A/N: Okay so here is the next chapter. You people are amazing with all these reviews and follows and favourites I am overwhelmed. Keep it coming, it inspires me to write more.(Be careful spoilers for season11 ahead) All these spoilers about Tiva made me happy at first, but the subsequent articles have just confused me more. Once they say it will be exciting and romantic and then they say Tony will be broken in the next episode with Gibbs reminding him that they have a job to do. So right now I am utterly confused how can Gary hope that the episode will be, "all that the Tiva fans have ever wanted" if Tony is going to be heartbroken. Seriously my patience for September 24th is wearing off day by day.

DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters or NCIS. I do not make any sort of profit from this.

CHAPTER 10

It had been 2 months since the Ray incident. Things at NCIS especially with Ziva hadn't still gone to the way it was before all that mess, she was still in a dark place.

The sparkle in her eyes had completely vanished . Tony earnestly tried all he could to make a smile grace that gorgeous face, but nowadays she smiled for others sake and that too was a herculean effort. He prayed that, after all that chaos she could somehow still grip on to her sanity, and also gain some peace of mind that she rightfully deserved.

Tony still spent his non- working hours at Ziva's place. It almost seemed like he had moved in with her. Their sleeping arrangements were the same, but now Tony was convinced that taking off his shirt would not hurt her and so he did so, but the pants stayed in place.

Ziva although stubborn with her resolve to make Tony sleep in her bed every night, lost grip of her nightmares as they ran rampant, and she squirmed under the covers whimpering and crying. Tony hadn't felt this helpless in a long time, he was practically between the proverbial rock and the sea. He couldn't sit on the side lines and watch her suffer and he did not have the courage to touch her and comfort. All he needed to do was get Ziva to open her eyes and look at him, that is all it took. But in doing so it seemed to take the life out of him.

One such night Ziva was lying on her back thrashing her head from side to side, crying relentlessly.

"Zi, come on sweetheart wake up. please Zi listen to me it is alright." Tony pleaded lying on his side watching her agony.

"Zi can you hear me its Tony, it is alright Ziva please look at me." he pleaded with tears in his eyes.

Ziva snapped open her eyes, and instantly looked to her side to look into the mesmerising green eyes, the only cure for her nightmares.

She calmed down in an instant and continued staring into the green pools of un adulterated love, but the tears in them made her heart break.

She lifted her hand and placed on his eyelid, the closing of his eye made the tear escape, she wiped it off and frowned at the finger that still contained the moisture.

She kept staring into his eyes, "will you hold me, please Tony?" Ziva asked in a voice so little he went mad not recognising his Ziva in that.

"Ziva you just woke up from a nightmare, that is not..." Tony started.

"Please Tony, I need to fall asleep seeing your beautiful eyes and listening to your breath, I need to fall asleep reminding myself that there are also beautiful things in this world that are worth dreaming." Ziva said.

Tony's heart broke at her blatant confession that fitted more for lovers than whatever they had ended up being in their twisted relationship.

They had danced along the edges of the proverbial line, for years but it is during such times of desperate need that they forget all such precaution and fall easily into the pattern of being like an old married couple.

He dared to lean closer and place a kiss on her widow's peak, he then placed his hands palm up ,on the mattress between them, inviting her to place her hands within.

She did so and his warm palms were inviting to her ice cold ones.

He got up off the bed and made her get up too, he went outside the door of the apartment. She was confused as to what he was doing. But when he lead her to the terrace the cool pleasant air made her breathe deep and relax her stance.

There on the wall of the stairwell was a bench. Tony dragged her to the bench, he sat on it and made Ziva sit beside him. She looked at him curiously and he just smiled at her, pointing up to the sky.

She looked up to what he was pointing at and gasped at what she saw. A clear dark night sky with stars twinkling like jewels, there was no clouds in near sight and the open expanse of wonder made her realise that she really did miss the simple things in life.

A small genuine smile graced her features that made her face light up, like a previously dark room is lighted by candles. And suddenly there was a shooting star flying across the night sky and her smile turned to wonder and then into a wide grin that made her face even more breath taking. "Tony did you see that?" she asked excited, he had missed the phenomenal display in the night sky but did not miss the one on her face.

He would trade all his chances of seeing the wonders of nature just to see her smile with all her heart. "Hmm, did you make a wish Zi?"

She frowned for a moment then relaxing took his hands in hers, looking into his eyes she said, "I wish to see beautiful things everyday for the rest of my life wherever I am." she said smiling at him.

Tony leaned down and kissed her cheek, "all you need to do is see yourself in mirror every morning, angel."

She shook her head with the smile still on her face, "no all I have to do is keep looking into those eyes of yours, everyday for the rest of my life." she said.

The emotion coursing through their bodies and the incapacity to act on their feelings choked them. Ziva laid her head on his shoulder watching the stars on display, her tiny cold hand still within his large warm ones.

He breathed in the beautiful scent of her hair and smiled to himself. After some minutes Ziva had fallen into a deep sleep, and her head started slipping from his shoulders, he took her head gently and placed it onto his lap, Ziva unconsciously raised her legs on to the bench and made herself comfortable. He ran his fingers through her soft locks, the smile on her face was still present.

THE NEXT DAY

07:00

Ziva felt at peace for the first time in many months and she had been thinking about this from last night itself, she didn't know another man on this earth who could make her feel so safe as Tony DiNozzo did, he went out of his way to make Ziva feel special.

She also did not know anyone who would not take advantage of her vulnerability and that is the exact reason why she let him lie down in bed along with her, even though it brought out the worst nightmare.

She remembered falling asleep on the terrace but she woke up in her bed facing the window through which the austral sunlight poured in. She was tucked comfortably inside her duvet that she didn't feel like moving, the feeling was too perfect to be true.

She could hear noises coming from the kitchen and smiled wistfully, all this was so domestic that she felt somehow her wish had come true but in a twisted way. For a moment she wished the circumstances were different, then could have been here, doing these very things , but as lovers and not as best friends.

She shook her head slightly, telling herself that it was wrong to think that way as he deserved someone much better than her, someone who could make his life bright and happy instead of dark and gloomy.

She stood up from her bed and went towards the kitchen, on reaching there she saw Tony brewing coffee and cooking bacon which was now on the stove, as soon as the smell of coffee and the meat met her nose she turned around and ran towards her bathroom and started throwing up.

Tony caught a glimpse of her running and went after her, he was shocked to see her being sick.

"Hey Zi" he called. Ziva raised her hand and stopped him, asking him to not come any further.

She washed her mouth and stood still there, not knowing what to do. Her sudden throwing up made no sense to her, she hadn't eaten much last night to have such a reaction.

"Come I'll make you some tea, you just ate two mouthful of salad last night, you must be hungry." he said as he lead her to the living room.

He went to the kitchen and threw out the bacon he was cooking and made some tea and toast for her.

The day went by and Ziva had thrown up more times after that, she didn't have anything left in her to throw up and so this made her tired.

She curled up on the couch and slept as Tony sat on the floor in front of her watching TV.

By mid day she had thrown up enough that it started worrying him."Ziva you need to see a doctor." he said.

She slowly opened her eyes and shook her head, "I hate doctors."

"I know, but look, I feel like something is really wrong to make you so sick." he said.

"okay, can we at least call Ducky." He reasoned.

Ziva didn't like the idea a bit, but she wanted Tony to stop worrying and so agreed to it.

AN HOUR LATER

"Hello my dear, how are you feeling now?" Ducky asked as he approached her.

"empty" she said and when ducky frowned in confusion she continued "my stomach feels empty but still I don't feel like putting anything into it."

Ducky nodded his head and started checking her pulse and BP.

After all his examinations and questions he couldn't find anything wrong with her. And then suddenly he remembered something about what had happened with Ziva a couple months back.

"Ziva when did you have your last cycle?" Ducky asked.

Ziva first frowned at him and then her eyes went wide, "no" she whispered under breath.

"Ziva there is a chance..." he started.

But Ziva placed her hands on her ears and started shaking her head, "no, no, no please don't say that's what is happening." she said as tears streamed down her face.

Tony who was standing outside her room heard all the commotion and came in, to see her crying hysterically.

"No this cannot be happening" she looked towards Tony, "help me, Tony please tell me this is a lie." she pleaded.

Tony went and sat beside her on the bed and then took her closer to him and looked towards Ducky, Ducky understood the unasked question and motioned him to come outside.

Once outside Ducky began, "I couldn't find out anything wrong with her after the examination, but something came into my mind that could cause Ziva to be sick." He really didn't want to tell this out loud but Tony was still confused.

"pregnancy, Anthony there is a good chance she is pregnant." Ducky said.

Tony wasn't expecting to hear that, he fell back on to the wall to support himself, "This is not fair to her Ducky she has always wanted a family, but to give it to her this way, I Don't think she even feels that way now. She was making progress Ducky she smiled for the first time last night, but for what just to have it snatched from her?"

Ducky placed his hand on Tony's shoulder, "I need to take some blood sample and I'll ask Abby to run them, but there is a high chance that she is carrying a child." He said as he patted Tony's arm and went inside the room to collect the sample.

LATER THAT NIGHT

"Do you want to go to the terrace tonight?" Tony asked as he entered her room.

Ziva was lying on her side and she simply shook her head.

Ever since they got the blood results earlier that evening, and it confirmed Ducky's suspicion Ziva hadn't said much. This was worrying Tony more than her crying.

He went towards the bed and lay behind her keeping the usual distance between them

"I just have one month." she said suddenly.

"What?" Tony asked confused.

"To decide, I just have one month and then I'll be in my second trimester." Ziva said shifting to lay on her back.

"And what ever be it, you know we will be there with you." Tony said.

"What if I decide not to keep it , you will be disgusted by me, right?" Ziva said.

"Ziva I know how much you have always wanted a family and kids, but I will understand if you don't want to go through this, I'll be there every step of the way whatever be your decision." Tony said.

"No Tony you can't be here with me, You have a life of your own out there, you need to let go off me to find that. I can't stand to see your life being ruined." Ziva said.

Tony started protesting when she placed a finger upon his lips to stop him.

All the throwing up, the breaking news and the anxiety had taken its toll on Ziva and she fell into a deep sleep not long after. She was laying on her side facing away from him, her hair spread out towards him on her pillow. He lightly ran his fingertips through her hair, caressing it lovingly, " You are my life Ziva David, I don't need to go out there to find it." he replied to her earlier rant, something he couldn't tell to her face, not now when she was going through hell, but someday, he hoped.

A/N: So how was it? Please leave a review before you go. and I may upload the next chapter earlier this time because I feel like I need to finish this story before season 11 starts. I don't think I'll be able to recover from the first two episodes as easily, so I don't want to leave you guys hanging. Please review