Here you go! The moment you've all been waiting for… and our beloved December has been dreading with all her heart. It's Wedding Day! To celebrate, here's an extra long chapter so enjoy!
Chapter 10: One Hand, One Heart
Make of our lives one life,
Day after day, one life.
Now it begins, now we start
One hand, one heart,
Even death won't part us now.
-West Side Story
Everything was heavy. The gown, the jewels, my hair. Even the shoes made it painful to lift my feet. Shouldn't I feel beautiful? I only felt exhausted, though standing still was a chore on it's own. I paced, back and forth in the hall, waiting for someone to open the front doors, so I could walk into the circle and get this all over with.
"Stop it, December. The more you fret the worse your wrinkle lines will be later tonight."
"I don't have wrinkles." Her own fretting just made me pace faster.
"Not yet at least, and I do hope for my own sake you never do. Now, do you remember what to do?"
I stopped, sitting harshly on a one of the benches for people waiting to see my father, on a regular day that is. "Bloody thirteen's sake, mother, all I have to say is 'I do agree'. How complicated can it be?"
Mother threw her hands in exasperation, prancing over to my father who stared out the window. "She's going to mess this entire thing up Coriolanus!"
"Leave her be, Maribelle, or look me straight in the eyes and tell me that you weren't anxious on our wedding day." Papa glanced at his watch, holding up his fingers to count down from five, and right on cue I heard music echo from outside.
"Come, my rose. Today is your day, and don't forget it." If it were truly my day, I would not be in this stupid gold dress and covered in jewels. Not to mention I would probably be able to recognize my own face. Yet, I took his arm and felt mother grab the trail of my gown as an Avox opened the door.
People crowded the City Circle, only two long aisles cleared. One for me, one for Darren. We walked carefully, my only determination to not trip in my stupid shoes, and for a fleeting moment I wondered what Darren was thinking, then I realized I couldn't care less.
The aisles met, and I distantly felt Mrs. Broderson take my trail from my mother while she went to take the arm that Darren's father was not holding held. It starts with the exchange of mothers, then fathers after we wed. I just hoped I had that right in my head.
An official stood at the stand in the Circle's center, and a murmur rose in the crowd as I walked down the center aisle side by side with my fiancé and our parents. Save me now, anyone.
Things blurred, words rushing through my mind that I failed to make sense of. It was all recorded, what felt like on a hundred cameras. I could watch later for the details. The official gave the speech about unity, how we united two families such as Panem united the Districts under one banner. I felt my foot move with Darren's to crush the wine glass wrapped in a cloth, to get the damage of the union out of the way, as damage is inevitable but now we had prevented it, or something. Then the water dripped down my face as Darren drew a circle with it on my forehead, and I on his, to wash away childhood.
Then the words started. "I, Darren Blake Broderson, choose you, December Everett Snow, to be my lawful wife, to respect you in your successes and in your failures, to care for you in sickness and in health, and to cherish our union through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together."
"And does the woman, December Everett Snow, agree?"
Eyes watched me all over Panem; I could feel their stares digging under my flesh. 'I'm always watching, my sweet', you once said. Are you watching now, Thresh? Can you bear to watch me sign my life away? I was once prepared to do this, because then I was doing it for you. I felt my father's grasp on my arm tighten, Darren watching me carefully as though he assumed I would bolt. I've been known all my life for my strength and loyalty; this one thing could be overcome. "I do agree."
Thresh, save me. Create something of this for me, maybe ask that God of yours to lend a hand. I just want to be happy, let me be happy. Darren was beaming as he wrapped an arm across my back, pulling me in for the marital kiss. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't know how to anymore. I surrendered the day I agreed for his help to save Thresh. That was the day I lost.
I felt his heart racing as his chest pushed lightly against me, and a thought whisked through my mind that even stopping that steady pulse would do no good. You died, and I was broken. If he dies, nothing will change and I will still be lost. The silence of that heart would only lead to pity, not freedom. I'd have to live in accordance with Darren's memory; I would forever carry the name Broderson that would be mine legally by morning on every Capitol document.
Be happy with him. He'll give you what I can't now. Thresh's final words echoed in my mind and I realized they weren't about my father; they were about Darren. His final will was for this day to come, for me to be happy but I couldn't be when all I could do was think of him.
People began to cheer, knowing it was all done as Mr. Broderson took my arm and both of my in-laws kissed my cheeks. For a moment, I caught sight of all six of us on a screen. We looked happy, like a family. I guess I was the only one not feeling it.
X X X
The players scampered towards us, juggling fire and adorned in crowns of ice. They were known in the Capitol, a treat for the elite alone. Perhaps the Districts would enjoy seeing such a spectacle that was usually shielded from their eyes.
It was a new story, something about roses, and quite entertaining to the crowd yet I only watched May's face as she forced laughter. How much had she wanted this to be her day, truly? She was fit to be a bride, the flowing dress and her hair elaborately pinned as mine. I didn't feel guilt; it was her fault. She should have been more appealing, more like me.
"You're going to come visit, right December?" Cory's fingers traced my blasted wedding ring. "All the time?"
"Didn't I tell you last week that I'm going to walk across the Circle everyday for breakfast?"
"I won't totally steal your sister. Have you seen the house all lit up?" Cory shook his head and Darren clasped onto his hand to lead him to the window. I followed absentmindedly, not wanting to let anyone think they could talk to me. Wasn't I supposed to look enamored with my husband anyways?
Cory pressed against the window, my eyes focused on the crowd. Haymitch was wrong, even in my cruelest moment they adored me, loved me, and honored me. I was everything the common people imagined; so much they wanted one single glimpse of my party lights. "Can I come visit you?"
"Every moment you wish. See, I won't be far away at all." The house did look lovely across the Circle, all lit up like Darren had said. He had picked every detail while I was stuck in wedding plans; he was walking through the foundation that turned into a skeleton then to one of the most lavish homes in the Capitol. One he still hadn't let me see.
I felt Darren's hand clasped my shoulder, his breath on my ear as he whispered. "The rebels are airing a clip on the feed they have, it's Finnick and Annie's wedding, talking about the differences between loved and forced marriages." Haymitch, the bastard. I guess he really did think I could handle anything, or maybe now he truly didn't care."
"It doesn't matter. We are in love, they probably forced those two to hurry up and get married just to ruin our night, sweetie." I kissed his cheek, snuggling into his shoulder. "No need to worry."
"No one can hear you." I knew he was right; our voices low enough, but there were always eyes.
"I just don't like taking risks."
Darren laughed, steering me back from the window and away from my brother who still watched the glowing lights and happy crowd. "Let's finish with the real publicity, shall we?"
"I hate you."
"That's more like the December I know." He opened the balcony door and the roar was deafening. A Peacekeeper was waiting, yet he didn't need to call into the microphone for our appearance to be noted. Everyone was pointing. We waved, forcing smiles while our hands stayed clasped together. How many of them saw the Finnick broadcast? Any that did, I silently hoped they realized that their precious star crossed lovers of District 12 were yet to be publicly and legally married. When was the last time we heard about that arrangement?
Darren's arm moved from clasping my hand, to slipping around my waist and turning me towards him. It shouldn't have surprised me when he leaned into kiss me, but I tensed all the same. Words were mumbled into my neck. "You're going to have to get better at this. Even Katniss can fake a kiss."
I laughed loudly, as though he was the funniest man alive and the Capitol naturally laughed with me. "Is that better?" It should be. My voice was even light. The peacekeeper nodded that we could return inside, and I pranced away without a single look back at the people gathered.
"Are you tired, my dear? It is late, we could retire home." He said it so naturally, like I had been there before. Like a Master bedroom suite wasn't awaiting me every night from now on. I nodded anyways, glad for an excuse to get away from the party. Darren told a peacekeeper to spread the news we were leaving, and as he did a few boys from our class approached.
"Hey Broderson, you can't be leaving yet! Look at this party for you!"
"Enjoy it for me, will you? If this woman was your wife, you'd be anxious to get to bed too." As they patted him on the shoulder, I squeezed his hand with all the force I could muster. That was not a comment I was ok with.
He got the message, saying the rest of our goodbyes simply and quickly. If Broderson honestly that that tonight we would…do that…me and him…well, it was out of the question.
Before I could slap him, Papa caught my free hand and pushed it to my side. Why do parents know us so well? "We'll see you for breakfast?" His voice was soft, a tinge of sadness playing it that I tried to block out. Being angry was easier.
"Of course, papa. I have yet to train my new kitchen staff and I doubt they could ever get my yogurt parfait up to expectations without some work." A group of guests clustered around laughed, and I simply tried to be girly. "It took this staff almost 17 years, didn't it?"
Papa laughed, kissing my forehead. "I am so proud of you. You've done so much more then could ever have been expected."
"Of course I can do anything, papa." He brushed hair from my face as I leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I'm your own flesh and blood."
"Never mind, my rose. Get to bed; you deserve a good night's rest. Take good care of this one, Broderson. She's important." Something in me broke, as I watched a quick-formed mist fade from papa's eyes. Maybe he didn't want this at all either, but our family made sacrifices for the people. They better remember to appreciate it.
"Yes, sir. I won't let her out of my sight."
"People of Panem! I, December Ev… Snow Broderson, give you my husband!" It should have been Thresh, everyone who have liked him; that I know. I'm not stupid, the rebellion was watching now in incorrect disgust. Thresh; he could have united it all. That's what Haymitch failed to see.
And how is some lowly district boy supposed to know that? If he was smart enough to organize Katniss into a rebellion, he should have been smart enough to figure that out. I want to be able to dance with you perfectly, in Capitol style. Teach me. I already did, and it didn't do anything. I didn't dance with you tonight.
A memory came to me, from that same night I taught him to dance. Grandmother threatening, and her one simple answer to the world: 'You married off to someone for the sake of your brother and to never hear from your sorry ass again.' I killed her, yet she won. What a bummer.
"Come on, December. We can go in." I nodded as I tried to ignore the warmth of his hand, the perfect shape in mine. The moment the door closed behind us, my ears blocked out all the noise. The front hall was brightly lit, lavish stone stairs with thick carpet rising in front of me. Then I noticed why the noise was blocked out, as my senses took in the waterfall streaming down the sides of the staircase.
"It's beautiful." The lights reflected on the water, and at a closer look I saw the rocks jutting from the wall were shaped as roses.
"Of course it is, it's designed with you in mind. Would you like a tour?"
"In the morning, with the sunlight. Let's just go to bed."
"Is my wife that eager?" That time I pulled away from his touch gladly. He must have told the staff to stay out of our way, and I couldn't be more pleased.
"I'm tired, Broderson. Don't get ideas."
"I know. Well, at least you'll like the master suite." I shrugged, not wanting to admit how comfortable this place felt as we walked.
He opened the doors to the suite slowly, and my breath stopped. "There's your closest. They finish moving everything in tomorrow, but there should be something at least for tonight." I moved in awe, taking in every detail of the pale walls and dark furniture that cast shadows from the soft fire. "I hope you don't mind that I only did the rose decorations downstairs. You're a Snow, but you're something else now too."
I just nodded, knowing he was right. This was a new stage in my life, no longer the childish bedroom decorations in bright colors, but bold elegance. It wasn't until after I changed, came out from my upgraded closet and saw Darren in just soft shorts that fear returned to my body, and he must have seen it in my eyes.
"It's all right, I'm frightened too." His eyes seemed distant as he reached for my hand, taking it lightly.
"Why?"
"That ring on your finger," He twisted it slowly, never looking from my eyes as it ran along his skin. "I picked it out years ago and have kept it in my bedside drawers. I've imagined this night forever, but it was different. You wanted to be here, you were happy. Now I don't know if I should want this anymore, and I'm scared of what's to come."
It was the first moment that he showed me the same emotion I had felt for weeks, and the only line from my list was exactly what he used to say. "We've done what we were always meant to do."
"Don't start on me with technical definitions. I know how textbooks define marriage;" His voice broke in a monotone and I realized every word seemed to jab at him "relationships formed for society's betterment, in both the individual and Capitol as well and an ultimate sacrifice made constantly by the social elite." He dropped my hand, collapsing on to the bed. "I wanted to be different, December!"
Life sparked back into me. "Well, think about it this way and be happy with what you got! At least I'm not running off to… what did you call Thresh…my paramour?"
"It would be better if he was real then stuck in your head!" I shrugged, not willing to admit how much I craved for his voice to return to me every moment. "Then I'd have someone to hate but all I can despise are those destructive thoughts in your head! If I could squeeze your head like a lemon and make those poisonous memories drip away I would, but I can't!" You better not, I thought. They are the only thing keeping me here. I failed my duty to Thresh; I wouldn't fail my family now. Darren threw his hands down, standing once more to pull the curtains tighter. "Forget it, December. I'm going to bed."
I looked around the suddenly dark room after he clapped twice, and I knew to leave would be to except defeat. I would not start out the rest of my life with a stupid man by defeat. So, into the darkness I whispered one single phrase. "I'm coming too."
The sheets felt cold, yet his arm was warm as it snaked around my shoulders, pulling my back close to his chest. "We are married now, for better or for worse. Can't we at least try to make it for better?"
I didn't respond, just felt breaths steady as my husband fell asleep.