Deeks sings Kensi a lullaby after she has a nightmare

Three months, it had been three hellish months since Afghanistan. Outwardly, Kensi was the same badass Blye that she always had been and could fool almost everyone that she was up to code physically as well as mentally.

Sometimes she even convinced herself.

It was only in the nights that any hint of her troubles emerged, for that was when the nightmares plagued her dreams. The only member of the team, other than Nate, that knew about the nightmares was Deeks and that was only because his bed was her bed. Every night he would be so patient, so understanding, so sickening. How could he possibly be able to bear this when not even she could do it? There were nights when she would cry out in her sleep and the only thing that would calm her would be when Deeks wrapped his strong arms around her and held her close. She hated being so weak, she hated that he was so patient and understanding, and she hated that she hated him for that. Why couldn't he just understand that he didn't have to go through this?

Why couldn't he just understand he could just leave?

But he didn't, of course he didn't. No matter what she did, or said, or screamed, he was always there.

"Just get out! You can't tell me it's going to be alright, you have no idea what I've been through!" She cried one night as they stood on opposite sides of the room after a particularly bad nightmare.

"No I don't!" He bellowed right back before dropping his voice. "I don't have any idea. Siderov was different, you are different, none of this is the same. I don't know what you've been through, so I'm not going to try to understand. I'm just gonna stand here. If you want to talk, talk to me. If you want to cry, use my shoulder. If you want to hit something, hit me. Hit me until all the pain and all the hate is gone. Just don't ask me to leave, because that's the one thing I will never, never, do to you." He told her gently.

For a moment it looked like she might do all of the above as a range of emotions raced across her face.

With a cry that was equal parts pain and anger she advanced at him with the full force of a speeding train. He didn't move, he just braced himself for the impact. But instead of hitting him she wrapped her arms tightly around him, buried her face in his shoulder, and started to cry. He didn't have to even think for a second, his arms just instinctively clasped around her tightly, holding her as though any looser and she'd break apart.

He made large circles on her back as she sobbed and began to sing softly in her ear.

She may be the face I can't forget

A trace of pleasure or regret

May be my treasure or the price

I have to pay

He didn't remember most of the lyrics, so he just hummed the parts he didn't know as he gently rocked her back and forth, letting her sobs slowly taper off into a slow trickle. Slowly he guided them back onto the bed and lay there holding her in his arms.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hum, hum, hum

May be hmm, hmm, hmm the feast

May turn each day into a heaven

Or a hell

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmm, hum, hum

Hmm, hmmm, hmmm, hum, hmmm

She may not be what she may seem

Inside her shell

As she felt her eyelids begin to droop, Kensi realized that it didn't matter if he had failed her or if she'd failed him. What mattered was that he was here, now, holding her together through one of the hardest periods of her life, and for that she would forever remain indebted to him. As she let herself slip into dream world, she smiled and let Deeks's gentle voice guide her into the first nightmare free sleep she'd had in a long time.

She may be the reason I survive

The why and wherefore I'm alive

The one I'll care for through the

Rough and rainy years

Me I'll take her laughter and her tears

And make them all my souvenirs

For where she goes I've got to be

The meaning of my life is she

And You Can Sing Me Anything