AN: Some of you may have missed chapter 9/10 since the alerts were/are being screwy for the website (and have been for a couple weeks).

FLASHBACKS

September, 2010

Rating- General/Teen

Third Person POV- Serena

Guardians, when they die, are usually buried at the closest dhampir and Moroi cemetery to where they died. Typically, this is because most dhampirs don't have a place to call home. This is why most of the guardians who died the night Dimitri Belikov was restored to a dhampir were interred at the court's cemetery. This is why Serena Douglas, royal guardian, can stand over the grave of her friend and guarding partner- Grant Taylor. This is why she can later in the same day stand near the man who was, in many ways, responsible for Grant's death.

Serena works what is, in the Moroi world, the most boring shift of the day. She works during daylight hours, when court is quiet and most Moroi and dhampirs are asleep. She prefers it. She feels safer in the sun.

After Vasili... Lissa was crowned Queen, she gave Serena the option of choosing any assignment she wanted. It was a rare opportunity, Serena could have taken any position of her choosing, anywhere in the world. She could have been assigned to Emily, her friend since school, to whom she was initially going to be assigned. She could have chosen any place to work in the world, so she chose Lissa.

Why did she choose Lissa? She sometimes asked herself that question. She had known from the start that staying at court meant staying closer to her nightmares. Why did she stay? Because she couldn't imagine giving her life for anyone else. Because, no matter how hard it was to live with her memories, she believed in Lissa and the future she could forge for all their people.

So, Serena stayed at court. Lissa granted her requests with an overwhelming amount of compassion and understanding. Serena wasn't surprised. Lissa had seen the same things Serena had that night.

Serena's schedule was typically the opposite of Rose's schedule, though they did have overlapping hours many days in the week. Serena could have gone to college with Lissa, but she declined. Serena couldn't handle large parking lots, not any more. So, Serena remained at court, working hours where she could avoid Lissa's closest companions. After all, if Serena avoided Rose Hathaway, she also avoided Dimitri Belikov.

Dimitri respected Serena's distance. He wasn't technically a royal guardian, but since he guarded Lissa's boyfriend and lived in the apartments where royal guardians were housed, they were frequently in the same places at the same times. He sat in on the weekly debriefing with all the other palace guardians. He often ate with the royal guardians, since there was a cafeteria in their wing which was frequented by palace guardians. He was quiet, as a general rule, but he was also friendly with everyone who talked to him. Nearly everyone talked to him.

Serena, as a rule, avoided Dimitri. It was obvious to everyone. Even so, it wasn't like anyone expected her to talk to him. Lissa had asked Serena about it once and only once. Serena's answer was simple- she would do her duty, she would work with Belikov to protect their wards, she didn't have to talk to him to do her job. Lissa, though disheartened, respected Serena's decision and never said another word on the matter.

Some people, who weren't fans of Belikov or Rose Hathaway, confided their complaints in Serena. She listened, keeping her opinions neutral. She didn't care for gossip. She didn't dislike Hathaway, and she honestly didn't dislike Belikov- she just wanted to avoid him. Still, she listened. After all, the last queen had been betrayed by two of her own guardians. If Serena could learn anything from people who complained too much, she would let them talk.

One day in September, a little over two months after Dimitri Belikov's restoration, Serena wasn't able to avoid him.

She stood at Grant's grave. They were in a line, the guardians who had been killed that day. She placed flowers on all their graves. She had been the only one, except for Lissa and Christian, to survive the initial attack.

Her hand traced the scars on her arm. Adrian Ivashkov had done his best to heal her, but he had left scars. Lissa had offered to heal the scars, but Serena wanted them. If she got rid of the scars, would she forget the cost?

She didn't see Dimitri at first. He had been on the other side of the cemetery, near the Zeklos section. She saw him as he neared the guardian graves. Frozen, she just watched him. He stopped a few rows away from her and knelt. She wondered who he was visiting.

When he stood, he walked toward her.

She couldn't run away, that would be rude and definitely not something a colleague would do. She looked at Grant's grave. She looked at the graves to the right and left of Grant. These were his fault.

"Can we talk?"

She shivered at the sound of his voice, the voice of her nightmares. She looked up. "About?"

"We... we have never talked," he began, his words halting.

"No," she snapped. "We haven't. I bet you never said anything to them either." With a sweep of her hands, she gestured to the row of graves where she had laid her flowers.

Some part of her saw him cringe, saw the pain and guilt on his face. The part of her which was normally kind, compassionate, and reasonable would have stopped. Unfortunately, that wasn't the part of her which was in control at the moment.

"But I have heard your voice. I hear it every time I try to walk in a parking lot. I hear it when I try to sleep. I hear it..." Her voice caught. She shuddered, trying to stop the deluge of emotions.

"I know that you weren't in control as a Strigoi. I get it. Every rational part of me understands that I could be forced into being a Strigoi, just like you were. But I can't forget what it was like to be on the ground, unable to do anything. I listened to you when you took Lissa and Christian. I heard the things you said. I kept praying that you wouldn't realize I was still alive."

She was trembling, her hand tracing her scars.

He said nothing. The pain on his face mirrored her own.

Weary, she spoke again. "What did you want to say to me?"

"I'm sorry," he managed, barely whispering.

She looked up at the sky, at the warm afternoon sun. "I know."

"I... I also wanted to thank you."

She looked at him. She couldn't decipher the look in his eyes. "For what?"

His lips twitched. "For teaching Vasilisa how to use a stake. You're the reason I'm alive."

She couldn't help it. She began to laugh. Eventually, she realized that he was looking at her like she had completely lost her mind. She took a few deep breaths, calming herself.

"It's funny," she told him. "To hear you thank me for saving your life when I just told you that you're the source of my nightmares."

"I'm sorry." He said again.

She nodded. "I know you are. I don't blame you, not entirely. It's simply much easier for me to ignore you than it is to remember that night."

He considered her words in silence for a long time. "Why did you choose to stay here if you can't stand the sight of me?"

"Because I wanted to serve Lissa, and I don't need to be your friend in order for us to do our jobs."

He gave a slight nod of his head. "I understand." He began to turn away, but she stopped him.

"Wait." She let out a deep breath. "I don't hate you. I think in time that I will be able to forgive you. I just can't, not yet. I do understand that you aren't what you were. I understand that you were forced to be a Strigoi. I just... need time."

He looked at her and nodded again. "I understand."

She bit her lip. He waited, realizing that she was going to say more. "Just to let you know, be careful of Masterson and Caldwell, they don't like you."

He raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

Her lips twitched into a small smile. "Everyone knows that I avoid you like the plague, so they talk to me. They tell me things they wouldn't dare say around you or Hathaway or any of your friends. I guess that they think I'm on their side. I listen because I don't trust any of them. It's good to learn what people are saying."

He nodded slowly. "So, what are they saying?"

"Just complaining at the moment. They whine about favoritism. If they had said anything substantial, I'd let you know. A few guys make lewd remarks about Rose, and the fact that she had been your student, but none of them is a threat."

"Who are they?" His voice came out as a low growl, she trembled. Seeing her, he relaxed his position, to be less intimidating. "Who is making comments about Rose?"

She rolled her eyes. "Every straight male at court has made at least one comment about Rose. Most of the men are smart enough not to say them where it will get back to you. I'll let you know if any of them seems to be willing to cause trouble."

He nodded, though he was clearly unhappy that he didn't know who was saying things about himself and Rose. "Thank you. Why tell me?"

"We're on the same side. We both want to keep Vasilisa safe, and that means keeping her support system safe. She relies on three people- Christian, Rose, and you. If people are too stupid to realize that I will choose her above them, that's on their own heads."

A soft smile lit up his face. "Are we allies then?"

She considered it for a moment, and then nodded. "Allies." It was better than being enemies.

AN:

Thank you all for your lovely comments on the story so far! :)

(Sorry I didn't get back to anyone's comments last chapter, I've been very busy O_O)

I also hope that you don't hate poor Serena for her inability to forgive Dimitri. By keeping her in the narrative, I had to think about her perspective... and I just couldn't imagine her forgiving him at this point. Rose, Lissa, and Christian all knew Dimitri before he was a Strigoi, so it was easy for them to forgive him. Serena's first encounter with Dimitri nearly killed her.

Dimitri was visiting Ivan and Brandon's graves.