Chapter 11: Busted, Part I

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.

Author's Note: Hey guys, thank you for all the great responses to chapter 10! Here is chapter 11, hope you guys like it as much

'Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is an eternity.'

Henry Van Dyke

"Hey, hands off of me!"

"Get inside!" hissed the hockey captain, pulling Camille into the otherwise empty classroom. Their feet stumbled over one of the drama queen's files and sent it skidding unceremoniously to the other side of the room. As his eyes watched halt with a thud at the leg of a desk, the bookworm felt himself beginning to shut down. No explanation, no matter how rational, could undo what Camille just saw. He had to face it: despite all their talk of keeping this romance a secret, it had taken just under a week for it all to be blown wide open. Personally, he didn't care what happened to him. The only two people that he felt his sexuality mattered to were blissfully unaware of his day to day life, and no news travelled back home in any case. It would probably be about a month or two of catcalling and harassment in the halls, and then he'd sink back into the sanctuary of his shadowy anonymity. What really troubled him was the storm Kendall would have to weather. His social standing in Palm Wood High, the respect of his hockey team, Jo… he could lose it all.

"Hey, this isn't some badly written action movie" snapped Camille angrily. "Let go Goldilocks." The blonde grimaced menacingly at her, but acceded to her demand. He turned to Logan with a pained expression swimming pathetically on his face. "We're screwed" he whispered hoarsely. The brunette hung his head despondently. That didn't even cover half of it. "L- Logan?" called Camille uncertainly. The bookworm lifted his gaze to meet the drama queen's searching eyes. Her minor tussle with Kendall lay completely forgotten as her shock froze her features into a blank canvas, just waiting to erupt. Logan exhaled deeply through his nose. This was all his fault - if he'd just kept his mouth shut about that stupid letter, Camille would be sitting impatiently in the cafeteria trying to fend off James, not becoming a bystander to his make-out session. "Logan, what's going on?"

"Wait, before you answer," interrupted Kendall quickly, "what do you think is going on?"

"I think you were sucking face with my friend" stated Camille plainly. "A friend who I thought would become my boyfriend, but clearly I was wrong about that" she added as a shaky afterthought. The bookworm felt his head flush with embarrassment, but willed it away with melancholic determination. There was no escaping it: he owed Camille an answer, the truth this time. Maybe this secret was too big for him to keep alone. Maybe Camille's discovery was a sign that the lies didn't serve any purpose but to enchant insignificant people who didn't really matter to him. He was sick with all the secrets he had to feed himself. At the end of the day they were just empty words that he constantly repeated to make him feel better about his situation. They didn't define who he was, at least not anymore. He wouldn't allow it. He was done hiding. "I'm gay Camille" he said softly. Deafening silence wrapped the room up in a shattering ambience. The drama queen's eyes did a series of contractions and expansions into disfigured ovals and circles as she processed the bookworm's admission. After forever and a few minutes, it finally registered. "You're gay" she trilled nervously, her eyes darting everywhere but to the two lovers in front of her. "Well… can't say I saw this coming." Her fingers jerked in a series of anxious spasms. "So, the two of you-"

"We're together" said Kendall, wrapping an arm protectively around the brunette's shoulder. He gave a small grin to Logan's polite confusion. He wasn't going to let the bookworm go through this alone. This whole relationship was his idea; the least he could do was take responsibility for being caught. Camille contracted her eyebrows into a frown. "Wait, don't you have a girlfriend?"

"That's none of your goddamn business." The hockey captain's reply was dripping with fury. Logan sighed tiredly. "It's a complicated thing Camille. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." She took a step forward. The hockey captain was about to curse her into taking a flying leap, but was prevented from doing so by the message tone of his Nokia. With little grace, he pulled it out from his pocket and let his eyes fly over the screen. "It's Jo" he murmured. "She wants to meet for lunch."

"Go."

"But-"

"I'll handle it." Logan gave Kendall a meaningful stare. "Trust me. Please." The blonde would have put up a substantial argument, but the circumstances were against him. He would have to let Logan fight this battle alone, and pray that he would pull through. He nodded before throwing Camille a dark scowl. Walking past her, he exited the classroom in rapid strides, creating a small breeze as he left.

Camille watched Kendall leave the corridor with interested eyes before returning her focus to Logan. She raised her eyebrows expectantly, causing the bookworm to give her a sad smile. "I guess I owe you some answers huh?" She walked over to him and delicately sat on a desk. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked with gentle consternation. His smirk faded. "I was afraid" he said simply. Camille shook her head. "Of what?"

"Everything." His eyes fell onto the plastic chair in front of him. "If you grew up in the kind of house that I did, you know that…" His voice faltered. He took in a deep breath and soldiered on. "That being gay isn't something to be proud of. In fact, you're not even considered a human being for being attracted to the same sex. You're written off as being sick in the head." Even the most absolute of fools would find the sheer bitterness in his voice hard to miss. The drama queen reached out and placed a comforting hand across his quivering fingers. Still, he would not look at her. "Is it that bad?" A cynical snort escaped him. "My entire life is made up of trying to please people who barely notice I'm there. They see trophies and certificates instead of the person behind it all. And it just keeps getting worse as the years go by."

"That still doesn't explain why you were scared to tell anyone. Logan, this kind of thing is too huge for you to go through alone." As his head slowly turned towards her, a small gasp escaped from Camille's mouth. She was completely taken aback by the forceful devastation barely contained within the watery cocoa depths of the bookworm's irises. "Who else do I have Camille?" His voice barely broke into a whisper. The gravelly murmur told her that he'd been keeping this in for a long time, and now he was finally letting go. "And Kendall… he can't afford to be caught in some kind of scandal. Not now." The drama queen nodded sympathetically. "Speaking of him, how did the two of you…" She let her sentence trail off pitifully upon seeing the morose mask on Logan's face. "You know what, it doesn't-"

"Yeah it does" he said quietly. "I said I owed you answers, so you're gonna get them." He rubbed his palms together to work up some of the atypical courage he'd shown in the past few minutes. "Kendall and I got paired up to work on an English assignment six months ago. We'd work late afternoons because of his hockey practice. He was…" His eyes travelled wistfully to the ceiling. The drama queen cautiously pushed the conversation forward. "Amazing?"

"More than amazing" he mumbled. "He was…" He shook his head to correct himself. "He IS everything I wish I was."

"So you fell for him?" smiled Camille gently. The bookworm gave her a weak grin. "Yeah. It was just weird for the most popular guy in school to spend that much time with a nobody like me." His gaze fell onto the chair again as he emitted another deep sigh. "I was stupid back then. I couldn't tell the difference between love and friendship. I still can't. But the funny thing is I wouldn't have it any other way." He gave a small chuckle. "Because I wouldn't be here with him if it were."

"How'd the two of you, uh…" She interlocked her fingers in a strange gesture. "Hook up?"
"I acted really weird around him one day. He kept asking me what was wrong, but I wouldn't tell him. He made some joke about being in love with him, and I cracked. I don't know what came over me, but in that one moment I knew I had to do something to prove that I really did love him. So we kissed."

"You kissed?"

"Well, more like I kissed him. He just sat there." Camille burst out in a disharmonious cackle of laughter. Her body shuddered violently with intense chortles, coaxing another smile out of the bookworm. The same soothing sensation he'd felt on the day he'd first met Camille came back to him. He couldn't quite put his finger in it, but there was definitely something about the girl that made her a walking tranquilizer. Bringing up the past caused him to visit those dark places of his life that made him feel so isolated and insecure, but also gave him a chance to bid farewell to those unforgiving memories. "I'm sorry" breathed Camille in between uncontrollable giggles. "That seemed so very un-Logan."

"Yeah he thought so too. He stormed out and I didn't speak to him for two weeks." Camille exhaled deeply to calm herself. "OK, I'm done. So you guys didn't talk at all?"

"Not until he asked me to meet him at his car after school the one day. Then the deal happened."

"What deal?"

"He offered to keep quiet about the kiss if I slept with him."

"WHAT?" Camille's rage flared instantly. "WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DEAL IS THAT?"

"Camille, keep quiet!"

"I'm sorry." She looked over the bookworm's shoulder to see if anyone was within earshot. When the coast was clear, she continued. "What the fuck kind of deal is that?" she whispered furiously. Logan shrugged nonchalantly. "That's what I thought as well. And the fact that he had a girlfriend made it even more confusing to me."

"Please tell me you didn't go through with it."

"I did." The drama queen groaned irritably. "Logan!"

"You don't get it Camille. I was completely taken by him. Every night I would lie in bed and think about what he was doing. Every day I would get butterflies in my stomach when he passed me in the halls. I wanted to be with him so badly, it hurt." The chocolate irises misted over. "And it did" he uttered quietly. "A lot."

"So was it a once-off deal?" Logan shook his head. "Things would be a lot different if it were. We had sex whenever he wanted. I didn't care when or how often, I just needed him next to me. That way I could fool myself into thinking that he felt the same way."

"I'm guessing this carried on for two months max."

"Wrong, it was for six. Kendall and I have only been together for less than a week." Camille shot him a quizzical look. "Then what happened to change all of that?"

"I fell in love" replied Logan. He said it without any trace of shame. "Everyday since the deal started I would fall that much more in love with him."

"Did you tell him?"

"Yup. He would ignore it at first, but I kept on saying it. I couldn't help myself. Then after a while, he got really mad. He didn't like hearing it. Eventually, he tried breaking the whole thing off, but we started it again the day afterwards. But last week... he really meant it."

"Last week?" Logan turned towards her with a blank look on his features. His eyes kept on growing hollower by the minute. Telling his tale to Camille drained him all of his emotional strength, but he persevered with the task, not just for her sake, but for his as well. The time had come for his story to be heard, and he couldn't stand to stay within the shadowy confines of stifling secrecy any longer. "He broke the deal off for good on the day before you came to school. He said he couldn't go through with it anymore, that the consequences were too great for both of us." The drama queen's eyes flickered with compassion. This time, she let her silence do the talking for her. The deep instinct of empathy within her erased the streak of shock and anger she'd felt twenty minutes ago. She got it now: Logan needed her as a friend, and she would be there for him. No matter what he said, she refused to let him go through this ordeal alone. "That's why you were so sad when I met you." Logan nodded. "I couldn't handle it. Him not being there anymore just made me feel so empty." Camille shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Logan, this may be a bit insensitive, but did you ever feel like you were being used?"

"No. I loved him, that's all I knew. That's all I wanted to know."

"Did you ever try and move on from him?"

"I did. On Thursday, I walked in on him at the bathroom. He pushed me against the wall. I remember looking into his eyes – they were so angry, but also sad. I thought he would beat me up or something, but he didn't. He just lowered his head and kissed me."

"After telling you that your casual sex deal was off? Is the guy demented?" Logan laughed softly. "Probably. I was furious with him. The mixed signals he was sending drove me insane. On Friday, I decided to tell him off once and for all. I was done with this crap."

"Yes!" Camille gave a theatrical air punch to show off her jubilation. "Did you succeed?"

"No. I failed miserably."

"Aw! Man, this story bites." Logan laughed again. "It gets better, don't worry. We drove to his house, and he told me that he was done trying to ignore the way he felt about me. He wanted us to be together. For real."

"You said yes?"

"Uh huh. And that's pretty much it really." Camille shook her head. "Not quite. Can I ask you something else?"

"Shoot."

"Can you honestly say you're a hundred percent happy with the way things are now? There are loads of loose ends lying about: he's still got a girlfriend, and you guys can't be open about how you feel." The bookworm pursed his lips together in thought for a moment. "You're right" he admitted. "This isn't perfect Camille. But it's all I have, and it makes me happy. He makes me happy, and that's all that matters." The drama queen gave a terse nod. In the distance, the bell spewed forth its monotone tune to herald the end of lunch. Already, the hustle of students and teachers cut its alarming path to the empty classroom, falling into their ears like unwanted raindrops. Logan immediately stood up and swung his bag from off the desk in front of him. He turned to Camille with a netted plea in his eyes. "Please Camille, for my sake-"

"I won't tell anyone" she assured quickly. "Your secret is safe on two conditions."

"Oh boy…"

"One, you don't ever go through something like this alone again. I'm here for you, you big idiot, try and understand that." Logan waved his hand airily. "And the second?"

"Tell me; are you the bottom in this relationship?"

"Camille!"

"Inquiring minds Logan, inquiring minds." As Logan laughed, he was grateful for the warm comfort of relief spreading through him. It had been a long time since he was this happy – for once, things turned out exactly as they were supposed to. He now had one person in this cruel world he could truly call a friend. Walking out of the class with a hint of a spring in his step, the bookworm sent a prayer heavenwards, thanking the powers that be for sending him an angel like Camille Roberts.

Hey guys, hope you liked this. I did, it's the most honest one I've ever done. Please leave a review to tell me what you guys thought. Also, if you like this story, go check out my Kogan oneshot Fall For Me. Till next time