How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

BRING ME TO LIFE – PART 1

(Approximately 4.5 years ago)
Right before Dean & Beth get together

From: All Hell Breaks Loose - Chapter 26

Sioux Falls

The room was a kind of a long rectangle, with a corner cut out of it. The single was pushed into the far corner of that smaller end under a window, while the double was at the other end under another window. It was shoved up against the wall; I looked over at Sam from where I stood next to the bed and realised that all I could make out of him was his feet. Other than the moonlight from outside, it was dark in the room.

Dean had rolled over to the far side of the bed and fallen asleep. I slipped out of my own jeans and boots. While I was out of the room Dean had thrown his over-shirt on the floor, leaving him in just a t-shirt and boxers. I rummaged through my duffel, which John had obviously brought up earlier, and found a tank top to change into. I shrugged out of my jeans and top, then lost my bra as well, pulling on the tank top and changing into a pair of pyjama shorts.

I crawled in beside him, trying not to wake him, just staring at that peaceful face on the pillow beside me. I don't know how long we lay like that, maybe an hour, a couple of times I brushed his hair back, and I would check his breathing. I didn't want to sleep, I just wanted to stare at him all night.

All of a sudden Dean stirred next to me, reaching out a hand to brush it along my face. I startled, realising that he wasn't asleep, and I'd just been staring at him for how long? He knew it now too. His hard slipped under my hair, brushing along the back of my neck where he grasped me and pulled my head down to his.

I almost forgot to breathe as his brushed his lips across mine. I hesitated for just a moment before giving in to what I wanted the most: him. I sighed softly, moving to lie beside him, my hand snaking out to slide along his hip. Dean moaned a little and leaned in to me, pushing me back against the mattress so he could deepen the kiss with a neediness that we were both feeling.

His hand ran along the side of me and I gasped at the touch, moaning into the kiss as his tongue met mine, slowly and methodically massaging it, drawing things out. He caressed along the bare skin at my hip, hesitating when he hit my shorts, and I wound my arms up around his neck, arching up to feel him pressed more firmly against me.

I heard his breath catch and his hand moved away from the danger zone, the part that would make this just a little more than a couple of stolen kisses in the heat of the night. We'd never crossed that line in all those years, and I didn't know if we ever would. Hot electric pulses rushed across my skin as Dean brought his hand up over my tank top, trailing his fingers just under my breast. I moaned and Dean silenced it with another kiss.

The sensations that simple touch were stirring in me had me on edge and I started to breathe a little quicker, then I felt the beginning of a slight panic attack. What were we doing?! We couldn't! I pulled back a little and Dean's eyes darkened as they stared at me. I saw something different in them this time, a resolute understanding. Something had changed in him. It caused me to pause, chewing at my lip.

"Sorry," he said to me, brushing his hand across my face.

"For?" I asked, a little breathless.

"Pushing," he said, looking down at me.

"You're not..." I said, "I want to... it's just."

He nodded, looking down at me. "We can't..." I nodded back at him with a sigh.

He bit his lip, and looked down at me. "Pretend it's a dream," he said gently, and leaned in to kiss me again. I groaned, winding my arms around his neck, my hand running up into his hair as he slowed things right down, lingering on the kisses, trailing his tongue along my upper lip and then sucking on it softly. I thought Ewan's kiss had been good, this was phenomenal and I felt tears come to my eyes as I realised this was something I could never hope to own. Little stolen moments like this were all we'd ever get.

The Next Night

Thinking about Dean I suddenly realised I didn't want to wait until dawn to see him, and I really doubted my ability to fall back asleep now my mind had started down this road. I debated the different options I had, and wondered if perhaps I'd left things too late? Dean had been really sullen with me all night, barely even acknowledging me as I'd said good night and headed up to bed. What if he was sick and tired of the constant yo-yo'ing on my feelings for him?

I groaned, rolling over on to my stomach and burying my face in the pillow. I lay like this for a little while, still fighting internally with my self-doubt and my heart. My heart won out, and I decided to chance the possible rejection. Better to know now than lay awake all night wondering.

I was wearing one of his t-shirts as a nightie, it hit me at the tops of my thighs, a pair of knickers was all I had on underneath, and it was all I planned on wearing downstairs too. I sneaked down the stairs, listening for any movement. Cole was long gone though, and everyone else seemed to be asleep.

The door to the spare room no longer creaked, thanks to Bobby oiling the hinges since last time we'd stayed there, so I was able to slip into the room without anyone being the wiser. I glanced over at Sam, who was in the single bed and snoring softly. Good, he was fast asleep. Unfortunately, so was Dean. I didn't know where John was, he should have been in with Dean, but from what I could tell, only Dean had been sleeping in the bed this night. I chuckled a little bit, wondering if Cole was off having a midnight rendezvous with John, then I pushed it out of my mind, because it still made me slightly uncomfortable thinking about that.

I hesitated at the side of the bed, looking over at Dean. He was sleeping on his side, his face turned toward the wall and away from me. I reached out and tentatively shook his shoulder. He murmured in his sleep but he didn't quite wake up.

"Dean!" I whispered to him, shaking him again. This time he opened his eyes, turning to look over his shoulder, looking at little startled. He frowned when he saw me and I took a step back, biting my lip. He pushed a little button on his watch and a light came on so he could see the time.

"Hey, you ok?" He asked softly, looking at me after he realised what time it was. I couldn't find my voice all of a sudden, I didn't know what to say, so I shook my head at him. His eyes softened and he pulled back the covers, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me into the bed with him. I moved quickly and quietly, allowing him to guide me in to his warm body. I shivered, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning in to his chest with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" He asked, brushing the hair out of my eyes and looking at me in the light of the moon coming in from the window.

"Everything's wrong," I said, finally finding my words. He frowned at me and I buried my face into his neck, breathing in that faint smell of leather and pine that was always present with him. Dean started to stroke my hair, holding me close as I felt myself being lulled into a warm safe place. I just wanted to fall asleep in his arms and never wake up if it meant it had to stop.

I felt his lips graze my forehead, and then a gentle hand lifted my chin up so that I was looking into those hazel eyes that were dark and stormy.

"Do you trust me?" He asked, and I nodded at him. Of course I trusted him, he was my best friend, my brother, my protector. "It'll be ok," he promised me, and he leaned down, kissing me softly. I moaned as he nibbled on my lower lip for a bit, smoothing the little nips out with a slow lick along my lips before sliding his tongue in to meet mine. I circled his tongue with my own, a slow fire starting to burn from my stomach and spreading out.

I sighed contentedly as he kissed me, melting under his hands as he ran one along my arm and slid it around my waist, pulling me close. Dean pulled back with a reluctant groan, looking at me again. "We'll take it slow," he whispered, leaning his forehead to mine and I sighed, fighting back the fear that was sitting heavily in my heart.

"I'm scared," I whispered to him, trying not to wake up Sam by having too much of a conversation.

"Of me?" Dean asked, a confused look on his face as he moved back to look at me. I nearly laughed out loud.

"Not of you silly," I whispered with a little giggle. I turned serious eyes up to him. "Of Dad, of what it will mean, of what it will do to our family." The unspoken reality was that not all relationships made it, there was a risk in getting involved. What if we didn't make it? What if we ended up in a big mess of emotions, broken and shattered? Where would I go then? How could I stay?

Dean seemed to sense some of my hesitation because he looked at me determinedly. "It'll be ok. We're adults, we can do this," he said to me. "You'll always be my sister Beth, if nothing else we will always have that, ok?" I nodded at him and smiled, my heart was starting to do little skips and my stomach felt like it had a thousand butterflies flapping around inside it. Were we really talking about doing this?

He started to kiss his way along my shoulder, making his way up to my ear where he placed a single soft kiss. "Get some sleep before we have to get up, dawn will be here before we know it," he said quietly, and I nodded, inching my way closer to him. I tucked my face into his neck and just breathed in his scent. He smelled like Christmas morning, it must have been something in his aftershave or deodorant that had pine in it – either way, it brought me into a happy space.

It felt completely normal to be tucked up together like this, hiding under the covers and stealing kisses and forbidden touches. I couldn't have loved him more in that moment, I'd needed that reassurance that we were doing the right thing, and he was right there with me. I shouldn't have been surprised, after all, it'd been more me doing the pushing away than him over the years.

I grimaced, thinking about it, and resolved to make it up to us both. I didn't know how we were going to break the news to John, probably not at all to begin with. But he'd fine out eventually, that much was for certain; if yesterday had told me nothing else, it had told me that you couldn't hide these feelings forever, even the great John Winchester had slipped up, and I'd found out his little secret.

I focused on the pulse at Dean's neck, it was steady and strong, and it lulled me into a sleepy daze. I was warm and protected in his arms and I felt so happy. With a sigh I let sleep claim me, and found myself looking forward to morning when we could explore this a little further.

~ To Be Continued ~

AUTHOR'S NOTES

The song for this chapter is Bring Me To Life by Evanescence.