A/N: Jus drein jus daun.
You know it's a bad idea the moment the thought forms in your head. You know it won't change anything, that she will leave when it's over and you will feel empty again. Maybe emptier.
But you miss it, you miss the fire between you that burned brighter than anything else, that you've tried to find with other people but have failed every time. And if you're being honest with yourself, you miss her.
You know you should hate her, she's the one who left, the one who inadvertently took something from you that you haven't been able to recover. But you let her walk away. You never tried to stop her or gave her a reason to stay. You were there when she needed you and never asked for more.
But you always wanted more of her, of your moments together. You wanted to go on dates and be able to hold her hand in public, take her to meet your friends. But you never asked and she never offered. She was the one who left but she was never yours so you can't hate her.
You feel yourself gravitating slowly towards her. Her pull is almost magnetic but you know it's more than that. She's a singularity, a tear in the fabric of the universe that will swallow you whole.
She looks up and you're too close for her to pretend she didn't see you. The side of her mouth quirks up and she nods minutely and you hate yourself because you feel your heart skip a beat and your stomach flip.
She looks amazing. Her blonde hair is pulled to the side, cascading over one of her shoulders and leaving the other exposed. She's wearing a long red strapless dress with a slit on the side that goes up to mid thigh and her green eyes seem to shine brighter than you remember in the soft light of the chandelier. You look at her hands around the champagne glass and feel relief wash over you when you don't see a ring.
You wait. You know she won't talk to you if there's other people around so you lean on the bar nursing your drink, your eyes never leaving her. After a while she looks around the room and you know she's looking for you. Her eyes stop briefly when they get to you and you see her hands shift nervously on the stem of her glass.
She excuses herself from her group and walks to the exit. Leaving your drink on the bartop you follow her out of the room and into the hallway leading back into the hotel. She doesn't turn to see if you're following her but you've done this enough times to know she knows you're there. You don't know how long you walk or where she's leading you but you don't care. You would follow her anywhere, no questions asked.
You catch up to her as she turns a corner and you grab her wrist, turning her around and pinning her against the wall. Releasing her wrist, you place your hands on either side of her head and lean forward until you feel the side of your nose touching hers. You stop and close your eyes taking a deep breath through your mouth and it feels like the first real breath you've taken since she left.
You feel her hands on your waist and you wonder if she's gonna push you away but her fingers trace the seam of your dress and splay against your ribs. You look up and her eyes meet yours with a challenging glint, daring you to move closer. But you want her to kiss you, you want her to be the one who surrenders to you this one time even though you both know she's in charge.
You move one of your hands from the wall to her exposed shoulder, running your index finger lighty over her collarbone. You feel her exhale a ragged breath against your lips as your thumb brushes over the hollow of her throat and her fingers twitch against you.
She crashes her lips against yours in a searing kiss and you respond in kind, your hand moving up to cup her neck. She tastes like champagne and something that is uniquely her and it makes your knees weak. You feel her hands clutching your dress and keeping you close as if she's afraid you'll vanish if she lets go. You want to laugh at the irony but instead you kiss her harder.
Her hands move to your shoulders and she pushes you back, but before you can ask her what's wrong she's taken your hand in hers and she's leading you down the hallway again. She stops in front of a door and drops your hand to take out a key card from her clutch, opening the door and walking in.
You hesitate at the door. You can still walk away but the kiss reminded you of how much you've needed this, needed her. She owns you and there's nothing you can do about it.
You walk inside and she's standing in front of the dresser removing her necklace as if she hadn't been waiting for you, as if it had made no difference if you walked in or not. You step up behind her and press a kiss to her shoulder, holding her hips and looking at her through the reflection in the mirror in front of you. You feel her shift her weight against you but that's all the acknowledgement she gives you as she continues to remove the rest of her jewelry.
Your lips move up, trailing kisses towards her neck and she tilts her head to accommodate you, her eyes fluttering closed for the briefest of moments. Her earrings clink as she puts them on the dresser and you bite down softly on her neck.
She moans and her hands move to rest on top of yours on her hips, lacing your fingers and pulling them towards her stomach making you take a step closer. You can feel her pulse racing against your lips and you see her chest flushing and you feel a sense of victory at the knowledge that you're the reason for that.
You take a step back pulling her with you and towards the bed. You let go of her hands as you turn and unzip her dress. She steps out of it and turns to face you, taking off her underwear and quirking her eyebrow.
You move closer, the impulse to touch her skin stronger than the one to look at her, and you kiss her again, your hands roaming over the newly exposed skin and reacquainting themselves with it. You don't notice when she unzips your dress but you feel it pooling around your feet and you kick it away, quickly getting rid of your underwear and lowering her down onto the bed.
You let out a small sigh at the feeling of your skin against hers, feeling the rightness of it, before you capture her lips again. She scratches her nails down your back and you straddle her thigh rocking against her. You feel her adjust and she lifts her other leg to hook around your waist.
You keep kissing her hard, pressing her head back against the pillows until the need for oxygen makes you pull back. Your hand moves down her body stopping where her leg meets her hip and swirling your thumb against her skin.
"Stacie." Your eyes snap up to look at her when she breathes out your name. She's biting down on her lower lip, her breath coming out in short puffs.
You know what she wants and you give it to her. Your hand slides in between your bodies to the apex of her legs, your fingers plunging into wet heat and entering her.
She arches her back with a long low moan and you bury your fingers deeper before pulling them halfway out and back in. You know what she likes and soon she's writhing underneath you. You'll have time for slow later but you both need hard and fast now.
You feel her nails dig into your shoulders as she lifts her hips and her muscles contract around your fingers. You curl your fingers inside her and she whimpers, her body shuddering with pleasure. You kiss her brow softly and follow a path down her nose and to her lips as you wait for her to come down.
She kisses you back after a while, her hands relaxing on your shoulders and running up the back of your neck. You relax against her, knowing you still have a few hours of this before her impending departure, but for now this is enough.
She's already sitting on the edge of the bed when you open your eyes. You watch her naked back against the morning sun filtering in through the windows and you feel an urge to touch her. She grabs a shirt from the suitcase she has next to the bed and puts it on before you can move. You know she was probably planning on leaving before you woke up, even though this is her room, so you don't say anything.
You watch as she picks up her dress and packs her things carefully and quietly without turning around to face you. You feel your stomach drop when you hear the zipper closing on her suitcase, knowing you don't have much time left but there's nothing you can do to stop her.
She sighs and picks up the suitcase before turning to face the bed. If she's surprised that you're awake she doesn't show it, she just nods once and starts walking to the door.
"I miss you." The words fly out of your mouth out of their own volition and her hand stops on the doorknob.
"I know." Her hand moves again and she walks out. The sound of the door closing echoes in your heart but you still don't hate her.