The night of the dance had finally fucking come. You weren't at all happy that gamzee had decided to drag you to it either. The last thing that you needed was to witness sollux and everyone else sucking face and reminding you of the fact that you were going to most likely be, forever alone. You stand there, kanaya fussing with your hair and your clothes before sighing and placing a hand on her hip.
"Perfect." Her painted lips tug into a smile across her pale face. She had driven all the way up here to make sure you were picture perfect for the dance, and you were…grateful? She just pushes you to the door of your room and you sigh. You had a few sleeping pulls in your jacket and if you needed to you would use them.
"do I have to go?" she scowls at you and you just tense and go to the door, opening it to gamzee, grinning softly.
"hey brother. You all up and ready?" you just roll your eyes and grab his arms, going to the taller males rusty pickup and climb in the passenger's side. Gamzee hops in and starts it up. Kanaya having headed back to her own car. He pulls out and heads to the school, your stomach churning and you chewing your lip.
"calm the motherfuck down okay?" he pulls up and turns to look at you, putting a hand on your shoulder. You nod and sigh, biting your lip harder and climbing out, closing the door and taking a breath. You could do this. You could do this and you wouldn't fucking chicken out. You step through the doors with gamzee on one side and kanaya at the other, heading to the gym and opening the doors. Every one was there. Shit. You just sort of nod at the cat girl and go into the middle of the gym, spotting feferi dancing with that douche eridan, sollux no where in sight. You go t the corner of the gym and sit down, watching kanaya go off to dance with rose and gamzee just meld into the crowd. He lights and the fog from the machines made you feel overwhelmed and dizzy. You tune out everyone and just watch sollux. Eridan goes off to another part of the gym and sollux is swept into a fast paced dance with feferi. You look down and sigh, feeling your heart rise to your throat and your stomach churn with envy. You should be the one dancing with sollux. You should be the one being held close to his chest as he danced a slow dance and you should be the one avoiding stepping on his feet with a fast paced new aged dance and song. You clench your fists as your throat closes up. You hated being in love, hated being jealous… fuck you just hated feeling in general. The songs slowly fade from fast to slow, you pulling your knees to your chest. You watched as sollux placed his hands on her waist, her hands on his shoulders as the gently glided across the floor in harmony. She was smiling and you could see the hints of the smile forming at his lips. You bite your lip and look down. You would never have a chance. He probably didn't even fucking roll that way anyway. You get up and take a glance back at them, just as her lips connect with his. You bite your lip and tear up, shuffling out of the gym and reaching into your jacket, tugging out the baggie and heading to the bathroom. You stand there and stare at yourself in the large mirror. You looked stupid as always. Pink rimmed eyes, hair a snow white, eyes the horrible shade of red they've been all your life. You down one pill, looking back at yourself.
"stupid fucker. You're nothing good then fucking devil spawn. You killed your own mother…" you down a second pill and you mutter.
"you're more scarred then a person who went through a wood chipper and survived. Why do you even bother you fucking emo." You down a third and squint a bit, sighing.
"you fucked up so much and just look where its gotten you. Now you're slowly drugging yourself to sleep forever in your school bathroom. Good job numbnuts." You down a fouth, then a fifth, swaying slightly and managing to keep your eyes open.
"hah… you fell so hard for him…" you down a sixth, then a seventh and an eighth, hearing the door open, not even bothering to look over at who walked in.
"fuck… I just realized… I'll probably never see….sollux again to tell him I loved him…oh well… he has feferi.. hes happier with her…" you go to take a ninth before a hand reaches out and stops you. You look up to see…sollux. He had tears in his eyes, his eyes wide behind his two tone glasses. You just swallow hard and look down.
"what… never seen…someone…fall asleep?" you go to turn but almost fall backwards, him grabbing you, scooping you up by the back of your knees and carrying you out of the bathroom, down the hall, and out of the school.
"why the fuck are you doing this…" his lisp was more prominent as his voice wavered, you resting your head against his shoulder. He felt… so warm.
"because…I couldn't take it anymore… I wasn't… happy…" you say. God you sounded quiet to yourself and probably to him too.
"look…kk…im…sorry if I fucked up." He was running now you realized. That or the world was really blurry now. It was getting brighter and brighter. You were sure you zoned out or something because last place you remembered being was just about a block away from school. Now sollux was arriving at the hospital and carrying you.
"don't bring me in there…" you say and struggle weakly. Or at least you try to, your limbs felt a little numb at the moment. He brings you to the front desk and the words exchanged between the woman at the desk and sollux were muffled to you. , your limbs felt a little numb at the moment. He brings you to the front desk and the words exchanged between the woman at the desk and sollux were muffled to you. You black out after a few minutes, but hear yelling from sollux and the nurse.
It was peaceful. You were at the zoo with sollux, smiling and laughing at his stupid jokes or when the bees seemed to just hang out on his shoulder like a little insect parrot. God you just wanted to kiss him. You wanted to entangle your fingers in that honey blonde hair, cup his pale cheek in your hand and feel his lips against your own. He smiles at you softly and squeezes your hand, leaning down and kissing your head, murmuring sweet nothings into your hair, causing you to flush and smile. This seemed sort of familiar… but also…everything was kinda bright. Also there was a loud sort of beeping in the backround. You just sort of pass it off as a bird or something and lean into sollux. He felt odd though. Like his clothes were a bit starchy, and his face was harder to see.
"sollux?" you say softly and sort of try to reach an arm up. You cant. Its trapped by an invisible force in way. You feel sollux squeeze your hand lightly and you squeeze back. It's a bit difficult to how ever. As if your arm was numb.
"hes waking up" you hear sollux say. He sounds far away and sort of echoy. You slowly shake your head and open your eyes, or try to. Your eye lids feel like they're glued together.
"wh…" you blink awake and look around, before up to sollux. He was crying, but smiling.
"hey kk." You sort of blink and smile softly. Had he come to your house to wake you up? Why would your dad let him in? what was going on…
"what..happened…did i…fall asleep or something?.." solluxs expression changes in n instant and you can hear him swallow hard, squeezing your hand hard and sort of kissing your forehead lightly instead of answering. You frown and struggle to sit up, groaning in pain at your stiff back and limbs, laying back down and sighing.
"what happened?..." he looks at you and then looks to the side, sighing.
"you've…. Been in a coma basically." You raise a brow and tip your head a bit.
"how…long exactly?..." he bites his lip and pets your hair.
"two weeks… you tried to overdose at the dance and almost succeeded. They managed to fix you though.. youre gonna be okay…" he lifts your hand up and kisses the back of it. You swallow hard and look at him. It was silent for a good while, and you managed to sit up eventually. He rubs your back, hugging you close and telling you what you missed. He broke up with feferi, and couldn't stop thinking about you and if you were okay or not. Gamzee had come to visit almost as frequently as he himself did. He had talked to you every day, held your hand, even sang to you softly. He had…said he…loved you back. When sollux tells you this you look up at him in shock, him sort of smiling at you softly and sighing.
"yeah… I mean…shit kk I didn't take you seriously at first cuz you were shit faced… but when I saw you crying in the bathroom and saying how much you actually loved me as you were going to take the last pill I realized that you had actually meant it. I mean…I liked you and shit but I thought you were talking in a drunken stupor." You blink and look at him, him turning to face you and smiling softly. You bite your lip and lean up, pressing your lips to his softly, him tensing before relaxing and kissing you back, placing a hand on your hip and cupping your cheek with the other. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and smile softly into the kiss, pulling away gently after a few minutes.
"i…love you.." you say softly and run a hand through his hair.
"yeah I love me too." You punch him softly and actually laugh for the first time in a long time. He just kisses you lightly and take hold of your hand.
"I love you too kk.." you hug him tightly. He sort of pulls back and you raise a brow, tipping your head. He stands up and takes your hand, pulling you to your feet. You were in one of those white gowns. Wow you looked /stunning/. You probably looked like shit after being out cold for 2 weeks. He grabs a flower from a vase, wiping off the water and snapping the stem shorter, before placing it in the collar of the gown. You raise a brow as he turns on music. A nice, slow song you noticed. You were… pretty confused as he placed his arms around you and slowly begins to rock with you, singing the words softly into your ear. You blink and rock with him, relaxing against him, your head on his chest. This was nice… and kind of sweet in a way. You realized… Life was a bitter bitch at times… plays games with your mind and it was all just to kinda… you don't know hurt you then make it up to you? You didn't know… but for now you guessed you were happy and he was happy and to you that's all that mattered.