–AARON LIVESY–
– BEHIND CLOSED DOORS –
"Just Look Up"
A couple of days had passed since Kyle's funeral and Aaron had a few appointments at the hospital and he'd been given crutches. Today was the first day back at school and the first time he'd be using them without assistance.
Aaron was in his room standing with the help of the crutches as he pulled on his shirt, sighs and grunts filled the room as he struggled on. He stopped and got his breath back; once it was on he reached down for his trousers and picked them up.
He knew this day would come but he didn't expect it so soon and as he woke that morning he felt a sense of unease, apprehension and sadness all mixed into one barrel of emotion. The trousers were proving to be difficult. Why? He managed fine with them the day of the funeral. Aaron sighed, stopped, took a breath and carried on but the further he pulled his trousers up the more he became frustrated, the crutches were an inconvenience. He dropped down onto the end of his bed and flung the crutches and they hit the bedroom door. He lay back and put his head in his hands as he breathed heavily.
As soon as he heard the banging noise from upstairs Paddy ran up immediately and walked in, his expressions full of concern. "Aaron?" he asked quietly as he popped his head around the door then he looked down and saw the crutches.
"I can't use them"
"Yes you can mate"
Aaron sighed. "I couldn't even get dressed!"
"You could have shuffled your trousers on in the position you are now you know" Paddy smirked.
Aaron lifted up onto his elbows on the bed and looked at him. "I never thought about it" he told him quietly before pulling them up fully and doing up the button and zip.
Paddy frowned and stepped into the room, picking up the crutches on the way. "It's not just the crutches that's got you rattled is it?"
Aaron scoffed and shook his head as he sat up, his eyes staring down at the carpet.
Paddy kneeled down in front of him. "What is it?" Paddy had a good idea but he'd wait and see what Aaron had to say.
"School" he sighed.
"People are just gunna laugh at me, take the piss" Aaron's eyes met Paddy's and he swallowed hard. "A-And he won't be there"
Paddy nodded. "I know mate, I know it's going to be hard but you just have to be brave, every day will get better and if anyone bullies or laughs, ignore them..." he then began to smirk. "But something tells me you can take care of yourself"
Aaron nodded. "I used too"
"And you can again, come on" he stood up. "Your mum had to go in work early so I'm gunna drop you off"
"Do I really have too? Can I not just help in the surgery?"
"Not a chance, you're no good to me mate"
Aaron sighed and reached for the crutches that were in Paddy's hand. "Fine, school it is"
"John will be there mate and you know you can turn to him there if you need it"
"Yeah I know" Aaron replied as he pushed himself up off the bed and popped his arms through the handles on the crutches.
"Oh and don't forget you have to wait for John tonight, he's bringing you back"
Aaron frowned. "Why?"
"He and you're mum have a date so makes a bit of sense, bringing you back and picking her up"
"Ah, right then, we going then?"
Paddy nodded. "Lead the way"
...
His walk into school couldn't go un-noticed. People were staring at him, whispering. Wondering how he could be so weak that he couldn't fight his own father off considering how feisty and easy with his fists Aaron used to be. He simply lowered his head and plodded on down into the quad with the aid of his crutches; those kids didn't know a damn thing! He stopped and leaned by a fence close to the building where his tutor room was situated, he looked around the grounds, students were piling in from the buses, some got dropped off like himself and some walked, a few teachers were walking briskly to their classes ready for the start of another day, folders in hand. Aaron rolled his eyes. This is pointless he thought to himself as he stood and watched everything around him. He was alone.
Aaron's first lesson was Maths with Ms Steele, his last visit to this class ended in verbal abuse on his part, he shrugged as he sat there was nothing he could do about that now. He soon came to realise that Ms Steele hadn't asked if he was okay, she was the type of person who always had, in the short time he'd known his mum this was her all over. He guessed she'd told John not to give him any special treatment or hound him, and he'd passed this on to the other teachers, he quickly realised she was right in doing so, any kind of treatment like that and he'd snap.
"So Class we have a new pupil joining us today, his names Jason and I want you all to be nice like I know you can be"
Aaron rolled his eyes as the rest of the class erupted in slight laughter at the teachers words. Nice? This set of pupils weren't nice they were far from it in Aaron's experience; they were brutal and arrogant. Aaron mindlessly shook his head then he looked at the empty seat beside him on the long row of tables and swallowed hard.
"You can sit there beside Aaron" Steele spoke and the lanky, short blonde haired pale skinned boy she called Jason began walking towards him.
"Uh, no"
"Excuse me?" Steele asked her expression firm.
"He's not sitting next to me"
Ms Steele sighed. "Aaron there are no other seats"
"Tough shit he can sit on the floor for all I care he IS NOT sitting next to me!" Aaron's voice rose and he quickly became flustered.
"Jason sit down" Steele told him and Jason carried on over to Aaron.
Looking at the battered kid Jason was quite apprehensive, he looked like he meant business but he had to do as he was told.
"You dare and I'll whack you with this" Aaron warned with gritted teeth as he grabbed his crutch that was resting against the desk and raised it slightly.
"AARON LIVESY!" Steele shouted.
"He isn't sitting here!" Aaron yelled as rage consumed him.
Steele sighed and walked out of the class.
In the distance he heard the words Newport and immediately being spoken in the same sentence. Aaron groaned and closed his eyes.
"It's the only seat mate come on" Jason dared.
"It's not just a seat, it was Kyle's seat and you aren't sitting in his space" he told him calmly.
Jason noted the reaction from other class mates as Aaron said those words. He frowned and watched as one of the lads began to speak. "Aaron Kyle's dead and he's not coming back"
"Shut it" Aaron said in a sigh.
"No mate, it's true and you know that, you shouldn't have come back yet"
"Kye! Shut it!"
Kye backed down and shrugged his shoulders.
Seconds later a loud whistle filled the classroom and everyone looked up and saw Mr Newport standing in the doorway. "Oi Livesy, move it now!"
Aaron rolled his eyes and grabbed his crutches and pulled himself to his feet and moved out of the row and over to the doorway.
"You're coming with me"
Aaron shook his head slightly and he followed him out. "Knew she'd call you" he spoke once they were out of range of other teachers and students.
"Yeah well, she knows how close we are lately but I have to be seen to be impartial, I don't like being like that with you Aaron but if I have to be I will, even outside of school do you get that?"
"Yes" Aaron rolled his eyes as he followed him along the corridor.
"Now seen as though you've disrupted my sixth form sports session you're coming with me and you'll apologise to them then you'll sit on the bench and do some work"
"Yeah because doing work is going to make everything alright isn't it?" Aaron grumbled and was soon stopped in his tracks as John stopped and spun around.
"No! Course it isn't but this is the everyday routine, school, classes, teachers other students, what has happened to you is horrendous Aaron but nobody can change it, all you can do is get your own life back on track, it's hard I know it is, the thought of seeing him around but he's not and what happened in your class just now is understandable but you shouldn't speak to teachers the way you are, you have to move on, Kyle wouldn't begrudge you new friends"
"I begrudge it" Aaron spat angrily.
Newport sighed. "I'm not getting anywhere with you today am I?"
Aaron shook his head. "One of those days" he mumbled as he looked down at the floor.
John nodded. There'd been many of those. "Come on" he told him and they both carried on.
"Is Jackson going to be there?" he asked suddenly out of the blue.
"Yeah why?"
Aaron shrugged. "Just wondering"
"You begrudge it hmm? But somehow you let Jackson slip through that wall?"
Aaron scowled at him as they walked out into the quad. "Jackson isn't a mate"
"Really?"
"Yes! Really"
"Okay then" John knew better than to argue, he knew the truth anyway.
...
In the large sports hall Aaron was sat on a bench lining one of the walls, he was sat in between boxes of equipment, the apology went down well. Well actually the entire time he found his eyes fixed on Jackson's bare muscular legs, then his face. He felt his cheeks go hot with embarrassment, and then it was over whether Jackson noticed or not he had no idea and he sat down.
The class were playing basketball, it had never interested him before, he was more of a football player, but with everything going on he hadn't played in a long time, he was finding it interesting to say the least, or was it the fit older boys? Yep, definitely them, he was in his element and seemed to be hiding it well. "Oi Livesy" John shouted over and Aaron looked over to him. "Some pom poms in that box left from the last class, could be a sit down cheer leader if ya fancy it"
Aaron laughed. "Ha! Funny" he shouted to him. "Jog on" he muttered as he carried on watching.
...
It was always dark when school finished and it was always cold, he hated the cold but now as he looked out at the dark cold night from the warmth of his bedroom in Smithy he felt much better, the school day was long, he was removed from class and made to watch older boys, well Jackson. Jackson was his focus. He sighed, he couldn't. And he wouldn't let himself, he was too old anyway and Kyle hadn't long been gone.
When he'd got home a few hours earlier John had informed Chas and Paddy of his behaviour and they just looked at him. He rolled his eyes and left the room and made his way to his room. As he sat in the dimmed light of his room his stomach rumbled reminding him he hadn't eaten yet but he didn't care, he didn't want to move yet.
He quickly turned his head when there was a knock on his door and it opened and Jackson popped his head through the door. Aaron immediately shifted uncomfortably.
"No it's alright just stay where you are" Jackson said with a smile. That smile lit up the room. "I just came to see how you were, back to your old tricks again eh?"
Aaron nodded and he turned back to the window. "Come in if you want"
Jackson walked in and closed the door behind him and stopped in the centre of the room. "Struggling aren't ya?"
"Who wouldn't?"
Jackson nodded. "Point"
"Sit down then or something..." Aaron frowned, as he watched Jackson's reflection in the window in front of him.
Jackson stepped closer and sat on the end of the bed near Aaron. "How's the leg?"
"Aching"
"One word answers...I'll just go" he told him and pushed himself up off the bed.
"No! No...s-sorry I-I'm just not used to people being in here"
"People?"
"Well...you obviously"
Jackson nodded. "Can we talk?"
Aaron nodded.
"I was told why you kicked off in class, completely understandable...and you miss him"
"Course I do" Aaron let out a shaky breath.
"You see the stars up there?" Jackson asked as he looked out of the window.
"Can't exactly miss them" Aaron replied with a chuckle.
"I remember something my gran once told me...she believed that stars were the souls, spirits whatever you wanna call them of the dead and that they're watching over us...so maybe mate...if you pick one that you'll always remember when you see it, so just look up and imagine, know that its Kyle and find comfort in that Aaron"
Tears slowly began to stream down Aaron's face as he listened.
"Whether you adopt my dear old granny's philosophy or not Kyle will always be with you, in your heart and in your memories"
Aaron turned to Jackson and smiled through tear filled eyes. Jackson smiled and placed his hand on Aaron's shoulder and squeezed gently
Aaron blew out a deep breath. "A while back you said something..."
"Yeah...I did didn't I?"
Aaron nodded.
"I know I shouldn't I'm older you're not even sixteen...but what I said should be plain to understand"
"It was but I just didn't understand it, you tell me I'm attractive and you leave it hanging..." he told him as he wiped his tears away.
Jackson sighed. "I know I'm sorry but that's what you are, you are Aaron and I-I'm attracted to you"
"I'll be sixteen soon"
Jackson chuckled. "It's not that simple"
"Oh" Aaron was horrified. It was like he'd just offered himself on a plate once his sixteenth birthday came around. "No, no...I-I didn't mean that...well not like how it sounded..." he became flustered. "Just go"
"No Aaron I know you didn't mean it like that"
"Please..." Aaron shuffled away and breathed quickly. "Go..."
"Aaron?" a confused look showed on his face.
"I said go!" his voice grew louder and Jackson gave up, he shook his head as he stood.
"We'll talk about this again" Jackson told him before walking to the door.
"No, no we can't because I'm scared..."
Jackson frowned. "Eh?" he asked as he spun around.
"B-because if we talk, I-I'm scared I'll kiss you..."
"But we just did talk and anyway so what...I'd probably, most definitely let you, age isn't really an issue"
Aaron shook his head adamantly. "Just go" he told him as another bout of tears were on the verge of falling.
"You've gotta sort yourself out Aaron and quickly"
Aaron frowned at him. "Don't look at me like that"
"Like what?"
"The look of pity I'm sick of it"
"Yeah" he raised his eyebrows. "And I'm slowly losing patience...so I will go"
"Good!" Aaron snapped and seconds later his bedroom door slammed shut, leaving him alone once again.
TBC...