Lotus in the Snow (Snow Queen AU)

Chapter Ten
The Absence of Warmth

The door slammed, practically causing the walls to rattle. Tiedoll immediately rushed into the main living area in alarm, only to see a very livid Kanda walking in. There was a dark look on the young man's face, and his fists were clenched; his innocence, Mugen, was still being gripped tightly in Kanda's right hand. Kanda was grasping the weapon so tightly that it almost appeared as though his hand were shaking.

Tiedoll approached him. "Kanda, what happened? You just ran off!"

Kanda's gaze swiftly turned to Tiedoll, before he looked away. His jaw was tight, and his throat felt as though it had closed up.

It almost felt as though a pressure were weighing down on Kanda's chest. There was a heaviness there, as though blocks of stone and lead had been left to slowly crush his lungs until he could breathe no more. He could feel Tiedoll's eyes on him – was Tiedoll still saying something? Kanda wasn't paying attention, and images of snow flying around in the darkness left icy scorches in his mind, and echoes of the howling wind distantly screamed in Kanda's ears. And Alma…

"Kanda!"

Kanda was pulled from his thoughts as he felt a tight grip on his shoulders, and snapped back to reality. Tiedoll was practically shaking him in an attempt to get his attention. "Kanda, snap out of it and answer me!" Tiedoll implored, with exasperation trickling into his tone. "Did you find anything? I came back here to try to find you or Alma, but couldn't find anyone!"

Chest still tight, Kanda struggled to find the words. It was unusually difficult to look Tiedoll in the eye, and Kanda found himself repeatedly avoiding the older man's gaze. Kanda knew he would have to speak at some point though. Tiedoll would never leave him be if he didn't.

Blue eyes shifting to Tiedoll, Kanda held the man's gaze for a second before averting his eyes once more. He didn't want to say it, but the words finally came, painful and hollow. "Alma's gone," Kanda said, his voice low and quiet.

Tiedoll's eyes widened, and his grip loosened on Kanda. The man could feel his heart crack as the words settled in. "Kanda…"

In all the years Tiedoll had raised Kanda, he could honestly say that he had never seen Kanda look so….broken before. Not since that winter's night, where Kanda had lost his parents at least. The young man before him who was usually so stubborn and persevering now seemed tired and worn. There was an uncanny vacancy in Kanda's eyes, with sprinkles of vicious pain and dejection – nothing like the normal, stormy determination that so often brewed in those eyes.

To Tiedoll, it was a devastating sight.

Then, there was Alma. Alma who according to Kanda was "gone." Gone of course could have meant many things – although, in this case Tiedoll could not be optimistic. His heart filled with mournful agony at the knowledge of something having happened to the sweet boy that Tiedoll had come to know within the past six months. Despite the past 24 hours, Alma had always been kind and never harmed anyone; he went out of his way to help others, and always did such with a bright smile on his face. The thought of anything happening to him…it was a cruel thought.

"Tiedoll," Kanda started suddenly, his voice stiff. "I need you to tell me…anything you know about the akuma. That you haven't told me yet."

Tiedoll nodded. He had to fight the moisture that was threatening to collect in his eyes, and focused. Tiedoll was not certain as to how Kanda was trying to process this….tragedy, really. But Tiedoll could not refrain from consoling Kanda, even if just in the form of answering what he could for Kanda. By this point Tiedoll had learned keeping information from the boy never turned out well anyhow.

"There is not much that you don't already know – you learned fairly early on about what akuma are," He explained wanly. "They are the demons created from the souls of those who were called back after their time came, and made from the skins of those who tried to call them. It is why the akuma so frequently show up after a death has taken place."

Kanda listened. This information was nothing new to him; he had known this for years. It had been key in helping him track down akuma as well, since they did always seem to show up whenever a death had taken place. An akuma was not created unless someone tried to cheat death, to bring back someone who had been taken from this life and into the next. The results were horrendous, and the details of just how the souls were called back were foggy still. Kanda and Daisya had never actually witnessed the formation of an akuma on their travels.

"Is there any other way?" Kanda asked suddenly, his words steady. He saw Tiedoll's somewhat bewildered expression though, and Kanda clarified. "Is there any other way an akuma is formed?"

Tiedoll appeared somewhat surprised by the inquiry, but paused thoughtfully. After a pensive moment he frowned slightly, and shook his head. "No, not that I have come across. Why do you ask?"

Kanda grew quiet, but his mind began to race. The strange man – no, that monster, Kanda silently corrected – had said that Alma…

"Your little friend was well on his way to becoming an akuma already."

'No,' Kanda thought, shaking his head slightly. No, he fucking refused to believe that shit. It was impossible – according to what Tiedoll was saying, there was no way Alma could become a…

Kanda couldn't even bring himself to think the word.

Taking a breath, Kanda knew he had to ask though. He had to be sure. "So…you don't know anything about dark matter being used?" Kanda asked, his words strangely cautious.

Tiedoll frowned slightly. "Dark matter…?" He repeated, not appearing familiar with the term. "Kanda, do you mean the energy and essence in akumas? It's poisonous. Any exposure a person has to it whether through an akuma's blood or the fumes of their bodies even could release a virus that will kill them within minutes. There's no way a person could even survive long enough for such a theory to be plausible."

Kanda's insides twisted. He wasn't sure how this information made him feel. On one end, he was relieved to think that Alma would…would at least be human. Would at least be normal. 'Had that bastard been screwing with me?' Kanda silently wondered, questioning if that….crap, what the hell had that man been? He had indicated he was no akuma, but the stranger clearly had not been human.

Noticing Kanda's pensive frown, Tiedoll spoke gently. "Kanda….what happened? Please, I can't help unless you tell me," He emphasized, with genuine concern in his eyes.

Kanda closed his eyes and exhaled as he tried to rid himself of the frustration he was feeling. The frustration. The anger. The shock – everything still felt as though it had barely happened. Everything felt as though it had been a nightmare. Because it couldn't have happened – Alma couldn't be gone.

But…he was.

The realization sunk even more deeply into Kanda, and he felt sick. He swallowed, trying to ignore the tickle of bile he thought he could taste in the back of his throat as he kept his eyes closed. Kanda had to remind himself to breathe. "There was…something. A man if you want to call him that I guess," Kanda started, unable to conceal the venomous distaste in his voice. "He wasn't human, but he said he wasn't an akuma. I found him with Alma."

Kanda paused, but he could feel Tiedoll's gaze on him. Kanda hated this.

Keeping his eyes averted, Kanda continued. "He was doing something to Alma when I got there….I don't know what though. But before I could fucking rip him to shreds, some woman showed up," He explained, before stopping for a moment. 'A strange woman with long dark hair who disappeared into the snow…' He recalled, as his mind flickered back to what he had learned just a few days prior.

Suddenly, Kanda's gaze turned to Tiedoll. His blue eyes were sharp and piercing, and a dark look loomed in his gaze. "It was that snow woman who made those other people disappear. And she definitely was an akuma."

Tiedoll said nothing at first. However, there was a surprised look in his eyes. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Are you sure it was-"

"Yes, I'm sure!" Kanda snapped. He threw a glare in Tiedoll's direction. "It was her. And she took Alma."

Kanda closed his mouth and turned his head away. He felt the sudden need to calm to the flurry of emotions that had just spiked through his body. Every muscle in his body felt tense, and his heart rate felt as though it were racing causing his chest to tremble.

Struggling to keep his composure, Kanda had to force his next words out stiffly. "Those men that came last winter – those Bookmen," Kanda began, practically having to spit out the unfamiliar name with irritation., "They didn't say anything they knew about the disappearances? Or about this akuma? Shit, they had to have known something, right!?"

Tiedoll didn't answer right away, and Kanda felt his impatience grow. "Fuck, something's going on! You said that one of the people who vanished had been acting really hostile, hadn't you? As in similar to how Alma was acting?" Kanda questioned, unable to keep his voice calm as the vehemence poured into it. Then, before Tiedoll could speak, Kanda seemed to lose himself, and grabbed the man's shirt as he nearly shook Tiedoll. "Damn it, Tiedoll, I need to know what they said!"

Tiedoll was completely caught off guard by the way in which Kanda grabbed him, and out of reflex he clasped his hands onto Kanda's wrists to prevent the young man from shaking him further. Eyes narrowing slightly, Tiedoll yanked Kanda's grasp off of him as he continued to hold Kanda's wrists tightly, looking him dead in the eye.

"Christ, boy, get a hold of yourself!" Tiedoll scolded sharply. He could understand grief – he could understand shock. But heavens, Kanda was practically losing control of himself. If Tiedoll didn't get him to calm down soon, the young man would likely do something completely reckless.

Kanda froze, and seemed to realize what he was doing. Shame flickered in his dark blue eyes, and a tinge of gilt nipped at his heart. Biting the inside of his cheek, he looked away abruptly, for a second resembling a petulant child. He noticed his chest still felt unusually shaky, along with his hands, his shoulders, and his whole body felt as though it were trembling. 'Alma…'

All Kanda could think of was Alma. All Kanda could think about was Alma, and Alma's body weak and being invaded by that monster who had surely done something to Alma. All Kanda could think about was Alma's body collapsing in the snow, and that woman looming over him, with Kanda just watching.

Kanda's heart cracked. He hadn't been able to stop it. He hadn't been able to stop the akuma.

He hadn't been able to save Alma.

Kanda hated himself. He hated himself for having let this happen. Kanda recalled how he had just run into Alma earlier that day too, bitter and resentful, but still Alma. 'I should have tried to talk to him,' Kanda realized in agony, 'I should have tried to find out what was wrong. I shouldn't have let him go off like that!'

Why had Kanda been so blinded by his own anger? Why couldn't he have seen that Alma was in trouble sooner? Kanda should have known something was seriously wrong, and that Alma wasn't ok. He should have known the second Alma ceased to smile and ceased to laugh that something was crumbling within Alma, poisoning and hurting him in a way that Kanda had not even been aware of. 'Fuck, I wasn't even thinking of him…!'

Tiedoll watched as Kanda's expression twisted in sorrow, and the man looked on with shock as he saw Kanda's eyes grow watery. He could not recall the last time he had seen Kanda in such a state, and his heart nearly broke on the spot.

Unexpectedly, Kanda's eyes looked to Tiedoll thus allowing the man to see how devastated Kanda looked. But Kanda looked down, and shook his head, and for a second all Tiedoll could see was the eight-year-old boy he had found alone and traumatized on that cold winter night so many years ago.

Kanda took a shaky breath. He opened his mouth, and closed it, struggling to find the words. He looked lost, and his dark blue eyes were glassy. "I couldn't save him, Tiedoll," Kanda started, with his voice cracking slightly as he nearly choked up on his words.

Overcome with fatherly instinct, Tiedoll pulled Kanda in, and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "Sh," Tiedoll hushed, as he soothingly ran a hand across Kanda's back. "Sh…you did your best. You did what you could."

Tiedoll's words did little to comfort Kanda though, as the young man's heart continued to break. His best hadn't been good enough.

'It's…cold…'

That was the first thing Alma had thought as he slowly returned to consciousness. It was cold, and it was dark. He was lying on something hard – was it the ground? It was slick, and it almost felt like ice. Gradually, Alma became more aware of his body; he was lying with his back on the ground somewhere, and he had been asleep. His eyes were closed, and that was why it was dark. Had he fallen asleep somewhere? He couldn't remember.

Slowly, Alma blinked his eyes open. He squinted as his vision came into focus, with his sight briefly blinded by the brightness of where he was. Wherever his location was, everything was white and the light reflected off of it causing the area to momentarily appear blinding to Alma.

He winced as he struggled to focus, and brought a hand up to shield his eyes. Alma's attention immediately went to his hand though, as he noticed it…didn't look right.

'What the hell?'

Eyes lingering on his hand, Alma looked. His skin for one looked pale – so pale it appeared unnatural, and reminded Alma of something akin to stone or marble. His nails were also sharp – had they always looked that way? No, they couldn't have – Alma's nails were always short since he worked with his hands so frequently. But now his nails appeared sharp and pointed, and reminded Alma of small, razor-like claws. What looked to be a fingerless glove also was covering Alma's hand; it was a strange shade of blue, and the bottom part seemed to cut into his wrist that made Alma question if his circulation was being impacted. However, Alma felt nothing.

Sitting up, Alma was still somewhat fixated on his hand. Was it a fabric covering his palm? He found himself reaching to touch it with his other hand, then paused momentarily when he realized his other hand looked the same. What was with these fingerless gloves he had on? Where had they come from?

The fingerless gloves didn't look natural. The bottom part where it cut off looked as though it were pinching deeply into Alma's wrist, and it made him uneasy to look at. Alma fingered the edge, attempting to pull off the material as he frowned. As Alma grasped a part of the blue tissue, he began to pry it off, and immediately hissed in pain. Why was it hurting so much?

Alma tried to pull again, and looked closely. Crap, it felt as though he were attempting to pull his own skin off-

'Wait.'

Realization slowly began to dawn on Alma's expression as he brought his wrist up to his eyes so he could inspect it closely. A hybrid look of horror and shock poured out from his eyes.

Those weren't fingerless gloves – those were part of Alma's flesh.

Panic began to settle in, and Alma felt his breath quicken. Why did his hands look that way? It wasn't normal. It wasn't right.

Anxiety continued to wash over Alma, and for a moment it felt as though his lungs were refusing to work properly. He didn't know what was going on, and he had no idea where he was. Alma was suddenly very afraid to look at any other part of his body – what would he see if he looked in a mirror? Was he still Alma? Or was he something else? With how unsettling the sight of his hands were, Alma dreaded the possibility of what the rest of his body may have looked like.

His breathing was refusing to slow down, and Alma thought he was maybe going to hyperventilate. Silently, he tried to will himself to calm down. 'Calm down,' He told himself, 'Just…calm down…'

Taking a deep breath, Alma tried to ignore the fear that was now snaking into his core. He shakily brought his hands up to his face and started to feel it. His nose, jaw, and chin all seemed to feel the same – he could even feel the smooth scar across his nose. He felt his ears – they seemed okay too. A small bit of relief passed over Alma, though he still trembled in nervousness. He exhaled.

Alma tried to focus his attention on his surroundings, and looked around. He appeared to be in a large room of some kind. It was empty, and vacant – there was no furniture, or anything really. All that remained were the high walls that seemed to tower over Alma. He looked up, surprised to see what appeared to be some kind of chandelier hanging; strands of what appeared to be diamonds hung down from it, crystalline and glimmering with…icicles?

'It's…all frozen…' Alma realized, as he looked around the room. Everything from the floors to the walls he realized was covered in layers of ice – heck, it all may have even been ice. The floor just barely had enough friction so Alma could stand, which he was able to do with ease as his body felt oddly light. It was a drastic difference compared to how shaky he had felt previously before blacking out.

Alma continued to glance around the room. Crystalline pillars seemed to break up the space of the room, which was circular. The air was brisk and cold – although Alma noticed that he didn't feel uncomfortable physically. If anything, the temperature didn't appear to have any real effect on Alma's body. He knew it was cold, but he didn't feel as though he were freezing.

It was an odd sensation, but Alma didn't want to dwell on that. He began to look around the room, immediately noticing that there were no windows anywhere. There were just the white, iced-over walls, with patterns of snow and frost dancing along the surface of everything, sparkling like a thousand ivory gems.

Had Alma not been so scared and confused, he may have found it all beautiful.

Eventually, Alma's attention landed on the only object remaining in the room. It was toward the one of the walls, and stood on it's own. A gleaming frame of what looked to by crystal and glass stood, and reminded Alma of some kind of tear-drop shape. It was immensely detailed from what Alma could see, with an odd energy that felt to be pulsating from it. Without thinking, Alma gradually approached the frame, before his attention soon fell onto the pile of glass that was next to the frame.

'No, that's not just glass…' Alma, realized as he knelt down to look closely at them.

Those were mirror shards.

"You're awake."

The voice broke through the silence, and Alma turned. He was still kneeling beside the pile of mirror shards, but could see the speaker clearly. A woman stood there, still and graceful as though she were some kind of ethereal creature. Alma was honestly caught off guard by how stunning the woman's appearance was; her skin looked as though it had been carved with ivory, and was flecked with speckles of ice. Her lips were dark though – dark like a cool, frosted crimson. Eyes of frosted ink peered at Alma, making him still; he could hardly moved he was so transfixed by those eyes.

The woman's expression was unreadable, and Alma felt nervous. Unable to look away, he noticed that she too appeared…abnormal. She was mostly covered with a strangely styled dress that Alma had never seen the likes of before, with long, wide sleeves that trailed to the ground and a thick band of fabric wrapped around her waist. She also wore a headpiece that appeared odd and foreign to Alma; it split into two halves that extended out to the side, and a long tassel of frosted golden thread tumbled out from each end. Alma saw how it helped to emphasize her long, jet-colored hair.

Alma found it difficult to moved. Even in her beauty, the woman made him uneasy. "Who're you?" Alma found himself asking, his words filled with wariness.

The woman did not answer Alma, and he felt a wave of anger flare up within him. She had just spoken – could she not answer his question?

Frowning, Alma's edginess spilled forward. "Can you at least tell me where this place is?" He questioned, his voice sounding irritable and agitated. "Why did you bring me here?"

Still, the woman did not respond. Alma felt his body tense, as though he were an animal ready to attack when she finally started to approach him. The woman's movements immediately caused Alma to freeze, as his heart thudded in his chest.

The woman walked over to where Alma was still kneeling, and she glanced down at the pile of shards soundlessly. Then, she turned to look at the empty frame. "It's broken," She spoke, her voice unnaturally melodic. "Can you fix it?"

Alma blinked, completely thrown off by the question. "What?" He repeated, not even sure if he had heard correctly. "You mean…"

Trailing off, Alma looked at the pile of mirror shards. Did the woman mean fixing the mirror?

Instantly frustrated by the notion, Alma turned his head sharply as he looked up at the woman. "No, that's impossible! There must be a thousand tiny pieces here!" He snapped, not sure how fixing some stupid mirror was even relevant to the fact that Alma had just woken up in some strange and unfamiliar place with some strange and unfamiliar woman.

Turning to Alma, the woman looked at him nonchalantly. Alma stiffened as the woman came close to Alma, and knelt beside him. Without warning, she then took Alma's hand, and stared at it. Alma tensed, and he noticed that the woman's hand also had an abnormal appearance – with her hands and fingers clenched at the joints with the bulk of her hands appearing metallic and silvery.

Alma's eyes lingered on the woman's long, smooth fingers. Her nails were sharper than Alma's, and she was lightly tracing the odd blue of Alma's hand. "You're becoming an akuma," She observed calmly. "Soon you'll be one fully."

The woman paused, and her eyes met Alma's. Alma felt his breath catch in his throat.

"I can slow the process, if you wish me to," The woman added.

Alma said nothing at first. He felt confused – what was an akuma? The word seemed vaguely familiar, but he could not recall just where he had heard it. Was it…some kind of monster?

A memory flashed in Alma's mind – the last memory he had before he blacked out. Faintly, Alma recalled being with that man – Tyki, he had called himself – and then Kanda. And Kanda had called the man an akuma.

"What did you do, akuma?"

Alma now realized where he heard the word. Kanda had venomously accused Tyki of being one, and while Alma could not remember if Tyki had denied it or not he could remember that Tyki had not been ordinary. Tyki had been something inhuman, with abilities that made Alma want to shudder. The ghostly sensation of Tyki reaching into Alma's chest was haunting, and Alma nearly shivered at the memory. Was Tyki an akuma? Was Tyki a monster? Kanda had certainly thought so.

What would Kanda think if Alma were an akuma?

Alma's eyes flickered down to his hand that the woman was still holding, and his insides twisted. He didn't want to be a monster.

Mutely, Alma nodded his head. He didn't understand what was going on, but whatever an akuma was, he didn't want to be one. He wanted to just be normal.

The woman looked at Alma, with her expression neutral and devoid of any real emotion. With a gentle touch, she cupped the side of Alma's face with her other hand before she turned Alma so that he was looking at her.

Alma's blue eyes, which appeared far lighter than normal, stared back at the woman. He was not certain as to what she was doing, but if this woman could stop…whatever it was that as happening to him, then Alma would oblige in however she needed him to.

'Just…make it stop. Please make it stop,' Alma silently found himself pleading as his heart continued to race.

The woman held his gaze, with her face close to Alma's. Slowly, she then pulled in where her lips brushed against the young man's.

Alma's whole body went rigid as the woman kissed him. His eyes widened slightly, and he wasn't sure how to react. However, a strange sense of peace seemed to wash over Alma – one that made him almost feel sleepy. His lips seemed to go numb from the physical contact of the woman, and his eyelids closed, feeling heavy and weighed down. He just felt so…

'I feel so…'

His mind felt fuzzy, and he couldn't think clearly. Where was he again? Why was he there? Alma's memory felt as though it weren't working properly.

'So…'

Alma couldn't even finish his thought, as he soon gave into the cold darkness.

It was the middle of the night, but Kanda couldn't sleep.

He was currently sitting up in the loft at Tiedoll's house. Tiedoll had been dead-set on making sure Kanda wasn't alone that night, and like a hovering parent had insisted that Kanda remain at his house for the time being. Kanda realized he should have been sleeping. However, every time he closed his eyes he was plagued with images of swirling snowflakes and the sound of the shrill, wintry wind. Kanda couldn't sleep. He couldn't rest. Not with Alma missing.

Missing. Yes, Alma was missing. He wasn't dead – he was alive. He had to have been. There was just no way Alma could be dead. The woman had taken Alma alive – so that had to have been a sign right? If she had wanted Alma dead, then surely she would have killed him then. That was what akuma did – they killed humans right away. They didn't spare them or take them captive.

Kanda clutched at the bed sheets beneath him. Teeth clenched, Kanda's fist trembled. 'Damn it…'

How could he just stay there and attempt to rest when Alma was out there somewhere? It was a maddening thought that made Kanda want to scream. Alma was such an idiot that he could hardly take care of himself to begin with. He got stung by nettles because he messed with things like some curious child, and nearly tripped over everything because he was too busy doing foolish things like admiring the sky or the snowfall. 'Idiot. Alma, you stupid, stupid idiot,' Kanda thought, as he shut his eyes tightly.

His heart twisted as he continued to think of Alma, and the annoyingly sweet, carefree smile he always had on his face. The smile Alma always wore with Kanda.

A pained ache lingered in Kanda's chest. He didn't want that smile to be gone. He didn't want that stupidly foolish and stupidly beautiful smile to be gone.

He truly hated himself. Kanda hated himself so damn much – why couldn't he have gotten there sooner? Why couldn't he have found Alma sooner, and gotten him away from that strange man and that akuma-woman? Damn it, why couldn't he have at least saved Alma?

'He's not dead yet,' A voice seemed to remind Kanda, causing him to open his eyes. 'He's not dead yet. You can still find him. You can still save him.'

Reaching into his pocket, Kanda pulled out the two items inside. One was the silver lotus pin – the one that Alma had found and returned to him. The other object was the silver rose cross that Marie had given Kanda. 'The order…' Kanda remembered, recalling the instructions Marie had given Kanda on how to find this supposed group of exorcists.

Truthfully, if anyone did known anything, it would be this group of exorcists. Apparently, they knew more than anyone – even more than Tiedoll's family had.

Perhaps they would know about how Kanda could find Alma.

Clutching the two silver items, Kanda brought his hand to his mouth thoughtfully, as he rested his arms on his knees. His heart was pounding with trepidation and bitterness, which was only fueled by his unquenchable yearning to know where Alma was. Was Alma alone? Was he with others? Was he scared at all, or hurt? Kanda recalled how Alma had been practically withering in pain before the akuma had showed up, and Kanda felt a fresh wave of nausea pass over him as worry consumed his heart. 'He'd been in pain…'

Kanda had just never felt so useless before. And then Mugen…

'Mugen,' Kanda recalled, as his mind flickered back to the way the unanticipated pain had seared through his body. Kanda winced at the memory. His hold arm had burned that primarily handled Mugen, and it was as though a fire had been blazing into Kanda's chest. His hand had been shaking for nearly and hour after.

'Damn it, innocence, why?' Kanda wondered.

Kanda had not told Tiedoll what happened with Mugen. The man would have had a conniption had Kanda said anything. Tiedoll had been worried about Mugen reacting negatively to Kanda for years now, and if Tiedoll knew that Mugen had acted up as it did just hours ago then the man would have probably found a way to keep Kanda on lock down like some overprotective parent. Which Kanda wouldn't have. He wouldn't be reduced to some placid existence.

Kanda had known the risks of forcing a synchronization with the innocence. He had known it would be dangerous. Gradually, Kanda had started to come to the realization it would slowly take tolls on Kanda's body as well. Daisya had even noticed on a few occasions. The ragged breaths at night coming from where Kanda slept and the look of weariness that laced Kanda's body had not even escaped the Turk's attention, who on several occasions had prodded Kanda about if he was alright.

"Hey, man, you ok?" Daisya asked, as he looked at Kanda with a slight frown. "You're looking pretty bad over there…"

Kanda took a deep breath, his skin feeling a bit hotter than normal. He was currently sitting against the base of a tree while Daisya sat across from him. Clutching his right shoulder, Kanda nodded. "I'm fine," He answered, his voice somewhat hoarse. "Just strained a muscle probably."

Daisya raised an eyebrow, not appearing to believe him. "Must be a pretty bad strain," He commented, causing Kanda to shoot a glare in Daisya's direction.

Daisya grinned. "Well, you're as crabby as ever so I guess you're decent," He joked. However, his expression sobered slightly as he continued. "But seriously, Kanda…don't be fucking yourself up and leaving me without a partner."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Tch. I'm not going to die," He muttered.

'Yet,' A voice seemed to remind Kanda. 'You're not going to die yet.'

Kanda pushed aside the memory. He couldn't worry about that now.

Kanda was not certain as to what the exact time. He imagined it was close to 2:00AM probably, but he would not be able to sleep. Silently coming to a decision, he swung his legs over the mattress in the loft as he climbed down to the main level. Tiedoll had likely already gone to sleep, leaving Kanda to be the only one awake. For a second, he debated on waking Tiedoll – on at least telling him where he was going. However, Kanda decided against it. Tiedoll would only try to talk him out of leaving.

Still, Kanda felt a bit of guilt from abruptly leaving the last time, and crept over to where there was some paper and writing utensils on the table nearby. Quickly, Kanda scrawled a short note down for Tiedoll, and went into the kitchen where Kanda left it on the kitchen table where Tiedoll would immediately find it.

Once that was taken care of, Kanda was quick to gather his things. He made sure he had all he needed in his bag – some herbs, an extra change of clothes, and some money. He would probably need to take some food too, so he grabbed a few small things from Tiedoll's pantry before packing it away. 'Sorry, old man,' Kanda silently apologized, though he figured that really some missing food would be the least of Tiedoll's grievances when he woke up.

After he finished packing, Kanda put on his coat, and slung his bag over his shoulder. Mugen was propped against the closet door, and Kanda eyed it warily. He then took it, feeling the weight of the blade as he picked it up. It felt unusually heavy.

Kanda stopped at the front door, and paused to turn. He gave one last look, once more questioning if he should actually say goodbye to Tiedoll. However, Kanda just shook his head. The note would have to do.

Taking a breath, Kanda turned and opened the front door. The icy darkness greeted him, so much like an old friend whom Kanda resented. Without any hesitation, he walked out into the wintry night, and shut the door behind him. 'I'll come back,' He silently promised.

'I'll come back, and I'll bring Alma back with me.'

With that, Kanda ventured off into the moonless night, and he never once looked back.

Tiedoll should have realized that Kanda wouldn't have been there.

Yet he was still surprised. He was still sad. Still worried.

'Kanda…' Tiedoll thought, as he looked at the note that had been left on the table. Tiedoll had woken up that morning, early as always. He had assumed Kanda was still asleep up in the loft at first; Kanda had always slept in when he was younger, or worn out. Tiedoll had planned on not disturbing the young man either; Kanda had been so greatly distressed the previous night that Tiedoll could only imagine the toll it had taken on Kanda.

But then Tiedoll had found the note on the kitchen table. Glancing over it, fear and worry had burst within Tiedoll's chest. He had quickly run to check the loft, in case that maybe Kanda had for whatever reason chosen to stay last minute.

Kanda was gone though, and the loft was empty.

Tiedoll shook his head as he stood, reading the note for the second time. The piece of paper was in his hand as he read it, with Kanda's familiar, messy handwriting scrawled across the sheet of paper. As always, Kanda had not written much – he never had been one to leave notes. The message he had left for Tiedoll hardly contained three sentences at best.

Tiedoll,

Don't come after me. Stay here in case something happens. I'll come back.

Kanda

Sighing, Tiedoll set the note down. He ran a hand through his curly, gray hair as he brought his hand to his chin. A pensive, worried look remained in Tiedoll's eyes. Kanda had written that he would come back, but…

Tiedoll sat down, and rested his head in his hand. Tiedoll found himself recalling his conversation years ago with Izo, and how he had told Izo they would protect Lien and Kanda.

But, Tiedoll couldn't protect Kanda now.

'I'm sorry, Izo,' Tiedoll thought, 'I'm so sorry.'

Silently, Tiedoll prayed that Kanda would be ok.

A/N: Yesterday was Kanda's birthday, and I had meant to post this chapter then (Happy belated birthday, my favorite grouchy exorcist 3), but I got tied up with somethings, and unfortunately, it's an angsty chapter - but I mean angst is only natural after the last chapter you know?

The parts with Alma in this are...interesting. He's clearly the "Kai" in the Snow Queen plot line here, with everything from the cold-hearted akuma transformation to the task of putting together a mirror. As for why the SQ character here wants him to do that, that's something that won't get explained until a little later on. Same with the kiss - which is both relevant to the plot in this, and also a direct reference to the original Snow Queen fairytale for those of you who have read it. (For those of you who haven't, The Snow Queen takes Kai who has been pierced by a mirror shard, and she kisses him twice: once to numb him to the cold, and the second to make him forget his previous life at home. A third kiss, however, would kill him. The kiss in this story has a different effect, which relates more to Alma's akuma-transition though.)

Kanda's innocence is something that will also to become more of a prominent issue. It's something that's been very, verrrrry subtly hinted at in earlier chapters, but now it's going to start becoming more apparent.

I actually originally planned to leave more of a note than this, BUT my brain is pretty fried. Hopefully you guys are enjoying the way the story is progressing! Please let me know your thoughts, feel free to review/comment, or message me about any thoughts about the story. I seriously love to hear feedback and how people are taking to everything, and it helps a lot!