Ch. 11

I don't own Phantom of the opera

How can I bear to look at him…my heart is ripped to shreds, I can't say a word. I take slow steps toward him; he's backed up against the wall breathing as if he had just been running. I've finally reached him and I take a hand and place it on his face and my other on his mask. He tries to back away, but I stay with him. I look into his eyes, his beautiful grey eyes I can see fear, fear of me. I try to speak again, but words have failed. I didn't know I was crying until the tear ran down my face. I hate crying in front of people so I try to turn away from him, but he reaches for my face and wipes away the tear. I don't know what happened in that moment, but the realization struck me like a ton of bricks. I love him.

…

"Did I not instruct that box 5 was to be kept empty" I've been expecting this, who wasn't, I don't say a word. I can't say the same for Meg though.

"He's here the Phantom of the Opera" Carlotta, utterly put out glares at me, daring me to say anything. I just give her my best smirk. Carlotta gets the band started again looking nervous,

"Serafimo away with this pretense" Carlotta grabs my arm roughly, I wrench it back. "You cannot speak, but kiss me in my Hurrgggg" Oh my god, she croaked, I can hear faint laughing as the maestro starts the band and timidly she tries again "poor fool he makes me laugh…hahaha, Ha Hurrggg, ha Hurrggg" the laughter is louder now, and it echoes around the theatre the lights begin flickering, the room is plunged into darkness for a brief moment

"Behold! She is singing to bring down the Chandelier."

"Ladies and Gentlemen we apologize the performance will continue in ten minutes time when the role of the countess WILL be sung by Miss Christine Daae." M. Firmin waved me off stage I run off a little faster than I needed to but I was a little out of sorts from the ordeal.

Mme. Giry and some other assistants put me into the horrid pink dress that the countess wear's, one of the few things about acting that I don't like, I pick up the red rose on my dresser…"have you gotten what you want" I didn't notice small Meg in front of me; I must have really offended her this morning. Her usually smiling bubbly self is glaring at me.

"What?"

"I guess you have to sabotage people to get in the spotlight." She whips around and stalks away from me.

"Wait, Meg" Mme. Giry steps in front of me.

"Leave her you have a show." Her eyes are hard and cold.

"I didn't do it, you know that right, it wasn't me" She glares at me

"Of course you didn't do it!" What the heck Mme. Giry pushes me toward the stage. "The ballet is almost done, you get into character and I'll explain later." Get into character, right now when everything is so wrong. I won't be able to do anything

"Wait, please I need to know now." Mme. Giry walks away without another word.

Get into character, get into character, that's the only thing I can do now, isn't it. Give the audience the best countess they've ever seen, make Erik happy and then sort this all out. Ok, ok, I can do this; Joseph Bouquet's body just fell from the ceiling

…

Erik played that night, not any music I've ever heard of, but beautiful and dark. I've never heard anything like it. It came from the binder that I saw the first time I came, "Don Juan." It set my heart on fire I don't know if it was my love for him or the beauty of the music. He never asked me to sing, he just played while I sat beside him and watched. His fingers dance across the piano emitting either soft soothing tones or thundering notes that made your hair stand on edge. I never said a word, I never needed to. I just need him, and if it takes me a thousand years to prove to him I'm worthy than every moment will be worthwhile.

…

I know what happened, but I still look up to try to prove myself wrong. Through the screaming and running I feel as if the loudest thing is my heart sobbing because now I know love is meant to stay in the operas. Love isn't real I've deluded myself I was a fool last night what's wrong with me. There on the rafters of the stage stands the very man I…I can't believe it. I'm such a monster, am I shallow to desert him this soon I knew who he was I told myself I was going to change him, but I can't that's not real love. A hand grabs mine, "Christine, come"

"Raoul, get out of here. If he sees us together he'll kill you" ever the hero Raoul shakes his head.

"Who, if you tell me-"

"Not here…" everything's happening too fast; I don't know what to do. "On the roof"

I run up the steps leading Raoul to, to where, there is nowhere safe nowhere to hide I know he'll find me. "Why have you brought me here?"

"You can't be here, Raoul, you have to leave now" what am I doing, I don't know the whole story, maybe he was attacked. No the drunk never would have been able to see him, I know why he did this he told me that I was going to shine. Oh god he did this for me.

"Who is scaring you, what happened!? Christine" I don't want to tell him, but it doesn't seem like he's not going to leave otherwise.

"It's the Phantom of the Opera" Raoul's eyes widen

"Christine, there is no Phantom of the Opera"

"Raoul that's where I was, I went to his home. I've seen him" I can feel the tears coming, but I keep them back. How can I do this, I've betrayed him.

"It was a dream, Christine nothing more"

I really couldn't help it, I slapped Raoul…hard. "A Dream! Is the man hanging by a lasso a dream as well Raoul! I'm finally telling you what happened and you DISMISS it as a DREAM!" Raoul steps back.

"Christine-"

"You don't understand, you don't know what it's like for him!" What am I doing, I need to keep my mouth shut. "His music is so beautiful and strange, for the first time I felt…free. Yet in his eyes all the sadness of the world, those pleading eyes, that both threatened and adored."

"Christine, Christine"

"Christine" Oh no, he's here, he's heard it all.

"Erik" the word is out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"Who!" Raoul spins my around to face him, his hand tightly squeezing my shoulder. "Who is he? Don't you realize that we can stop him?"

"No! I can't" Raoul shakes me hard

"WHY! It's not like you owe him something this man will destroy us."

"Us!" I rip myself from his grasp "he will destroy you if you ever touch me like that again! What makes you think that there is an 'us'!"

"Little Lottie, there is always us, we're meant to be together can't you feel it, and this thing is standing in our way!"

"He is a man Raoul, a beautiful wounded man, I won't stand for you to refer to him as anything less" I can't stand the sight of Raoul right now, everything has gone so wrong, but what did I expect. "Get out of here" Raoul takes a step back, but he does not leave "GET OUT!" I don't look at him, I hear at first two footsteps toward me and then he walks away, when at last I hear the door close I sink to the cold stone ground leaning on the statues. I let the tears go, the rose is still in my hand what can I do, people are looking for me by now. The managers have to finish the performance or risk the embarrassment of giving the audience back their money. I hear the crunch of boots hitting the snow and I look up the see Erik, his posture as erect as ever, hands behind his back, and his face expressionless. I know that he won't say anything; he's either come to kill me or to whisk me away back to where he knows I'll be under his control once again. "Why did you kill him?"

"It was necessary" he didn't hesitate, there's no guilt in his eyes

"Is that all human life is to you, that we can just throw it away at will. Sure Joseph was a pervert, but you are not the one to make the choice as to whether or not he would die."

"The world is better without him." I'm not going to argue with him, I can't in this state.

"Are you going to kill me?" I really hoped that he would look shocked at the very idea, or deny is vehemently, but he only shook his head once. "Then why are you here?"

"Come with me Christine, I know I scared you-"

"I can't Erik, not anymore, the first time I saw you I told you that the soul is what counts. I thought that I could hide the blackness that I knew was there. I've been pretending for too long Erik, pretending that I can change you, but you are a boulder, immovable, I love you for that but I can't pretend anymore."

"Christine, you're wrong I can change, for you I can do anything now that I know I can make this right."

"Erik…I don't know anyone who deserves more of a second chance then you, but I can't give this too you." Erik takes a step toward me and kneels down next to me.

"Christine, I can't give you up, I've been given a taste of love and I need more" he isn't threatening me; he's talking as is he's stating a fact. His gloved hand gently caresses my face. "If this is your decision then all of hell will curse the opera house" why doesn't he just grab me and run, he has a chance to right here, no one except for Raoul knows where I am. Why set up the stick and carrot, is he just trying to give me the illusion of control, no he knows that I won't go with him willingly, is it just a warning, or a desperate plea that he's trying to hide. He stands up and I can hear voices nearby "I will give you time, goodbye MY, Christine."

…

"Erik, I love you"

"As I love you"

"I want to be with you forever, I want to know you Erik"

"Your Angel will always be with you, I am yours forever"