DISCLAIMER: I own nothing and no one from Spiderman. I am just a writer and a spidy fan. I make NO money from this. Please don't sue.

Chapter 11: Despairing Thoughts

Spider slammed the bathroom door behind himself, leaving Venom alone in the chilly room with it's thoughts. The cold did not bother the symbiote in the least. In fact, it barely felt the low temperature. Such things were more of a human concern. Vemon's body had evolved to automatically change 'internally' to respond to it's environment and in doing so it keeps itself at the optimum temperature always even within the vacuum of space. The alien barely even noticed let alone noted the cold in the room. Besides it had much more troubling things on its mind then a few low degrees.

Venom wanted to mate. It wanted to mate now, but it wasn't sure if it's Spider could take it yet. It had been watching and calculating the boy's state since the moment it had walked through the door and found the brunet awake. True, Spider was up and walking about on his own two legs again, but the human was also very weak. And he had been bleeding.

Venom winced at the memory, knowing with shame that it had been the one who had caused it's mate the troublesome injury. The alien's thoughts shifted to the night it had been so angry and it had hurt the boy so bad. It had been mating then, but it had damaged its mate in the process. That was wrong. It never should have damaged it's mate. It wanted to make up for that. It wanted to mate again soon so it could figure out how to do so without injuring its partner. It desired the brunet's pleasures. It desired the thing more than it could have imagined before. It had learned about pleasures while it had been away. It had learned many things as it sought out knowledge of human matings, not wanting to pain the teen again. And it wanted to try pleasuring it's mate now, but was the Spider ready? Was the Spider healed enough or would mating just cause him more pain? Venom didn't want the boy's pain. It never wanted to pain it's love ever again, but it wanted to mate so badly. So, so very badly.

The symbiote rumbled softly in indecision as it sat considering the door the boy had disappeared behind and thought through it's impossible situation. It had never felt this kind of longing for another's flesh before. The urge was so strong it almost hurt. But it knew it mustn't injure it's mate again. That would be wrong. Bad. But how could it know when the boy was ready? There were so many variables to consider. So much to think about. Lots and lots of baffling human things to think about. Stupid human make life so difficult. Venom felt like it was having to twist its mind in horribly unnatural ways just to consider this problem and the worst part was the more it though, the less sure it was of what to do.

Miserable with dealing with all these annoying human things the alien sighed in self pity. Even when it tried so hard the boy rejected it. The Spider had rejected the food it had gifted him with after all. All the symbiote wanted was to be close to it's love. To mate and be happy, but the boy rejected all of that. Nothing Venom did seemed to be good enough for him. The alien whined softly to itself in mourning, holding it's head in it's hands in it's uncertainty. Oh what should we do? What can we do to make the Spider accept us? What?!

/\/\/\/\/\

Ew, ew, ew, eeeeu-wah! Peter shuddered as he stood bent over the sink, the blankets wrapped firmly around his waist as he splashing warm water over his wounded and thoroughly slobbered-on shoulder. He felt so dirty. He was so freaking sick of being licked-up by the symbiote. That long, fat, slimy, tapered tongue lapping at him like some kind of demented dog. Always licking him. Uh! Just the thought of it made his skin crawl.

The teen rubbed gently at his shoulder and arm to wash off what little dried blood Venom's tongue had missed. He wished he had a disinfected so he could clean the wound better. He couldn't imagine all the nasty little germs the alien might have given him by licking his open wound, but there was nothing in sight. The bathroom was completely empty except for some toilet paper rolls stacked on the counter. He had even looked in the cabinet above the toilet and under the sink, but there still was nothing more. Not even a bar of soap... But there was running water. He was thankful for that. It was hot too, even though the rest of the heating throughout the building seemed to be broken or turned off or something. He only hoped the water lines didn't freeze sometime. That would be a mess.

Peter carefully dabbed his wound dry with a pad of toilet paper and was relieved when the tissue came away without any fresh red droplets of blood. He realized then that Venom must have licked his wounds while he was unconscious the last time it had injured him because he couldn't remember waking up with any blood on his skin. Truthfully, he had been a little worried about all the bleeding he had been doing lately. He knew he'd kinda lost a lot of blood ever since he had been kidnapped by Venom and that fact had been troubling him for awhile, especially when he looked at the bloody wall he had been bound to before. Didn't the alien know bleeding was bad? That if he lost too much he could die?

Peter sighed, leaning against the sink, feeling suddenly very tired. He couldn't believe the bite mark on his shoulder hadn't healed yet. It should have only taken a few hours, but it felt like he had been stuck in this hellhole forever. I guess it really hasn't been that long, he thought, closing his eyes and tipping his head back with a soft huff. Or maybe there was just something in the alien's spit that was interfering with his healing. He just didn't know.

The teen sighed again. At least the wound didn't look or feel infected. That was very good. He hoped it would heal clean. He wasn't sure what he could do if it didn't. Maybe he could somehow get Venom to bring him a real first aid kit, but the symbiote would probably insist on just licking him some more.

Peter turned away from the sink with a shiver. It was just sooo disgusting. Well, going to the bathroom had been more than just an excuse to get away from the giant lick-monster. The teen really did need to use the facilities so he unknotted the blankets from around his waist with a few jerky pulls, shivering a little as the rest of his bare skin was exposed to the cold and positioned himself over the toilet.

His pee burned. He winced, a whimper escaping him, but he bit his lip and forced himself to finish. What was even more frightening was his normally pale yellow urine was coming out bloody. Peter had to swallow down his fear, but, luckily (if you could call it that), this had happened to him once before. He had been out on 'the job' a few months ago, hadn't moved quit fast enough and got the pummeling of his life. A couple of cracked ribs later he was pissing blood. He had been so scared he had broken down and googled what he should do. Basically, it had told him to wait a couple of days then go to the doctor if the stream was still bloody. So he had waited and it had stopped. He prayed the same thing would happen this time. Thank god he didn't have to go number two. He wasn't prepared to see what might come out of there after what the alien had done to him.

Finished, Peter hiked up the blankets to tie them around his waist again with his feet carefully standing on the edges of the cloth so they wouldn't get cold as quickly. The teen chewed his lip, feeling suddenly nervous. He had been avoiding this from the start, but he had to do it. He had to! So he took a deep breath and turned to face his reflection in the mirror above the sink… He didn't recognize the boy that looked back at him.

His reflection looked so worn and ragged. Peter could hardly believe he really looked like that, but, if he admitted it to himself, he certainly felt like that. His normally dark mahogany hair was matted and had turned black with dried sweat and grease. It might have just been the lighting, but his face also seemed somehow thinner; his cheekbones jutting out just a little more severely. Hell, he almost looked gaunt. Naw. He shook his head at his own silliness. He couldn't really look that bad. It must have just been his imagination. Yah, that it. But his eyes… His eyes were the worse and there was no denying it. When he forced himself to look back he could see the dark circles that had formed under his tear-reddened eyes. And his gaze… it just looked so hollow like there was no life left in there. It must be because I'm tired, he thought. He really was sooo tired. He could just fall asleep right here if it wasn't so damned cold.

Peter shivered, pulling the blanket up around his shoulders. He tried to lick his lips, but his mouth was too dry and suddenly he realized how very thirsty he was. He quickly turned on the faucet and drank his fill, grateful for any distraction that kept him from looking at his horrible reflection, but all too soon he had finished and was staring back into his own empty, brown eyes. He sighed and realized he had been doing that a lot lately. I can't get depressed, he said to himself, but it didn't really help.

On a sudden whim he turned around, dropped the blankets, pulled back a cheek and looked at his butt. He didn't want to do it, but he had to know how damaged he was. If his shoulder wasn't healed yet, what else could still be ripped up inside him? His stomach dropped at the thought, but what he found made him hopeful. His hole was red and sore and swollen, but it wasn't torn or bloody. That was a good sign. He gave a sigh of relief, gathering up the blankets from the floor. But still, he should have been completely back to normal by now. Venom really must have really ripped me up good, Peter thought, rubbing a hand over his belly. He didn't realize that with all the strain, his healing ability was overworked and starting to slow down.

Peter rested his palm against his stomach, a small, tried smile spreading across his lips. He was glad he didn't hurt inside anymore. It was nice not to be in constant pain, but… It was strange. Hell it wasn't even rational, but… he kinda missed the little eggies. He remembered the first time he had seen them in the tray. Their pale shells. Their heat. Their soft coos. They were so alive. He found himself smiling wider at the thought of them and blinked. This is no time to be reminiscing Peter! He scolded himself. Pull yourself together. You have to figure out a way out of here!

Suddenly the boy started, his eyes widened as he remembered… The eggs. Peter's eyes widened further. He hadn't… He had totally forgotten he hadn't told Venom about the eggs yet! He had to- Peter bit his lip, trying to think through the situation. The symbiote might let him go if he told it the eggs were alive, but… but what if Venom didn't believe him? It would hurt him again or… or maybe it would just keep him here anyway and make him breed some more. And what if Venom influenced the egglet's to be like itself? Peter couldn't condemn the children to that just to save himself. They were four and he was only one. He could- No! It wouldn't be fair. But then how was he going to get out of this? Peter knew the alien would never forget or forgive if he didn't tell it the eggs were safe, but what choice did he have? He wasn't going to sell out Strange just to save his own hide and he definitely didn't want to get MJ involved in all of this crap just because she helped him. Venom would kill them given the chance, especially if the alien thought they had harmed it's young. Peter knew the symbiote was not so caring of other humans. It would not take the time to think and reason the situation through. No it would just kill them and be done with it. Problem solved. That's how the alien was. Direct, to the point, done. It didn't matter if it was murder. Hell, the alien had tried to kill him numberous time after he had rejected it as the 'black suit' all those years ago and now it had thought up this cute little plan. Peter would almost rather have the homicidal symbiote back then be the creature's new favorite fucktoy, but at least Venom had stopped violating him so painfully.

Peter cocked his head to the side cosidering the situation. The alien did seem to worry about his needs now. He would just have to suffer through until he found some way to escape. He would not give up his friends. Not after they had done so much for him. He just couldn't live with their deaths on his conscious. He already had too many painful memories of that sort. He couldn't survive another. Not if he was responsible… Not if it would be like Ben… Maybe he could somehow stall Venom from mating with him again. Or-or somehow trick the alien into letting him out of the room… Maybe, somehow… If he could only tell Venom about the eggs- No I can't. It's too dangerous for everyone. Venom is too volatile. I can't tell it. Peter sunk to his knees, thinking hard. But then what the hell am I going to do? What can I do? Is there anything-

Peter started as he felt fresh tears prick the corners of his eyes. "No. No, no, no." He slapped his cheeks and stood up, glaring at himself in the mirror. "You are not going to give in to despair, got it?" he said, pointing and angry finger at his reflection. "It won't do you any good. You've got to come up with a real plan."

He nodded smartly at himself after the pep talk and watched as the eyes of the boy looking back at him from the mirror hardened. He would get out of this mess one way or another. He just needed to figure out how.

His stomach growled suddenly, scattering his thoughts. He frowned, rubbing at his belly with a hand. Yah, yah I know. I shouldn't have been a stubborn idiot. I should have just eaten that Chinese food, he thought to himself, leaning his head forward and closing his eyes as he tried to think. "Oh quiet you," he snapped when his stomach continued to growl.

Wait. Peter's eyes flicked open to look at himself in the mirror. Venom seemed to be obsessed with his strength so what if he starved himself weak? Peter really didn't want go on a hunger strike. He liked food, a lot, but it was the only thing he could think of that might work. The direct approach certainly wasn't accomplishing anything and Venom would know if he was just faining weakness. It had to be real. Peter knew it wasn't a very wise thing to do but right now, but he was far more desperate than wise. He would try just about anything to get the alien to let him go.

So, he thought to himself. No eating. Just water. It's just for a little while. You can handle it. He let out a sour huff. As if the symbiote will even think to bring me any food again. It's not like it eats.

Peter nodded to his reflection, his mind made up. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was more than he had before. Although, he glanced around and smiled at what he saw. If he ever got desperate there was plenty of metal around here. He could probably drop the symbiote with a few well placed clangs, but he'd have to be really desperate because it would mean ripping the bath fixtures and piping out of the walls. It would be a serious mess and ever then he would still have to figure out how to get through that damned door.

Really, Peter thought in surprise, his mind wandering. This room is strangely clean, even if it is empty. He wondered if Venom had prepared it for him or if the alien just found it this way. For some reason Peter thought it was the latter. He just couldn't quite imagine the creature cleaning a toilet.

Ah, well, he sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. He'd done everything he could for right now, so he pushed himself away from the mirror, turned on the shower and as soon as the water had warmed up, dropped the blankets and stepped into heated stream. He sighed in bliss and closed his eyes, his face turned up towards the showerhead. Thank God for hot water. He knew he was going to be cold afterward and he was going to have to use his only blanket to dry off, but he just needed this. He needed to feel clean, if only for a few minutes. As soon as he had adjusted to the temperature of the water, he turned the heat up higher. It was just so nice not to feel so cold all the time. There was no soap, but it didn't really matter; just feeling the wash of water against his skin made his feel a little less dirty. For several minutes he managed to just enjoy the pleasure of the hot water pounding his skin. It was utter bliss… until his mind started thinking again.

God he was homesick. He wished he could see aunt May- Hell, he wished he could just see his own damn room for a few seconds. It would be so nice to sleep in his own bed surrounded by familiar things and smells. Anywhere, but here would be great… But he wasn't anywhere. He was here. Sadness settled heavily inside him and despair followed, nipping at his heals.

Peter leaned his forehead against the wall as the tears started to flow. He just wanted to go home. It was only a matter of time before the alien raped him again. Please someone, anyone take me away from here. Please.

A soft sob escaped him and he sunk to the floor weeping. He tried to pretend he wasn't really crying; that it was not tears, but the water from the shower streaming down his face. He couldn't convince himself for very long.

What am I going to do? he sobbed, hugging himself around the waist. He knew he was completely in Venom's control and there was nothing he could really do about it. Not yet. The course of action he had decided to take would take time… but what if he didn't have time?

Please, I don't want to be raped again, he silently begged to anyone who might be listening. I don't want to hurt again. Please… someone… help me.

"No," he growled, angrily dashed away the tears. You can't count on others to help you. You've got to help yourself, Peter.

The brunet sniffed, rubbing his eyes. Dammit, he punches floor, pissed with himself. Why am I crying so much? I'm not some useless wimp. Come on! Expect right now he was useless wimp. Completely useless. He couldn't even get through a damned door.

"Dammit," he whispered, sobbing into his hands and rocking slightly on his knees as hot water continued to stream over his body. "Dammit, dammit, dammit-"

"Oh ssssspider."

Peter jerked with surprise and glanced up out of his hands as the words that didn't come from his mouth graced his ears. He was startled to find the symbiote crouched just outside the shower looking at him through the streaming water with an almost sorrowful look in it's pale eyes.

"Sssspider what are we going to do with you?"

TBC…

Ha! Hahahahah. I finally, finally got a new chapter up. I know it's not as action packed as you probably would like it to be, but it does answer some questions. I know it's also shorter then I promised some of you, but I decided to cut the chapter into a few different hunks so I could get something up soon without going totally insane. I hope you like and, as always, I love reviews.

IMPORTANT NOTE: For those that don't know yet I have added 'Alien' and 'Innocent' to Archive of Our Own for safekeeping just in case it gets deleted here so you can read my stories there too if you would like. Also I've started two new fics on AO3. Ones a MorlunxPeter (I know, strange, huh?) fic and ones a Hellboy fic.

P.S. Thank you to everyone who reviewed this fic. There were so many of you I can't begin to respond to all of you without talking hours more before putting up this chapter (and I figured you'd rather have an update then my ramblings), but I wanted you to know that you all are wonderful and kept me writing. Thank you so much.