Castle clasped her hand in the back of the cab, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that she was letting him touch her in this way for this long. He occasionally would give the palm of her hand a soft brush with his fingertips partly to make sure she was real and he hadn't slipped into one of his fantasies. Kate responded to his touch with a slight upturn of the corner of her mouth as she gazed out the window and by tightening her grip ever so slightly as if to say 'Yes, I'm still here'. They both had remained in a comfortable silence for the entire 30 block ride back to her place, the only sound the methodical rub of the wind shield wipers against the glass as they cleared the misty rain that had begun to fall again. He focused on her as she stared out the window. Castle told himself he was respecting her 'request' for him not to talk, but in reality he knew by the way her brow furrowed every now and then that she was still trying to sort something out. He found it difficult not to ask her more, but he had pushed her into revealing a lot already and he didn't want to screw it up now.
Kate could feel him watching her and, for once, she didn't mind. Her eyes followed the small beads of water that coalesced on the glass and watched as they slowly dripped down the window in mini-rivers. Kate loved the city when it rained at night. The sidewalks were fairly empty for New York with much of the pedestrian traffic being driven into cabs or subways. The city lights popped against the shiny surfaces everywhere she looked. She felt Castle's hand relax a bit and her eyes darted back to the man next to her, his head now tilted back slightly against the back of the seat, eyelids drooping a bit.
Looks like I'm not the only one who's had a long day.
She smiled to herself as he half-slept; she couldn't recall a time when he had ever remained quiet this long. She turned her head back to the window, seeing that they had made it onto her block. Her eyes closed feeling the weight of her hand joined with his resting in her lap. It was somehow reassuring, grounding…safe. Giving his fingers a soft squeeze, she released his hand as the cab pulled over in front of her apartment building. The wet brakes squeaked loudly and the sudden stop in the cab's momentum lurched Castle out of his semi-slumber.
Castle swiped his credit card to pay the cabbie as Kate exited the vehicle, tiptoeing over a large puddle. She turned to face her chaperone and tell him goodnight, but stopped, slightly confused at the sight of him paying.
"Why are you paying? You'll never get another cab in this weather," Kate questioned as he started to exit the cab.
"Oh, I'm not going back to my place just yet," Castle said as shut the cab door and grabbed her hand again. He looked up at the sky as a bolt of lightning flashed. The drizzle turned into a steady rain on the cue of the thunder that followed.
"Castle…" she said warily as he instinctively pulled her a little closer to him at the loud rumbles overhead. The truth was she wanted him to come up, but she didn't trust herself alone with him at this point. It wasn't that she was opposed to advancing things physically. Lanie hadn't been lying- it had been awhile, a long while, but Kate wasn't one for one night stands, even though she knew that wouldn't be the case with Castle. She also didn't want to cheapen what had transpired between them tonight just for the sake of ending her dry spell. She never wanted to have cause to regret anything with him.
The temptation was strong though, each raindrop hitting his shirt only serving to torture her a bit as the material started to cling to his broad shoulders. Kate blinked her eyes a few times, trying to focus on something other than the way he had started to run his hand up her arm to prevent her from pulling away.
"Come on, let's at least argue where we won't get soaked or killed by lightning," he said, leading her to the stoop of the building. The small overhang failed to offer the protection they sought as their bodies were bathed in the increasingly heavy rain.
"I promise, I'm just coming up for a few minutes." He said it seriously, but there was an unmistakable glimmer of hope for something more in his eyes. She looked at him suspiciously, shaking her head as she watched a trickle of water drip down his cheek.
"Fine you can come up… for a few minutes," Kate said pulling her hand from his as she fished in her purse for her keys. Castle smiled as he watched the shorter layers of her damp hair fall into her face as she looked down in her purse. Several large wisps of wet hair clung to her neck just above her collarbone and Castle pursed his lips at the temptation to kiss her there. She finally found her keys and they walked into the entry way, making their way onto the small elevator. Kate glanced at him as he ran a hand through his hair, now nearly black from the rain. Even in the poorly lit space, his darkened hair contrasted with his blue eyes, making them appear more brilliant than ever. Kate found she was only able to break her gaze when he caught her staring.
"What?" He gave a sly grin as she jerked her head away. For the second time that day, he was alone with her in the confined space of an elevator and it was only getting more difficult not to kiss her. Instead he focused on the display that flashed the floor numbers, feeling his body temperature rising with each floor. The elevator arrived at the 6th floor and he followed her to her apartment door, trying not to stare at the way the damp fabric of her dress hugged her hips.
She opened the door, tossing her purse and keys on a small table next to the door and flipped a wall switch, dousing the dark apartment in a soft yellow glow. Castle took a few seconds to let his eyes adjust, seeing the soft colors that dominated the palate of the room, the exception being her massive dark wooden book shelves that she had somehow salvaged from her previously destroyed apartment. The books spanned from ceiling to floor, covering almost an entire wall.
She headed towards the kitchen, stopping to toss him a hand towel from a hamper that sat outside the doorway. "It's clean, just haven't had time to fold it. Want a drink?" She grabbed a towel for herself and rubbed it along her arms and neck.
"Sure, whatever you're having." He walked in further to the living area as he spoke. "I like the new place here. When did you move anyway?" He knew she had sublet a place not far from the station immediately after the explosion that had nearly killed her, but he hadn't realized she had finally found a more permanent place.
Kate glanced at him from the kitchen as she searched for her corkscrew, watching as he ran the towel roughly over his head, causing his hair to crisscross in all directions.
"Fourth of July weekend. I already had it scheduled for vacation time, so I used it to move since I didn't want to miss any more work. Be glad you were in the Hamptons or I would have made you help! It was awful, so ridiculously hot, and to top it off the A/C wasn't working when I moved in and the super was gone on vacation. Basically I moved all my stuff in and then ended up staying at Lanie's until they fixed it."
He listened to her voice from the kitchen as he walked to the bookshelf. Smiling, he saw she still had it organized by genre. He trailed his fingers along the spines, past the classics and modern fiction and finally paused at her vast section dedicated to art. He recalled how he had occupied the night the first and only time he had visited Kate outside of work until tonight. He had stayed awake most of the night flipping through her collection of books on art and art history as he 'stood guard' on her couch while she slept. Some of the books were obviously used for studying in college with handwritten notes in the margins. Fluorescent sticky notes were still in place on some pages for what he assumed were her favorites. There were also several books on painting and drawing technique that had the occasional smudge of charcoal on the pages, which had led Castle to conclude that she had dabbled in sketching or painting in the past.
He snuck a peek towards the kitchen where she was pouring wine into two glasses, pausing to gather her damp hair back up in the clip. In a lot of ways, so much of her life was still a mystery to him despite his years of 'research'. The prospect of learning more about her, though he knew it would be a challenge, made him feel unbelievably happy at that moment. His eyes returned to the bookshelf, catching the unmistakable stain of smoke on the covers of many of the books. His mind unexpectedly flashed images of the fiery explosion he had witnessed 6 short months ago. He flinched a little as a hollowed out sensation crept into the pit of his stomach. It was the same feeling he had when he stood on the street watching the flames pour from her windows, thinking he had lost her forever.
"See anything you want to borrow?" Beckett asked from behind him. He turned to see her holding out a glass of wine to him.
"Nice collection, but it seems to be lacking a certain something…" he said accepting the wine from her with a grin.
"What, no comic book section?" Kate said sarcastically, moving a little closer to him.
"Well that too. But I was actually referring to all the Derrick Storm books. Did they get destroyed in the fire?" He sipped on his wine, watching her run her fingers along the foot of her glass, contemplating her response.
"Well, they had some smoke and water damage, but most are still readable. They're just on the other bookshelf…" she said rather mysteriously.
"Other bookshelf? Where could you possibly fit another bookshelf like this?" His arm swept up and down to emphasize the sheer size of the shelves.
"No, it's not as big as this one. There's a smaller shelf with a few of my favorites… in my bedroom," she said walking around him towards the couch.
Castle couldn't help himself. "So you like taking Derrick to bed with you then?" Castle said cheekily, setting his wine glass down on the coffee table.
She turned swiftly back to face him, squinting and suppressing an eye roll. "Ha-ha. Guess I set myself up for that one."
Castle paused a beat, then shook his head in agreement. "Pretty much."
"Yeah, well, I guess, Derrick and I do have a history…" Her voice drifted off slightly along with her eyes. If only he knew what kind of history. Her face that had been joking flashed a hint of seriousness as she remembered all her sleepless nights in the months after her mother's murder, only made bearable by the adventures of a fictional man created by the very real man that stood before her. "He was always around when I needed hi-," She stopped herself in mid-word and refocused her gaze on Castle, "…when I needed an escape." Kate forced a smile as she took a sip of her wine, attempting to cover her little moment of reflection.
Of course Castle had noticed the subtle change in her voice and expression and he couldn't shake the gnawing feeling that something was still troubling her. His mind recalled her earlier comments referencing his absence over the summer and the sting of how she had 'gotten used' to him being gone.
Maybe part of it is that she's still upset about me leaving her to go to the Hamptons with Gina.
He felt that he needed to reassure her that he didn't plan on ever leaving her like that again. He took her wine glass from her hand setting it next to his and for the second time that night when he did something rather bold, she didn't protest.
"Kate, I need to know what's going on. Something's obviously bothering you and I think I have an idea what it's about…"
She looked up at him, seeing the genuine concern in his eyes, but also realizing that he didn't, he couldn't possibly know what she was feeling, how this day had been for her. He also couldn't know how she was longing to have him touch and kiss her, make her forget. She felt herself focusing on her breathing.
"I need you to hear me when I say this, okay?" Castle said. "It's bothering me…what you said earlier about you having to rework things, get used to me not being around…and I want to say that I'm sorry that by trying to make myself feel better I caused you pain. And while I tried to make myself move on, I couldn't get used to missing you…and I don't intend to miss you like that again. Ever. You need to know how deep this goes…"
Kate looked down as he intertwined his fingers with hers and softly kissed the back of her hand. He moved a step closer to her. He smelled like rain with the faded scent of his cologne still lingering about him. His hands moved to her upper arms, anchoring her in place. She lifted her head, focusing on how his breathing had quickened to match her own. Castle stared at her, completely absorbed in the moment. He wanted to memorize everything about her- the feel of her soft skin under his fingers, the slight quiver of her body as she struggled to adjust to his touch, the soft flush of her cheeks, the way her eyes searched his face trying to predict what he was going to say next.
"Do you want to know what I missed about you?" He began in a hushed tone, moving one hand to her hip and gently forcing her body to close the remaining gap between them.
Kate finally found her voice. "Castle…" She exhaled his name from her lips as she concentrated on the feel of him against her. Her dress was still damp causing his hand to feel especially warm and inviting to her skin underneath.
He looked into the pools of her hazel green eyes, noticing for the first time tiny flecks of yellow-gold lining her pupils, now slightly dilated from the relative darkness of her apartment. He moved his other hand to her face, tracing his thumb along her cheekbone, just below her eye.
"I missed your eyes," Castle said. Kate closed them instinctively, feeling self conscious at his proximity. Castle brushed his lips above one eye and then the other. She held her breath at his touch, but didn't move away.
"I missed your adorable nose," Castle said his mouth inches from hers, and he planted a light peck on the tip.
"I hate my nose," Kate whispered almost inaudibly allowing a small smile to cross her lips as his breath tickled her skin.
"I missed this little beauty mark." He kissed her cheek, keeping his face next to hers as he continued. "I missed this part of your neck, right…" He kissed her skin just below her jaw cautiously. "Here…" he said, returning his lips to taste her again, this time drawing her skin into his mouth ever so gently.
The pressure on her neck was more than she could take. A low whimper escaped her throat as she felt a rush of pleasure cascade from where his mouth teased her neck down into her chest and stomach. He sighed into her hair in response, removing his lips slowly.
"Do you know what I missed most about you though?" he murmured into her ear.
Kate felt her head move side to side slowly, eyes closed, as she regained control of her breathing briefly.
Castle moved his face so it was right in front of hers and surprised her by gently kissing her forehead.
"This," he said his lips talking against her skin. "I missed how you think, your determination to be the best at everything you do, your freakish tenacity at…"
Kate pulled back a little with an amused smile plastered on her face. "'Freakish tenacity'? Are you calling me stubborn?"
"No, definitely not. Obstinate is more like it," Castle said seriously but his smile mirrored hers. She laughed genuinely at his choice of adjective.
"Oh yeah, and the thing that comes in a very close second- your laugh," Castle said looking in her eyes again as his mouth hovered near her lips, hesitating briefly. "I intend to make you do that a lot more." Kate felt him pause and her hand somehow found its way behind his neck, encouraging him gently. That was all he needed. He brought his mouth to hers tenderly, tentatively. Her fingers kneaded his neck as a shallow moan of need escaped her mouth sending a jolt of energy through Castle's body that rocketed straight to his core. She felt his grip on her waist tighten, pulling her into him as his kisses became surer and progressively deeper. The taste of chocolate lingered in her mouth and he groaned a little as he slipped the hand resting on her hip to the small of her back and pressed her hips closer to his, wanting to feel every nuance in the way she responded to his touch. He felt the curve and suppleness of her breasts on his chest as she melded her body to him. The warmth of his solid build caused her to tremble a bit, and he gradually softened the kiss. As he traced her neck with his finger, he felt her shiver again and he realized for the first time that they were still in their damp clothes. He broke the kiss to Kate's surprise, resting his lips on her temple. She stood silent, her breaths shallow, still gripping his shoulder.
"Sorry, it's just, your dress is all wet and you're shivering," Castle said rubbing her arms up and down with his hands in an attempt to warm her. "You've even got goose bumps."
"I think that's partly your doing, actually," Kate said. She leaned towards him, intending to give him the lightest of kisses, but as soon as her lips hit his, they both deepened the kiss almost instantly. This time he shuddered at how perfect she felt. He broke from her briefly, speaking to her between the surge of kisses that followed.
"Well… I definitely… have ideas… about how… to warm you up…but…" he walked her backwards a little, towards the couch. He broke the kiss again, knowing if he continued kissing her like this he wouldn't be able to control his desire to feel her skin without their wet clothes between them. He wanted more of her, all of her, but he knew that kissing her was big, huge even , and he could be satisfied with that at least for tonight.
"…I'm not going to push my luck just yet," Castle said, stilling them both as he wrapped his arms around her in a warm embrace.
Kate took a deep breath and smiled into his chest. Even though he was driving her absolutely mad inside, she was glad that he seemed to have elected to slow things down on his own. He impulsively reached up and released the small clip that held her hair back and watched as damp tresses fell onto her shoulders. He gently ran his fingers through the ends, once again amazed at how much it had grown over the summer.
"I like your hair like this…" he murmured, pulling her head closer so he could smell her.
Kate looked up at him, feeling more secure with him in that moment than she had with any other man in a very long time. She needed to tell him. She wanted to tell him. "By the way, I lied earlier. I never got used to you being gone," Kate said almost losing her voice again as she looked into his eyes. "I missed you this summer… almost as much as I miss her today…" She continued, almost whispering now. "I normally don't tell anyone, but… it's her birthday too." She pulled away slightly, feeling the physical pain rise and snap at the back of her throat. Castle didn't have to ask who she was referring to. For some reason in that instant, staring into Kate's eyes, Castle found himself wishing he could have met Johanna Beckett.
Kate broke from his embrace and lowered herself on the couch, pulling an afghan off the back and around her body. She curled her knees up as an invitation for him to sit. They both remained silent for a few minutes, the sound of the rain tapping against the window with each gust of wind outside. His eyes searched the pattern on the afghan, as if the right words to break the silence were somehow woven into the intricate design of the yarn that covered her.
Castle moved closer to her on the couch and touched the top of her foot. "I guess I've been pretty self-centered this whole day, huh?"
"What do you mean?" Kate asked, confused by his comment.
"I mean, I kept pushing you, even though I knew something was bothering you at the party. I just assumed it was me and that, well, I could charm you anyway."
Kate paused a moment, a thoughtful expression painting her face. "Well, that's not a terrible assumption. After all, most of the time it is you bothering me," Kate said grinning, at the same time giving his leg a playful nudge with her foot.
He smirked at her. "You know what I mean. I should've known that I wasn't the only thing making this day a trying one. Nothing about you is ever that simple."
"You got that right," Kate half-snorted. "Although, sometimes, I wish my life was more simple."
Castle frowned and shook his head in protest. "No way! If you were simple, I wouldn't like you as much as I do." He grinned. "And besides, 'Simple Heat'?" He shook his head again. "It just doesn't have the pizzazz of a best-seller," he said winking at her.
Kate smirked, nipping at her lower lip. She loved how he somehow had the ability to turn even the most depressing of conversations around and make her smile.
He grinned back at her for a few seconds, but then his eyes turned serious. "But, all joking aside, Kate…if I could make it hurt less, I would."
Kate heard the sincerity in his tone and felt her emotions swell within her, but this time she channeled them into an energy and confidence that had been lacking in her personal life for some time. She rose to her knees and leaned forward, her weight resting on her hands which now straddled Castle's hips. He reclined his back slightly against the arm rest. She leaned her head in closer, angling her mouth just in front of his, but maintaining eye contact.
"Well, looking back there were some good things about today…"
Castle swallowed hard as he caught a glimpse of the strap of her dress sliding down her shoulder as she leaned over him. He forced himself to look back into her eyes.
"Like what?" Castle murmured just before she kissed him slowly, pulling his bottom lip into her mouth.
"Those cupcakes for one. They were decadent." She pushed her lips against his again briefly before continuing.
"What else?" Castle asked as she moved her hands up to his shoulders, leaning part of her weight on his chest.
"Well, the party was fun. Lanie's mojitos were good… but the flirtini was excellent." She kissed him lazily, relaxing the full weight of her body on top of him. Castle gripped her waist for dear life; she was driving him crazy.
"You wanna know what the best thing about today was though?"
"Hmm?" Castle murmured into the skin of her neck as he nipped at her softly.
"You…" Kate brought her mouth to his and smiled as she kissed him firmly. She broke away, pushing up slightly and smoothed his wild hair back with her hands. Her eyes glinted with mischief and she grinned widely. "…especially when you came crashing through the door from the balcony. That was hilarious." She chuckled to herself, ruffling his hair again and moved back to her end of the couch.
Castle narrowed his eyes at her. Such a tease.
"Well, glad I could entertain you this evening," Castle said faking a pitiful pout and running his fingers through his hair.
Kate stood, grabbing his hands and forcing him to stand as she pecked him on the mouth. "You know I meant it. You were the best part of this birthday, so…thank you."
He smiled at her. "Well, you're very welcome." He glanced at his watch and sighed. It was getting late and if he didn't take the opportunity to leave now, he knew he wouldn't. "I guess I should get going, huh?"
"I guess…" Kate pulled him in for a hug, not wanting him to leave, but realizing she was already rushing things with him compared to her usual pattern with men. She normally didn't kiss like this on the first date, and technically tonight wasn't even a date. Then again, nothing with Castle was ever normal.
They walked to the door and he paused giving her one last, spine-tingling kiss that left Kate feeling like she might explode from the sheer want she felt for him.
"I'm going to take you out tomorrow night," he declared as she opened the door for him to leave.
"Oh, you are, are you?" she mused at the sudden authority in his voice. It was sexy as hell.
"Yes. So be ready at 6:30," he instructed, giving her hand a squeeze before releasing it.
"And what if I have other plans?" Kate said raising an eyebrow at him.
Castle shrugged confidently. "Cancel them. I guarantee you'll have more fun with me…" he said raising his eyebrows playfully.
Kate shook her head biting the inside of her cheek. He was incorrigible.
"Fine. Where are we going?"
"Nuh-uh. It's a surprise. All I'll say is that you should dress casually and in clothes you won't mind getting messy."
Kate eyed him skeptically. "What do you mean messy?"
"Just trust me, okay?" Castle smiled at her as he walked backwards down the hall, watching her squirm a little. He knew she hated not being in control.
"Fine. But if there is any mud-wrestling involved, I will kill you…" Kate said shooting him an icy glaze from the doorway.
Castle stopped with one foot in the air, taking a few steps back towards her door. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mud-wrestling? Where did that come from! Don't tell me you've…"
"Wouldn't you like to know…" she said with a sultry grin. "Goodnight, Rick." She winked at him, turning her back to the hallway and simultaneously twisting her arm behind her back to unzip her dress as she nudged the door closed slowly with her foot. The last thing he saw was her bare back taunting him as she sauntered back into the darkness of her apartment.
Castle exhaled slowly.
This is going to be fun.
A/N: Hey, everyone! Sorry for the long breaks between updates. Life has been busy, busy. Anyway, hope you liked this installment. Next will be their date- I think Kate's gonna like it.
I'm sad there's no new Castle tonight, but there's been a rush of new fic after that episode last week (Can we say YOWZA!), so I guess that'll have to tide us over. Thanks for reading! -KB