One day, all these cards started falling from the sky, like rain, or frogs. Together with my friends on an awesome Twilight forum, we created a FAR-OUT game, and for a while it seemed like harmless nonsensical fun. But on National Bakugan Day when the beasts within started slapfighting, we knew they weren't harmless.
My name's Dan. Together with my friends Runo, Marucho, Julie, not to mention (SHUNS HERE YAY -Editor), and Alice, we are...the Bakugan Battle Brawlers!
Bakugan! One goal, two worlds!
A, a-a, a-a, TWO worlds COL-LIDE! On the inside! Gone, gone, gone, this is Bakugan!
Episode Eleven
Coolest Guy Alive
Dan, Marucho, and Runo were at a pier together...just when we got a little character development on Julie and Alice. Anyways, a big weirdo with wavy green-and-purple hair stood at the end of it. "Hey, yooz threez kidzez, ya wanna battle...zez?" he asked in a really weird voice.
"Are you one of Mask the Money's lackeys, by chance?" Marucho wondered aloud.
"YEPzez!"
"This is getting quite old," he whined, putting one hand on his forehead. "If we choose to refuse our battle invitation, we have a zero percent chance of losing our Bakugan. It's the smartest--"
"I'll battle you, just for fun!" Runo put her Bakugan launcher thing on.
"No way!" Dan cried. "I call dibs!"
"This is MY battle! I called first!"
"Keroro Gunsou calls dibs!"
"When did that action figure get here?"
"GATE CARD OPEN-zez!" the weirdo said, and since Dan AND his action figure BOTH called dibs, he went in there to brawl.
Four rounds passed. Weirdo got beat up some. So did Dan.
"Alright!" Dan boomed. "Here's the tiebreaker! Drago, come out here!"
Drago appeared, and sighed. "****it, Dan! Do you always have to ****in' take every ****in' chance you get at murdering two more of your Bakugan? Stupid, just plain ****in' stupid."
He would have to face a green Rhino Demon known as Rhino Demoneer.
There was a gust of wind.
Everyone came out of the portal.
"Hey, who won?" Runo asked, looking agitated.
"Uhh...I dunno!"
Weirdo leaped onto a boat and revved it up! "Youzez threezez have notz seenz da lastzez of MEzez!" The motorboat practically flew away on the waters.
"And Dan Da Man wins again. Told ya there was nothing to worry about, Drago!"
"And now two survivors of Vestroia have just been EATEN and forced to fall into a WORSE THAN DEATH EXPERIENCE! ANd you STILL think-"
Dan got hit in the head with a fish...a tuna. "Hey, a fish! Maybe it's a prize for winning! Aoum!" He ate the whole thing in one bite. Then he fainted.
"Dan!" Marucho and Runo came to his aid, both blurting out, "Dan, I hope you're alright! Dan, avoid brawls you don't have to play! If you hadn't called dibs you wouldn't have eaten the fish, so I hope you're happy!"
At Dan's house...
Father Figure opened the door, holding a bottle of medicine and a lil' cup for holding it in. "Da-an, gotta take your Piscehelpebin!" he sang.
"Meh, not right now," the bedridden son moaned back.
"But if you don't take it, you'll never get any better! Mom wants you to take it, too!"
"Mom's in a coma! Besides, it's banana-flavored. That's the worst flavor of medicine the world has ever known...next to grape."
"Well, your loss!" Father Figure shrugged, walking back downstairs and not fearing for his son's health in any way imaginable.
"...So Dan, you feel mostly alright, affirmative?" Marucho asked, sitting next to him with Runo.
"Yeah...'cept for the memory loss and I'm seeing things...is it just me, or are Suchi and Akuma still living on the roof, and is the car still there?"
"They're still there."
"Oh, good. Then I feel one hundred percent better!"
"Better stay in bed a little while longer..." Runo said.
"Glad you care so much all of a sudden-"
"...Mr. Bedinski."
"...grrrrrrRUUUNOOOOOOOOO I KNEw this would turn into a total snooze fest! La-ame!"
"Calm down, calm down!" Marucho raised his hands like a referee to stop the dumfight. "Let us discuss Bakugan strategies. According to my data-"
"IN ENGLISH." Runo brooded.
"...Okay, so Dan, every single one of your Bakugan are Pirates."
"Correct!"
"And Runo, every single one of YOUR Bakugan are Chaos."
"Yeah?"
"And every single one of MY Bakugan are Wet Ones."
"What's your point?"
"...WE NEED MORE ATTRIBUTES."
"Oh, you mean like buying more?" Runo said. "I could totally do that when I get off work."
"No, I mean going to the South Pole in order to find Shun and tell him to join our team so we can all five together have five attributes. Because you KNOW we'll ALWAYS be fighting together, right?"
"...Not a flawed plan at all!" Runo agreed. "I hear Shun's joined ! We can tell exactly when he's leaving home and exactly where he lives, so then we can ask him without being shot at or anything!"
"Well, I say it's pretty flawed!" Dan pouted.
"Really!?" gasped Marucho. "How so?"
"Shun's...a BIG DUMMY."
"More like a BIG HUNK."
"...Right. A BIG HUNK O' DUMB."
"...Well, you're sick in bed, so us two will just go take my half-billion-dollar private hovercraft to Shun's house!" Marucho hopped off the chair. "C'mon, Runo!"
"Alright! It's so awesome that Shun has a vacation house here in Japan, right, Dan?" Runo gave some slightly useful info.
"Grr," Dan Da Man bared his teeth.
In Marucho's hovercraft (with snacks)...
Runo stuffed some Chex Mix into her mouth as they huddled around the laptop. "OHHHHmygawd," she spittled, "Dan's gonna be SOOOOOOO mad when he figures out what we're doing. Om nom nom nom."
"It should be any moment now," Marucho speculated. "According to .edu, Shun goes out every day about this time to stare at the moon. It should be safe to sneak up on him riiiight aboooooout..."
Shun has just exited location Shun's House at the South Pole.
"Now! Butler, fly us to the South Pole!" he screamed to the guy in the front seat.
"Yes, right away, sir."
"I wonder why Dan thinks Shun's such a dummy all of a sudden," Runo said, still eating a bunch. "I mean, if they ever meet, it seems like they SHOULD be the best of buds! I mean, really! Calm, cool, collected guy meets spastic jerk hero! How can they not?"
"Polar opposites?"
"WOW, THAT'S not interesting in the SLIGHTEST!!" Preyus butted in.
"Fear not, Master Marucho, for we arrive here at our destination," the butler said. Outside of their plexiglas windows lay a vast expanse of icy mountains in the night. And in the middle of them lay a vast estate, filled with lush grasses and heavy artillery!
"Wow, this house is awesome and physically not possible!" Marucho marveled.
"Wow, that was SHORT!" Runo marveled.
"Eh. Gets longer the more you ride it."
The butler landed the aircraft. The two self-proclaimed brawlers leaped off and into the snow. "Looks like it would be so cold," Runo pointed out, "but...why can I wear these revealing clothes and not feel it?"
"Speculators say that Shun has hired a group of private scientists and engineers just to help build a field of warmth around his house. Apparently took five years of work, or something to that effect. Either way, I sure don't get it, and I'm supposed to be the SMART one!"
In front of them stood a huge wooden gateway, closed and not letting them see the particularly awesome front yard. "Hey! Open up, Shun!" Runo yelped.
The gate opened.
And there was LIGHT!
Suddenly the front yard was illuminated, mysteriously, half a kilometer long and full of extreme woodland creatures. Grizzly bears with roller skates! King penguins with top hats! Pygmy hippopotamuses with functional angel wings! Three-foot-tall geckoes with attitude! Multicolored hedgehogs! Electric ducks! Tree-climbing rhinoceroses! Herbivorous tigers! Dark blue trees! All that and more!
Marucho slapped his hand to his mouth and struggled to keep his surprise inside. "It's even more awesome up close..."
"...Cool..."
"Well...l-l-l-let's...not waste any time--"
"Wheeeee!" Runo boarded the tiger, which was chewing grass.
"No, Runo! That's dangerous! D-d-DANgerous conduct!"
The tiger looked around, then sniffed.
"See? It's fine. This tiger's too awesome, anyways. Now, tiger! Take me to Shun's house and follow my command!"
"Yip YIP!" The tiger leaped and bounded forth.
"You're even better than that OTHER tiger I know!"
"Wait - uh -" Marucho reached for them, but without luck. "Guess I'll just have to get a mount of my own..." A pygmy winged hippo seemed to take a liking to him. He got on. "Giddyup!"
"Whoop WHOOP!" The pygmy hippo flew at an average speed of ten miles per hour.
They shortly arrived at Shun's cool house. It looked like the type of place a cool kid would live in, that's for sure. It was an ice pyramid! Runo met Marucho at the entrance to this place.
"So why the heck would this place be warm," Runo asked, "but still have ice in it?"
"Complex and accurate science?"
They all shrugged. Even the hippo!
Inside it looked like a true ice paradise.b The pillars were ice, the ceilings were ice, the floors were non-slip ice, ICE! Again, it was not cold.
Wump!
Was that a weird sound they just heard from their left?
Dump dump!
The walls over there, were they about to attack?
Da doop doop!
"Okay, Runo...proceed with caution..."
Dananaaaaaaaaa...
"I'm scared..."
"Don't be!" Runo demanded.
"Alright..."
KAPLOOOOOSH! Bang bang! Ragglefraggle! Oopadoopadoop! Bleh! Blah! Froot Loops! Warning! Pigglewiggle! Oop doop!
"This is just a joke now," Marucho deduced. Good for them, because they just reached a dead end.
"Now we break through the walls!"
Runo was just about to command her tiger to attack when the wall before them slid down, revealing Shun! The Shun in question was dressed in full Sega uniform, even wearing a cap to show it off to the world. He was even playing a Sega Station Portable while sitting on an office desk.
"Yo."
Their expressions were blank.
"What the hell is going on with you?" Runo put her hands on her hips and stood up.
"Oh, nothing." He looked down at his Sega attire. "Oh, this? Sega's paying me to endorse them. Don't mind that. I'll...put a blazer on over it, if you want."
"No, no, not that! I mean the...attitude, the personality! I thought you were all cool and stuff!"
"I'm still cool. Probably in a literal sense, too. But what the hell is going on with you, just breaking into my house?"
Marucho blurted out, "We heard you joined Foursquare -"
"That's everyone's excuse. You don't come to my house unless I let you. It's, you know...rude. And I was in here the whole time. This happens a lot."
"W-w-well," stammered Marucho, "m-m-maybe you'd react differently if we told you that we need your help to defeat Mask the Money! He's mean, taking away everyone's Bakugan and eating them, and if we don't get all six attributes on our side we automatically have no chance of besting him in combat!"
"I think you need better logic, kid."
"You can call me Marucho."
"Uh, yeah, Marucho. Just get out of my house and don't ask me to join any of your Bakugan-playing teams. I play alone."
"At least tell me why you're acting so weird!" Runo said.
"Fine. Somebody gave me a stern talking to about life, I changed my personality, and...now I might act a little differently, buuut I'm still the same Shun on the inside." He put his Sega merchandise into sleep mode and set it on the desk. "Now get out."
"WHAAAAA!?!?" Marucho gasped. "But...but...but-but...but..."
BAKUGAN BATTLE BRAWLERS WILL BE RIGHT BACK. HUAHHHHH
BACK TO BAKUGAN BATTLE BRAWLERS. HYAHHHHH
Marucho and Runo banged helplessly on the once-voice-controlled doors. "Shun! Shun! Let us back in! Defeat Mask the Money with us! At LEAST let me keep the tiger!"
Somewhere else, Sega-endorsing Shun was in one of the outhouses behind his pyramid. He wasn't there to use the bathroom...he was there to talk with a Bakugan, who was waiting on the wooden shelf.
"Shun," a haughty voice said, "are you SURE you want these kids to leave? I mean, they sound like total idiots, but even so, I mean, th-th-they came a long way! Do you really want to send them away just like that? Don't you want to, oh, I dunno, battle them? It's not like it would be any trouble, anyway. I mean, I COULD -"
"I guess you might be right about that," Shun said, leaning against the wall and looking out the window at the moon...as usual.
"Good! Besides, I will practically EXPLODE if I don't get to battle again soon! Don't just do what's best for your heart, do what's best for me, your comrade!"
"...Okay, Skyress. I'll give them a battle before sending them off."
Intense music started up. Shun opened one of his outhouse drawers, peered inside, and knew this was going to be a brawl those kids would never forget...
Pacing back and forth in the Antarctic tundra...
"I can't believe he just blew us off like that!" Runo moaned.
"I know, right?"
Dododoom!
"And what the hell was that noise!?" Runo stopped pacing.
"Hey!" Marucho realized. "Dramatic music...THAT means..."
Dadoom! WompWEEEMPwawawo-o-ooomp...
From out of seemingly nowhere, Shun leaped onto the ground like a ninja warrior!
"Hey, Shun's back! Does this mean you're gonna join us? And let me keep the tiger!?"
*cowboy spur sound effect*
Shun said nothing. He slowly rose, as if poised to strike. He tightened his fingerless gloves, making his hand go all wiggly.
"So you're gonna join us!?!?" Runo repeated.
"Only if you beat me."
"I've got dibs on THIS one!" Runo excitedly chirped.
"No way! I have a better chance pitting my Wet Ones against his Air Vents! Polar opposites, remember?"
"I'll take you both on."
"WHAT!?!? You can't be serious!"
"Very much so." Shun turned around, to his Bakugan which he was now holding, the green Skyress.
"Oh, yes! You just HAVE to utilize me in this battle! Oh, are you not going to? Are you implying that I'm weak!? Foo-"
"I won't be needing you in this match."
"FOOL! FOOL! That's BLASPHEMY!!"
"You be quiet." He put the marble in his pocket.
"...What's he doing? I can't hear him, for some reason!" Runo complained, field card in her fist. Marucho shrugged.
Shun ripped a wooden slab out from behind his back!
Is it a weapon? Marucho thought.
He unfolded its four legs!
Is he going to fight us with a TABLE? Marucho thought again.
Freaking tables! Runo thought.
He slammed it on the ground, along with a triple checkerboard! All of the pieces, marked with everyone's favorite Bakugan attribute's color, were already set! "Eight to a player. Ready when you are."
Blank expressions all around.
"To king you must reach the two rows where my pieces are right now."
"....W-w-w-well, even though it's not BAKUGAN, at LEAST he still doesn't know what he's doing, right? Two against one! No losing when you've got, uh, sixteen-on-eight!" Runo sounded worried.
"Do not worry, Runo, for checkers is a non-complicated but deep game involving strategy and...jumping over all of Shun's pieces. Do you...have any chairs?"
"No. We stand." Shun's voice was serious, mellow...and cool.
Marucho wiped the sweat from his brow. Oh, shookins! If intimidation was his strategy, it probably worked! he thought in peril.
"What are you waiting for? You can decide who gets the first move."
"I will!" Runo raised her hand.
"No! Let's predict what our opponent's moves will be! Shun, you go first."
"As you wish."
And now, everyone was positioned at their side of the checkerboard, Runo taking left flank, Marucho taking right! No matter what the game, Bakugan, checkers, Space Mambo, they were going to win it!
Shun moved one piece forward.
"Runo, we've got to work together on this!" Marucho called out to the other end of the table. "Strategize!"
"There will be no discussion at the table."
The two friends made eye contact for a quick moment, then turned back to their playing field.
Before the short guy could make a move, Runo moved one piece forward.
This is NOT good! Runo's got herself into a position in which I predict Shun might be targeting! Oh, what is Shun's complex strategy here!? Okay, get yourself together, Marucho. Alright, then..maybe if I move this piece here and let it sit there, it can guard against any later tricks he might be planning! But maybe if he moves over here, he can jump there. But when should I worry about that? As long as I have to? Too much pressure! I move here.
Marucho moved one piece forward.
Shun moved one piece forward. Now one piece was a few rows ahead of the rest of them.
I see what Marucho's trying to do. He's thinking up of crazy strategies to try and predict whatever Shun's doing. Deceptively simple so far. If I can get much farther I can probably jump him, maybe even two in a row soon... But wait! Maybe he's going to leave all his other pieces back there and pick off of me! I won't be having that!
Runo moved one piece forward. Two pieces next to each other.
Good! Maybe Runo's strategizing! But this strategy just will not do! It should appear that Shun is taking up a scapegoat strategy, because if he moves here and then here...Runo'll be done for! She cannot be eliminated! For the sake of our teeeeeam!
Marucho moved one piece forward. One piece on each side.
Shun moved another piece forward.
Okay, the suspense is killing everyone. Who won and how?
Well, Marucho had his field set up in some sort of crazy defensive maneuver, though most pieces were just safe on the sides. Runo was sending her troops forth, and was positioned in such a way that she could destroy Shun in one more move. You see, at this moment Shun had taken his turn, and he had completely ignored Runo's warning. Instead, he moved another piece forward, setting his destiny in stone.
"I've got you now!!" Runo cried.
The white piece went up and down, hopping over the carefully-positioned losing strategy of the cool kid. Six checker pieces were arranged like the side of a die, then two more formed a six cross-section of sorts, making two sixes joined by a square of four. Using this dumb situation to her advantage, Runo was successfully able to not strategize crazily and just win already!
"Oh no, we...won...!?" Marucho looked up at them, once grief-stricken. "Oh, THAT'S a relief."
"Ah, beaten again." In an instant, Shun folded up the game table and put it on his back again. "Too bad I lost, but hey."
"You know nothing about checkers strategies!" Runo pointed out. "Why did you even try to take us on with that!? You're so much less cool than I imagined!"
"You will find that coolness is a feeling, not an adjective." He blew away in the wind.
Her heart skipped a beat.
He suddenly reappeared. "Oh, and I know I suck at checkers. I was just tired of playing Bakugan, and I thought my intimidation tactics would actually work. So much for that. I knew I shouldn't have played against you, but SOMEBODY convinced me OTHERWISE."
"Maybe this is a good thing!" Skyress said from his pocket. "Maybe you should listen to MY advice more OFTEN. Hmph."
"Maybe she's right. I'll just have to talk to Hammy the Hamster again."
"HAMMY the HAMSTER!?!?"
"Long story. Anyways, until we next meet on the internet chatrooms...and get out." He blew away in the wind.
"...Oh my GAAAAAWD!! We totally got Shun on our side!" Runo cheered. "Yes! This is totally sweet! I mean, I whole-heartedly expected this to work, but never like this in an easy game o' checkers! Ha HAAAAA!"
"We'd better go home and tell everyone the good news! Who knows, maybe Shun'll be on the chatroom tonight!"
"Cool, let's go!"
Fitting parting words for a battle with the coolest guy alive.
Hey, Dan here. I figure out that Mask the Money is ranked number 619, while Shun is all the way down to rank 613! What the heeeeeeck, man? Hey, we're on the same team now, so maybe I'll be able to talk to him about it! But he won't tell anyone! What the heeeeeck? So I'll just battle it out of him! Oh and his mom's sick too. Hey, be there! Bakugan Brawl! *wipes nose* Heh heh!
We leave our audience today with...the Bakugan dance.
Dooby da doo DEE dooby da doo DEE, dooby dooby doob DEE dooby dooby doob DEE, dooby da dooby doo dee!