Hi Everyone, I hope you all had a great Christmas. We'll be having a New Years party here tonight so I thought I'd get this chapter posted now... I haven't forgotten about "My New Life", I will post the next chapter of that one soon, I've just been busy... Sorry.

So... Happy New Year everyone, I hope you don't all drink too much, be successful in any resolutions and have a better 2011!

Sandy P.S. Authors note at the bottom.

9 Let it out!

Detectives Tiana Ivanson and Jean Morris sat on the lounge in front of me. They were the same detectives that saw me in the hospital after the party. Mr D sat on one of the recliners while I was sitting in between Mrs D and my mother. Yeah... my mother. Apparently Mrs D thought she should be here and called her. Personally I thought she should go home, she hadn't been interested in me up to this point, so why start now.

"Okay Rose," Det. Ivanson said. "There are just a few questions we need to go over. First of all, have you ever been in a relationship with either of the accused?"

"What? NO! I may have flirted a little with Jesse, but nothing that would... nothing."

"What about the other boys?" Det. Morris asked.

"Ralf? God no..." The shiver that went down me was for a number of reasons. "And Aaron, no, he and Liss sort of went out in junior high but that was only for a couple of months. He couldn't keep his true colors under wraps for too long and she kicked his sorry ass to the curb."

"True colors?" Ivanson asked.

"Yeah, all three of them are pigs. They harass everyone at school, they're the stereotypical 'school bullies' and aren't afraid to show it; to those who they think they'll get away with it at least. Around adults they're the perfect guys, all smiles and helpful and shit..." The two detectives glanced to each other before looking at their notes again.

"You said that the only drink you didn't make yourself or that Mason Ashford gave you, was one that Jesse Zeklos gave you, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Did you ask what it was before accepting it?"

"Yes, I did. He said it was a vodka and orange."

"And how much alcohol had you consumed before he gave you this drink?"

"Ah, not sure really. I had a few shots earlier on and a couple of drinks after that."

"Did anyone see him give you this drink?" Ivanson asked. She was really starting to piss me off with these questions.

"Yes, Mason did."

"No-one else, none of your other friends saw this?" Morris asked.

"No."

I had the distinct feeling that 'bitch-face' Ivanson didn't believe me. I wasn't sure about Morris. After my grilling, they finally got Liss to come in and give her side of the story. It wasn't anything that I hadn't heard before though.

"So, what are those boys being charged with?" My mother asked.

"Well, at this stage we're still collecting statements from the kids at the party. Because a lot of them are heading towards colleges or holidays, we're having a few difficulties tracking them down."

"What do you mean you haven't laid charges yet?" My mother said. "My daughter was attacked in her own goddamn bedroom for shit sake and those bastards are walking around free as birds... This is crap!"

I sat staring at my mother in shock... When did she start caring about what happened to me? Even she thought it was all my fault in hospital.

"Mrs Hathaway..." Det. Morris said trying to defuse my mother.

"Ms Hathaway." She corrected.

"We understand your concerns, but there are certain steps that have to be taken to ensure that the law is upheld. As soon as all the testimonies are collected, I assure you that we will do what is necessary."

That sounded vague.

"So when do you expect that we can see some real progress with this case?" Mr D asked.

"We're working as fast as we can Mr Dragomir." Bitch-face said.

"Not from where I sit you're not." Mom grumbled. "You never do."

What did that mean?

"Look," Mr D said leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. "I understand you have a job to do, but things have been hard for Rose. She's had to deal with some serious consequences from these boys' actions and for her to fully heal; they need to be held accountable for what they did. And what they did to Rose was bad enough, without even taking into account what happened to young Mr Ashford."

I cringed as he brought up Mason's death; the nightmare I had about him was still fresh in my mind.

"Yes, what happened to Mr Ashford was extremely unfortunate, he..."

"UNFORTUNATE!" I screamed as I leapt up. Now I was pissed. "Mason's death was – unfortunate? Are you fucking kidding me?" How dare they! I couldn't believe what I was hearing... Anger riled up inside of me like never before... All I could see was red...

"Rose. That's enough." My mother said sharply as she grabbed my arm to pull me back to the lounge chair.

"What? Did you just hear what I did, what she said? Mason's dead because of those pricks and it's... unfortunate? FUCK!" I reefed my arm out of my mother's grip and took off into the foyer and out the front door. I could hear them calling out to me but my chest felt like it was about to explode. I was so bloody angry... I couldn't believe they said that. Mason... Beautiful, kind Mason... He died for me and they think it's unfortunate... FUCKERS!

I took off up the street, running as fast as I could. I had no idea where I was going but I knew I had to get away from that house. It wasn't long before my lungs were burning and dark patches danced before my wet bloodshot eyes. I bent forward grasping my knees with my hands and tried to catch my breath.

"I'm so sorry Mase... Oh God..." I cried in between painful breaths. I stood up and saw I was near the road leading to the lake. This was as good a place as any to get lost.

It didn't take long before I finally reached the lake. I walked through the parking lot that had only one car parked in it, hopefully that meant that no-one should be around to hear my breakdown. I turned to the left and made my way to the side where no houses were built. I weaved through the trees but not seeing anything other than memories, I wanted to yell and scream and cry. My head was swirling with so much...images, words, feelings – I couldn't breathe. The hand... Mason... all the things those dipshit detectives said... it was too much...

Hot tears streamed unbridled down my cheeks and wave after wave of despair crashed into me, crushing me. This was never going to stop, this feeling would never leave. I was still so angry. How could they be so callous, so unfeeling for the sacrifice that Mason made. They were cops... aren't they supposed to care for the victims, aren't they suppose to want to catch the bad guys?

When my legs wouldn't move any further, I reached out at held the closest tree.

"AARRGGHH!" I screamed. Finally my tired, shaky legs gave out and I fell to the ground where I sobbed for the train wreck that had become my life and for the loss of Mason. He was gone... Why did he have to do that?

I punched the ground in frustration as I yelled, but it wasn't enough... I kept punching over and over again; I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"WHY?" I screamed. I leant forward, my head resting against the tree I'd grabbed before and yelled as I punched it. The anger had now faded into frustration and grief, my heart shattered even more than I ever thought was possible.

I hadn't realised I wasn't alone until I was pulled away from the tree and my wrists were locked in tight hands. I tried to fight against my captor...

Not again!

I screamed and thrashed and kicked but I couldn't get away. When the voice finally cut through the fog of grief that cluttered up my brain and I realised who was with me, I stopped fighting and cried.

"Rose... Don't be afraid, it's alright, it's alright."

I turned my red, puffy eyes to look into the brown eyes beside me.

"Shh..." He turned me slightly as he pulled me in between his legs, my side against his chest, hugging me tightly as I cried. I couldn't believe how safe I felt in his arms. I had no fear of him at all.

"How did you find me?" I asked him as I started to settle. It was then that I noticed that his T-shirt was wet from my tears, probably with a little snot added to the mix too.

"I was sitting at one of the picnic tables by the lake when I saw you rushing past. I called out to you when I realised you were upset but you didn't hear me, so I followed you. I'm glad I did now."

So was I...

"What's wrong, do you want to talk about it?" He asked gently.

"Not yet." I whispered against his chest. He held me a little longer before I felt him touch my hand.

"Your hands..." He swore in Russian, I knew what he'd said because I'd learnt a few words from Adrian and if I didn't feel so sad I probably would have laughed at hearing his swear. I looked down and saw the damage. My knuckles were covered in open wounds and bleeding, the swelling had already started... they were going to be useless tomorrow.

"Had I known, I would've worn gloves." I always tried to cover pain with humour.

"Funny. Your hands really need to be cleaned up before infection gets in."

"Sorry, forgot the first aid kit when I left the house." I looked up to see him smiling at me. He's breathtaking...

"Well, lucky for you I have one in my car." God, I loved his accent...

"Huh! Badass fighting God, Yoga guru and Boy Scout all wrapped up in one... Your one of the few males I've met that can actually multi-task. How have you not been snapped up yet?"

He let out that glorious laugh again, which made my mood lighten considerably.

"Oh there's been plenty of snapping Rose; I just haven't liked the fish at the end of the line." Oh, that could be a good thing... or not!

"Really, are you gay?" Oh... diarrhoea's back... "Sorry... Brain filter's on the blink." At least it kept him laughing.

"That's fine... and to answer your question, no, I'm definitely not gay." Well that's good to know... "Come on; let's clean up your hands shall we."

He helped me stand up and we walked back to the picnic area that was next to the car park. He led me over to a tap to wash the dirt and bark off my hands; when I asked why he didn't just use the water in the lake, he said it was because of the bacteria in the water... Who would have thought...? Gorgeous, multi-talented and brainy...

After they were clean we could see that there wasn't as much damage as we thought. There were no cuts that would require stitches but I knew that by tomorrow, I would be in agony. He made me sit on a bench and went to get the first aid kit from his car. He squatted down in front of me and took one of my hands in his and started to wipe them with some sort of iodine stuff.

"I hope they heal by Friday." I said offhandedly.

"I think they will for the most part but either way, I don't think you'll be doing any hitting of any kind."

As he worked, I got a memory flash, a night my mother came home with her hands all banged up. I was so upset; I hated seeing her like that. Over time I noticed her hands got harder, rougher and more calloused. Now her hands slightly resembled a man's hands. Her chosen profession of security meant a lot of training and times where she had to defend those she guarded and herself against people who wanted to hurt them.

"They're going to look like my mother's hands." I mumbled this more to myself, but Dimitri answered me.

"Is that a bad thing?" He asked as he started to rub some Neosporin into the wounds.

"You don't know my mother." I said this a little harsher than I normally do, but after recent events, I was starting to realise just how much I resented her.

"I'm gathering you don't like your mother."

"What gave it away? Let's just say that normally for people to like one another; they'd need to spend time together. At least be there when it counts..."

"Well, I'm sure she has her reasons for being the way she is." He said looking up at me. His warm brown eyes locked with mine and I felt like he was looking deep into my soul. My heart tightened in my chest, I had to stop feeling this way around him.

"Yeah, she loves her job more than her own daughter and left me to be raised by my friend's families and school. That's her reason..." I was sort of getting lost in the feeling of him rubbing my hands.

"Mom's always love their kids, sometimes there are reasons as to why they can't show it." I didn't want to hear that, there was no reason that could ever warrant how she's treated me so I changed the conversation.

"You're close to your mom, aren't you?" I could tell by his eyes that he did.

"Yeah, she means the world to me, as do my sisters." I'm glad at least one of us had a mother who loved openly.

"What's your father like?" He asked as he started to wrap some gauzy bandage around my knuckles.

"Well... where my mother is physically there but emotionally unavailable, he shows he cares in his own way but is physically unavailable; always away for business. So really it's like I've never had either parent. What about your dad?"

"He was a prick and hurt my mother so when I was fourteen and had a year of Tae Kwon Do under my belt, I took him on. He didn't do so well with someone who could fight back." I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face.

"Tell me you punched him into next week..."

"Next month..." he said laughing. He'd finished with my hands but he hadn't let go nor made any move from his position in front of me.

"Wow, you really are a God."

He blinked. "What?"

"Uh, nothing." I could see he was puzzled with the God comment but he was letting it go for now.

"Well," he said glancing down to his wristwatch. "Are you hungry?"

"Is the Pope catholic?" I joked... I was rewarded with yet another smile...

"What would you like for lunch? My treat." He said as he let go of my hands and stood up in front of me.

"You don't have to do that. I'll just go home, I'm sure Mrs D will have something in the fridge."

"Mrs D?" I asked.

"Yeah, Lissa's mom. I live with them now... sort of."

"You don't sound too sure."

"It's a recent thing. After... what happened, I went home from hospital to find my normally absent father had come home and I wasn't in any shape to be around him, or my mother for that matter. Lissa's parents said I could stay with them and Mr D keeps his distance."

"Well, I'm sure they won't mind if I feed you for once." He held out his hand, waiting for my answer. Of course I'd say yes... I reached out and took his hand and he led me over to his car. "I don't know too many places around here yet. What do you recommend?"

"Do you like Chinese?" It was my favourite and I hadn't had it for ages.

"I do... Point the way."

We ended up taking lunch back to his mom's house. Apparently she and his sisters were all at work. Probably the only house in the country where I'd feel totally comfortable with all house members present and they were all out.

It was a good afternoon, Dimitri and I spoke about all sorts of things. I ended up telling him about Mason and what had happened the night of the party, right up to the police interrogation this morning. He was quiet as I told my story, never interrupted, but instead of showing pity for what I'd gone through he told me that he'd help me regain my independence. He said he'd work with me, train me one on one... starting in the morning. He was going to pick me up before breakfast and get me 'fighting fit' in no time...

"Thanks for lunch Dimitri and for listening." I said as we finished talking. It was now 4pm and I knew everyone would be worried about me, I had to go back.

"It's my pleasure Rose. But I warn you, I won't go easy on you tomorrow." He said smirking at me.

"I can handle it."

His smile got bigger. "I know you can." Just then the front door opened up, I couldn't see who it was as all I could see was a pair of legs under a large number of brown paper grocery bags.

"Mama... Let me help you." His mother? What will she think of me being here... alone with her son?

"Thank you Dimka." I know that voice... who is that?

Dimitri grabbed two of the bags from his mother's arms but I still couldn't see her as she bent to her side to put her handbag onto the floor. As she stood up she must have seen me out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh shit!" She yelped as she almost dropped the bags in her arms... "Rose?"

"Olena? What...?"

"Mama?"

"Dimitri? What's Rose..."

It was almost hysterical really. We all obviously knew each other yet we were all so confused.

Hang on... Mama? Olena the nurse is his mother?

"You're Dimitri's mother?"

"Last time I checked." She said smiling. "Well I must say Rose; you are the last person I thought would ever be standing in my lounge room."

"That makes two of us." I looked back to Dimitri who had a very sheepish look on his face.

"Let me put these in the kitchen." Olena said.

"Let me mama." She gladly handed over the last of the bags and told Dimitri to put the cold things away.

"Are you alright? Not that I'm not happy to see you but why – how are you here, with my son?"

"Uh... Why? Well I've had a rough morning and he sort of found me by the lake." She looked down at my bandaged hands and reached out for them. "Dimitri – helped me. As to how? Well it seems that the only male that can come anywhere near me is your son. He also happens to be my Tae Kwon Do instructor."

"She knows..." Dimitri said behind me. Now I know what the sheepish look was all about.

"You knew about me... before?" I asked him.

"No." He said quickly. "Come over here." He held out a hand and led me over to one of the lounge chairs. "After that first class, I came home in my uniform. Mama didn't know that I'd started taking classes yet as Alberta had only just got in contact with me the day before. I'd brought up that you had taken a kick and mama sort of panicked. That's when I knew that she knew you somehow. When I asked, she said she couldn't talk about it. That's it..." I watched his eyes the whole time he spoke to me and I could see he was telling the truth so I smiled to let him know I believed him.

I looked up to Olena's smiling face but before I could ask anything, I remembered what time it was.

"Oh crap! I have to go; they'll all be worried about where I am."

"Let me get my keys." Dimitri said as he stood up with me. Once he walked into the kitchen I looked back to Olena.

"I'm glad you have someone to talk to Rose, and my son is a very good listener."

"Yes, he is." Just then Dimitri came back shaking the car keys in his hand.

"I'll be back shortly mama." Dimitri said as he kissed his mother's cheek.

The closer we got to Lissa's house the more nervous I got; of course Dimitri noticed.

"Are you sure you don't want to go somewhere else for a while? I don't mind." He was so nice...

"No, well yeah... but no, I have to go back. I don't want to worry them anymore than I already do."

As we pulled up in the driveway of Lissa's house, there was a moment of unease before Dimitri leant over to open the glove compartment. He pulled out a pen and a notebook and started to scribble something down.

"Here, this is my cell, if you need anything whether it be to talk, to scream or someone to come get you – call me okay, no matter what the time, even if it's three in the morning." He reached out to hand me the piece of paper he tore out from the little book. As I took it from him, he took my hand in his. "If you ever feel this frustrated again..." he said as he gently ran his thumb over my bandaged knuckles, "...call me first and I'll give you something softer to hit than a tree; I'll even give you some gloves."

I softly laughed at his gesture. As much as I loved my girls, even they couldn't pull me out of my funk like this man could. My heart skipped a beat as his other hand reached up and took a lock of my hair and twisted it between his fingers. I froze... He had a thoughtful look on his face like he was remembering something. Coming out of his thoughts, he let my hair go slightly embarrassed.

"Don't let anything make you feel like you can't let it all out in front of me. I know what it's like to feel that all consuming anger. And I know it needs to come out sometimes, let me show you how to channel it into something positive."

I noticed instantly what he'd said. What had happened in his life to make him feel the same rage that I did? Maybe he really was the only person who could understand my sometimes suffocating feelings.

I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and saw Liss coming out of the front door. She looked worried. I quickly shoved the piece of paper into the front pocked of my denim shorts and said thanks for all he'd done for me before I hopped out of his car.

"Rose..." Liss whimpered. "Are you alright?" She wrapped me in a tight hug and as she pulled back she grabbed my hands. With shock, she looked down at the bandages.

"It's alright, I'm fine... I promise." I said hurriedly before she could get too upset.

"What happened?"

"I had a lot of... emotions. I sort of lost it." I remembered Dimitri helping me and looked back over my shoulder to see him still in the driveway. "Dimitri found me and cleaned me up."

She looked away from me to where Dimitri was in his car and mouthed the words 'thank you'. He gave a nod and then reversed out onto the road. After he was out of sight, Liss took me back inside where her parents were sitting in the lounge room.

"Rose!" Mrs D exclaimed when she saw me. "Where have you been?"

"I'm so sorry, I just needed... I couldn't stay. I'm sorry I worried you. I..." I rambled.

"I understand sweetie, I really do. I'm just glad you're..." Then she saw my hands... "What happened?"

"After what those cops said, I was just so... angry. I ran, I thought it would help, but it didn't. I found myself near the lake and I knew somewhere that I could go just to – scream, to let it all out. I ended up hitting a tree." Her face looked pained; she had no idea how to help me.

"Did you go to the hospital?"

I explained how Dimitri found me and cleaned me up and both she and Mr D were both shocked about how I could be around Dimitri. They took this as a good sign, I still wasn't so sure.

"I rang Dr Markov to see if she could see you a little earlier, I thought you might want to talk to her. She said that you could call her when you got home." I was due to see my therapist in two days, but after today, I thought Mrs D's suggestion was probably a good thing.

"Yeah, I think I will. Thanks..." She gave a quick nod and said that she had to put the roast in the oven for dinner tonight. I gave Liss a hug before going to my room to make the call.

=x=

"Hi Rose." Dr Markov said when she heard it was me. "How are you?"

"I've been better."

"What happened? I'm gathering that by ringing me, you want to talk about it?" Did I?

"I just got so angry..." I blurted out. "I never get this angry... What's happening to me?"

"Rose, your anger is perfectly normal. Your attack has made you feel scared; of people known and unknown to you. You weren't this person before and it's a feeling that makes you feel weak. Your anger is born from those feelings of helplessness and fear."

I understood what she was saying, but I didn't like it. Did that mean that I would be this angry all the time now? "I hate feeling this way. I want my life back." I said as I let out a little sob.

"I know you do and I'll help you get it back, I promise. Do you want to come in for an emergency session tonight, or tomorrow morning perhaps?"

"No... I'll wait till Thursday. Dr Markov, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course Rose..."

"What do you think it would mean if I found myself able to be near a man without freaking out?"

"I would think that meant that we were having progress, why?"

"What if it was just one particular man?" There was silence on the other end while she thought.

"While still fearing other men?"

"Yeah."

"Have you come across someone who you can be near Rose?"

"Yeah I have. It's my Tae Kwon Do instructor."

"I thought your instructor was a woman?"

"It was... her father is dying and she found a replacement. He's..." I didn't know how to describe my feelings.

"How does he make you feel?"

"Safe." I said without hesitation. "He makes me feel safe. It's like... I've known him all my life, yet I know nothing about him." I took a few seconds to gather what I had to say. "I know this is probably going to sound stupid and childish – naive... but it's like my soul knows him. I don't know how else to describe it."

"I think you described your feelings very well Rose, but don't ever think that your feelings are stupid. They are what they are. Acknowledging them takes a lot of courage and maturity, not everyone is able to do that. What made you angry?"

I was feeling better before she asked this last question.

"I had the police come out this morning." I waited to see if she'd ask anything else but she didn't... she wanted me to spill. "They... I felt like they were accusing me of, I don't know... being at fault in the whole thing. Like I instigated it or something. One of the bitches even had the gall to say that Mason's death was 'unfortunate'... Unfortunate... what the fuck would make her say that?" I was now yelling, the rage returning.

"Rose... calm down..."

"I could have killed her!" I screamed. "I wanted to pound my fist into her face and show her how 'unfortunate' it would be for her pretty face to be smashed..."

I was shaking and panting... I couldn't talk anymore... I let out a half yell, half growl as I threw the cordless phone against the wall where it broke into pieces. Shit!

"Shit, shit, shit!" I was losing it again... Detective 'Bitch face' flashed in my memory along with Jesse, Ralf and Aaron... I wanted to kill them all, or at least pummel them into next week... next month... Dimitri.

I reached into the front pocket of my shorts and looked at the piece of paper as I heard knocking on my bedroom door.

"No..." I whispered.

Authors Note: Next chapter will be one of Dimitri's outtakes... I hope you enjoy it... I have loved your reviews, and thank you for your suggestions. Do'B, I loved your review... You brought a smile to my face... Thanks for reading guys, don't forget to let me know what you think.