doctor smiled and nodded. Before Kate moved to leave she was given a bag with two containers of liquid soap inside.

"The hospital asks all patients to wash thoroughly with both containers the night before their procedure." Beckett eyed the bottles suspiciously. "It is a disinfectant." The anesthesiologist clarified. Kate nodded her agreement and placed the bag of soap in her purse. They shook hands and the doctor smiled, "I'll be seeing you in the morning Kate." With that they left the hospital.

The ride back to the loft was silent with Kate completely wrapped up in her thoughts. Rick turned the radio on, and allowed the soft melody to fill the car and add some comfort to the situation. He reached for her hand and laced his fingers within his own. She released a breath that he didn't even know she was holding, squeezing his hand and looking at him with love and gratitude in her eyes.

Now they sat in silence on her bed. The hour was late and the tension of unsaid words seemed to build between them. He had to say something to break it so he spoke "so…what time do you need to be at the hospital tomorrow?"

"The surgery is scheduled for 11am. When they called me earlier today to confirm a time they asked that I be there two hours early." She didn't look at him, just stared at the sweet-smelling candle that Alexis had placed on the dresser in her room.

"That makes sense." Rick started, desperate to keep talking "I guess they need to get you set up and do any of the pre-operative tasks that they need to do…um…did they say-" Suddenly she cut him off, turning to look him in the eyes.

"Castle, what are we doing?"

"Um. We're talking about tomorrow and you're going to be staying here to recover." He wasn't sure where she was going with this.

"I know that. I mean…" Kate paused for a moment, trying to find the words to express herself, "I mean. We talked, we know how we feel, but we didn't really discuss what we are any further." Before he could respond she launched into a rambling of thoughts and anxieties.

"Look Rick. I am so glad that you invited me here, but I don't want you to feel like you owe me something. I don't want you to feel like you must take care of me. I mean…I know that we care about each other that we Lo…" She struggled to get the words out.

Rick interjected and softly helped her finish her thought "Love each other. Yes."

She smiled at him, somewhat with gratitude that he could help her to express herself. "Yes." She agreed softly, running her fingers along his jaw. "We love each other." Dropping her fingers from his, she pulled back. Only to be stopped from withdrawing completely as he held onto her hand with his own.

"Kate?" He asked. "What is this about?"

"Castle. We've just come clean about our feelings, and usually I would say we take things slow, go as things feel right, but here I am. Because of this…" She motioned to her scar. "and now it feels like we're in a relationship and I'm just scared that it is going faster than you want it to go."

Richard Castle couldn't help it. He let out a laugh. She looked up at him in shock. He held his hands up defensively and with a smile he explained "I'm not laughing at you…It's just…It's just that you…Kate Beckett…just expressed concern that things were moving too fast for ME." His expression softened and he took hold of both of her hands.

"Kate. I'm ready for this. I'm ready for us. We've been waiting 4 years. I think we've had plenty of time to ease into knowing each other, don't you?" Kate nodded, but still had a look of reservation on her face. Something was still bothering her and he knew it.

"Kate, I'm ready. Are you ready to be in a relationship with me? Is that where this is coming from? We can slow things down you know, it is ok to do so if-"

"No!" She interrupted him before he could continue. "That's not it. It's…"

"Kate, just say it." Rick implored her.

"I…you…we decided to slow things down the other night, and I'm glad we did." Rick urged her to continue "but…"she started…

Finally looking up at him she continued, "but I'm sick now. I'm about to have surgery and we don't know what the outcome is going to be. I don't know how soon I'll be starting chemotherapy Rick. There's so much that I don't know and I'm afraid if I wait…if we wait…that I'll be different or unable and Rick I don't want to wait." They just stared at each other for a moment.

"Rick. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you here?" She asked him with desperation, urging him to somehow understand what she was trying to say so that she didn't have to come right out and say it.

"Kate. I think I do, but I don't want to sound like a complete ass here….are you speaking physically here?" She nodded at him. "So" he continued "you want to BE with me…tonight?"

"Rick, I want us to be together tonight. I want you to make love to me." She didn't take her eyes from his, although she desperately wanted to.

He nodded. "ok" he said softly. He ran his fingers across the side of her face again, ghosting a kiss across her lips. Then he stood and moved to the door, closing it, locking it and providing them more privacy. He moved to the candle on her dresser and lit it, then to another candle sitting on her bedside table. He lit that too. As he turned back to her he saw the lights go out. She'd risen from the bed and to the light switch, catching onto his intentions. They were submerged in darkness, but bathed in soft candle light. He moved finally to the other side of the bed and lit the remaining candle. Enough light was provided for them to see, but the softness of the light provided them with an ambiance that seemed to fit perfectly with how he'd envisioned their first time to be.

They were both already dressed for bed, so it didn't take them long to de-robe. She slid from her night shirt and soft yoga pants while standing next to the light switch. He'd followed suit, removing his t-shirt and boxers. Slowly they met in the center of the bed, he from one side and her from the other. Both kneeling, close enough to touch, gazed for a moment into eachother's eyes. The love and trust there was all she needed to see before she continued. Slowly, she pulled one of his hands to her, laying his palm flat over the center of her chest. He allowed his eyes to travel down to where she'd placed his hand, moving his fingers to ghost along the raised tissue there.

Overwhelmed by the scar, by what it represented and by the sickness that had invaded her body, he sank lower into her. He brought his face to her chest, his lips to kiss the place that had brought so much pain and wrapped his arms around her back-pulling her into him. She willingly followed his lead, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and threading his hair with her fingers. Soon she was placing kisses into his hair and bringing her hands down to his face, grasping his chin and pulling his lips to her own. They fell flat onto the bed and were consumed by their kisses, caressing each other and mapping out the curves of their bodies. Finally, as he prepared to enter her for the first time, he grasped her hands with his own.

With laced fingers, they both held their breath the moment he entered her. Their eyes never left each other as he eased into her and she stretched to accommodate him. The feel of it, of them and of this moment, that they both had waited so long for, was overwhelming. Soon he was fully embedded within her and they both exhaled. He pressed kisses to her lips, to her cheeks and across her face. She sighed at the feel of him, the feel of them, finally together. In that moment, Kate Beckett finally understood it meant to be 'one' with someone else, to loose sight of where one ended and the other began.

She kissed him back passionately, signaling him to move within her. She drew her body closer to his, using her legs wrapped around his hips to urge him deeper. What started out as slow and loving quickly escalated into passion and desperation, as they finally fulfilled their need for each other completely.

Later, they both lie in bed, completely satiated. He'd pulled her back into him and snaked his arms around each side of her body. Completely wrapped up in him, she relished in the feel of how their arms and legs became intertwined, on how wonderful he felt pressed up against her. She felt loved, she felt safe and she felt home. She felt his lips on her nick, trailing kisses from her shoulder blade up to below her ear. She let out a sigh as her thoughts wandered.

"I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow." She stated, as much to herself as to him.

"Neither do I, but I can promise you that I'll be there with you when you find out…holding your hand and standing right beside you." He pulled her a little closer to him, breathed in her scent and wished beyond anything that he could take this from her.

"There are a lot of unknowns ahead Rick. It's not always going to be pretty."

"Kate, it wasn't always pretty in the past. As long as you continue to let me in, we can do this together… but Kate, I need you to promise me that you'll try. That you'll try not to shut me out. I know that's your natural tendency, but for both of our sakes please promise me you'll try to let me in." He pulled back from her enough for her to turn and look into his eyes.

For a second she remained silent, contemplating the man at her side. Always at her side. She pulled herself back into him, this time facing each other. As their foreheads touched and their eyes held each other she answered him.

"I promise Rick. I promise."

The End.

A/N: Thank you all so very much for your comments and encouragement. I'm really glad that you've enjoyed this story. The second is completed and titled "And I Will Try To Fix You."

I do hope I brought a dose of reality to her situation, as it is near and dear to my heart. I also promise that it is not in my genetic code to write a story without a happy ending. Thanks again for reading.