||~MISS~KIREI~||

Today, I decided to answer the reviews from the last chapter, since I have some time to spare.

Leopio

Hello, I don't update a little faster because I cannot. My life is too fast paced these days with little to no time to spare. But I do try as fast as I can. I feel like if I try to update a little faster, the quality of the chapters will reduce. I am very picky with my content and each chapter takes a lot of hard work and careful crafting so that the readers can enjoy. But I'll try my best! Thanks.

About Takumi, I think you should see this story in a different perspective. It is very realistic and very often in life, we do not behave 'ideally'…Sometimes, things are out of our control, so maybe that's why you think that Takumi had stooped too low. Try to see things from his perspective or put yourself in his shoes. Thank you.

Princessgalaxy

Hello, I don't think Mia is Misa. Read chapter 8's ending and you'll realize. Thank you.

LisaXShun

Hello, don't cry J and I know right! Life is too unfair. Lets see if Takumi and Misaki meet in the future.

Patricia Walker

Hello, I'm so happy to see that you're so passionate about this story. It makes me to happy long reviews :D I think you'll forgive Gerard, he wasn't in the right mind before. Jealously made him that way. Mia might go to that room soon, don't worry. Thanks for your kind compliments, I'll be sure to arrange a meeting of Takumi and Misaki soon, if the story permits J

putriaryx

Soon…Soon…J

Padfoot Starfyre

Hello, I don't think Suzuna would treat him same as before, but time does the healing J I think that things are going to go downhill for Mia as we progress further into this story. Let's see how Mia reacts.

Unknown

Hello, as you asked, I have made a note to you. Please the note I have written in the chapter 4 of this story. I have mentioned, "Mia and Takumi will never have an actual, genuine, serious, proper relationship throughout the length of the story." I hope this answers your question ;) don't be depressed!

Takumisa17

Hello, always good to hear from you!

Minniemiss123

Hello, the author of the longest and most fun to read reviews! I'm always happy to read your reviews J I feel so glad that you're so passionate about my stories, so much love and wishes to you, love. I hope you enjoy this chapter, since you hate Mia so much…

Guest

Me too…me too.

Guest

Don't worry. As you said, Nobody can replace someone's source of happiness J

Lmizutani

Hello, Yes, I had mentioned that in the end, Mia will let Takumi go. I think this chapter will take away all your doubts. Enjoy!

Knight Lynx

Hello, thanks for the compliments J

That was it for today. Moving on,

I think I'm losing my readers. It probably has something to do with the fact that I update too late. I was really sad because of losing readers…I hope I can update faster.

Anyway, the reviews from last chapter made me really happy. I hope you enjoy this update.

You guys hated Mia, right?

Chapter 10

The Girl Who Got Too Attached

Gerard walked down the staircase that was connected to his private jet, down on the land. He looked around, it had been quite a long time since he had come here. It had been five years. Five years since he had let his demons out. Five years since he had destroyed his brother's life.

He didn't have much time for a soliloquy, he decided. Without wasting much time looking around and talking to the news reporters, he went to the car that awaited him.

Japan had changed.

Developed seemed to be a better word to describe the city. He never was found of this place and the number of smokers here. He unlocked his phone, which still had a wallpaper of his wife set on the home screen. Quite frankly, Charlotte had opened his eyes. He could now feel the pain of seeing your loved one be in the arms of some other man. It had boiled his blood alright. But, he had realized something more—he realized his sins, and now wanted to make amends.

He found himself standing in front of a psychologist's clinic. "Kaa-nnnou Sou-taero" He read out, in his broken Japanese. He laughed at his pronunciation, it was dripping in British.

When Kanou declined to meet him, Gerard knew this was to happen. He stood his ground though, and told the receptionist that he wouldn't leave until Mr. Kanou had a word with him personally.

Gerard, who was never one to play by other people's rules, was quite amazed at the fact that Kanou could be quite stubborn, despite his reputation. No man in Britain would have the guts to keep him up waiting for more than five minutes, and this man…he had managed to make him stay for six whole hours and still refused to call him in. Gerard's patience was put to test but he stayed put in his sofa chair, reading a newspaper, checking his mails, making phone calls, wasting his time…

When it was half past 9, the receptionist had told him that he was the last person, and allowed him to go inside. Gerard sighed. Well, at least he could get rid of the numbness he felt in his bottoms from all the sitting and sulking now…

Gerard walked inside, and found a man sitting in his chair. He still wore glasses and his hair had been pushed back neatly. "I see you've matured quite well." He made an attempt at complimenting the man, who just tched.

"I suppose you didn't come here to chit-chat. Was there nobody who would listen to your bullshit in Britain so you had to come all the way here?"

Gerard almost raised an eyebrow, well well…the boy who couldn't even speak in public was now sitting in front of him with his head held high… Times sure changed.

He merely sat down on the empty sofa even if Kanou didn't tell him to, "I suppose you're right."

"What do you want from me?" Kanou asked as he shut his laptop and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Don't you think you made enough mess five years ago?"

"Ah, I see your memory is fresh." Gerard said with a polite smile that came out as a sickening smirk, "I've come here to talk about Ayuzawa Misaki."

"I refuse. The exit door is to your left." Kanou stood up at the mention of Ayuzawa Misaki, his blood boiled at his words. Did Gerard really expect him to sit down and have tea with him and talk about how he had almost murdered Misaki?

"So impatient. Wouldn't you want to at least give me the benefit of doubt?" Gerard asked, he reminded himself to be polite, Kanou was the only link he had. He couldn't afford to lose it just because of his temper.

"There is no doubt here, I do not want to talk to you. Leave or I'll call the security."

Gerard laughed, "You don't think I came unprepared, did you? Your security men are no match for mine, I thought you would have known."

"I'm not twenty anymore." Kanou spoke, "Things wouldn't be the same as they were before now. A lot has changed. You cannot just come around and threaten me."

"Ah, I'm not here to threaten you or anything" Gerard smiled as he made a cross sign with his arms, "I'm just here to get some information."

"I have no information for you whatsoever." Kanou said.

"I feel like that is a biased reply." Gerard said.

Kanou stood up from his seat and walked towards Gerard, he extended an arm with a smile on his face. "It was nice meeting you again. Not really though." Gerard began to feel dizzy as soon as his hand touched Kanou's, "This is for what you did five years ago, you bastard." He said as he walked away.

He knew that Gerard would be covered in men before Kanou could even think of hurting him physically. So, he had found a better way to torment him. The injection which he had put in his veins would keep him out nice and tight, triggering all sorts of bad memories and nightmares for a long time. Even if he couldn't lay a finger on him physically, he could at least pay him back for what he had done to his friends by torturing him mentally and emotionally. Kanou smirked as he got out of his room, he was done for the day.

I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep back then. I opened my eyes to the sound of someone in pain. Naturally, I panicked. I stood up and felt the ache in my neck and back from my uncomfortable sleeping position. I looked all around, on high alert. There was nobody to be seen.

Then what were those sounds?!

I turned to my object of fascination—Takumi.

He was having a nightmare.

I went straight to him as soon as I found him, mumbling, sweating, on the verge of crying. His brows were furrowed, and he looked like he was in pain. Gingerly, I tried to comfort him. I put his head in my lap and tried to wake him up and gently as possible.

"Takumi" I cooed as I put my fingers in his ever so smooth and silky blonde hair. I wonder what he saw that made him so restless. It freaked me out to my core, but I didn't know what else to do. "Its going to be okay…" I said as my heart twisted painfully in my chest. I didn't like seeing him in pain, considering this was the first time I got a glimpse of him looking vulnerable.

He mumbled something incoherently and I couldn't make out the words that came out of his mouth. Was he calling out my name?

"I-I'm right here!" I felt my voice break with the hurt and misery scattered all over his face. "T-Takumi! Please! Open your eyes!" I gingerly touched his cheeks and tried to shake him awake, but to no avail.

"Mi..." The broken syllables that came out of his mouth sounded like he was trying to reach out to someone, anyone!

"I'm right here…I'm right here…" I said as softly as I could in my frantic, half-lucid and half freaked out state. I felt his hand reach out to something, not in particular. I held his hand. "Takumi, wake up…"

He opened his eyes that were darker than usual. The emeralds turned into fierce forest greens, and I wondered what made him so messed up. Even in a crumpled shirt and messed up hair, he still looked like he had some magical makeup on. But fuck that, I felt like he was still in a lucid state, so I decided to make him snap out of it.

"Takumi? Wake up. I'm right here for you." I told him and managed a smile through my freakiest night in Japan. He looked up strangely at me.

"Misa?"

"Misa?" I heard myself repeat what he had said like a fool. He reached out to me in a way he had never before. I felt his warm palm cupping my cheek as he called out the same name again.

"Misa?" He gave me a broken smile which he had probably reserved for a long time. This was the first time he had smiled at me, even though it was a broken smile, it was a genuine one. My heart broke as he pulled me in his arms and kept speaking something that I couldn't put a finger on.

Because he was speaking in Japanese.

He held me tight, in his arms, as he kept saying the name over and over again. I, being so dumbstruck at the moment, could not process what was going on.

He had never held me like this before.

He had never touched me like this before.

I sunk lower and lower as I felt the depth of emotions with every word he spoke and every embrace that he showered me with. I had never felt such powerful emotions from him before.

He had touched me in a lot of ways, he had kissed me in a lot of ways, he had held me in a lot of ways.

But they were too shallow, too fake, compared to what he had shown me today. Tears started to flow out of my eyes with each moment in which I realized that this—this was the real Takumi.

Then who was the person I'd known for such a long time?

I felt myself pushing him awake, getting out of his hold, moving away from him. He questioned my motives at one point of time, and the smile on his face, the first one that he had shown me, vanished as soon as I used both my palms to push him away and use all of my strength.

"Snap out of it!" I felt myself scream as I fell down on the floor. I wasn't strong as compared to him, but in his vulnerable state, I had managed to throw him off balance. Luckily, he had fallen on the bed, and I had fallen down on the floor.

My cries were deafening to my own self as I hid my face in my hands. My tears had refused to stop and at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to care either. I had never felt such a strangling, and heartbreaking feeling in my gut.

I saw him sit up. He ran a hand through his hair with a stoic look on his face. The Takumi I knew was back. He looked at me quizzically as he stood up and gave me a hand to stand up, "What happened?" He asked in his monotone voice.

His hand reminded me of how he had embraced me moments ago, how he had surrendered to me completely, how I could see the look of longing in his eyes, how this person standing in front of me was not the same person.

With shaking hands I put his palm on my cheek…

It wasn't the same as before. I realized, I wasn't the recipient to his love, I wasn't the person he had surrendered to, and I wasn't the person he longed for.

"I'm not "Misa"…" I felt voice break and my legs retreat on their own, and I swear I had seen his eyes widen. He stood frozen in his spot, trying to find some words to say, but I didn't want to see any more than I had seen, I didn't want to hear any more than I had heard, because I knew that the word that would come out of his mouth was "Misa" and the person whom he longed for would not be me.

I closed the door behind me and the realizations started to hit me like bullets one by one. How could I have been so utterly ignorant? I unconsciously hugged myself as I remembered the Takumi I had encountered some moments ago. He seemed so passionate and raw, unlike the person I knew.

"Okay, are you willing to listen?" I heard his impatient voice through the door. What more was left there for me to listen? I kept the doors shut by supporting my back on it as I sat down. All this fiasco had drained me of my energy. I could not think straight, not when the tears refused to stop, and my heart refused to behave.

"Its…" He went on. From his irritated voice, I could recognize the fact that he had trouble talking about this matter out loud.

"It's not what it seems like." He finished in a one liner, I felt myself tch-ing at those empty words. I felt him put his palm on the door out of frustration. I could imagine him gritting his teeth or just simply running a hand through his hair.

"I—" The words remained in my throat as I tried to put an end to the hiccups I was having, thanks to my infinitive crying. I didn't know how to react or what to say. The only word that swam in my mind was "Misa"….and I tried to visualize this Misa… what would she look like? Well, she must have been really pretty.

So pretty that she managed to make Takumi have dreams about herself.

The more my brain sped up, the more realizations I was hit with. The more I pondered upon the subject, the more my insecurities, my weaknesses laughed at me.

I felt so worthless, so small. Somewhere in the deep, dark corners of my mind I knew my worth. I mean, I had always known I wasn't good enough for Takumi. He was smart, intelligent, reserved, hard-working, rich, gorgeous….

I was never a match for him.

I felt my legs grow a mind of their own as I stood up. Before I realized what I was doing, I stormed out of that room, out of those corridors, out of that building. I realized it was still night. Where was I supposed to go in the middle of the night? I seated myself under the cherry blossom tree that I had spotted as soon as I had entered the mansion premises.

After many hiccups, I decided to calm myself down. This was enough crying for a night. I felt like I needed to see this situation in a better light. They say, it's always better to look at the positive side of a circumstance.

Sadly, there was no positive side of this.

First of all, I didn't even know what to infer from the situation. I didn't know what I should make out of this. Was he cheating on me? Was he still living in the ghosts of a past relationship? Did I come in between him and that Misa person? If he really loved her, why did he leave? What does he feel for me? Does he even feel anything for me? Then why me?

Where do I fit in all this?

Yeah, Mia. Where do YOU fit in all this?

I closed my eyes as more tears tried to escape me. I didn't fit in all this. At this point, I just wanted to escape this mess. I didn't know what to do or how to react. I needed to re-evaluate this situation with a better state of mind. I leaned in by using the trunk of the Sakura tree for support and closed my eyes. The morning birds were chirping and I realized this was close to 4am in the morning. I decided to concentrate on their chirping voices to distract myself. Soon, they lulled me to sleep filled with uncomfortable sights.

The sun rays were too bright for my closed eyelids. I realized I was staring into emerald eyes as soon as I opened my own. They reminded me of how wild, how fierce they had turned into, a few hours ago. I snapped out of my trance and backed off as soon as I realized that Takumi was sitting in front of me. He sat straight with his legs uncrossed, one hand on top of his knee and another knee stretched out. His appearance was a striking contrast to what it was a few hours ago—he was wearing his formal pants—with his crisp shirt tucked neatly in. His hair pushed back to the side was a sight rare to be seen.

He had been staring intently at me, his face bore no expression whatsoever. Never a smile as always, but devoid of his signature playful smirk. He looked dead serious. I searched for words—but nothing came out of my sore throat. I ended up coughing.

He handed me a handkerchief and I looked away when I accepted it. I realized his blazer was kept folded on his left. Perhaps he was leaving for work. I felt tears brimming up.

He had been zero percent affected by whatever took place the night before.

He was just leaving for office just like he did every other day, and had probably spotted me—sleeping under a stupid tree like a homeless girl.

I stood up as soon as the tears escaped me no matter how hard I tried to contain them. I turned away—I didn't want to look pathetic in front of him any more than I already did. I felt like the girl who got too attached, the girl who got too affected.

The girl who got too involved.

Without realizing I was horribly crying, I had walked out of the garden. I didn't care what I looked like or how I sounded, I just wanted to get away from this…this feeling. This feeling that sat in the pit my stomach.

The next thing I'd felt except for the strangling feeling in my heart was Takumi's hand, gripping my wrist. Surprised, I turned around. What did he want from me now?

I faced him with my teary, worn down face. He looked at a loss of words. He didn't let go of my hand as I saw him search for words. The man who could shut anyone's mouth with a one liner was speechless. His hand went straight to his hair—a habit he had picked up when he was frustrated. My lips quivered and I looked away—there was a limit to how much I could look at him without breaking down. He tugged on my hand—urging me to look at him, but I just couldn't.

I couldn't…

He dragged me along with him, when he had started walking. I could feel the strength of his hand on mine. But I felt no pain no matter how hard he pulled me and made me walk behind him. He wouldn't say a word, or look at me. He just kept walking till I could see the doors of the mansion. He walked up the small flight of stairs effortlessly as I kept stumbling behind him.

He pushed the wooden door open and pulled me inside. I didn't know where to look so I looked on the floor, and almost jumped when he used one of his legs to kick the door shut with a loud thud. It scared me to my core, but I stayed put. I didn't want to be the one to initiate any sorts of conversation with him, I just wanted to go in a corner of my room and cry my eyes out until I get this painful twisted feeling out of my heart.

I think I pissed him off when I looked away because the next thing I knew, he was holding the both of my arms and staring into my eyes that hid his anger behind his retina.

"Look," he finally spoke, and I did. He kept his hand on the wall next to me and sighed, "Please do not misunderstand my behavior last night. To be honest I don't quite… never mind that, but I was having a bad dream…" he trailed off and I felt my throat tighten but only a chuckle escaped my tired throat.

"Misunderstand? T-Takumi, I misunderstood our entire relationship!" I laughed miserably at my own stupidity, "I shouldn't even call it a relationship…I feel like it was more of my own fault…I got too attached to you while you…" I stopped speaking as I realized my voice was going to break again.

"No" he said as his phone buzzed. I had expected him to pick up the call and just leave me right here, but he didn't. I felt hopeful for a second there, I felt like he felt sorry…

"It's not like that. It was just that dream that made me…" he trailed off again but his phone rang again. I saw him curse out and pick up the phone in frustration.

"For goodness sake Peter, can't it wait?" He almost yelled into his phone, and I was truly scared by his anger. He got strangely quite as he listened to the person on the phone. He cut the call afterwards and I looked at him again, hoping he would continue this.

"Something happened in the office." He informed me, as he backed off, "Can you give me some time?" he asked.

I was wrong.

It didn't affect him at all. I had gotten too selfish that moment, I didn't care that he had responsibilities, I didn't care that he was the CEO of an organization, I didn't care if he needed time.

I just wanted an honest answer from the man inside him. But I think that the boy inside him was dead, or locked away. He merely lived for the business, for the charities, for the parties, for the work.

"I wonder if you would have given this more priority if the person standing in front of you wasn't me, but Misa." I said harshly, without caring what I had sounded like, what I had spoken out loud, or how I behaved. I was out of the way, maybe. But I didn't care. I had never had a jealous streak in my blood and bones before, but now as I walked out of his house, with broken pieces of my heart in my hands and tears in my eyes, I wished I was Misa—whoever she was, whatever she was. I wish I was Misa, so that maybe…maybe Takumi would have reciprocated my love.

So that maybe he would have always held me the way he held me, thinking I was Misa.

So that maybe he would have always touched me the way he touched me the night prior, thinking I was his Misa.

So that maybe I wouldn't have been the one walking out with a broken heart.

God, how selfish and mean could love make us? I could have never imagined myself thinking such things in my head, or wishing I was someone else. Love was a dangerous aphrodisiac—it could give you pleasure and pain at the same time. I wish I had never indulged in such a feeling, I wish I had seen all the signs, I wish I had taken all those warnings seriously…but most of all?

I wish I was Misa,

No matter who she was or what it meant.

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||~MISS~KIREI~||