I'll get into specifics at the bottom of the page, but a lot of the scenes referenced here are mentions of events that happened in the prior volume. I'll provide exact references back done there, but it figures in quite a bit to the plot, so I've been planning this for a while now. Interesting thing about this episode, it's actually the last one to adhere to the strict 'Diesel leaves at the end' theme that had been going on for quite a while now. Obviously, back in Season 3 he popped back up for a few little scenes here and there, but still. Considering that this is his first big and proper appearance (As opposed to being used because they had his model to hand in 'Rusty to the Rescue') it almost makes me wonder if, had HIT not taken over the series, Diesel would have remained a character who only occasionally showed up...guess we'll never know.

Likewise, those of who you have seen how I've written Diesel in the past will notice...something. I won't say what, yet.

AaronCottrell97: Honestly, the image of it is so well done that I'd love to hear the story behind it.

Reality Rejection Service: Oh yeah, Donald can be a real dick.

Bronze Shield: Oh yeah. They're real distracting.

Game-Watch: The engines are clearly made of rubber. This is the only excuse that works...well, save for one that I do have plans to mention.

TrainManiac: Awww, thanks! I'm blushing!

Kamen Rider Necrom: :D

MattPrice01: Fair enough but I did enjoy them getting ratty with each other. And once again, Duck is the only competent engine in the vicinity.

Radical Sandwiches: It was! Just a little bit edited! Thanks for that!

UGX7: Yeah, it's weird how Henry barely gets to do anything this season. Mind, I suppose it makes up for all the stuff Edward was not doing last time.

CUE THE THEME!

The engines on the Island of Sodor like to feel responsible, reliable and really useful! ...Unfortunately, they are crap at achieving that goal of theirs. As can be seen in many such situations over the years that are too many to name.

Duck pondered this as he passed along the branch, passing Thomas and Percy who were busy messing about as usual. He sighed. He felt so alone sometimes.

They also work hard to finish on time, as they don't like confusion or delay. Again, you wouldn't know it by watching them, as you can see by Oliver pushing trucks backwards into a wall, while James stops and laughs at him like a true friend. But the Troublesome Trucks in particular delight in mischief, and are actually fairly good at it, as poor Henry found out.

Somehow. Again, details are not that good on what happened.

"'ENRY 'AS 'AD AN ACCIDENT AND NEEDS REPAIRS!"

"Sir, you don't have to shout, we can hear you just fine!" snapped Gordon. "Also, you appear to be slipping more and more into Yorkshire territory. You've been drinking again, haven't you?!"

"SCREW YOU GORDON!"

"Ah, such wit." muttered James.

"There are no other engines avaliable, for some BLOODY REASON, so I've had to scrape the bottom of the barrel and bring back Diesel." Everyone groaned. "Yeah, I know, this is like the third time that I've said he'll never return and he did, sue me. I'm going to get a mirror and take a long hard look at myself to see if I can figure out where i went wrong. MAKE HIM FEEL WELCOME!" He stormed off, and hit his head on the car door.

"Yessir." muttered the engines rebelliously, for they were mightily cheesed off. They knew Diesel to be rude and a show off. One could make an argument about James and Gordon being the same, but one could also point out that they were at the very least, tone deaf to their mistakes. Diesel knew that he was wrong, and reveled in them.

"I hope Henry is mended soon!" said Percy.

"Not half as much as Henry probably does." Edward muttered.

"He can move more trucks than three diesels put together...though I suppose it depends on the size of the diesel, I guess. I mean...okay, I'm not getting into this debate right now, I'm knackered."

"TRUCKS ARE NO ONE'S FRIENDS!" growled Gordon.

"What a terrific contribution you have made to the discussion." mumbled James.

"FIGHT ME, JAMES!"

...

The next day dawned, and as Diesel slunk in, he and Duck met eyes for a second. Duck frowned, and shook his head, trying to wonder why it felt as though part of his memory had been junked.

Diesel had no such problem. He knew exactly what had happened.

"When the Fat Controller sees how good I am-" Diesel did brageth unto the trucks "-he shall get rid of steam engines and we SHALL TAKE OVER!" He added a little maniacal laugh for emphasis. It was...a flawed plan, to say the least. It was pretty apparent the number of flaws in said plan, and as Thomas and Percy had nothing better to do, they watched him make a prat of himself.

The trucks weren't fond of him either. They remembered all too well the time that Diesel had kick-started a dark age that had lasted well into the present, by destroying the heads of the families. Likewise, there were many who still were coughing up water after he had shunted them into the sea, clay and all. They were not, therefore, inclined to be generous towards him. This gave them an idea.

As Diesel shunted them together, they started to sing. And if you've ever heard trucks singing, you know that this was not a nice sound to be hearing so early in the morning.

"Is that all you can haul?
Henry's loads are longer!
Is that all you can haul?
Henry must be stronger!"

It is no W.H Auden, to be sure. And Wordsworth can rest well in his grave knowing that he is not being challenged in any sense of the word on how he constructed his poems. But Diesel Dastardly had notoriously thin skin, and this made him cross. He was sure that he was stronger than Henry. Then again, considering how ill Henry was on a regular basis, that might not be such a worthy title.

He made a decision. "I'll take you all on!" He ranted. "Same time!"

The trucks cackled.

"Push us all, that's the longest!
Push us all, you'll be the strongest!"

And then one of them began to freestyle rap, and it all got very awkward. "World's Strongest Engine!" Diesel shouted over the sick beats that were being dropped by the truck. "Sounds right to me!"

Thomas and Percy were now fully engaged in getting drunk and watching the devious dastardly dick do his work. First Diesel shunted five trucks, then ten, then fifteen. Soon, he had an enormous line of twenty trucks! All of whom looked excited.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" shouted Percy, who had fallen asleep from sheer boredom.

"Old Crackpot here thinks he can pull all the trucks and be the World's Strongest Engine! PAH! As if!" Thomas imagined himself pulling that line of trucks, completely with comically oversized muscles. It was a nice fantasy. And that was all it ever would be.

Diesel didn't know that the shunters were messing with him, and had set the brakes on the trucks. The trucks did know...but naturally, they encouraged Diesel to make a giant prat out of himself nonetheless. As he was coupled up, Diesel began to hype himself up. "Who the man? You da man!"

"PUSH!"

"PUSH!

"PUSH!"

Diesel did push. Nothing happened. He might have well have been trying to move Mount Everest, or the Fat Controller when trying to get sticky buns. Diesel's expression could best be described as 'livid', so he decided to pull the trucks instead.

You can already see the problem with this, can't you?

"HEAVE HO, HEAVE HO, YOU CAN PULL BUT WE WON'T GO!"

This childish taunt was apparently too much for the formerly confident Diesel to ignore, and he clenched his teeth. He pulled and pulled, until there was a loud snap, and free from being coupled up, he shot forward.

"SHIT SHIT OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"

There was a loud bang as Diesel thwacked into a nearby barge, hitting his chin upon the edge of it. "AHHHHHHH GREASE AND OIL!" He wailed. Well, we had to censor it for decency, but you get the drift.

The trucks, meanwhile, thought this was hysterical.

Goes to show that their sense of humor hasn't improved at all.

...

A shadow loomed overhead.

"GOD?!"

"Worse." said the Fat Controller. "I thought you would be a proper dockyard diesel! I was even going to get you a cameo in the new song that's being written! Guess that we'll just have to stick with Salty! So, I'm shoving you off!"

Diesel sulked.

"Make up for lost time, old chum!"

"OHHHHH yes!" said Henry, doing a impersonation of the Churchill Dog.

"Wait, weren't you off sick?"

"Eh. I got better."

This was the best explanation that any of them were going to get. Henry buffered up to the trucks, settled into a calm and comfortable starting position and waited for the brakes to be de-set.

And then he pulled away as easy as pie, to the sound of a triumphant orchestra.

And the engines cheered!

Round the corner, there was a loud crash, and Henry found himself off the rails once again. Luckily, the camera had cut out before this, so the more dramatic and awe-inspiring scene was kept.

Diesel was sent home in disgrace. Again. Next time, he'd get a free sundae.

But the engines had learnt a lesson. "Even miserable troublesome trucks can do you a favor sometimes!" declared Thomas.

"Like getting rid of smelly old diesels!" Percy stared at Mavis, who glared back. "Now hang about, you are taking my words COMPLETELY out of context!"

...

That wasn't the only thing that the engines had learnt, though.

"I'm telling you, it's not him!" Duck looked anxious, a emotion that the others weren't used to seeing on his face. "Did you see the way he was acting? No style, no substance, no flattery! He's acting more and more like...well, not to be coy about it, you guys!"

"And what does that mean?!" snapped Donald.

"Calm down, everyone." Edward frowned. "Now, I'm with Duck that this doesn't seem...normal. But what does that mean?"

"I may hold the answer to that." Stepney rolled forward and glanced around the yard, where the rest of the engines had gathered to hold an indignation meeting. Well, save for Thomas and Percy, who were busy chilling out and watching The Spy Who Loved Me to celebrate Diesel's departure. "Back in 98, Duck approached me with Diesel over an investigation into an engine called the Juggernaut. You three were responsible for killing him during the Battle of Shining Time.

Edward frowned. "Yeah...does make me wonder where the hell 87546 is, if he's anywhere at all. It's not like him to go about without his partner in crime." He paused. "Sorry, Step, I'm interrupting."

"But more to the point-" Duck interrupted "-I don't remember anything about that!"

"No...I know. You and Diesel promised me a return trip after you went to confront City of Truro regarding the reasoning for your placement on the Island. You did not return, and I had assumed that you had found nothing out. It wasn't until after the battle, and I talked to you about it, that I realized that those memories were...how to put it, extracted from you?"

"That's ridiculous!" scoffed James. "It's not Men in Black!" He paused. "Mind, given what we've seen, I don't know why I'm arguing."

Duck hesitated. "That would explain things. When I looked at him today, it was like I was trying to recall our last meeting. But there was a blank there, or at the very least, a ton of memories trying very hard to convince me that it was not the case...so, I was taken back to Sodor by Truro. And Diesel?"

Stepney paused. "There were rumors-" He said at last "-floating around following the battle, that they had found failed cloning attempts in the basements of the Other Railway Complex once they invaded. Some notes were found, but those were burned, or incomplete." He thought for a moment, as everyone looked at him like he was crazy. "Or whatev-"

"Mebbe he's got a point."

The last person they had expected to speak was Douglas. He looked around and nodded gravely. "Back when I went ta get Oliver from that awful place, we saw things. It wasnae for long, but I could have sworn on me granny's grave that Diesel, Mavis and BoCo were all there. And then later, when Rusty went ta rescue ye, Stepney, he said that he recognized diesels there. All of them up until tha' point, even yon Class 40."

"But hang about...Mavis was with me on the day that you got Oliver home." Toby interrupted.

"And I can vouch for BoCo's whereabouts on both occasions." agreed Edward. "But that is-" And he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. For a moment, his mouth moved without making a sound, but at last, he was able to get the words out. "Bloody hell...I'd forgotten in-between Shining Time and the grieving and the construction, but...during Sodor's invasion, myself and the little buggers met someone who claimed very much to be BoCo. I...I worked out it wasn't him and executed him straight away. But it was only in what he said that was false. He had everything down to a tee, the tics, the manner of his voice, the way he worded things...he was perfect in every way save for the information that he could not have possibly known!"

Everyone went very quiet.

"Clones." said Oliver, hollowly. "I don't bloody believe it."

"Believe." said Stepney, grimly. "The Other Railway's been crippled, to be sure, but they've had three or so years to rethink their approach."

"That would explain...there was someone who looked an awful lot like Daisy there as well. But we won!" Gordon almost shouted. "We killed their big bad shadowy thing, with f*cking panache, I may add! What do they have left?! What on earth could they possibly do next?!"

No one had an answer for that.

...

On the other side of the Island, Diesel crossed into Barrow. The engine waiting there for him waited for him to give a report.

"Failed." Diesel (Or to be more accurate, D1) admitted. Already, the layers of the prepared personality were folding back to reveal the Facade's somewhat faker nature. "Let emotions get the best of me."

"Of course they did." 87546 looked horrible without his armor on. Have you ever seen a hairless dog? Imagine the engine equivalent of that, sans the metal that acts as their body and everything, except with a ton of scar marks all across. "But it is to be expected."

"I expect to be invited back next year, though. I shall be prepared. I shall make sure that I target someone weaker next time." D1 glanced at the Juggernaut. "And what of the original Diesel?"

"The brainwashing techniques are crude. But they are getting there. Soon, he'll do a far greater job than you ever could at sowing discord." It was not an insult, and D1 did not take it as such. "Did you at least make contact with the last remaining Gotch vehicle?"

"I did." D1 smiled. Like everything, it was a almost flawless copy of a real thing. Almost. "And he's looking forward to doing his bit."

The two engines moved off towards the new HQ of the Other Railway.

Things were going to get VERY interesting in the next few weeks.

-The events that Douglas are describing are references to Escape and Rusty to the Rescue respectively. Always wondered why there were so many familiar diesels there, even as filler engines. So that's my explanation. Clones.

-Fake BoCo/D3's death took place in Magic Railroad, while the original was killed back in Double Teething Troubles. Also killed was D2, or Daisy's doppelganger. So that's coming back into play.
-The whole Duck/Diesel alliance played out over most of Season 5, but at the end of it, Diesel had been captured by the Other Railway and reset to 'factory settings'. And we'll be seeing more of that next time.

On a far more somber note, I had just finished writing this up when I heard the news of Roger Moore's passing. With many of the people I've grown up with beginning to pass now, I haven't had much chance to give many tributes. But Moore was my first James Bond, and one of the coolest people I think of, both on the screen and off it. So...yeah, that's why that bit about The Spy Who Loved Me was in there. As a little tribute. Thank you Mr Moore.

Anyway, next time! More cheerful stuff! Luckily, both the Halloween episodes seem to be grouped together fairly well, so there's little problem with the time line there. But we'll also be getting another appearance from another villain there! Hope you enjoy!