--Hopefully this song rings a bell. Dean girls, have fun ; ) --

11

How Do I Live:

Trisha Yearwood

How Do I, Get through one night without you?

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I don't know. You said you needed to talk to me about something. Then I brought up the hospital thing. What did you want to say?" Dean walked away from me, keeping his eyes down. I looked around the spare bedroom we were in, trying to see what he was looking at.

"We need to talk." He muttered. My heart sank. Those were the four worst words in the English language. "About us." I'd been with Dean for about a month now, and I was crazy about him.

If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?

His smile, his laugh, his eyes, his sense of humor (no matter how twisted it was) all of it. I'd never felt this way about anyone before. And surprisingly enough we hadn't…ya know, done it. Which was weird for me, and according to Sam about a billion times weirder for Dean. But hearing those words I realized I couldn't imagine not being with him. Not hearing that deep, velvet voice every day or peering into those glowing green eyes was unbearable. I loved him.

Oh and I, I need you in my arms need you to hold.

"What do you mean?" I asked, fearing his answer. He turned to me, a look of determination in his eyes. I hated that look. It meant that he was dead set on what he was going to do, and by how dark and grim his words had been, this wasn't a good thing.

"Lauren, we…we can't be together." He said. My heart sped, my palms sweated. My mind raced for something to say. All I got out was:

"Why?"

You're my world my heart my soul. If you ever leave…

"You and I both know it won't work. Why are we kidding ourselves?" He asked harshly. I took a step toward him.

"Because we can. Just because we're hunters doesn't mean we can't have something-"

"Yes it does!" He yelled. "Yes it does. My parents have been taken away from me, my brother's been pretty close more than once! We don't get happiness." I touched his arm. He pulled away.

"Why not?" I asked. "Dean, we aren't everybody else. Most hunters are alone and-"

"And for good reason!" He yelled. "Those things we kill will not hesitate to hurt either of us to get to the other!"

Baby you would take away everything good in my life.

"Will you let me talk?!" I yelled. "Dean we don't have to be alone. We're a lot different that the other hunters I've seen." I paused for a moment, expecting him to say something. He didn't, I continued. "I don't want to be without you Dean, no matter how dangerous it is. I need you." I whispered the last part of my statement. He looked at me. His brows were in a line.

"Lauren, I can't give you a real life," He said slowly. "I can't give you money, or a house, or anything even remotely normal. You need to find someone that can. I'm not good for you." He said.

Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky.

I grabbed his arm again, making sure this time not to let him pull away from me. I looked into his eyes. "Dean I don't want money. I don't want some house in the suburbs and you work at a bank or something. I don't want normal." I touched his cheek. "All I want is you." He looked away from me for a moment, then met my gaze again.

"No, you don't"

There would be no love in my life.

"What do you mean no I don't?" I asked.

"Lauren, I'm not somebody you wanna take home to Mom. I have way too much sex, not here lately but…I have so many issues the world's greatest shrink would runaway from me screaming. I'm not, good, for, you."

"What part about I don't care don't you get?" I asked. "And as far as the bad guys getting to us through each other? We'll just have to watch each other's back's when we think that might happen."

"Lauren we don't know when it will happen!" He said. "Besides, I've already almost been killed by someone that wanted to get to you!" My eyes grew. I stepped away from him, dropping his arm as if it had burned me.

"What?" I asked. I paused for a moment. "Are you, are you saying what happened with Lindsay was my fault?"

There'd be no world left for me.

Instantly Dean stepped forward, apology in his eyes. "No, Lauren. I didn't mean that. I didn't mean you…Lauren I'm sorry." He grabbed my arm. His words had hurt me. "I swear I, I just…" I realized he was shaking.

"Dean, you're shaking." I whispered. He let me go.

"Lauren, I think I love you. No I know I love you. That's why we can't…"

"I love you too." I said. I could hardly believe he had said it. Something was wrong with him, not because of what he said but, it was like something was built up inside him, like he was about to lose it. "Dean why are you..?"

And I, baby I don't know what I would do.

Dean put his hand on his temples, I could almost feel the frustration emitting from him. "Lauren I just, I just need…you." I wrapped my arms around him in a second, holding him tight. He felt so tense, so bottled up. "I don't want you to go Baby. Ever. But, I don't feel good enough for you. And I'm not."

"Dean, stop it." I said. Dean nodded. "I love you, and unless you kill me, I won't go anywhere." Dean let me go and he sat down on the bed. His face was in his hands, his elbows rested on his knees.

"I don't know what the hell we should do."

I'd be lost if I lost you.

I stepped over to him, grabbing his hands in mine.

"Dean," I wasn't sure how I would get these words out, but I had to. If it was what he wanted, then I'd have no choice. "If you want me gone, just say it. I'll leave." He looked up at me, his eyes suddenly horrified.

"No," He said, shaking his head. "Lauren please don't go." He said. "I know it may not be the smartest thing to do but…God I don't freakin' know!"

If you ever leave,

"Dean, what do you want me to do?" I asked. We were both at such a loss right now. He stood at that point, pulling me to him. His nose grazed my cheek.

"Love me," He whispered. "Love me please." The longing, the pain in his voice, it made my heart ache. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. God his muscles were so tight they were rigid.

"Dean, baby, relax." My words didn't really seem to do anything. He felt hard, like rock. "Dean, let go." I didn't mean of me, he seemed to understand what I was trying to say though.

Baby you would take away everything real in my life.

It was like a levee broke. I could swear Dean literally melted in my arms. His stiff arms turned gentle. His lips gave off such a fiery passion it burned. One arm was wrapped around my waist, lifting me off the ground. His other hand was tangled in my hair. He gently kissed my neck, nearly being cautious.

And tell me now, how do I live without you? I want to know.

His skin felt so amazing, especially once his shirt was lying on the floor. My heart sped so fast, it wasn't even funny. God he felt so warm.

How do I breathe without you? If you ever go? How do I ever, ever survive?

I didn't even realize my shirt was gone until he tenderly grazed his fingers down my chest. I felt goosebumps rise up my body. I ran my hand up his arm and onto his neck. His lips, so lush and full, I never wanted to be away from those lips, not ever. I stepped back and lightly pushed him onto the bed.

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

He wrapped his arms around my waist and softly kissed my stomach. I closed my eyes and bent down to kiss him again. It was like a magnet was welding us together. He ran his lips over my cheek, back up to the hollow behind my ear. He slipped back and rested his face beside mine for a moment. His long lashes tickled, I tried not to giggle. His eyes, they pierced me, right to my soul, showing me in an instant how much hunger, and love he harbored within him. Pure, true love.

If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything, need you with me.

There was no way this was real. This was like some gushy movie fairytale. Like Dirty Dancing. Well the man in front of me may not be Johnny Castle, but it was pretty damn close.

The sun was setting, and god did he look good in the twilight. I was actually surprised I could think straight. He laid down and I leaned over him grazing my fingertips over his chest, softly kissing his neck.

He growled. I kid you not boys and girls, he growled. I felt myself shiver. He was still trembling underneath my fingers. My head was buzzing, I couldn't breathe. I could barely fathom the passion pouring from every cell in his body.

Baby cause you know that you're everything good in my life. And tell me now.

He sat up suddenly wrapping his arms around my waist and rolled me over. My head hit the pillow. I shut my eyes as his lips touched my stomach, working their way over my chest, up my neck and onto my lips again. I gripped the sheets when he started to rock back and forth.

My heart was thudding so loud in my chest I knew he could hear it. If he did he didn't do anything about it.

How do I live without you? I want to know.

It was getting hot, well, hotter. I tried my best not to scream in pleasure, but with little success.

"Uhuh," He moaned, thrusting his hips forward at a more rapid pace. His hands were twisted in my hair, his perfect lips pressed against mine. His skin was like silk, warm, soft, silk. He started kissing my neck again. My hands were clenched around his shoulders, unable to stop myself from squeezing tighter and tighter as the sensation grew.

How do I breathe without you? If you ever go.

Then it was over, far too soon. I wanted this feeling of being this close to him to last forever. He stared at me for a moment, his fingers delicately going from my temple down to my chin. He rolled over and pulled me to his chest. I felt his heart beat under my ear.

"Lauren," Dean whispered, tracing his fingers over my lips. I looked up at him. The irresistible emerald orbs that looked back at me made me feel like I might turn into a puddle.

My fingers traced his face, grazing his skin as carefully as possible. He shut his eyes and smiled softly. "Never leave." He breathed. I shook my head.

"I won't." I promised. He smiled again. His breath turned deep in a moment. Dean had finally gone to sleep after I don't know how many hours of being awake. I could see how truly tired he was. And in sleep, I could see how much the weight of the world had been pressed on him. His head slid sideways, his cheek resting on the top of mine. I sighed, breathing in the sweet smell of his skin. If only moments like this could last forever.

How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

I blinked a few times and I was back in the Motel room with Dean, two years later. Dean's eyes were still closed, His hands clenched into fists. I slowly removed my hand from his head. He opened his eyes and looked at me. In an instant his vast arms engulfed me, and those sweet, alluring lips that I had grown so used to were tangled within my own. He pulled away from me a few moments later, though I really didn't want him to.

"I think that is the best superpower I have ever seen." He sighed. I grinned.

"Better than flying?" I asked. He moved his face mere centimeters from my own and once again I couldn't breathe.

"Oh yeah." He whispered, a small smirk threatening to break through on his lips. God sometimes he could be so…well Dean! It was maddening. But then, I guess that's why I love him.

How do I live? Without you baby? Ooh, how do I live?

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