CHAPTER 11

"I kissed her."

Wilson sighed with resignation as House slammed the door shut and dropped into the chair in front of his desk. "You know House…" House rolled his eyes as he twirled his cane in front of him with two fingers. "…every culture has a different language, a different thought pattern, a different way of…"

"Jimmy, I…"

"…thinking, a different way of acting." Wilson continued, ignoring House's interruption. He leaned forward and shook his cheapie Bic pen at House. "But do you know what means the same from culture to culture?"

"The number '69'?"

"Nooooo…" Wilson threw down his pen and shut his eyes to restrain himself.

"You mean only the United States has the inside track on '69'?"

"No, I…"

"Well, if that's the case…" House stood up and began hobbling around, without his cane. "…then we can somehow market this. You do realize the KILLING we could make if we…"

"People already do and you've given the porn industry enough profit to last them for years." Wilson sat back in his chair, the stiff leather creaking with his movements.

"HEY! I resent that!" Wilson's eyebrow rose at House's outburst. "Why pay for something when I can find it free on the internet?"

Wilson's eyes rolled. "Politeness. Respect. Did you know that if you knock on the office door in China there's a good chance they will also see that as a sign of respect?"

"Do you have a point?"

"I guess not anymore because you wouldn't get it anyway." Wilson sighed again. "What's going on?"

House's grin at winning… whatever that was… quickly left his face as he said, "I kissed her."

"Who'd you kiss this time? You do realize you can't go around kissing everybody you see. While yes, it may be acceptable in some countries, here it…"

"SHUT UP!" House roared to keep from knocking him with his cane. If he did that House probably wouldn't get what he came for and he couldn't risk that. House began hobbling around the office again. "Simons! I kissed her."

Wilson's eyes widened. "YOU kissed HER?"

"I didn't stutter."

"Whoa."

"Yeah. Whoa."

Wilson gave his head a little shake. "Then what's the problem?"

"What's the problem? What's the PROBLEM?"

"What are you, a parrot now? That's what I asked."

"DOCTOR Wilson, the problem is that she's Devil Woman. I can't be kissing her."

"Why not? Is she a bad kisser?"

"Hell no." House's quick, emphatic response was the icing on that answer. "And the way she felt against me…"

"She was soft, pliable and a fistful?"

House's eyes closed with the feeling. She had felt so good in his hands, in his arms. His fingers tingled with the feel of her hips, the soft roundness of her rear end, her plump lips against his. She was a round, shapely woman who knew how to use her tongue. He sighed his affirmation.

Wilson grinned. "And that mouth is good for other than snarking?"

"Oh God yes." House thought he would've come right there.

"Then what's your problem?"

Wilson's question was like a pail of cold water dumped on House's head. "What?"

"What's the big deal?"

"I can't get involved with her right now."

"And why not?"

"Why not?" House was as worked up as Wilson had ever seen him. "How can I get involved with Simons when I'm about to meet up with…?" House stopped, suddenly realizing he gave away information he had no intention of giving away.

Wilson's serious expression turned goofy. "Oh Hoooouuuuse…" He taunted, so close to laughing. House, mortified at his slipup, turned his back to Wilson. "…who are you meeting up with?"

"Nobody."

He had to strain to hear House's mumbled response but it was there. Wilson's goofy grin widened until his entire face hurt. "Oh come on! You can tell Uncle Jimmy!" House gritted his teeth but kept his back to Wilson. "Is it LIME GREEN BOOTS?" House whipped around and Wilson got the confirmation he needed. "Oh it IS! You're meeting LIME GREEN BOOTS! Soon?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh yes you do. You can't lie to me. I've seen the messages you post to each other on The Board, and I'm assuming you're IMing. I mean, when you go to your bedroom and shut your door during TV time at night, I know you're up to something. You really think you're the Master at everything? Think again."

House closed his eyes and wiped his face. He was discovered. "But I WANTED to kiss Devil Woman… and I WANT to meet Drea."

"Drea?"

"Lime Green Boots."

"Do you know anything about Drea?"

"Only that she's a doctor…"

"OH! A doctor! Whooo hoooo!"

"…who lives in Pennsylvania."

"Whoo hoo hoo! Way to go House! What else do you know?"

House's smirk was sideways and cocky. "You can't have cybersex with just anyone."

"You had CYBERSEX with her?"

"In many, MANY ways."

Wilson didn't know exactly how to process this information. He didn't care; he just wanted more. Without the visuals of course. "And how was it?" House shot him a look that said, I ain't commentin'.'; his smile said, 'You would be soooo jealous'. "So what are you going to do about this?"

"I don't know."

"Why did you kiss Simons?"

"How could I NOT? She was railing on me for breaking into her office…"

"You broke into her office?"

"How else can I find out anything about her? She doesn't talk to me."

"Breaking and entering is never the way into a woman's heart."

"I don't know. Foreman seems to do ok." Wilson rolled his eyes. "Anyway…"

"You want them both."

"Of course I want them both." House rubbed his forehead with his thumb. "I almost wish they were the same person. It would make this choice thing a lot easier."

For once Wilson was actually sorry for the man. If he were in that situation… he would've seen both women at the same time. But since Wilson wasn't House… "So she was railing on you for breaking into her office…"

"Yeah and her breasts were heaving. God, that woman has a natural set that would make Pamela Lee hate her implants."

"You felt them up?"

"No but they were real enough pressed against me."

"Yeah, you've had enough experience with plastic blow-up dolls to know what is real and what isn't."

House scowled at him. "So what should I do?"

"First of all I think you're overreacting. You're acting like you have a future with either woman. Go to your meeting. When is it?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Were you ever going to tell me?"

"No."

"Go to your meeting but don't make a decision at that time. Do what you have to do to steer you both in the right direction. But House…" Wilson sat back and sighed, steepling his fingers against his stomach. "…be prepared to be unpleasantly surprised. You met this woman on a message board for people with shoe fetishes. Don't expect…"

"So how is everything with Flaming Red Pradas?" Wilson's eyes took on a dreamy quality and House smirked. "I can take care of myself."

House started to leave but Wilson stopped him. "Where are you meeting?"

"Trenton."

"Trenton?"

House shrugged. "Her idea."

"Do you want a ride?"