You know, honestly, when you start talking so much about your relationship, it opens the door too much. I've only been in one major long-term relationship prior to this, and I'm really, really happy. It's done a lot for me, and it's grounded me, and it has inspired me as a writer and as a performer. I just think everybody wants that connection, and I'm really happy to have found it.

- Adam Lambert, The Advocate, October 2011

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Puck's complement of nighttime visitors tonight included his daughter, appearing in her four year old guise. She was eating an ice cream cone and making a big mess of her hands, and dancing adorably to music on the radio. Strangely enough, the dark-haired boy from the club was there, too, wiping her hands off and smiling at her as she threw her arms around him. He gazed up at Puck, his face much clearer in the dream than he would have expected, and said, "She's going to need a bath tonight."

That's when he woke up, his heart hurting in ways he wasn't sure what to do with. It took him a few minutes to get his bearings, as it always did when he woke in a strange place, but eventually he remembered Tess and the club, and he prowled out in his shorts to find out more about where he was.

Tess had left the guest room door open, and her own bedroom doors open as well. She expected that she would hear him at some point. She wasn't at all surprised to wake to the sound of his footsteps in the hallway, and rose easily, wrapping her soft robe about herself and emerging from the bedroom to see exactly where he thought he was going.

The soft light from one room drew him, and Puck pushed open the door to find a kitchenette. He stepped in the room and padded barefoot over to the counter, leaning in to see what was on the other side.

Tess smirked a little to herself, of course he'd head straight for a kitchen. She didn't let the door swing shut behind him, as it was wont to do. And so nicely laid out over the counter for -

She gently swatted his backside. "Noah."

He jumped about three feet into the air, coming down a hundred and eighty degrees from where he'd begun, his back pressed up against the bar, trembling, eyes wide as platters. "Holy sh- Lady Tess!" He put a hand to his chest. "You scared the crap out of me."

"I imagine," came the dry reply. "And you're out of bed, why?"

He took a calming breath and glanced around himself. "I almost never sleep through the night. Bad dreams, my dad... and good dreams, my daughter." He grinned. "And other things."

She nodded understandingly, and filled the kettle, setting it on the stove and turning the burner on. "What was it tonight?"

"Daughter... and a boy I met once, at another club. I've been dreaming about him a lot." His voice went thoughtful as he picked up the milk and poured a little into one of the cups. "He seemed like he needed... somebody to take care of him. You know what I mean?"

"I do. Milk in the second cup too, please. Dreaming about him doesn't bother you? It's quite normal, if you've only met him once, your subconscious is trying to get to know him a little better, you might say, in the dreams. But don't mistake the dreams for the truth, Noah."

Puck obliged, pouring the milk. "That makes sense. I don't think the dreams about my daughter are the truth, either. But it's nice to see... the possible her, who she could be. As for the boy... well, I don't think I'll ever see him again, so it doesn't matter much." He half-shrugged, leaning back on the counter and sighing.

Tess studied him for a moment. "It's different, Puck. If the dreams about your daughter are good, then maybe those are ways of loving her that you might remember in the future."

"I sure hope so," he said fervently. "I want to be the best Papa I can be."

She stepped close to him, and ran a fond hand over the softness of his mohawk, limp with the late hour. "You will be, Noah. Here," she said, pouring the hot water over the tea leaves. "This needs to steep for a little. Come here, honey." She used the word deliberately.

Puck's eyes suddenly flew open, his hands splayed on the bar. "Oh, f- uh." He turned panicked eyes to Tess. "I didn't call Adam last night. I promised I would, every night."

Tess cupped a hand behind his head, and pulled him close. She gently kissed his forehead. "Go and get your phone, Noah, and you come right back here before you call, understand me?"

He trotted obediently down the hall and returned in half a minute with his phone, and a shirt, which he pulled on over his head. "Okay."

Tess put a glass of water in his hand. "At least half of that, then go ahead and place the call."

He swallowed the water quickly, then sank onto a stool as he dialed the number, holding the phone tentatively by his face. She could tell by his expression that he'd gotten through. "Hi," he said shyly. "I'm just calling to say..." His eyes flickered to Tess, and he turned away slightly before lowering his voice. "I love you."

Tess very firmly set the tea service in front of him a moment later, nodding at him to pour.

Puck picked up the teapot in one hand while holding the phone with the other, leaning in to add tea to both cups. "I'm glad Letterman went well," he said. "Sorry I missed it. I'm visiting... a friend, in Iowa. Made good time today, but I've still got a few more hours to go tomorrow. I should make it to Ohio by afternoon." He laughed at something the other man said. "Yeah - I'm the Big O."

Tess blinked. Letterman - Adam - oh for mercy's sake, she thought. Puck certainly didn't seem to do things halfway. She'd caught the show on her TIVO as she'd settled down into bed for the night. Well. She hadn't heard anything bad of the young musician.

"Uh." Puck glanced at Tess, a question in his eyes. "I'm at a club. Tessera." His face cleared and went surprised as he listened. "You do? The owner - she's my friend." He smiled at Tess as he said it. "Yeah. It's awesome."

Tess looked fondly at him, reaching out to tug the sweatshirt sleeve down over his wrist, where it had ridden up as he poured tea. He gave her an appreciative smile and touched her hand with his, letting her stroke the skin on his palm. "Sure." He held out the phone to her. "He'd love to say hello."

She kissed his forehead again, and accepted the phone. "This is Tess. I'm pleased to be introduced," she said silkily, letting just a little doubt creep into her tone. "Noah speaks quite highly of you, young man."

"Forgive me for being a little flustered," he said, excitement plain in his musical voice. "You're kind of a celebrity in my circles. I didn't expect to run into you this way, but I've always wanted to visit your club."

"The sensation is mutual, Adam," she said. "Noah neglected to mention a surname when we discussed things earlier, didn't you, Noah." She gave the teenager a very direct look.

Puck ducked his head, looking both guilty and pleased with himself. "I think it didn't even cross my mind. He's just Adam."

"I of course appreciate the care you've taken with such a... young... sub," Tess continued, pressing a little, laying a restraining hand on Noah's arm.

"Mmmm. Yes." Adam's tone was regretful now. "I was reluctant, myself, when I learned his age. We talked a long time about it before doing anything at all. But, in the end, our mutual feelings guided the way." She could hear the love in his voice. "Noah... is exceptional, in every way. And he taught me a lot, in that one day, about - well, about everything, but especially about what it really meant to be a Top."

Tess considered the young musician's words for a long minute. "Yes, Noah certainly is. I've taken quite an interest in this young man," she said, gathering Puck to her in a gentle hug. She deliberated briefly, noting that Adam gave her the time she needed to speak. "You'd be quite welcome here, Adam, either to perform, if that is your preference, or, to... play. I do occasionally give a tour of the club facilities on request."

"That would be fantastic," he said enthusiastically. "It'd have to be a time when I'm not working; none of the rest of my band or crew, er, lean quite the way I do. But I could very happily fly out to do a show at Tessera another time. Maybe Noah and I could drive out from Ohio."

"Either is fine, Adam. I'm occasionally in Noah's hometown to visit friends," she told him. She felt comforted by the last suggestion - that he meant to see Noah at home - know his family...

"You're so kind. I'm glad to hear Noah's in good hands before he heads home to his family. Could I say good night to him before I head off, here?"

"Of course, Adam. It's been nice to speak with you. I would," she suggested, "like to make sure this young man is in bed and asleep before too much longer."

"I would, too," he said, the edge in his voice hinting at what he thought about Puck being awake so late. "Actually, he could probably use a more... severe reminder about his promise. He needs to get more sleep. And he said he would call me before he went to bed." He sounded thoughtful. "You think you could help me out with that?"

"Well. We did have a long chat, Adam, and he was nodding off when I hustled him into bed. And I had something like that in mind myself, I should be glad to stand as a proxy if that's what you wish."

"That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm glad you're there, and it sounds like he trusts you. It's just what he needs." Adam sounded a little relieved. "Thanks, again."

She spoke reassuringly to the musician for a moment, then handed the phone back to Puck, and he accepted it with anticipation. "Hey," he said. Then his face changed to surprise, and then to embarrassed guilt. "Uh... I just got up, and thought I'd take a look around... No! I didn't... I mean, I wouldn't... " He closed his eyes, running a hand over his head. "No, Adam. Sorry. I... I won't."

Tess pressed in close to the boy, a hand resting firmly in the small of his back, letting the suggestion ride. She raised an eyebrow and tapped the teacup, which stood mostly full.

He nodded understanding. Then, in reaction to something Adam said, his gaze shot back to Tess', and he looked - well, terrified didn't begin to cover it. "Uh," he said.

Really, it was one of her favorite expressions to see on a sub, especially one who didn't always quite think things through frequently.

He swallowed audibly, and nodded, not taking his eyes away from hers. Finally, he sighed, his shoulders drooping, and he hung his head. "Yes, Adam," he said, and disconnected the call. He took the cup of tea and sipped it without enthusiasm, glancing up at Tess from time to time.

"Come with me young man - no, the china will wait until morning," she said once he'd finished. She wrapped a firm hand around his upper arm, and marched him straight back to the bedroom. "Now, you were quite sleepy earlier, so you didn't get the lecture - here it is now. If you're out of bed, you're coming straight to me. You do not go exploring on your own. And, young man," she said, looking sternly at him as she seated herself on the side of the bed, "You keep your promises. I'm going to give you a spanking, Noah. You know what to do."

"I - yes ma'am." He took his cue from her expectant gaze on her lap and crawled onto the bed, folding himself over her velvet-clad legs with reluctant obedience.

"Good boy," she praised. "Lift up," came the next order. "I know you've been paddled, I will not spank you without being able to see what I'm doing."

He did, raising up on his hands and knees in order to give her access to his shorts, which she quickly stripped off, leaving his bottom bare.

Tess assessed the bruised surface, and nodded to herself, patting the flinching surface briefly before she brought down the flurry of rapid and sharp swats, covering Noah's backside thoroughly. He squirmed and complained loudly for a few brief moments before dissolving into clearly much-needed tears.

She let him hang over her lap for a few moments, letting the sobs dwindle, and smoothed a hand over his soft hair before replacing his shorts. She reached to the covers, drawing them back. "Now, young man, BED."

He didn't say one more word; he just clambered in under the sheet and let his head connect with the pillow, sighing quietly. His eyes were closed within five seconds, and his breathing starting to even out within the next five.

Tess pulled the light blanket up over him. "Sleep well, Noah. If you're awake in the morning, you come and fetch me, my door is open." She let her hand linger on his shoulder.

"Yes, Lady Tess," he said groggily.

Tess leaned in, pressing a final, firm kiss to the boy's forehead, waiting just a few moments until he was asleep, then headed back to her own warm bed.

The dream was clearly inspired by the tour of the club the night before, but this time Puck was the one hanging on the St. Andrews cross. He felt the strain in his neck as the flogger hit his back again and again, not with overwhelming force, but lazily, rhythmically, with easy strokes. He could see in the mirror that it was Adam wielding the tool, his wrist rotating as he smiled at Puck over his shoulder.

"Had enough?" he said, his musical voice as clear and real as though Adam had actually been there.

Never, he thought, closing his eyes and leaning his head on the rough painted wood. When he opened them again, it was Finn in the mirror, and his face was as stern as Puck had ever seen it. Behind him, Kurt watched, impassive, withdrawn, and entirely alone.

"Don't think I won't give it to you," he said, his voice almost a growl, and Puck rolled his head over, his body twisting on the cross, feeling the strain of the suspension from his wrists. Yes, he thought desperately, yes, please, that's what I need -

When he woke, his cheeks were dry, but he felt the anguish of his dream echoing inside him, the memory fresh for a few minutes before it retreated to the back of his mind. It was already mid-morning. He'd apparently slept much longer than he usually did, no doubt in part due to his 3 am wake-up call. By the time he was dressed and packed, he felt largely normal again.

He found Lady Tess seated on a comfortable leather chair with wide armrests, her book held in one hand, glasses perched on her nose. As he entered, she peered at him, smiling, and took the glasses off. "Good morning, Noah."

"Hey," he said, smiling. "I can't believe I slept this long. I'm usually up a little after dawn. Did you already eat? I could make us some omelettes."

"I'm glad you rested. And you're not lifting a finger, darling."

They had a quick breakfast brought up from the kitchen, after which Lady Tess folded her napkin neatly on top of her plate.

"The club is closed on Mondays," she said quietly. "I thought perhaps you might like to see the other floors?"

The dream came back to him in a shock of memory, and he reeled a little before answering, "Yeah, absolutely. That'd be great."

"The same rules apply," she said drily, "as last night. Even when we're closed, security is monitoring hallways on video, and Alec Williams is, like James, a heavy Top, so you'd find yourself on the receiving end of a cane, and I don't imagine it would be anything less than traumatic. Alec is the head of security here, Noah."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, and took her offered hand, glad for her guidance.

She drew him gently along, down to the lower level of the club, pointing out the small conference rooms at either end, and the private rooms where overnight guests stayed, though not Sunday or Monday nights.

"You've seen the first floor - I imagine you might like dancing, the next time you're here, we've always got some band or the other in. The third floor is just like the basement - we can walk through it if you like, though I think you'll be more interested in the second floor. On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights these rooms on the ground floor and the third floor are often full up. You'd want to let me know if you're coming, so I might reserve some space for you."

He blinked, realizing that Tessera was less than a half-day's drive from Lima. He might actually be able to come back again before too long. "Maybe - maybe I could," he said. Maybe somebody could come back with me.

"Sweetheart, you are always welcome here. Until you're a little older, it will have to be as my personal guest, in my quarters or in the guest quarters in the private wing, but there will always, always be space for you here, Noah."

The thought was incredibly comforting. This amazing building was one thing, and Puck was eager to explore every nook and cranny - but the woman who led him on her arm was even more astounding, and felt surprisingly familiar after knowing her for such a short time. Maybe not so surprising, he thought, watching her attentively. She's as much a part of me now as Adam is.

"Come along, now," she smiled, sensing that he was thinking, and feeling. "Third floor? or Second floor? or both?"

"Both, please," he said.

"Both it is. Stairwells in both wings are in the same places, sweetheart. And don't you dare suggest racing me over four flights of stairs." Her eyes sparkled, teasing him just a little.

He shook his head, grinning back. "Oh - trust me, I'm not going anywhere without you. This place is awesome, but I can already tell there's stuff I'm not ready to see."

"That's my good boy. Now, the ground floor and the third floor, they're more private, but since were're closed today, you're fine. If you've got reason to be on either floor- in the conference rooms, just be respectful. It's the second floor that you are absolutely NOT to set foot upon without adult accompaniment. Kurt doesn't count yet, but Adam might - if he's willing to have a wee conversation with me first."

"Got it," he said, peering up the stairwell as they climbed. "And Adam is definitely an adult." It made him squirm and his breath come a little faster to imagine being in this establishment with Adam. There were too many possibilities for his brain to entertain at once.

They cruised down the hallway of the third floor, which looked exactly like the ground - basement - floor had. "This is a private club," she reminded closely. "There will be no one on the second floor who has not had a personal interview with me. Neither sub nor dom, top nor brat, are allowed to participate in the activities on this floor unless they have been thoroughly vetted. Do you understand?" She arched an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, ma'am," he said. There was enough of the club that he'd already seen that he knew the second floor rooms must be way cooler than anything he could imagine - but he could wait to see them. "Honestly, Adam and I barely made it out of his hotel room this weekend. I don't think we're gonna need anything more than a little quiet space when we're together, for now."

"Quiet space we have plenty of. Ready? I expect questions out of you on this floor," she suggested, opening the stairwell door to the second floor. "Now then. We're going to skip around a little, Noah. If you're feeling overwhelmed, I expect to know about it, and the rest can wait, all right? I think this first room will be a little familiar." She opened the door on a room that had several hardbacked chairs, and benches, and... the walls were... covered, with photos of implements, larger than life, and he could only imagine what was in the cupboards spaced at regular intervals along the wall.

"Perhaps as you're still in school, this room might not interest you as much, but it's set up as an old fashioned schoolroom," she said, letting him look around. "Note the platforms in the corners, the ferule on the desk, the canes hanging on the walls?"

"I'm glad I didn't go to school back then," he said with feeling. "Dude. It's bad enough now, without all this corporal punishment stuff." He paused, thinking. "Though I guess it would probably help me focus better..."

Puck gulped a little as he peeked into the next room and saw a doctor's office. He could definitely see Dr. Howell in this one, complete with scrubs and mask and latex gloves... okay, this is not helping. He put a firm collar-hold on his imagination and went on.

He was a little puzzled by the room with the large flagstone fireplace. Surgical trays of sterlized equipment were laid out, enclosed in plastic autoclave bags, beside two comfortable-looking leather lounge chairs with reclining backs. "What's this one for?"

"It's a little more intense, Noah. Come here," she suggested, and opened a drawer next to the lounge chair. It was filled with what looked like... needles... of various shapes and sizes, and he glanced at her curiously. "Piercing," she explained. "The needles are used to pierce the skin, in various patterns, or intensities - the wider gauge needles, more intense, of course."

Puck's heartbeat stuttered and picked back up, double time, as a vivid image of the dark-haired boy from the club appeared in his mind - shirtless, back arched, as Puck slowly inserted - he gasped. "Wow." He shook his head to clear it. "I'm almost afraid to ask about the fireplace."

"Branding," she said succinctly. "Not done often, and always with myself present."

"... Oh," he said, with a faint tremor. "Okay. I think I'll pass on that one."

She smiled gently at him. "Understandable. Not many people carry brands. Noah, would you perhaps like to try anything - in any of the rooms we've seen? There's a number of other rooms, but the only one we haven't seen thus far that I would be willing to offer would be the... military room. I'd be willing to demonstrate any of that for you, if you're curious."

Puck's mind wound through all the images it had absorbed in the past twenty-four hours like an old-fashioned filmstrip, and by the end, he was almost dizzy with the possibilities. "I - there's a lot I'd like to try," he said. "I won't lie, though, and say I'm not a little intimidated by these rooms. I mean, jeez." He shuffled nervously along the wall. "I'm kind of surprised that there's a lot of stuff I don't know about yet. And I figured I was pretty knowledgeable."

She pulled him close, an arm around his waist, and kissed his temple gently. "It is all entirely your choice, Noah. In these rooms, I am in charge - but you are the person who defines what is or is not permissible for your own self."

"I guess that makes sense." He let himself relax against her shoulder for just a moment. "It's like this whole week away has been kind of... a wake-up, I guess. I've learned so much, about myself, about who I am and what I need, and I'm going back with all this new stuff. I have to make it fit into my old life." He sighed. "I hope it's not too much for my friends and family. I'm not that different. Am I?"

She shook her head fondly. "That's true not just in these rooms, my boy. It's true outside of these walls, and in every aspect of your life, as well. People grow, Noah. It's not always slow and comfortable. And in this, at least, I am here for you, if you need to talk, or to ask questions. You're going back with love and understanding in your heart. I don't think that the people who love you will begrudge you a little growing and changing - but I want you to realize that everyone recognizes things in their own time. Some of them might understand right away, and others might understand further down the road. The important thing is you - that you're comfortable with where you are, inside of your own skin, within your own home."

Her grey eyes were warm, and her arm was firm and steady around him, and when he quieted his breath for a moment, he imagined he could hear her heartbeat, slow and strong.

"The tank is full, my tires are inflated, and I've got a sandwich that doesn't suck." He grinned at her from the cab of his truck. "And a letter of introduction from James to the chef of Charlie Trotter's. I'm totally set. This was awesome, Tess. Thank you - for everything."

"Now, you're going to call me, Noah. I expect to hear about all the little things you've told me about, while you were here, please. I'm certain you won't leave me to worry about you, hmm?"

"No way," he said. "I already said I'd call Adam every night. I'll be sure to give you a call in a few days and let you know how things are." He gazed toward the sun, which was already midway toward noon. "It's been a hell of a week. When I left Lima, I didn't think I could stay there any longer, but... I think I'm ready to face what's waiting for me there, now."

"That's my good boy," she said, her voice warm, and then she tiptoed up to kiss his cheek through the window, being careful not to brush the velvet of her dress against the door. "Now you'll be careful, yes, and at least try to behave?"

He bit his lip. "You know, I always try."

"Then try and tip the odds towards success, if you please. All my love is with you, dear heart."

He clasped her hand one more time through the open window before she let him go. He turned the key in the ignition, then stuck his head out with an impish grin. "I'll send you dessert for Christmas. You won't believe how fucking awesome a fruitcake can be."

Tess shook her head, and popped the door of the truck open, released his seat belt, and pulled him out, no break in the smooth, almost practiced motion. He made a feeble protest as she freed the trigger snap of her quirt, doubled him forward, and brought the leather down three times, quick and sharp.

"Mind your language," she said. "Now get on with you, Noah. It's not getting any earlier, and you'll be on the road after dark as it is, boy."

He looked a little shaken, but much calmer. "Yes, ma'am."

She pressed another kiss in, this time on his forehead, thinking a blessing for the boy as she did so. She heard the transmission shift into gear, and stepped back, watching older pickup pull cleanly out of the parking lot. As the shimmer of the tail lights faded, she let the sigh go finally. The sun was bright overhead, a clear day, and she at least wouldn't have to worry about the boy travelling through foul weather. The long driveway glimmered in the heat of the noon sun, despite the chill of the air that had her shivering slightly.

Stephen was waiting for her at the door, as she padded quietly towards the building, looking at the deep red brickwork and ornamentation with as much pleasure as she had the first time she saw the then decrepit building. He held out a warm woolen wrap, settling it around her shoulders and she smiled at her majordomo.

"Another boy winging off into dangers untold and hardships unnumbered?"

Tess glanced at him. "Something like that. He'll call, and with a little grace, he'll dance on through."

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes
She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

- Dixie Chicks, "Wide Open Spaces"