Chapter 11

Regretful Words

I hate you. Those words stung so much when I said them to Jackson and for some reason I just couldn't get that image of Jackson and Chantel leaning into that kiss in my head.

I lay on my bed, staring up at my ceiling. I cried myself to sleep the night before and I didn't even realize it until I woke up. I still wore the clothes from the concert with Miley was sound asleep next to me.

I sat up kicking the covers off me and got off the bed. I decided to go take a nice long walk, but I needed to change out of my clothes. I felt dirty and messed up and I hated it.

I walked over to my closet and changed into a top, baggy shorts, and a hat. I took my iPod and got out of my room and walked out of my room, going downstairs to the living room.

I looked around, seeing that no one was awake yet so I decided to leave a note, just telling them that I went out for a walk. I left it at the counter of the table and looked at the clock as I headed out the door. It was only 7 in the morning; I really doubt that anyone would be awake at this hour. Well, anyone I knew, which meant I was hopefully free from Jackson until then.

I started off, to the sidewalk of my street with the cool thick air soothing me. I sighed, and wrapped my arms around myself, starting to think about the night before. Jackson and Chantel. I just can't forget about it.

The scene constantly replayed over and over again in my mind and it's freaking me out. Is it trying to tell me that I'm stupid for even dating Jackson in the first place? It's like, my worst nightmare is happening before my eyes and it just makes me feel completely confused.

I dropped my arms, clenching my fists and started to run, run as fast as I could, trying to clear my mind. The faster I ran, the more I forgot about it as I concentrated on my legs. I continued on running until I made it to the beach. I made it to a spot on the beach, far away from any visible people and collapsed to the ground. My legs felt like jelly as my heart pounded hard against my chest. I wiped my forehead from the cold sweat and closed my eyes.

Running just feels so good when you're stressed out or depressed about something. It clears my mind up and allows me to think about other stuff rather than my own problems.

I pulled off my earphones of my iPod, setting it down beside me and breathed in deeply, taking in the salty scent of the beach surrounded me, with the soothing sounds of the waves splashing, slightly calming me down.

With my mind free of Jackson or anything about him, I found myself drifting into a deep slumber.

---------------------------------------------------

I was strolling along the mall alone looking for something to buy. I walked passed a few people and noticed a couple sitting on a bench, snuggling, and kissing. The girl had dark hair and her back was faced to me, but the boy had his head turned. He had dirty blonde hair and he looked very much like Jackson.

I sighed realizing who it was and felt like I wanted to leave, but I couldn't. I was rooted to the spot, listening to the two talk as they snuck kisses between them. This just reminded me of the times Jackson and I had.

I felt like I was about to throw up. I hated seeing them like that; all cuddled up and couple like. I stared at Chantel as she suddenly jerked away from Jackson.

"What's wrong babe?" Jackson said and she shrugged.

"Don't you think we're moving too fast?" I could hear Chantel say. I watched as Chantel dropped her head on Jackson's shoulder with him kissing her forehead.

I clenched my jaw, waiting for Jackson's answer to that. As much as it pained me to watch this, I couldn't look away. My curiosity took over me, keeping me in place staring at the couple.

"No, never. You're the only one I love, and I would never hurt you."

I let a soft gasp escape my lips. The words burned right through me, thinking of the one time Jackson said the same words to me. Look at how we are now; it just makes me feel so useless.

I couldn't stand it. I watched at the two lean into one last kiss and I charged forward, interrupting the two from the kiss.

"What the hell is going on here?" I nearly shouted.

The two looked at me as if I was a crazy person, looking to start up something and then they ignored me.

"Hey, I was talking to you." I snapped at Chantel, tapping her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, but do we know you?" Jackson asked as he glanced up at me.

"What the hell? Is this some kind of joke because I swear, if it is I'm-"

"Hey Jackson and Chantel."

I looked up seeing Miley walking toward us. She stopped in front of Jackson and Chantel, and started up a conversation with Chantel.

"What the hell is going on, do you not see me? Miley, why are you talking to that twofaced bitch?" I said, catching Miley's attention.

She raised an eyebrow, giving me a weird look and shook her head. "Do I know you?" She asked.

I stood there, bewildered at what she had just said. It was as if they didn't know me at all. What the hell is going on?

"Stop playing around you guys, you're all being immature." I glared at Chantel as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Just leave us alone and go away. You're being immature going up to random people and shouting at them." Jackson bit back, getting up from his seat.

"Jackson, why are you doing this?" I looked at him as he shot me a dirty look. I bit my lip, slightly taken aback at his actions. Why is he acting like he doesn't know me?

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don't know you? That maybe you're just some girl that I want to forget?" He snapped, walking over to me.

"What's happening?" I asked and looked up at Jackson.

He shook his head. "You're the one who hates me Lilly, remember?" He said and then suddenly turned around, walking away from me, not even looking back.

---------------------------------------------------

My eyes shot open, breathing in and out deeply. I patted my chest, trying to calm myself down from that nightmare. What the hell was that about? Why did I have a dream like that?

I closed my eyes covering my face with my hands and sobbed. Why am I having these weird dreams? Why can't they stop? The kiss has already happened, but why did I have a dream of them forgetting me?

"Are you okay?" I could hear a deep voice say from above me. I tried to calm my breathing down and held back the newly formed tears that were tempting to drop any moment. I removed my hands from my face, seeing a blurred figure just above me.

I pulled the bottom of my shirt to my face, wiping it and sat up. I nodded slowly and bit my lip, afraid to see who the figure was.

"Okay good. You've been twisting and turning, I thought that something might be wrong with you." The person said and I sighed.

I finally looked up at him seeing a tall, dark, and handsome boy standing above me. He held his hand out and helped me up. I still had my iPod beside me and took it as I stood. I slipped it into my pocket and dusted myself off.

"Uh, thanks, I'll be going now." I started to walk, but then he got a hold of my arm, pulling me back.

"Now now, girlie, what makes you think I'll let you off that easily?" He said.

I looked at him, and then looked at his hand holding my arm.

"What are you talking about?" I asked and he smirked.

"Well, how about you and me, dinner tonight." He raised his eyebrows and I rolled my eyes.

"No thank you, I have better things to do tonight." I pulled my arm back, but his grip tightened.

"Come on, please? It will be fun." He smiled and I shook my head.

"Let me go." I said and tried to pull my arm back. I thrust my hand forward, trying to push him, but he got a hold of my wrist.

"Just say yes, then I'll-" He started but soon saw a fist fly, hitting him in the face.

He instantly let go of me and I looked back seeing the last person I wanted to see, ever.

"Lilly, are you okay?" He said as he put his hands on my shoulders.

I looked down. "Jackson-" I started, but the boy that Jackson punched stood up and started yelling.

"What the hell are you doing man?" He asked and started to go after Jackson.

"Stay behind." Jackson set me aside and pushed the guy as he tried to punch Jackson. Jackson threw his fist at the guy, hitting him in the eye and the guy fell to the ground. Jackson kicked him in the stomach, making the guy groan in pain. Jackson looked at the guy as he rolled on the ground, clutching his eye and stomach.

Jackson looked back at me and started to walk to me, taking my hand.

"Let's go." He said and I obeyed as we ran back to the other side of the beach. I didn't know where he was bringing me, but I'd do anything to get away from the creep.

We made it across of the beach, back to Rico's and to the parking lot. I put my hands to the hood of Jackson's car, catching my breath. What am I supposed to do know? There I was, having a nightmare about Jackson and Chantel, and then I get picked up by some stranger, begging for a date, and now I'm here with Jackson. Will this ever end? It just makes me even more confused and I really don't want to be here with Jackson.

I shook my head and felt a heavy hand on my shoulder.

"Lilly, are you okay?" I looked up at him. His eyes clouded with sadness and worry. "You fell asleep on the beach again, didn't you?"

I bit my lip and I looked down to the ground feeling slightly lightheaded.

After last night, I thought he would never talk to me when I told him those regretful words. I know for sure that I wasn't ready to talk to him. It has been just a few hours since I caught him with Chantel. He's hurting me even more just by being here.

"Come on Lilly, talk to me." He started but I shook my head. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and started walking off.

Then it happened so fast. I felt a hand grip on my hand, pulling me back, pinning me against Jackson's car. My whole body pressed against his car with his hands gripping on my wrists. I was startled at what Jackson did. Everyone is being so forceful and it's just so scary. I stared at him feeling slightly afraid that he might do something that would screw everything up even more.

"Why won't you talk to me anymore? What exactly did you see last night that turned you all cold and bitter like this Lilly? What happened to you?" Jackson suddenly says.

I looked up at him in the eye, seeing the hurt within him. I shook my head and looked to the side, away from him.

"Lilly, will you look at me?" He asked. His grip on my hand loosened and let it fall to my side as I felt his hand move to my cheek, stroking it with his thumb.

I closed my eyes, feeling tears well up. I can't handle being this close to Jackson after what happened last night. I need some space.

"Please Lilly, stop being mad at me. I can't handle being away from you. I miss you, you know that?" He said. I stared at him as he lowered his face to mine.

"Jackson…" I whispered and soon felt his warm breath hover over my parted lips.

"Just relax Lilly, please…" He practically begged and started to close my eyes as his lips drew closer to mine.

I started to shake and something within me started to pour out my emotions to him. I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away from me and lifted my hand up, slapping his cheek.

I just couldn't let him kiss me. Why should I let him kiss me when his lips touched another?

He held his hand to his cheek as it turned red. I slapped him pretty hard, but it didn't matter. I just can't be with him right now.

"You say that I'm being bitter and cold to you when you're being the same way toward me!" I shouted and looked at him, feeling the hate and anger come out.

"You say what's happening to me when the thing is what's happening to you? Better yet, what's happening between us? You said that there will be no secrets between us but you're keeping just about the biggest secret ever seeing someone else!" I screamed at him.

"Lil-" He started, but I lifted my hand up to him.

"Shut up Jackson!" I shouted and tightly closed my eyes, and looked up at him. "How would you feel if you found out your boyfriend had a date with someone they hated and in the end you found them kissing in the parking lot?"

He stared at me as his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. You could tell that he wasn't expecting that to come out of my mouth, but nothing was stopping me now. I hate keeping all this in.

"Why would you do this to me Jackson? I thought you said you loved me and then in the end I see you with someone else? Am I not good enough for you?"

"Lilly I-" He started, but I frantically shook my head.

"I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm sick and tired of listening to your excuses." I snapped, letting the tears freely fall by now. "Go back to Chantel. I bet she'd be a better girlfriend than I'll ever be."

I never thought I would have this talk with anyone ever, but I couldn't bear it. He was seeing someone behind my back and I definitely didn't want Jackson to get away this easily.

I walked off, leaving the quiet and shocked Jackson behind. I could feel his gaze over me, but I didn't care. He could do anything right now and I wouldn't forgive him that easily. He broke my heart and I bruised his, but I didn't hurt him as much as he hurt me.

A/N Aww, I feel bad for Jackson. Lilly seriously needs to calm down.

I am really sorry I hadn't updated this in a while I've been busy. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter.

-Seeing you it kills me now