A/N:Thanks for continuing to read WWW! A few things: An anonymous reader stated that they mentioned in Red Dawn that Patrick stayed in the asylum for 6 months. I'm still watching the seasons (I'm just starting the fifth) and have not reached that episode and didn't know they had a set time period for him to be in the asylum… So this fic is not one hundred percent canon in regards to that time span because the total time, if I stay at the current time frame, won't be up to six months unless I put in a huge skip (which I most likely will not do). My apologies if some of you are disappointed that it doesn't fit in canon perfectly. Also with the hallucinations, I know the first time he hallucinates Charlotte (at least as a teen) is in Devil's Cherry, but this is an idea I love playing with so bear with me. I'm trying to make these chapters longer as well. All things I'm learning in this process. Thank you to those who continue to review and give me feedback. It is appreciated more than you know. Enjoy Chapter 11!
Gold.
Gold socks, gold paintings, gold chair.
Gold hair glistening in the sunlight.
Patrick stared at the small child for a few moments, blinking his eyes repeatedly to make sure he knew what he was seeing. He looked around the room to see if any of the other patients noticed. They all carried on, not seeming to be bothered in the slightest (or bothered any more than they normally were, for that matter…) by this little girl.
Who was he kidding? This wasn't just any little girl.
This was Charlotte.
His daughter.
"Daddy, come here!" she exclaimed, her face bright with joy.
Patrick felt his heart rate increase as he moved closer, cautiously sitting down in his normal violet chair. He kept eye contact with the tiny human, not one hundred percent sure what to think. Hallucination? Red John?
"Charlotte?" he whispered curiously.
"Yes?" she answered obediently.
"Who told you to come here?"
"Nobody! I wanted to come see you! I miss you."
Red John had to have set this up. Charlotte, his daughter, was dead. Patrick glanced out the window at the children playing on the playground, immediately directing his attention to the swings. He needed to find the girl who had reminded him of Charlotte—same blonde curly hair, same violet boots, same bright and joyful smile. He scanned the swing sets, no sight of the girl.
Until she came running around the corner from the slide to take her usual spot on the swings.
Good, because the day Red John starts manipulating and using children is the day I draw the line.
Bad, because that means I'm hallucinating.
"Daddy, aren't you happy to see me?"
Patrick brought his eyes back to Charlotte, attempting to hold back his tears at the sight of her.
"Yes, darling…Yes. I—" he swallowed, shaking his head, looking down at the tile, then back up into her brilliantly bright blue eyes. "I am so very happy to see you."
He opened his arms, motioning for her to come into his lap. She did so obediently. Patrick wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could. It brought him unbelievable distraught to know that someone who felt so real, wasn't. Following the hug, she sat herself on Patrick's lap.
"It's an adventure day today, Dad!"
Patrick smiled, remembering his persuasive ways of getting Charlotte to go outside. "When the grass is really super green, the sun is really super bright, and the birds are chirping really super loud, those are adventure days! That's when we have to make sure to go outside for a bit of time."
She hopped off his lap and tugged at his hand. "C'mon! Adventure day! Let's go!"
Patrick rose and obeyed, following the young child to the door that lead to the courtyard. He nodded and smiled briefly at the door guard and waited as he opened the door for him and his hallucination to go through. Charlotte had let go of his hand to bolt to the beautifully well-kept green grass.
The fresh air hit Patrick like a slap to the face. Sure, he'd opened the window to its capacity every so often when he was in his room to get a slight breeze of the warm autumn air, but he hadn't been outside outside since his admittance a few weeks ago. His skin invited the golden warmth of the sun, his white clothing brightly repelling it. He closed his eyes, breathing in a much needed deep breath.
To say going outside was refreshing, rejuvenating, and relinquishing to the curly-haired blonde would be an immense understatement.
"Come here, Daddy! Come play!" she giggled excitedly as she rolled around in the grass.
A smile lit up on Patrick's face as he ran across the courtyard to his daughter. No other patients were there, except Patrick, so he felt comfortable playing with his hallucination out of the sights of others. He took off his slippers, tossing them toward a wall.
He ran up to her, scooping her in his arms. Charlotte giggled and screamed wildly as Patrick shifted to move her and put her on his shoulders. The young child extended her arms high up into the air, smiling as she let her face soak up the beaming rays of sun. Patrick trotted lightly around the grassed areas, feeling the coolness of it beneath his bare feet.
"I'm as tall as a building!" she exclaiming, continuing to reach her arms to the sky.
"You're a giant!" Patrick laughed, still trotting around the grassed areas.
"Wait! Down! Down!" she pressed her hands on the soft tousles of Patrick's hair. He stopped in his tracks, reaching his hands to grab her and bring her back down onto the grass.
"What shall we play now, your highness?"
"I am a princess, and…" she thought for a second. "…and YOU are the dragon trying to set my castle on fire!"
She ran quickly to one of the picnic tables provided, the prominent smile still displaying on Patrick's face. He ran after her, flapping his arms and roaring deeply as a dragon. Charlotte screamed, taking cover underneath the table.
Patrick spoke deeply, obnoxiously, and playfully. "I'm going to get you, Princess!"
"You can call me George…" a voice spoke from across the courtyard.
Patrick gasped, shooting himself upright. He blinked blankly, not quite sure what to say for himself. He knew if he let them know of the hallucinations they would take him off the medication. Best to keep quiet.
"Daddy, who's that?" Charlotte questioned.
"You're…ah…You're late for group. They asked me to come find you." George explained, not wanting to go further into the actions seen prior to the conversation.
"Oh, yes. Yeah. Group. Coming." Patrick looked over at Charlotte, raising his eyebrows at her as a notion to follow. She did so obediently, following Patrick as he jogged back inside, suppressed laughter begging to come out.
"You going to tell me what that was about?" George protested.
"Just…having a little fun is all." Patrick smiled, looking down at his daughter. She held his hand and skipped, giggling every so often.
"Uh-huh…" George knew something was fishy, however he wasn't one to poke. He opened the door to C4, holding it open for Patrick. "Have fun."
Patrick turned, smiling at George. "Sure will."
He kept Charlotte's hand in his as they walked into the room, the familiar group of patients already sitting in a circle.
"Patrick. How nice of you to join us." Dr. Travis remarked.
"My apologies, doctor." Patrick spoke, taking his seat. "I got caught up in the beautiful day outside." The hallucination hopped into Patrick's lap, leaning her head against his chest.
"I told you it was nice outside today!" Lana exclaimed, directing her comment at Marvin. "Go outside sometime, you hermit!"
Marvin took offense. "How about you go and—"
"Alright, then! We will have none of that in our session today, thank you." Dr. Travis interrupted. "How is everyone today?"
Conversation ensued amongst the group. Charlotte hopped out of Patrick's lap, grabbing his hand. "Daddy, come on! Adventure day!"
"Shh.." Patrick tried whispering to her, shaking his head and eyeing for her to return to his lap.
"But why?! I wanna go back outside!"
He raised his eyebrows at her, eyeing once more for her to return to his lap. She groaned, stomping back to his lap as he helped her up. She crossed her arms defiantly as she laid her head back against his chest.
Patrick sat obediently through group, occasionally kissing the top of Charlotte's head. He was relieved at the fact he was in a mental institution, otherwise kissing and holding the air would be mildly concerning behavior. He had to keep his actions to a minimum, though. Patrick knew if he was too bold with any actions or words, someone would figure it out and they would take him off his medications.
He had already lost her once. He couldn't afford to lose her again.
"George tells me you were in the courtyard yesterday?" Sophie interrogated at the following mornings' session.
Patrick nodded, taking note of Charlotte out of the corner of his eye. She sat on the floor beside his chair playing "Pat-a-cake" with the carpeted floor.
"What were you doing outside?"
"Enjoying the fresh air…" he answered simply.
"It was an adventure day!" Charlotte added, excitedly.
"Was that all you were doing?"
Patrick nodded confidently.
"We were playing giants and then we played Princess and the Dragon! Princess and the Dragon is my favorite! We usually play it every night before I go to bed."
A smile crept onto Patrick's face. He looked down, trying to conceal it from Sophie.
"I'm guessing the medication is working then…" Sophie retorted.
"Why's that?" Patrick responded quickly, shy of panic. "I mean...why do you think that?"
Sophie eyed him oddly. "Patrick, yesterday morning you were ghostly. I mean, not as bad as you have been, of course. But still you lacked color in your face and motivation in your movements. But last night and this morning it's like you're a whole different person. Your face is brighter, you're smiling more, you seem…happy." She paused, meeting Patrick's gaze. "Are you happy, Patrick?"
"Yes." he answered simply I am the happiest I have been since that night.
"Well, if you're happy then we might as well lower your dosage of the amitriptyline and put you on something else for a lesser intense depression."
"No!" he responded quickly, startling Charlotte. He swallowed, feeling his heart pulsate beneath his chest. "I mean, you can't lower my dosage, right? What if that throws everything off? Why not keep me on it and then I'll stay un-depressed? No need to switch or anything."
Sophie eyed the blonde curly-haired man. "We don't want you to become dependent upon the drug to keep your mood lifted, though. That's why we will ease you off of it so you can adapt and your brain can create those hormones on its own."
"I'm not ready for that yet." Patrick admitted. I'm not ready to let her go. Not again. I'm not doing it.
"Other than the lift in your mood, how are you taking to the new medication? Any side effects?"
I see and play with my dead daughter. "Nope."
"Not even a headache?"
"Nope."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing." he protested.
"Okay," she finally agreed, writing a few things down in her notebook. "We will keep you on it just to see if your brain is acting impulsively on the major shift in hormones. If your mood proceeds to stay like this, we will start easing you off of it. But for now, we'll remain at your regular dosage."
Patrick nodded, glancing briefly down at Charlotte before taking his gaze back to Sophie.
"Can we go yet, Daddy?"
Sophie concluded her writing and looked up at Patrick. "We are done for this morning. I will see you later, Patrick."
Patrick nodded and smiled once more, heading for the door.
"Patrick?" Sophie persisted.
He turned around quickly, raising his eyebrows at the psychiatrist. "Yes?"
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
He blinked, responded quickly. "No. No, I don't think so."
"Are you sure?"
She stared him down as if she knew what was going on, but wanted him to tell her first. There was no way he'd be telling her what was going on. Not yet.
"Yes, I'm sure." he responded, smiling.
"C'mon, Daddy!" Charlotte tugged at his shirt. Patrick smiled at Sophie before obediently following the hallucination.
He couldn't stand the fact of losing her again. He needed to find a way to convince Sophie he was miserable and needed the drugs.
The duo retreated out of the hallway into the main hallway.
"I made some art earlier and I want to show it to you!" Charlotte exclaimed, dragging him by the hand down the hallway to C1—the art room. He smiled obnoxiously, getting excited to see what she had created. She always had been more creative than Patrick and Angela combined.
They arrived at the door as Patrick reached for the doorknob.
"Wait!" Charlotte pleaded. "Daddy, you have to promise me something."
"Anything, darling."
"Promise me you won't hate it."
Patrick laughed, "I won't hate it, honey. I bet it's beautiful." He opened the door, face filled with excitement and anticipation.
All joy, color, and brightness vanished from his complexion.
The walls.
The white walls.
White walls stained crimson.
Crimson with the face.
His face.
Every wall, every corner, every size.
Everywhere.