Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine.

Warning: I don't like that whole "trigger warning" business, but I will say this chapter is called "Loss" for a reason. Grab your tissues if you cry easily. :'(

Chapter 11 Loss

"Are you sure?" Draco asked breathlessly. Kat was too caught up in the kissing to notice they were suddenly in his bed, tangled in the sheets, until he spoke.

Kat nodded as he slowly pulled her lacy black dress over her head. When she tried to take off his shirt, he stopped her with a kiss that made her head spin. "I don't want you to see," he whispered.

"I don't want you to hide from me anymore," she whispered back as she clumsily tried to undo his buttons. He grabbed her hands and kissed her fingers. "There's no reason."

"I only want you to see the best of me." The desperate fear in his eyes made Kat reach for his belt instead. He sighed with relief and kissed her again, smiling against her lips when she wrapped her legs around his waist to push herself closer to him. "I love you too."

Katherine shook him awake one January morning. Draco was too tired to note that she never woke up willingly in the morning. He opened one eye to see that the sun wasn't up yet. With a groan, he put his face in the pillow.

"I want to go to London!" she whispered excitedly. "C'mon! It's Valentine's Day!"

He didn't pull his face away from the pillow. "I'm not going to that Chinese buffet for breakfast!"

"Draco…" She paused, waiting for him to sit up and ask her what she was so excited about. Like hell he would. "I'm late."

"No," he grumbled. "You're way too fucking early, Katherine." He turned his head to squint at the clock. "It's five in the bloody morning! … And it's not Valentine's Day, you dolt. It's January 14th!"

"Oh." The laughter was clear in her voice. He should have known he had walked into a trap. "Then I guess I'll wait until next month to take the pregnancy test."

Suddenly, he felt wide awake.

"Why are we sneaking around?" Draco yell whispered. "We should be seeing a healer!"

They were in a Muggle place called a convenience store. Katherine grabbed a box, and Draco had a feeling that the only reason they were here was because she wanted to see his disgust that she would have to urinate on a stick to get the results. The store had just opened, and they were the only customers. The clerk was giving them a disapproving look as she paid.

"Because I don't want anyone to know," she whispered back before grinning at the clerk. Draco recalled Father saying that Muggles reproduced like rabbits and in fact had to do all they could to delay and prevent producing spawn. For effect, she added worriedly, "What are we going to do about school?"

Bitch. Two could play at that game. "I'm leaving you for my other pregnant girlfriend."

The clerk's eyes popped out of her wrinkly head as Katherine threw her head back and laughed. She forced her face to fall and asked as timidly as she could, "Can we use the bathroom?"

Kat sighed with relief when she finally got to pee. "I don't want to find out with everyone. I think they'll go nuts."

"My mother has been waiting for this moment since we got married." Draco's voice was at a higher pitch than usual. Kat wondered if it was because she might be pregnant or if it was that he was in the girl's bathroom. Either way, she found it cute.

She flushed, put a cap on the test, and left the stall to wash her hands. Draco was paler than usual and kept checking over his shoulder. "So no pressure? I don't feel any different. I think this way is much more relaxing."

Draco glanced over his shoulder again. "Speak for yourself." He stared at her. "Well?"

"What?"

"What does it say?"

Kat grinned. "We have to wait ten minutes."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"We're going to have a baby!" Katherine was over the moon. Draco was trying to distract himself with homework.

This didn't happen often, so he didn't think much of not using protection very often. The wizarding population had been decline for decades, and he wanted to wait until they graduated and were married for a few years…

"What do think?" She started counting on her fingers. "October?"

He wasn't ready for this. Draco forced himself to smile. She was so happy. "Maybe we'll figure it out when we see a healer. Do you even trust those Muggle sticks?"

Katherine's face fell like he just told her Santa Claus wasn't real. "It said on the box… And I wasn't feeling well Monday when…"

When he was "sick." This transformation was a lot better, actually, thanks to Mrs. Potter. He could actually go to school two days later. That made it easier to pretend he wasn't… one of them, and he didn't want to talk about it. Draco sighed and tossed his quill on their bed. "Let's just get to class. I'm sure your mother will check for you, if you don't want mine to breathing down your neck."

"Yeah…"

"Well, the "Muggle sticks" can be trusted." Lily smiled as Kat went from pouting like a kicked puppy to as gleeful as a newly fed goldfish. Draco paled. They were so young… "Congratulations."

Kat hopped off her examination table. She had been happier lately, but Lily couldn't remember the last time she saw her daughter this happy. "I can't wait to get new robes and toys and—Oh! Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Slow down there, Kat." Lily glanced at Draco, who didn't seem to trust himself to speak. She'd have to talk to him after he had some time to let things sink in. Narcissa was going to be smothering them for a while. "You're only about three weeks in."

Kat was too happy to register what she was implying. "Mum!"

Lily laughed to herself and waved her wand around Kat to cast the spell. For good measure, she cast a few unnecessary blue sparks. So what if they were young? "It's a boy."

"Elvendork!"

Draco spoke for the first time since they had arrived. "Excuse me?"

Lily shook her head as Kat beamed. Here we go… "Our baby's name! It's unisex though. Just in case Mum goofed."

"I-I am not—No child of mine is going to go through being named that."

"There's nothing wrong with a unisex name, Draco."

"I'm not having my son be called Dork for short!"

"Of course not. We'll call him Elf!"

"Absolutely not!"

Lily kissed Kat's cheek and left them alone to bicker. She wondered when James would be informed, so he could join the argument.

The February full moon. They were going to announce the pregnancy this weekend, after he recovered, but Draco had a feeling that mother was going to instantly know when she came to pick him up because Katherine was finally feeling the symptoms. She spent the whole day in bed and couldn't even hold down soup. Half an hour before Mother was due to arrive, she complained of being stiff and wanted to take a shower in hopes of feeling better.

"Your face is a little red," Draco said worriedly. Right now, he, who was going to transform in an hour, looked better than she did. "… don't make the water too hot…"

Ten minutes went by, and Katherine turned off the shower. He heard her jump out of the tub and then, nothing. Another ten minutes went by. Then another.

"Katherine?" Draco waited, but she didn't reply. "I'm—"

"Don't come in!" The panicked, choked sob in her voice made him do just the opposite and barge in.

She was curled up on the white tile floor next to the tub in a small puddle of her own blood. As more came gushing out, she just sat there, crying quietly and not noticing he was in the room until he put a hand on her dripping wet shoulder.

Her eyes were too filled with tears to see clearly. "It-it went down the drain!"

Oh God…

"Is she going to be alright?" Draco asked Mrs. Potter for the millionth time in the grand total of five minutes since she flooed over. Mother had just arrived and was too stunned to say a word. The insides of Katherine's legs were completely red, and she was leaving bloody footprints as Lily slowly walked her to the floo.

"I gave her a blood replenishing potion," Mrs. Potter said quietly as she half carried Katherine, who was beginning to resemble an Inferi. "I'm going to have to take her to the hospital. I… I didn't realize it was this bad."

"Draco." Mother didn't even know, and she was already crying. "We-we have to go. The sun's almost down."

Katherine came to life once more. "Don't leave me." Her eyes bulged as it sunk in that he had no choice, and she started shrieking, "DON'T LEAVE ME! YOU CAN'T—"

Mrs. Potter forced her through the floo. There was nothing left of Katherine but her blood.

"She's alright." Mother was trying to coax him out of the dungeon. The sun had long risen, and Draco couldn't move. "But we really should go to St. Mungo's, Draco. I'll get you a cane and—"

"I didn't want it." Draco wiped his eyes. He didn't deserve to cry. "I didn't tell her, but I thought it was too soon, and I wished she wasn't…"

Mother rushed down the stairs and wrapped her arms around him. "Shh... Everyone has doubts, Draco."

"It's my fault!"

"No it isn't." As if he were a baby himself, Mother held him tightly while he cried in her arms. He really was a monster.

She had hemorrhaged and was still bleeding, although now it was like a really heavy period. Mum wasn't letting her leave the hospital until she stopped. Kat didn't care.

"Hey Kitty Kat!" Dad smiled like nothing was wrong. She turned away from him. "Wanna bust out of here and catch a movie? Mum won't even notice we're gone."

"You hate the Muggle world." Kat wished she had told the mediwitch that she didn't want visitors.

"Yeah…" Dad's face fell ,and he sat next to her bed. "It—"

"I don't want to hear that it happens all the time." She was tired of the healers, the vague explanations, everything, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't sleep. "Leave me alone, Dad."

"I was going to say it's going to get better." You don't know that, Kat wanted to say, but she was too tired to argue, too tired to repeat to herself that this couldn't be happening. "One day…"

"I don't want another baby." Kat's voice broke as she tried to take her anger out on Dad. That was what the mediwitches thought would make her feel better. In a month, you can start trying again, deary. She wanted this baby.

"I know." Dad folded his hands and looked at his feet. His right knee was bouncing up and down from the nerves. "I just want you to feel better, Kat."

"I don't want to feel better." Why would she? Her baby was dead.

When Hermione slipped into her room, Kat pretended to be asleep. She was the last person she wanted to see right now. In fact, even though it was well past noon, the only person she wanted to see wasn't here. She tried to keep telling herself that he was sick and possibly couldn't.

"I'm so sorry, Kat." There was no explanations, no statistics. Kat opened her eyes to see that there wasn't a book in sight. Just Hermione. For once, it was just Hermione. "I'm so sorry."

Her face screwed with the effort not to cry. "They said-they said that it's probably ou-out in the ocean. They won't looking in-in th-the pipes!"

Hermione pulled her into a hug, and Kat cried hysterically in her arms for what felt like hours. She didn't try to talk to her or get her to stop crying like Mum and Dad did. There was no conversation about the past or where they stood in the future. Not a word was spoken.

When Hermione let go, Kat could finally sleep.

Kat woke to find Draco's fingers laced with hers. His face was gaunt, his eyes were bloodshot, and his clothes didn't even match. He tensed when she looked at him.

He wanted to release his guilt. Kat knew he wasn't ready, and maybe she wasn't either, but the love she felt for that baby was too intense for her to care. She didn't want to hear whatever he had to say.

"I love you," he said hoarsely. Somehow, the blank, dead look she gave him told him that she knew how he felt. "I was scared, but I didn't want…"

"The healers keep saying that I'm going to be fine." Kat didn't know what to say. She didn't want to say anything either and had no idea why she was flatly repeating their lies.

Draco knew better too. "I've lost friends and family, but I don't think I've ever felt this… this type of sadness before."

Kat shrugged. She didn't want to put her feelings into words like he did. Words didn't matter. Actions didn't either. There was nothing they could say or do to make things right.

"I think I'm pregnant." It was late May, and they were taking a break from studying for finals. The weather was finally nice, so they were taking a walk by the Black Lake. Draco stopped at her words. "I was sick this morning. The taste of my toothpaste…"

They started having sex again in March. Katherine cried afterwards, and Draco felt sick from gaining pleasure from it. After that, the act felt more like an effort to get close to her, to try to get rid of the perpetual sadness in her eyes.

"Are you sure?" Draco held his breath when she shrugged sadly. She still wasn't over the miscarriage, obviously. He wasn't sure if she ever would be, but if they had a baby… If. What if it happened again? "When's the last time you…?"

"March." Her eyes were flat. She didn't want to get her hopes up. "I'm too afraid to…" She swallowed, trying not to cry. "I've been feeling sick this whole time, but… I'm scared."

"We'll get through it." Draco was sure she was pregnant again but couldn't allow himself to have doubts and pushed any feelings he had to the back of his mind. As long as she was happy again, he didn't care if they had a hundred children before thirty.

"Everything's perfect so far!" Lily forced herself to sound cheerful. Kat had this dead, depressed look about her. "So make sure you get plenty of rest and—"

"I have a bad feeling." For months, Kat had been grieving, and although she had been through it herself, she didn't know what to say. Perhaps that was why. She knew nothing made it better.

"Worrying isn't going to change anything," Lily said softly. "Physically, you're in perfect health. I could run some genetic tests, but that could endanger the fetus."

"But there's nothing you can see now." There was a tinge of hope in Kat's voice. Lily was scared to feed it. Maybe she should have talked to Kat about using birth control… At least until the wound wasn't so fresh.

"No." Lily's heart broke when Kat smiled for the first time in ages.

"We're having another baby!"

Draco felt his throat tense up when Katherine said "another" baby. They never talked about the "other" baby, and he hadn't allowed himself to cry since that day. Father was silent. Mr. Potter was terrified, and Mrs. Potter was pretending not to be. Mother was the only one who could gush.

"Is that why you're starting to get fat?" Pansy yelled over Mother's shrieks of joy. At twelve weeks, Katherine was just starting to show. She had gotten that life back in her. Draco suddenly felt drained.

"Yes!" Katherine declared proudly. Another baby. Mother threw her arms around her. Another baby. Draco didn't move a muscle as the tears slid down his cheeks. "And nothing to do with the ice cream I've eaten for breakfast for the past month!"

What would the other baby have been like? They wouldn't have this baby if it wasn't for losing the other. Would he always think of that when he saw oldest child? Oldest living child that is.

"Excuse me." Draco turned away when Katherine's face fell, and she rose to follow him. "I need to be alone."

Ever since she found out about his lycanthropy, Katherine usually walked with Draco to the dungeons on the full moon. He wouldn't let her go any further than the entrance, even with Wolfsbane. Narcissa knew that he didn't want her to see him like that, but she thought it was rather silly.

Anyway, this time Katherine was feeling rather off, so after dropping Draco off, she hurried upstairs to check on her. Draco wouldn't want her sick by herself because he was indisposed of.

"Katherine, do you want me to call your mother? We could have a ladies' nigh…" Narcissa choked on a gasp. Katherine was gripping the bannister and her face was snow white, a stark contrast to the bright red staining her night gown. Bile rose into her throat.

Narcissa took a step forward. "Darling, I'm going to take you to St. Mungo's," she said slowly. The poor girl clenched her teeth and held in a scream when Narcissa put her arms around her shoulders. "Everything is going to be—"

"I'M NOT GOING!" She struggled at Narcissa's grasp, but quickly collapsed into her arms and started crying hysterically. "It didn't come out! They're going to take it out!"

Narcissa felt like the worst person in the world for stunning her.

The smell hit his nose before Draco realized something was up. Fresh bleach. He forced his eyes open instead of blindly hobbling into bed like he usually did. "Where's Katherine?"

Mother didn't answer until they were at his bed. Draco forced himself to focus, as if she would reappear out of nowhere. The sheets were new, and Father was there instead. Father was never there.

"Is she with her mother?" Draco said weakly, even though he already knew the answer. Again, silence. "Where is she?"

"You can see her but…" Mother swallowed back a sob. "I… The healers had to perform… There was no heartbeat, Draco…"

Father pulled Mother into a hug. They loved each other fiercely, but Draco rarely saw them show affection for each other. "She has no reason to be angry with you, Cissa. You saved her from developing an infection and—"

"The baby died?" Draco felt like he said it too casually, like he was talking about the weather. He suddenly wanted to vomit.

Father glared at him when Mother burst into tears. Then, surprisingly, he softened. "Katherine has a terrible fever, but we were told before we left to retrieve you that it was starting to dissipate."

"Why does this keep happening?" Draco whispered, almost to himself. Mother tensed.

"We don't know," Father said. Draco was too devastated to realize that he was lying.

Kat felt nothing. Either she was so sad that she couldn't stop crying, or she felt nothing at all. She was getting too tired to even cry.

Mrs. Malfoy was skittish around her. In the emergency room, Kat came too and remembered in her feverish state getting so nasty with her mother-in-law that the woman started crying hysterically herself. Kat pretended she didn't remember.

Draco hardly ever left her side and held her close to him as often as possible. Kat wanted to at least be able to act like it brought her comfort. She leaned into his touch but couldn't bring herself to relax or even look at him. This had to be her fault.

"There's something wrong with me, isn't there?" Kat said coldly when she got home from the hospital. Mum and Mrs. Malfoy sat them down in the parlor. Last time, they sent her straight to bed and let her live off ice cream for a week.

"No." Mum wouldn't look at her. It had to be a lie. "Actually…"

"Don't do this." Mrs. Malfoy was begging.

"They have the right to know." Mum folded her hands and looked at her lap, as if she were praying. "An autopsy was performed. Well, an autopsy was going to be performed."

"Why wasn't there?" Draco demanded. Kat wondered if he was going to sound so angry when he found out it was her fault.

"What was removed…" Mum gulped. "Because of the time of death…" Mrs. Malfoy started crying. "The fetus did not resemble a human fetus at twelve weeks gestation. It-it almost-it almost resembled a wolf fetus."

Thank you Ern Estine 13624, Guest, Child of Dreams, and Vi38!

Did I make anyone cry? Next up, Draco and Neville have a heart to heart, Twilight style. ;)