I feel obligated to warn anyone who reads this. Jones was very happy with the ending. That can only mean terrible things. I wanted to delve a little more into Good Boy Tobi. Here you see more of the effects of his insanity.
Madara tore through the hideout for Akatsuki, ignoring the usual method of opening doors and phasing through them to save time. Hot on his heels was Kisame, blind with rage, who simply demolished any obstacle, structural, decorative, or living, that came between him and the object of his ire. In his hands was, inexplicably, a massive stick of rock candy.
"COME BACK HERE YOU CRAZY FUCK!" Kisame screamed as he bowled through a group of lesser Akatsuki shinobi, maiming or killing the majority of them.
"Tobi has done nothing wrong!" Madara yelled over his shoulder, "He's a good boy!"
"I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOUR 'GOOD BOY' NECK!" Kisame shouted back, nearly trampling a scrambling Deidara.
"What the hell has gotten into them?" he asked no one in particular as he picked himself up.
Itachi, who had been running after the rampaging shark man slowed down to answer.
"Madara demonstrated an odd jutsu that can rearrange matter," he offered in his usually bland voice.
"So why did that piss off Kisame?" the effeminate man and/or masculine woman questioned.
"Madara asked what Kisame favorite candy was," Itachi said, now stopped to explain, "When Kisame said rock candy, Madara used the jutsu on Samehada."
"Why does Madara do these things?" Deidara asked, "What has happened to his mind?"
Haku didn't know what to make of it, but it definitely creeped her out. James had been giggling to himself uncontrollably for the past fifteen minutes, and had completely ignored the three attempts Jones had made to disturb him. This of course hadn't saved the rest of the group, who was most likely scarred for life. Gravy should never ever be used in that manner.
Itachi had to give it to the old codger. Insanity had done nothing to dull his skills. Despite a raging Kisame, whose abilities multiplied with his anger, Madara had given him the slip. After tearing apart the store room the candy crazed Uchiha patriarch had disappeared into, the shark man went tearing off in a random direction, presumably in an attempt to regain the trail, but just as likely to find something to maim.
"Is he gone?" Itachi heard from seemingly nowhere.
"For now," Itachi replied.
A rather disheveled looking Madara stepped from his little pocket of nowhere. Itachi thought better of asking him how he could see with his mask on upside down.
"I don't understand why Kisami is so angry," Madara said innocently, "He said he loved rock candy."
"Perhaps it is because you turned his one of a kind heirloom weapon of rasping doom into his favorite, and highly soluble, candy," the younger Uchiha offered.
"What would solubility have to do with anything?"
Itachi couldn't help it... He did something he swore never to do. No one on his level of cool ever drooped to a facepalm.
"Was it something I said?"
Old age cannot be the only reason for this, Itachi thought.
Jones was pouting quite hard by now. Not only had he failed to capture the attention of, and thus failed to infuriate, James, the thinner, far more hairy man was managing to steal his creepy spotlight. The man known for omnipotence and jackassery of a level even gods would cringe at was in a full blown laughing fit. When asked what was so funny, all he could manage was: "It dissolves in water! HE USES WATER TECHNIQUES!"
When Anko called for a member of each team to come forward and turn in the form basically stating "You die: your problem" a small brawl broke out within each team to be the one to remove themselves from the maniac.
Kisame's blind frothing-at-the-mouth rage had cooled to a more manageable nearsighted drooling-at-the-thought-of-revenge anger. With a lessening of emotion came an increase of logic and reason. The problem was easy enough to see. You couldn't catch Madara because he was too good at evasion and stealth. Kisame had come up with a diabolical plan to capture the slippery crack-pot.
A pile of sweets sat on a silver tray under a large box propped up by a stick. The stick had a rope tied to it, the other end of which was held in Kisame's hands out of sight. Kisame had never been all that good at trapping.
This didn't seem to matter, however, as Madara crept into the large room in which the trap had been set. He stopped many times to listen intently; Kisame held his breath lest he spook the skittish wacko. Eventually Madara reached the box, and began to reach for the candy only to find it just out of reach. When he clambered under the box to get at the delectable delights, Kisame heaved on the rope. A clatter rose as Madara attempted to escape his new confines, something he seemed unable to do, despite having been trapped by a simple wooden crate. Kisame began to laugh in delight at his genius. The laugh quickly went from delight to derangement; a derangement that could heard across the whole of the Akatsuki hide-out, causing many to shiver in fright.
"What do you suppose that means?" Konan asked.
"The crazy is spreading," Pein replied.
"Who brought it to the organization?" she queried, "Who could have spread this insanity?"
"My guess?" Pein asked rhetorically, "Zetsu. That fly trap of a man has always had that split personality thing going on."
"What should we do about it?"
"What any good citizen placed in an insane situation would do," the leader of Akatsuki said, "I say we lynch 'em."
Haku was regretting her master's choice to follow these two more and more by the second. Jones was pouting so hard, she was sure the blonde's lower lip had grown to three times its natural size. James was smiling. Smiling in a way that said 'Could someone help me into my straight jacket, please?' When she had dared to question him, this was his response.
"It's catching like wildfire!"
The lesser members of Akatsuki were slightly confused at the issuance of torches and pitchforks. Even more confused by the speech about how plant men were taking over their world, but who could resist a good mob. Pein soon had them whipped into a frenzy, calling for the sap of the plant man who had brought the insidiousness of 'The Crazy' into their midst.
"We must uproot this evil from our midst!" Pein cried to the cheering men, "We must force this charlatan to leave, lest he plant more seeds of insanity! He must be pruned so that I may stop this horrible train of puns!"
Soon a good two thirds of Akatsuki was marching through the halls, headed by Pein. They finally reached Zetsu's door, which hung ajar. Zetsu was nowhere to be found, but his room was full of all manner of plants.
"THE TRAITOR HAS FLED AND LEFT HIS BRETHREN TO DIE!" Pein screamed.
And so began a massacre. No root was left in soil, no leaf on its branch, no vegetable uneaten. Hours later, when the orgy of violence had played out, and the mob dispersed, Zetsu returned from a short trip to a gardening store where he had purchased more potting soil for his babies. His dual voiced cry was heard for miles around.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?"
The first team they had come across had simply laid down their scroll and ran. Haku had to admit that James miasma of crazy was effective at ending fights before they started, but nine scrolls later, things were getting rediculous. It hadn't been a full forty eight hours since the beginning of the exams, and they had eliminated nine teams with no blood shed and plenty of mental damage. She had had enough.
"JAMES!" She yelled to get his attention.
"Hehehehe... I... er..." He answered, slightly disoriented, "What?"
Seeing that he was finally focused outward, Jones perked up. Haku could see he was itching to do something terrible to the omnipotent ass. Haku felt the need to oblige him, considering the odd hell she had been through for the past two days. She tossed Jones a wink to let him know he had her help.
"What the hell have you been doing for the past two days?" She asked calmly.
"An... experiment into group psychology," He answered cryptically, "It has been engagin... Where are we?"
"The Forest of Death," Haku said exasperated, "We've been here for over twenty four hours."
"Oh...Are we winning?"
"We have nine scrolls," She answered seeing a thumbs up from Jones, "Jones has something you should see though."
As James turned to see what his rotund counterpart had to show him, Haku turned the other direction and covered her ears. Anything that Jones had planned would most likely drive any normal person mad. It would be some horror from far beyond the realms of sanity. Something that lurked within the plutonian abyss. She never saw what he did, but from James reaction, she was glad she didn't.
"What do you want, Fatty?" James asked with contempt, turning.
"Ohhh... James. Your hate feels so good," a sultry, but disturbingly familiar voice answered.
His brain froze. Before James stood what could only be described as a blonde bombshell. Perfectly proportioned and dressed in shining black leather. High heeled boots that hugged shapely legs up to the thigh;, a teddy, solid over the naughty bits, mesh everywhere else; long gloves, and a tight collar. James always went from bottom to top, just to make sure a butter face wouldn't ruin it till the very end. Her face was perfect though. Then he saw it... the eyes. That shade of blue with that wild and crazy look. The kind that said 'Sleep on your back, or I might,' and he knew.
"What's the matter James," that sultry yet familiar voice said again, "Give me more of your hate."
As she said it she buried a screaming James in a tight hug, causing him to catch a mouthful of leather covered titty. James' brain mercifully shut down on him there.
When Haku turned around, Jones was holding up a catatonic James. The thinner man stared with horror at nothing, his only movement twitching. Thats when Jones began prancing about, singing 'I'm a Little Teapot.' By the time James had come to, she was holding three more scrolls.