TW (thankfully, not too many): a lot of crying, hospital setting, self-deprecating and suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harm, kind of therapy, and constant pain and regret.

Also, thanks for all the reviews. I was definitely not expecting the amount I got already. Thanks to everyone for the reviews! I really appreciate it!

(And don't worry, everything will get better later on. It just has to get worse before that can happen.)

Groaning, Makoto attempted to open his eyes. It was too bright. Is that what heaven is like, so bright you can't even see? Probably. Or maybe it was hell and this was just an illusion. (Can that happen in hell? Who knows or even cares. Makoto didn't care; he didn't understand religion.)

Then he heard voices around him. Some he couldn't recognize, but there was one that he could hear that... Who was it? He knew that voice. It was hushed and shaky, but it was still...

"Shh, he's waking up," another voice whispered that Makoto recognized vaguely. Something or someone was touching his head and he wanted it to stop. Why should he be waking up? Shouldn't it be the complete opposite? Still, he cracked his eyes open just a little.

"...koto?" the first voice murmured. Even with blurry vision, he could make out raven locks and puffy blue eyes. A wetness touched his cheek and Makoto attempted to flinch away from it. "Makoto, you're okay!" Haruka suddenly yelled. The bedridden boy winced. Not only was everything too bright, it was too loud.

"Haru... chan? What are you doing here?" Instead of answering, Haruka wrapped his arms around Makoto's neck in a vise-like hold.

"I was so worried about you... I thought I was going to lose you." Is Haru crying? He can't be. "Oh god, what would I have done without you? Makoto." He refused to let go. Definitely, because his closest and beloved friend almost died- Haruka shuddered; that word should never be used for Makoto again- but maybe because, somewhere in his mind, Haruka believed Makoto would really leave if he let go. So he hugged him tighter. Of course, without cutting off his oxygen supply.

"W-where am I?" His voice sounded so hoarse and real. Too real. He saw a lot of blue and some red from the corner of his eye. What's Rei doing here? Why are there so many people here?

"You're in the hospital, Makoto-senpai. We thought we wouldn't get you here in time, but..."He cleared his throat. "But you're still here with us and that's what's important right now."

Makoto looked around the room. Haruka and Rei weren't the only ones there; Sousuke, Rin, Nagisa, even Aii, and Momo were in the room. They all looked so sad. It was confusing. Why did Rei say that he was still with them? Why is he at the hospital? Why did they think they wouldn't get here in time? Why was Haruka still crying and hugging him? (He realized it was Haruka's hand on his head and was stroking his hair.) He looked up and saw a bag and screens. The screens were making beeping noises.

Monitors. That's what they were.

It crashed down onto Makoto. His vision was blurry from tears. I didn't want this. Why would they do this to me? I can't be here. I don't belong here.

He ignored all the "It will be okay, Makoto"s and "We're here for you"s.

Therapy. Medication. Inpatient. What did it matter, really? He just wanted this to be over with. To hell with his painfully empty stomach and foggy brain. It'd be best if he just died right now. He already hurt everyone around him with a failed attempt, it wouldn't matter for it to happen a second and successful time.

He contemplated ripping the IV out of his arm when she walked back into his room. Really, her name was Suzuki Manami, but Makoto didn't have enough energy to say it, much less remember it so back to the corner of his mind it goes.

"Makoto-san, how are you doing today?" Silence. "I know you want to go home but we're all worried for you, believe it or not." He gripped the sheets. "Your family, your friends, the doctors, even I care about you. Even though we've only met yesterday, I can see what a wonderful young man you are." Still silence.

It was like that for the next hour.

It was hard.

There was no school to occupy his day and, shockingly, he didn't want to go swimming to fill in the emptiness. Haruka would give anything (yes, even his delicious mackerel) just for Makoto to be here.

The day before yesterday was very hazy except for a lot of crying and anxiety. (His heart still felt like it was racing.) He kept beating himself up mentally. How could he not notice that Makoto, the person he loves most in the world, more than his parents even, was suffering in silence? They were supposed to have an almost telepathic relationship and...

And Haruka failed. Failed him.

Everything hurt.

What made the situation worse?

Ran and Ren. They didn't know what happened to their brother and even though Haruka wanted to tell them and cry with them while he held them close, he held his tongue. They were so innocent and weren't ready for the truth.

He was babysitting the twins for Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana while they visited Makoto at the hospital every evening. (He wanted to visit too but that would mean bringing the twins and they weren't ready to see what was happening to their brother and how much he was suffering and how lonely he was and fuck Haruka wanted to cry.)

"I'm going to draw Onii-chan a cat so he'll be happy! Then he'll be able to get better faster and come home!" Ran announced and scribbled away. Right now, the twins were making get better cards for Makoto. They insisted that Haruka join them.

"Eh?! Well, I'm going to draw Onii-chan two cats!" Ren challenged. Haruka tried to laugh. He really did.

But even that hurt too much.

He only drew a goldfish.

It was lonely.

Whether it was him or Makoto, Haruka didn't know.

What he did know was that once Makoto gets out of the hospital, he's going to bring him back home and protect him from the outside world.

But how could he do that to him? How could he protect Makoto from himself, too?