an: i have a chapter soon that jamie (that's roses sister if you didn't know) helped me with but first I have to have this chapter so now you have somethin g to look foreward to because jamies good at fanfiction I should get her to write one

Davey pov

Wow I can't beleive I got kidnapped by voldemort. I wonder if coldemort is afraid of snakes like ⅓ of all adult humans. Hmm

I hope this doesn't mean dumbledore will have to leave again. We went into the great hall where dumbledore was giving a speech. "I'm gonna have to leave again" he said wisely. Oh gosh diddly darn. Some snakes have 3 lungs.

"Here's your new headmaster. She's from the ministry to make sure no death eaters get in the school. Here she is it's doloros umbrige" dunbledore said introducingly.

The doors to the great hall oened and a bunch of smoke came and there was a figure in the smoke. She was walking dramaticly in slow motion to the front of the room. There was a clapping sound affect playing. Or at least I think there was because literally mo one was clapping but I still heard clapping. She was walking very slowly so it took like half an hour. Finally when she got to the front she bowed and said "thank you thank you"

"So bye everyone" dumbledore said leavingly. He left sadly.

"This is so sad alexa play despacito" everyone said all at once.

"Dude forget about your stupid ex headmaster. He's a newspapering stupid face" umbrige said meanly. I gasped offendedly. Dumbledore is my bro man. "None of you do anything stupid or get detention. You over there you get detention because your not wearing your school uniform. You get detention becuse your hair is too long. You get detention for glancing over there for half a second while I was talking. You get detention for thinking voldemort is not a fictional character because he is. Actually you all get detention for that. Voldemort is fake news. K so bye"

We all left. I think this is illegal. I want a new headmaster. Voldemort is not fake news. The only person I know who would actually beleive that os jack kelley but he thinks the entire wizarding world is fake news so I wouldn't listen to him. Snakes only need to eat 6-30 meals each year.

I was walking back to tge dorm when I ran into someone who I haven't seen all year. "Oh… hey john" I said hatefully.

"Hello davey. Weird that I'm running into you here" john said talkingly.

"Yeah ok bye" I said leavingly.

"Did you here about my new wizard school" john asked enemyly.

"No" I said notcaringly.

"Well I founded it and it's called turtlefoot and I have 8 students and all 4 houses are turtel houses. It's better then hogwarts because hogwarts has no turtle houses and a snake house and snakes suck" he said meanly.

"Well that's the thing that makes hogwarts better the snake house. Turtleface or whatever it's called probably only has 8 students because no one wants to go to q school with turtles" I said fightingly.

"Its called turtlefoot and you know it. And… turtlefoot has never been attacked by voldemort" he said.

I was about to fight him by saying that voldemort probably didn't want to attack turtleshell because it sucks but then a voice from down the hallway yelled untruely "VOLDEMORT IS FAKE NEWS." It was umbrige. I groaned annoyedly. "You get detention because voldemort is fake news."

"I don't even go to school here" john said defendingly.

"So your breaking and entering? That's dounle detention" umbrige said detentionly. I laughed because that's what a turtle lover deserves. John stomped away psycotically. I was about to go back to the dorm when I saw peggy coming down the hallway to talk to umbrige. I decided I wanted to see what she was gonna do.

"Hey proffessor. So… hypothetically… if SOMEONE were to have taken ownership of a girl scout troop after accidentally obliviating the children from their parents memory then hypothetically would you let that girl scout troop stay in hogwarts. Remember that this is completely hypothetical." Peggy said hypothetically.

"No" umbrige said refusally. "Actually thats a new rule now. I'm getting my servent to put all of the school rules on the wall." She clapped twice and yelled "SERVENT" and filch came down the hallway dressed in a maid costume.

"Yes miss umbrige" he said servently.

"New school rule: no girl scout troops are allowed to be in hogwarts" she said dictatorly.

"Right away miss umbrige. Right after I finish putting up the rule that there are no grapes allowed in hogwarts." Filch left obeyingly.

"So yeah. No girl scouts in hogwarts." Umbrige said meanly. Then she left dramaticly.

Peggy turned to me. "Ok I think we can pull this off. If we just tell our entire year to not tell umbrige about the girl scouts or face my rath then she'll never find out"

"Ok let's go tell people not to tell anyone" I said helpfully.

We went into the dorm and everyone was out their complaneing about umbrige's new rules. I stood up on a table and announced "ATTENTION EVERYONE. So basically umbrige made a rule that there are no girl scouts allowed in hogwarts so don't tell anyone there here or face peggy's rath. Snakes don't have eyelids." I got off the table donely.

Alex said " ok that's cool. The coreybone where I'm from doesn't have any girl scouts or anything like that so I could never join anything or any clubs at all partly because I didn't go to school because I had to get a job after my father left so I'm pretty good at keeping secrets like this one because I had to lie about how old I was so people would actually hire me and pretty soon after that my mother and me got sick so they fired me for not going to work for so long and then my mom died so I had to make even more money since it was only me and my brother and soon we went to move in with our cousin so that was less money I had to make since my cousin had a job and I thought I might be able to go to school part time but then my cousin killed himself and I had to work harder at my job again and then my brothen was my last family left so I moved in with just him and we both had jobs so neither of us could go to school and then years later the hurricane came that destroyed my entire town and killed my brother so I had to get even more money with my brother gone but the place I worked at got destroyed by the hurricane and so did a lot of other places that peolle worked at so I couldn't get a job and I had to save up money to go to anerica and the school got destroyed in the hurricane too so I still couldn't go bot that I could afford it with all the school supplies and stuff to buy but I eventually got a job but it payed barely enough to keep me alive so I had no money to save to go to america so I decided to hitch hike on a boat so that's another secret I had to keep that I was on the boat but I guess I wasn't good at it at all because they found me and beat me up so I had to wait until we found another boat and I found one and I hitch hiked on that one and I had to keep it a secret that I was there again but again I wasn't good at it so they found me and took me back to the crapbin so I was back on the island and I still had no money and I couldn't get my old job back because they had given it to someone else when I left on the first boat so I knew that I had to get to america for real next time so I got on another boat and I had to keep a secret I was ther again but I guess I had gotten better at it then before because they didn't find me until we were almost there and they pushed me off the boat but I was a good swimmer from living on a island for years and during the hurricane it flooded really bad so I had to swim for 3 straight weeks when I couldn't even stop to sleep or I would drown but then the flooding went down and I could stop swimming so I had a pretty good endurinse so they threw me off the boat and I swam 109 miles to schore and when I got there I still couldn't do anything fun with my life like go to school or join anything because I was still broke but no one wanted to hire me probably because I had been reported dead multiple times and I couldn't read so I begged on the street and I had an idea to write poems so I saved up some money to buy writing stuff so I had to spend all o my time writing poems and begging so I still had no time to do stuff and still no one would hire me because I had been reported dead so many times which the first time was when i had gotten really sick with my mom and my mom had died so I guess they just assumed that I had died too but I hadn't and the second time was after the hurricane because no one could find me to rescue for 3 weeks but I actually was alive I was just swimming for 3 straight weeks because there was no where that wasn't flooded so I couldn't stand anywhere and they reported me dead and the third time was when I had left the island for the first time I hadn't told anyone because I had no family or friends left because they had all died in the hurricane or before the hurricane and everyone just assumed I was dead and the fourth time was when they threw me off the boat and they probably thougvht it was impossible for someone to swim that many miles to shore so they probably thought I drowned but I hadn't because I had gotten a lot of practise from living on an island for so many years and from the hurricane and many people have told me I should go to the olympics for being such a good swimmer but I can't because I spent all of my time writing poems and working and stuff so I had no free time to do anyhting fun in my whole life after my dad had left because he used to be the one who made all of the money but once he left that was when I had to grt a job but even before he left I we were really poor so we couldn't afford to do anything fun with our lives not even school so I never learned how to read but I taught myself how to write which wasn't realky that useful of a skill without being able to read because I couldn't reread what I had written to edit it so I spent sll of my free time writing but I never bothered to teach myself how to read even though I should of and after my dad left I didn't have any time to do that and I had to work all the time so I couldn't do anything with my life besides working"

"YEAH ALEX IS BACK" peggy cheered happily.

"Ok but seriously don't tell anyone or else we could get expelled" I said seriously.

I left the front of the room and I started thinking about what john said. He was right his school had never been attacked by voldemort.

"What's wrong davy" someone said. I looked up. It was spot.

"John keeps telling me that his wizard shool is better then hogwarts but I don't want to admit that he might be right because he mentioned that his school had never been attacked by voldemort" I said sadly.

Suddenly someone burst into the common room. "DID SOMEONE SAY VOLDEMORT DETENTION VOLDEMORT IS FAKE NEWS"

"No one said voldemort" I lied convincingly.

"I'm watching all of you" umbrige said creepily. She left watchingly.

"Let's just call him you know who" spot suggested helpfully. "Maybe we can get voldemort to attack his school" he said mischeifly.

I listened to his plan and we decided to do it but it might take a few days to work out so we'll do it soon.

an: that was a really long chapter