Daydreamer79: Thank you for reading my story and for taking the time to leave a comment. I'm happy to read you are enjoying the chapters so far and I hope not to disappoint you.
CircleKV12: I'm evil and I know it (and more evil than you know. You'll see). Thanks for reviewing again and for defending Heero's honor :P If you like "Thousand Words" you might like to take a look at fanart that was recently made for that story by CaseyCuervo. Notes at the bottom will let you know how/where to find it. I hope you'll give it a look. It's an illustration of a lemon scene (THE lemon scene, for that story so far), so be warned.
Ryoko Lamperouge: Thanks, I'm glad :) I hope you liked the update for "Thousand Words". Fellow author CaseyCuervo made fanart for chapter twelve of "Thousand Words", you might be interested (it's lemon though, be prepared). Notes at the bottom will inform you where you can find the artwork.
CaseyCuervo: *kicks Relena while she is down* Thanks Batman!
AutumnDoll88: Aww, thank you, that is so nice of you to say. You are totally spot on when it comes to Duo, but he needs more time to figure things out. I hope you'll continue to read and enjoy the chapter. Thanks for letting me know you're still on board, I hope the crazy in your life has dialed down a little.
ShenLong1: Thanks for the support. Thanks so much for still reading this story and sharing your thoughts with me, it means a lot.
ToXicStArCaNdy: Heero totally deserves better, but he is going to have to wait for it. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
Maeve Mauvais: Kudos on the delayed gratification! :P I hope your research paper turned out well. Thanks for still reading this story and taking the time to review. Check out the notes at the bottom of this story, someone made (hot and steamy) fanart for "Thousand Words" that you might be interested in :P
Belladonna Goddess Chloe: Nope, heads are still firmly up their own asses :S Haha, thanks for reading and reviewing.
Author's Note:
Thanks for being patient and awesome you guys!
Another challenging chapter. I'm not too happy with it, but I acknowledge and accept that it is the best I can do with it. Trying to convey Duo's struggle (and Heero's on top of that) is really difficult, as you might imagine, and I fear I might have underestimated how difficult that is to neatly deal with in a story, so it's a bit of an uphill battle to find a flow to Duo's inner monologue, kind of hard since he is having a back and forth battle with himself. The theme of this chapter is similar to the previous two chapters, so you might feel like I'm repeating myself, but the little changes that sneak in there are key, because I feel that is the most realistic approach to Duo's 'transformation', if you will.
I hope that I've managed to deliver an enjoyable chapter.
It was fun writing a number of other GW characters into this chapter, be warned though, they are OOC, I make no excuses and no apologies, they are what I need them to be for this story. I figured having them in the story in whatever capacity would be more fun than just making up a couple of random names. To prevent any confusion: Milliardo, as he appears in this story, is not related in any way to Relena.
WARNING: This chapter contains sexual content. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, this is not my intention. If you feel the content of this chapter is in violation of the FF guidelines and this bothers you, just let me know and I will change the content according. Please forgive me, I know not what I do.
Love Thy Neighbor
Chapter Ten
It took him longer than usual. Duo started to doubt if Heero would appear at his kitchen door at all. Had he changed his mind? What had he said to him to have changed his mind?
Fear gripped at him; an uncomfortable, nervous, jittery feeling in his chest. But he didn't know what he was afraid of. He was afraid of many things, but what was frightening about Heero not showing up? It would mean it was over, it would mean the door was closed. And he could forget about him. He could sink back into his old, safe life. He wouldn't have to be afraid anymore of God's wrath, nor the neighbor's rumors. It would be a relief, would it not? He wasn't strong enough to stop it himself – as he had to admit shamefully – it would be best if Heero ended it. It would be doing them both a kindness.
Right?
It didn't feel like a kindness, standing there, feeling cold because his body shuddered and shivered for whatever reason, aware of his heartbeat that felt like a skittish gazelle leaping back and forth across the savannah, not knowing where to flee because it couldn't see, hear, or smell where the danger was coming from.
When the door ripped open, all of it vanished. Even though Heero's eyes were stormy, the American felt a sudden calm. The realization would haunt and torment him later, once he was alone with his self-destructive thoughts again, that he was afraid of losing the young man. That was a rather wry conclusion, considering it was the inevitable outcome of the situation.
It wasn't simple. It wasn't about kissing. It wasn't about sex. It wasn't about dinners, DVD's, tearing down drywall or pink bowties.
What it was about, he wasn't sure – or maybe he was and he was just in denial – that's the problem with things that aren't simple.
"Hey," He choked pathetically.
Heero didn't return the meek greeting. The younger man stormed forward, throwing himself against his neighbor's taller frame and insisted on a passionate kiss. He had about him an urgency like it was a life or death situation, like he had stood at the other side of that kitchen door thinking the same disconcerting things as Duo; that they were woefully in over their heads but powerless to do anything about it.
Duo encircled the narrow waist tightly with his arm, pressing the lithe figure against him, raising him slightly off the floor.
Heero's fingers desperately clawed at Duo's hair and the kiss became erratic and unfocused, like he couldn't decide on how he wanted to kiss him; he wanted it all and he wanted it all at once.
He turned them around, setting Heero down on the kitchen table.
The Asian man asked coyly: "So which movie did you have in mind?"
Duo let out an abrupt, hearty laugh and continued to kiss the young man.
"Excellent choice," Heero moaned agreeably.
Lost to his senses and desires Duo started work on unbuttoning Heero's shirt. He ripped the pink bowtie from his neck and tossed it aside.
"Hey, I happened to like that," He argued with a smirk. It was clear he enjoyed Duo's ardor and reciprocated gratefully. He helped Duo out of his shirt, running his hands over the exposed skin, tracing the soft lines of muscles with his callous fingers.
The older man gripped at Heero's sides, appreciating his tight, compact body. He pulled him a little closer to the edge of the table; a little closer to him. He started rocking his hips slightly, his lips went slack as he was distracted by the gratifying friction. Heero chuckled low in his throat, continuing to kiss Duo's open mouth. Slowly he regained the coherency of mind to multi-task and while moving his pelvis against Heero's he succeeded in maintaining their liplock; his tongue teasing Heero's.
The young man wasn't laughing anymore, instead he was panting through his nose and moaning into the hot mouth against his. He planted one hand behind him on the surface of the table to give him some leverage so he, too, could move his hips, aiding to the intensity of the contact.
He was ready, Duo realized. More than ready. Hot on the heels of that realization was the awareness that if they didn't move forward soon it would be over before they progressed beyond dry-humping. Not quite knowing how to communicate this embarrassing predicament, all he could was mumble against the soft lips: "I don't have a condom."
Those lips smirked. They drew away, leaving a trail of hot kisses along his jaw and up to his ear. The point of Heero's tongue traced the outline of the sensitive shell and then he whispered breathily: "You're not going to fuck me. Not yet."
Duo groaned at the vulgar but exciting choice of words. "Not yet?" He wondered.
"Fucking is more a third date type of thing."
"And this was?"
"At best? The first. Worst? We're still at zero."
"What does date zero get me?" The American wondered hungrily. He got his answer in the form of deft fingers slipping into the front of his slacks and into his underwear. The hand wasted no time to wrap around his erect manhood. Following a shuddering moan he commented: "That's quite generous."
"It's not entirely selfless."
Thinking he was given a veiled instruction Duo brought one of his hands between their bodies and placed it uncertainly over the bulge between Heero's legs. He moaned at the hard, hot feel of it and he grew more bold, but Heero whispered in his ear: "Not yet." He didn't understand, but he followed Heero's instructions. The young man was, after all, the only one of the two of them who knew what he was doing. The hand started moving up and down his length persistently, the grip was tight and satisfying. It would be over quickly, Duo recognized and warned Heero as much.
"That's fine. That's okay."
Trusting Heero's understanding to be genuine Duo felt safe and he let his climax overwhelm him, rather than fight it off in vain. He rode the wave of his orgasm with trembling legs, burying his face in the crook of Heero's neck, biting softly on his flesh. He responded when he felt the other grab the base of his braid and pull his head up to lock their mouths together in another searing kiss.
Heero took his hand out of Duo's pants and wiped it on his thigh, leaving milky stains on the black fabric.
"What about you?"
He smirked slyly and without a word he lay back on the dinner table. His fingers started at his chest but swiftly worked their way down to his belt and nimbly undid the buckle, then popped the button, then lowered the zipper.
In anticipation Duo put his hands on Heero's thighs on either side of him, kneading the strong muscles.
Heero pushed his pants and underwear down just enough to expose himself. While looking up at Duo lustfully he started pleasuring himself. He maintained eye-contact for as long as he could, but then he had to close his eyes and he threw his head back. He knew just how to touch himself, he wasn't ashamed about giving himself pleasure and he seemed to enjoy putting up a show.
Duo watched as the exotic man's other hand disappeared deep inside his underwear. He could feel the hand between them as he had kept his groin pressed against Heero, standing between his spread legs. He couldn't see anything but, in spite of his inexperience, he could imagine what Heero was doing to himself with his fingers so far between his legs. He pressed his hips forward more strongly, pushing against the back of that hand.
Heero gasped and looked up at his mischievously.
He continued making small thrusts, basically helping Heero fuck himself with his fingers. Heero's right hand moved up and down his swollen length rapidly, the muscles in his abdomen constricted as the younger man approached his completion.
With a sudden, shrill cry it was over. His entire body tensed. He pushed his head up from the table and looked at Duo with narrowed, passionate eyes. Droplets of his semen landed on his abdomen, chest and even a little on his neck.
The older man stared in awe. He had never seen another man orgasm - it had never gotten that far between him and Anthony - it was a powerful experience. He wanted more of it. He wanted to see it again and again; the pleasure on Heero's face, the tension in his body.
Heero panted harshly through his open, smiling mouth. He rested his head back and stared up at the light fixture above him. "Ohhh, wow."
"Wow?"
"Wow," Heero repeated.
"Yeah?"
He chuckled and nodded fervently. "Yeah."
Duo couldn't fight the self-satisfied smirk at having done okay during his first sexual experience in longer than he cared to admit. He liked that he didn't feel self-conscious in the aftermath due to his quick orgasm. Heero made him feel like any man – regardless of sexual prowess – would shoot his load prematurely, like that was just the kind of effect he had on his partners. There was probably a good portion of truth to that.
With shaky legs he moved over to the sink and soaked a towel with warm water, wringed it out and handed it to Heero who had sat back up.
"Thanks." He cleaned his chest and his hands. "So what about me?"
Duo frowned. "What about you?"
"How did I do? It has been so long for you, you must have had great expectations. I hope I didn't disappoint." Heero's face displayed a mixture of endearing uncertainty and the smug mischievousness he tried to camouflage it with.
Duo chuckled and kissed the younger man on his forehead.
"Did you really want to fuck me?" The younger one asked bluntly.
"Well, like you said, it's more a third date type of thing."
Heero looked up at him with vulnerable eyes. "I'm seriously asking, Duo. Did you really want to fuck me, or, now that the moment is gone, have you changed your mind?"
Duo paused. He wanted to give Heero an honest answer, he deserved it, so that meant he had to take his time to evaluate how he truly felt. "I did really want to… have sex with you," He assured. "I still do."
A little smile tugged at Heero's lips. "That's good."
He wondered why Heero suddenly introduced the third-date-clause, he had seen eager enough to 'go all the way' before, but he decided not to overthink it. He kissed those lips, all the more irresistible when they smiled. "So how about tomorrow?"
"For what?"
"Our second date."
Heero scoffed. "Our first."
"Alright… Alright…"
When Heero left, Duo had to stop himself from asking his neighbor to stay. He didn't know for what purpose, in hindsight he realized it was for the best that the night went the way it did – and not any further – but he liked the young man being there. Maybe he should have suggested to watch a movie anyway? No, that seemed so pathetically desperate. With the moment gone he knew the same insecurities would reach for his throat, if he allowed himself to think about things too much, so he took a hurried shower and hid in his bed. Sleep came quickly, but it was no kindness. In his dream he watched Heero, in a pink apron, welcome Relena and Carlton into the house, accepting a bouquet of pink flowers graciously. Relena complimented them both on 'what they had done with the place' and he was overwhelmed by a sick realization that he and Heero were living in Hell, together and Relena and Carlton were visiting. The odd dream continued with jokes about the heat and the oven-baked potatoes that were served – 'the furnace of Hell'.
He slept through the night but when he woke up he felt the urge to shower again. But as he scrubbed until his skin was red and raw, he was only kidding himself. He would never feel clean.
He changed the sweat-soaked sheets and opened all the windows, it felt hot and suffocating inside the house.
"It's only for a little while," He promised the faceless, voiceless presence that he always felt. He could feel disproval all around him, it transported him back to his youth, to his parents' house. Sometimes he swore he could still feel the sting of his father's leather belt across his back. His father was not a violent man, he didn't think he ever enjoyed beating his son, but he saw it as a necessity, he believed it would save him. He always told Duo, almost apologetically, that while the youth may think his father was being hard on him, God was the one who would be merciless and he asserted that one day Duo would thank him for beating the bad out of him, before he would meet his maker. Apparently it didn't work, the very first glance at Heero had triggered those old, shameful thoughts and desires. "It's only for a little while!" He repeated.
God would forgive him this one period of sin. Once Heero was gone he would denounce this lifestyle – this despicable weakness – and God would love him again. That's the thing his dad never told him about God. Yes, God was the one who would be merciless if one died a sinner, but God was also the one who would forgive his children for their mistakes. Duo's father never could. He could never forgive his own son for tarnishing their family the way he had. Luckily, for the old man, abhorring the son who covets another man the way a man is supposed to covet a woman, is not a sin. Duo still intended to meet him in Heaven one day, he may not have lived his life as righteously as his father, had, but he would do the right thing in the end. He would make his father, his mother and his God proud.
Just not right now.
He coordinated with Heero to meet at a restaurant a few towns over. Heero pretended not to be upset by the fact that Duo would only agree to a date at a restaurant an hour's drive away from home and Duo pretended not to notice the younger man was upset. That was the delicate balance of their relationship – or, whatever it was.
Twenty minutes after he had observed Heero getting his truck and driving off – wearing his usual attire of cut-off jeans and a T-shirt, but bringing a change of clothes with him a duffle bag – he got out of his house and into his car. He checked his own reflection in the rear-view-mirror constantly. Nervous eyes looked back at him. He wasn't nervous for the reasons he should be, he wasn't worried about disappointing God, he was jittery about the date, the first one in… forever, it seemed. It had been so long for him, he wondered if the ritual had changed, if different things were expected of him nowadays. On top of that he didn't know the customs regarding dating another man. Was he supposed to hold the door open for him? Was he supposed to pull out his chair? Was he supposed to pay? Those seemed like the appropriate things to do, but he worried his date might be offended if he started treating him like a lady. He definitely wasn't a lady.
Pulling up into the parking lot he spotted the dingy old truck, Heero was sitting on the tail end, waiting for him. He parked his car in the free space next to the truck and climbed out, anxiously straightening his clothes. He fretted that he shouldn't have worn a suit with a tie, upon seeing Heero in black jeans and the blue button-up shirt that he had seen him wear before, which matched his eye-color handsomely.
"I feel overdressed," Duo said as a way of greeting, looking down at his grey suit.
"You are," Heero agreed with a non-judgmental smile. "This isn't really that kind of place."
"I didn't know."
He quirked a bemused eyebrow. "You picked the restaurant."
"I know, but I've never been here before." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, cursing his formal shoes. His face was red hot.
His date chuckled warmly and approached him. "Here, you can take this off," He said softly and worked to undo the black tie around the older man's neck and popped the top three buttons of the shirt.
The tall American stiffly allowed it.
"You can take off your jacket too."
He shook his head. "No. No." He looked at the ground, embarrassed he confessed quietly: "I'm sweating. It'll show."
"Alright. I'll wear this then," He swiftly tied the slim black ribbon of fabric around his neck and he tucked his shirt into his pants, tidying up his appearance. "There, in the low lighting my pants will look like black slacks anyway. We will be equally, inappropriately fancy."
"Thanks," Whispered Duo, Heero's casual attitude made him feel more at ease. "I'm such an idiot. I totally forgot to say how nice you looked."
"Don't I still look nice?"
"Yes, of course!"
He smirked and leaned in slightly. "Then tell me now."
"You look really nice…" He breathed. He reached out and fumbled with the end of the black tie, then he twisted it around his fist and pulled Heero closer so he could kiss him. "Are you hungry?"
The young man licked his lips. "Starving."
"Let's head inside then."
They walked over to the entry and Duo held the door open for Heero. Inside, he noted that he was indeed terribly overdressed. It was just a casual seafood restaurant, people wore jeans and plastic bibs with a lobster on it. He felt silly about suggesting the place, obviously it wasn't the proper kind of venue for a first date. "I'm sorry about this," He mumbled under his breath after a disinterested waiter pointed them to a table for two right by the big aquarium in the center of the space.
"Why? I love seafood."
Duo earned himself an odd look when he pulled a chair out for Heero. Sheepishly he remarked as he took his own seat: "I probably shouldn't have done that."
"Probably," Heero concurred with a little smirk. "But I liked it."
They ordered a seafood-platter for two and laughed as they tied the plastic with the image of a big red lobster around their neck. Duo made faces at his dinner as he had to snap and crack the hard outer shell of the crablegs he was trying to consume. At least after putting in the effort he realized the taste was worth it. As he chewed contently he observed the tropical fish in the tank and let his eyes trail the walls to take in the scenery, cringing at the decorative plastic fishes and randomly strung up fishing nets. The ceiling was painted with a distorted image of a blue sky with white clouds and a bright yellow sun, partially obstructed by a rusted rowing boat suspended from the ceiling, making him realize it was supposed to seem like they were underwater. He rolled his eyes at the clichéd décor.
They discussed the renovation of the house as it was the easiest, least laden, topic. When there really wasn't anything more to say about the fixtures and the colored tiles for the downstairs bathroom, Duo inquired about his previous projects and that bought him another half hour of not having to worry about the conversation getting personal. He was, admittedly, somewhat relieved that to the casual observer they were nothing more than friends, sharing a meal and a friendly conversation. He was suddenly grateful for the unexpected, unromantic atmosphere of the restaurant as he had probably underestimated how difficult it would have been for him if people, even though they were strangers, were to know that he was sexually interested in someone of the same gender.
After they had ordered their dessert the dreaded switch in the conversation occurred.
"Look," Heero started mildly, "I've let you interrogate me about my projects because I get that you are nervous and keeping the conversation superficial probably helped make this easier for you. But if I have to talk about polyurethane foam and granite countertops for even one more second I'm going to hang myself with your tie." He let out a single chuckle but then his face blanched as realization hit him. "Shit. Shit. Duo, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."
He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a sip of wine to calm his mind that had started racing following the seemingly innocent joke. "It's fine."
"No, it's not." He was genuinely concerned and horrified. "I'm so sorry. That was so insensitive."
"Look, it's fine. You forgot. I wish I could too."
The arrival of their dessert interrupted the tense moment. Duo dug into his cake, he could feel Heero kept looking up at him uncertainly.
After a while the Asian man started: "So, I'm going to add another layer of mineral wool insulation under the roof, to keep the attic cool on warmer days. And I'm thinking about having two skylights put in, for some fresh air. I think then it can be a usable room. The property value really goes up when you can list an 'atelier', or something like that. This couple bought my previous house for asking price without batting an eye after I showed them the basement, which I had converted into a home theater. People really go nuts over that sort of stuff nowadays."
Duo looked up from his chocolate cake and smiled at Heero's nervous rambling. "How's your mango sorbet?"
"I haven't tried it yet," The younger man admitted. He had just been stirring his spoon through the cold treat as he had nervously tried to distract attention from his mistake. He scooped some up and brought the spoon to his mouth for a thoughtful first taste. "It's good," He concluded.
He smirked. "Then just enjoy it and shut up."
Recognizing it was Duo's way of telling him he had nothing to make up for, Heero silently enjoyed his sorbet and Duo simultaneously made quick work of his cake.
Even though bad memories had been prompted, the American felt a little bit more at ease. Although he was the inexperienced one, Heero had proven to be equally nervous and prone to mistakes, that made him feel less insecure. And he liked to have been given the opportunity to put Heero at ease. As for the unfortunate referral to Anthony's suicide, thoughts regarding that traumatic event from Duo's past were never far from his mind, so he couldn't blame his date for anything. He hadn't harmed him in a way in which he didn't regularly harm himself, he was used to that pain.
When the check came, Duo stared at it. Rather than keeping up the game of pretense, he confessed: "Okay, so I want to pay, but I don't know the proper etiquette in this situation. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable by assuming the role of the man because that would leave you the role of…" He trailed off, chewing the inside of his cheek.
"Duo, we're both men. You paying the bill for this dinner doesn't make you anymore manly than me," Heero assured with a chuckle. "You invited me out for dinner, so you should pay. I don't do the whole 'going Dutch' thing. When I ask you out, I will be the one to foot the bill."
"Alright," He retrieved his wallet from the inside pocket of his jacket. "That sounds deceptively simple though."
"Why would it have to be complicated?"
Duo gave the question some consideration. "I don't know. I guess I just always figured it had to be. Dating always seemed like this complicated game to me, with a lot of rules."
"Dating should just be fun."
The older man smiled. "That sounds like a better take on it than mine."
"But Duo,"
"Yeah?" He tucked the money into the check-book, including a generous tip.
"When we get up, you are going to give me a kiss and you are going to hold my hand while we walk out of here."
He felt his face get hot and his palms get sweaty.
"Look, I agreed to a restaurant over an hour's drive away because I accepted it was the only way you would feel comfortable going on a date. That is as far as I am willing to go into the closet for you. I don't want to have to keep playing this game of pretend around strangers as well."
Duo wiped his hands on his pants leg. He looked around, not exactly knowing what he was looking for. Familiar faces? Aggressive looking rednecks? Nuns? He saw nothing but a harmless crowd, with plastic bibs no less. He wondered if maybe he was hoping there was a table with a congregation of priests or something, at least then Heero would likely be sympathetic to his caution. But he knew he owed Heero at least that much. He made Heero crawl through a thorny opening in the hedge in the backyard and drive an hour to a coastal town in absolute secrecy, he couldn't expect to be allowed to make those demands without any kind of reciprocation. He wiped his mouth with his napkin one last time, then got up from his seat, noting Heero followed his lead, meeting him by the side of the table.
Abusing the fact that his date failed to specify what kind of kiss was awaited, he decided on a demure, brief merging of their lips – he wasn't foolish enough to try to get away with a kiss on the cheek – and then gentlemanly offered Heero his hand to escort him out.
He smiled, accepted his hand and walked close to Duo as they passed between the tables towards the door. "Look around Duo."
Duo looked up, he had been staring at the rushed locomotion of his feet, hiding his red face from the crowd.
"No one even cares. No one is chasing us with torches and pitchforks."
The young man was right. Duo had been expecting people to be staring, but no one was paying attention to them. He looked back at a bust-boy starting the clear their table. Business as usual. An older women looked at them and their joined hands briefly as they walked past her, but without any hint of contempt she redirected her gaze to her husband sitting across from her, continuing their conversation.
Duo was relieved, but only marginally so. A display of homosexuality might bother people less and less, to the point where they didn't even look twice, but that was part of the problem in the country, he had been taught. People didn't hold each other accountable anymore; society had developed to condone more sins than condemn them. Priests had told him: it is not tolerance, it is ignorance. The world was changing towards acceptance, but God doesn't change. The reason Duo felt better was because no one would confront him about his disobedience, but he didn't feel better about himself. Although, he could tell that was what Heero expected. The young man just didn't understand the depth of the issue and perhaps youth was to blame. However, to please the man whose hand he was holding, Duo entwined their fingers and gave them a squeeze, emphasizing his smile, which he purposefully brightened.
When they arrived at their vehicle Duo let go of Heero's hand and leaned back against his car. "So what now?"
Stand-offishly Heero replied: "Now I thank you for a lovely evening and a delicious meal and we go home."
"Well, isn't there a first-date-thing?" He inquired innocently, impishly referring to their pre-first-date-thing from the night before.
"Normally, I would thank my date for driving me home and I would allow him to kiss me goodnight on the steps of my front door," He answered glibly. "But since I'll be driving myself home…" He opened the door of his truck.
He reached out instinctively, not even sure what he wanted when he twisted his fingers into the fabric of Heero's shirt and pulled him closer to him. "Please…"
"Please what?" Breathed the younger man challengingly against his exposed neck.
"I don't know." He reached between them and fondled Heero through the coarse fabric of his jeans. He had never been that bold before. He couldn't rationalize it and he recognized he shouldn't overthink it. His body was giving him cryptic signals of what he wanted and all he could do was try to decipher them and act on them. Apparently he wanted to feel Heero get hard in his hand, the warm feeling that spread throughout his body as he easily achieved his goal confirmed as much.
Heero enjoyed his forwardness, heavily leaning into him. He thought to argue: "We shouldn't be doing this. Especially not in a parking lot, for fuck's sake."
"I don't want to think about shoulds and shouldn'ts," Duo panted harshly in the other's ear. "Don't you want to?" He emphasized.
He bucked his hips against Duo's hand. "Fuck, of course I want to. I want you inside me so badly, more so since last night than ever before…" He grunted and with steel determination he placed his hands against Duo's broad chest and distanced himself from the taller man. "But I want more than just sex. So I think the shoulds and shouldn'ts are important."
"Heero," He whined, a little bitter at being denied, "I told you, I'm not gay. I'm not sure I can give you any more than just sex. When I agreed to date-"
"I don't care what you said," The younger man retorted bluntly. "I think you can give me more. I think you are already giving me more, you just can't see it. You are too afraid to see it. But I told you before, I see beauty in things that others write off. I see something here." He pressed his forehead against Duo's. "I accept that it won't last, that you won't let it, but that doesn't mean that we can't let it be, for just this little while."
It's just for a little while.
"Please. I'm not asking for much, just for more, just for a little while."
He grabbed the black tie – his tie – and pulled his neighbor closer to him. Heero needed it, he recognized, he needed the emotional connection the way Duo needed the physical intimacy, those were the things they had been denying themselves and they both needed it – just for a little while – so they wouldn't go crazy. It seemed only fair that they would help each other out. That way neither of them would have to feel guilty. Duo didn't mind if Heero required them to be a little closer, a little more serious, a little more intimate, he was attracted to the younger man in a way that exceeded the physical realm anyway – but would ultimately fall short of what Heero wanted, whether the young man realized that or not. "Okay," He breathed.
"Seriously?" He asked hopeful. "Because we more or less had this conversation before but aside from the physical progress I feel like you are still not considering me as anything more than a friend. I don't need you to fall in love with me, I'm not going to fall in love with you," He stated decisively, "I just need to be someone special to someone. Just for a little while."
"Okay," He repeated. The vulnerability in the other's voice wasn't lost on him.
"Yeah?"
He tightened his hold on the tie and sealed their mouths together for an intense, honest kiss. "Yes. You are special to me," He declared, feeling comfortable with the statement. After all, Heero was the first person in two decades to awaken the exact feelings in Duo that he had previously renounced. He wanted to be with Heero, he enjoyed his company, even when he was just across the room fixing a leak in the pipes or hammering decorative paneling against the freshly painted walls. The way he made Duo feel with a fleeting glance or a simple touch was special to the American. What that meant exactly, he didn't dare to explore.
Heero leaned in to kiss Duo goodnight, moaning when the older man possessively dug his fingers into his wild hair, tilting his head to properly ravage him. He ended their kiss with a silly grin and stepped backwards, into his truck.
He watched him drive off, then took a deep breath and got into his own car, taking the scenic route home to ensure he would arrive significantly later in the neighborhood than Heero, as to not arouse any suspicion.
By the time he pulled into his driveway it was an hour past midnight. The humid air had chilled, the grass was wet from a brief shower that must have passed over. The houses on the street were dark, even Heero's, he must have gone straight to bed. Which was a good idea, it was late and the long drive had been especially tiring.
Once inside his house he stripped out of his clothing, dropping his jacket in the hallway, his shirt at the top of the stairs, toeing off his shoes by his bedroom door and stepping out of his trousers by the side of the bed. He crawled under the thin sheets, heaving a sigh.
Their second date went considerably better. They settled on a restaurant only a forty-five minute drive away and went to see a movie in that theater they had intended to go to earlier, although they didn't see much of the movie. Seated in the back, far away from the few other people that were present it was not the onscreen romance that interested them. The second date yielded no sexual progress, but at the end of the night, tucking into his bed by himself, Duo hadn't felt like anything had been missing. Aside from their dates, they spent even more time together. Either Duo came over to help with the renovation or – because thanks to the extra set of hands the reconstruction was ahead of schedule – Heero snuck over to the author's house and they spent entire afternoons, or nights, into the wee hours, reading books from Duo's private library and sharing personal life stories that the fictional content reminded them of. The American could tell that the closeness made his younger partner happy, which in turn made him happy. Many nights Heero fell asleep with his head in Duo's lap or against Duo's shoulder while the other man read to him in nothing but a soft, baritone whisper. He wished he wouldn't have to wake the younger neighbor in those moments, but he always had to make sure Heero spent the night at his own place, to avoid anyone in the neighborhood noticing. Now that he had all he could expect from Duo, the secrecy of their involvement didn't seem to bother the exotic young man as much.
Despite the comfortable companionship, Heero seemed to be purposefully postponing the official third date and with it the promise of what would happen afterwards, even though Duo could tell the younger man was as eager for them to take that final step as he was. Duo suspected Heero was testing his commitment, waiting to see if their closeness was genuine or nothing but anticipation of sexual gratification. It didn't bother the American, sex, as much as he wanted it, was still quite a nerve-wrecking prospect for him. He wanted them both to have time to be completely comfortable with it. Until that time would come, he liked just being with him, he enjoyed the quiet calm that settled in his mind whenever Heero toyed with the feathery end of his braid or even when he sat across the room, folded in a seat, reading silently to himself a book that Duo had recommended.
In a way he was reminded of how his parents used to be, when they could still stand each other. But he knew how that ended and he knew this would end badly too.
During a dinner of take-out Chinese, sitting cross-legged on the newly polished hardwood floors of Heero's dining room, the young renovator started matter-of-factly: "I told you Trowa was coming over right, to help me with some things?"
"Yes…" He drawled tentatively.
"Well, a small group of friends is also coming over for dinner Sunday. A little barbeque, of course," He elaborated, referring to his kitchen that was still in a state of disarray, "I want you to meet them."
That sounded very… real to him. Really frightening. He acknowledged that as far as Heero was concerned meeting the friends was the equivalent of meeting the parents. Given the temporary nature of their involvement, he wasn't sure it was a good idea for their lives to become entwined to that extent. Also, he feared what Heero's friends would think of him, they probably weren't thinking the nicest things and he predicted they would question his beliefs and rip them apart. He had already made a poor impression on Trowa. "I don't think that is a good idea. I doubt your friends will approve of this- us."
"Us?"
Duo shrugged, trying not to think too much of Heero's innocently hopeful tone.
"I really want you to meet them," He stressed.
"I think involving your friends in this complicated, delicate matter will spoil a nice evening."
"Will you agree to meet them if I just introduce you as my friendly neighbor?"
That felt like a trap, but with the overwhelming desire to please, not to disappoint, the American agreed to join them for Sunday dinner.
Heero crawled over to him on all fours and kissed him on his mouth as a way of thanking him. Soon their bodies lay entangled on the glossy floor, exploring each other as far as they agreed to go before the third date.
The stoic friend Duo had met before, Trowa, arrived late Friday afternoon in a white van with lettering on the side that read: "BARTON's CARPENTRY". He watched the tall, slim man greet Heero with a long, intimate embrace that filled his heart with irrational envy. The hug appeared to exceed what was appropriate for a purely platonic friendship, but maybe the standard definition of 'appropriate' didn't apply between two gay male friends.
He didn't see his neighbor at all most of that weekend. He was intimidated by the strong carpenter who had come to assist him. Sometimes he would spot them around the lunch hour or at sunset, having a beer on the back porch. He tried not to spy but curiosity made the task of avoiding keeping an eye on them nearly impossible. He found himself making excuses to stand by the window, to straighten the curtains or to realign some knickknacks on the sill. The men never appeared aware of his stolen looks. As far as Duo could tell, the two hardly spoke, they just sat in their chairs, their feet propped up on an empty case.
Notably, Heero didn't seek Duo's company that weekend, apparently perfectly fulfilled by the wordless presence of his imperturbable guest. That made the American feel the indignant sting of jealousy all the more. So much so that by the time he got up early Sunday morning he was eager for the dinner. What exactly he felt like he had to prove – or could prove – was a mystery to him, but he realized begrudgingly that he missed the younger man and he didn't like the idea of him spending time with such an attractive guest. Restless dreams had convinced him there was something going on between Heero and Trowa. He remembered in dismay not only the full-body-contact-greeting of the previous Friday, but also the embrace they shared weeks earlier after Trowa's first visit, when the taller man let his hand travel obscenely far south.
They hadn't set a specific time, so Duo coolly remained indoors, distracting himself with a suspenseful book until it was six thirty and he could hear laughter coming from the backyard of the neighboring house. He took the expensive bottle of wine from his own collection that he had set on the table in the hallway in preparation almost two hours before, and he stepped out of his front door. He had contemplated going around back, making use of the opening in the hedge, but that wouldn't make a good impression on Heero's friends – he particularly didn't feel like explaining that odd entry – and he believed he could brush off any suspicion of the other neighbors since it was nothing more than a friendly get-together.
He rifled his fist on the front door, but there was no answer. He could hear impassioned conversation coming from the back porch and he realized they wouldn't hear his knocking. He followed the narrow trail around the side of the house, grabbing hold of the bottle with two hands as he was afraid to drop it with his palms going slick with a nervous sweat. Just as he was about to round the corner and expose himself to the gathering of people, he was approached by two excited dogs; an odd couple of a gentle, slow-moving black-and-white Great Dane and an excited, energetic, long-haired, tan Chihuahua. The little dog jumped up against him, hungry for attention, while the large beast merely sniffed at him. Careful not to step on the frenzied bundle of fur circling his feet, he stepped into the backyard.
Since the dogs had alerted everyone to his arrival, they had all fallen quiet as they had been waiting for him and as he walked around the back of the house he felt his face become warm as he saw them all staring at him.
A group of seven people – including Heero, were seated at a large wooden dining table that looked like Trowa had quickly but masterfully put together from excess building material, on the porch.
Heero got up to meet him at the steps of the porch, accepting the bottle of wine he was offered. He thanked him even though a single bottle of wine was a pathetic gift to bring to a dinner party that would serve eight people. With one hand holding the bottle by the neck and the other on the tall man's shoulder he invited him onto the porch and introduced him to his friends. "Guys, this is my neighbor, Duo Maxwell. He has been quite the helping hand to me."
The older man fought to keep his face from blushing, being privy to the double entendre of that statement.
Heero pointed the bottle at each individual as he introduced them. "Milliardo, Lucrezia, Quatre, you remember Trowa, Treize and last but not least," with a smirk he made a formal bow, "Lady Une."
"Real funny, Yuy," The attractive woman shot back. Addressing Duo she said: "Please, just call me Une. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor by not letting you call me by my first name."
"Take a seat, you'll fit right in. We're all a bunch of oddly named motherfuckers," Joked the raven-haired Lucrezia.
"It's nice to meet all of you." He took a seat at the end of the table, Milliardo to his left, Une to his right, and chewed the inside of his cheek as Heero divided the contents of the bottle between eight glasses of wine.
"So, you've been helping Heero out with the renovation," Started the attractive brunette to his right, "What kind of work do you do that leaves you with so much free time?"
"Uhm, I'm a writer."
Eyebrows raised. "Really," Inquired Milliardo interestedly. The man had long, platinum blond hair tied into a braid much like his own. A notable coincidence. "What kind of writer, exactly?"
Duo stalled, taking a sip of his wine, he knew where this way going. "I wrote a book."
"I read it, it's really good," The host chimed in, seated at the opposite end of the table.
"What is it about?" Asked another blond, Quatre, curiously.
"Uhm," He wanted to avoid provoking a discussion about religion, so his ambiguous answers was: "Growing up. Self-discovery. Heero is being too generous, it's not very good," He brushed off.
"What is it called?" Quatre continued.
The crowd chuckled at the blond's enthusiasm and explained he was an obsessive reader, devouring any title.
"It's called 'For the love of God'."
The group chuckled again, thinking it was meant sarcastically. Across the table Trowa narrowed his eyes the newcomer, obviously he had been better informed than the others, thanks to his previous stay.
Quatre seemed to be making a note in his phone. "I'll look it up."
"Hm." Duo nodded and forced a smile, taking a large drink of his wine.
"It must have sold pretty good for you to be able to live off it, in such a nice house, no less," Remarked the regal looking Treize.
"Yes. I got lucky."
Realizing he felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny the group of friends thankfully redirected the conversation to catch up. Duo enjoyed listening to their stories and their shared laughter. They seemed like a nice group of people, all very open and genuine.
Milliardo and Lucrezia took charge of the barbeque that was placed on the lawn to keep the smoke from building up under the porch. Removed from the rest they appeared to be having a private conversation. Duo assumed they were a couple.
Everyone piled meat, fruit, bread and salad onto their plates and dug in greedily, people getting up and changing seats as the conversation got splintered into small groups. Heero ended up sitting next to Duo, which relieved the older man.
Lucrezia fed the Great Dane a sausage and they all laughed when the tiny Chihuahua bounced up and down trying to steal the treat right out of the mouth of the behemoth.
Under the table Duo could feel Heero press his leg against his. The young man looked at him mischievously for a brief moment, then pretended nothing was going on.
After everyone was stuffed with food and two more bottles of wine, with the exception of the designated drivers, Heero, Quatre and Une offered to clear the table. Treize lit a cigar, prompting Milliardo to switch seats again with Une so he wouldn't have to sit right next to that foul smell, stating: "I hate it when he does that." The group said in monotonous unison: "We know." Treize managed a smirk while holding the cigar between his lips.
Duo offered to help clean up but he was ordered – quite firmly – to sit back down.
When the mess had been cleared away Heero placed the stereo in the kitchen window to accompany them with soft music. He took his seat by his neighbor again.
Lucrezia cleared her throat to get everybody's attention and showed the deck of cards she had produced from her purse.
"No! No!" Une protested, erupting in wild laughter. "I'm not playing!"
"But we always play," She whined with a grin, playing with the cards.
Quatre straightened up interestedly. "I want to play a game. That is, if everybody else does."
They all nodded and then looked at Duo expectantly.
"What kind of game do you have in mind? I'm not really into card games, so I don't think I can play." Duo thought he was too old to play games, but since no-one had mentioned his age, he wasn't about to put it in the forefront either.
"No worries, it's really simple." Lucrezia expertly shuffled the cards. "It's kind of like Black Jack, you know that game right?"
"More or less."
"Well, the game is really easy. Everyone gets dealt two cards, face down. You add up the score of the two cards. Obviously, face cards are ten points and the Aces eleven. The aim is to get a score of twenty-one, so if your total score is less, you can ask the dealer to give you another card, to try to get as close to twenty-one as possible, without going over. You can let the dealer draw you as many additional cards if you want. If you go over twenty-one, you lose. If you have the lowest total score of the group, you also lose."
"Alright, that does sound simple enough. But what are the consequences for losing? Do we bet money?"
"I wish," Exclaimed Une, "No, the stakes are much higher."
Lucrezia answered: "If you lose by having the lowest score or by going over twenty-one, you have to share a secret with the group and take a shot." She grinned.
"A shot of what?" Inquired Heero.
"I brought two bottles of tequila."
"Milliardo?" Asked Treize, "Do you have cash on you? We are going to need a taxi to get home at the end of this night."
"Do you play this often?" Asked Duo.
"Une and I play, with our book-club," She winked at the others.
Quatre threw his hands up in the air. "I knew it! I knew you hadn't seriously joined a book-club! Your idea of a 'good read' are the instructions on a microwave dinner."
"Hey, function over form, my friend. No slight to you, mister author," Lucrezia assured, "I'm sure your book is wonderful, but I just don't like to read."
"No, it's fine. To each their own."
"So are we playing?" The short-haired woman asked excitedly.
"I'm afraid," Whimpered Heero.
Une leaned over the table and told him: "You should be. Honestly, the things I told people after a couple of shots."
"You are such a lightweight, babe," Mocked Lucrezia, then she rose from he seat and started dealing cards, two per person. "Okay, we'll take turns dealing, going around the table clockwise."
Duo took the cards that were pushed his way across the rough surface of the table. He picked up his set and stared at the Jack of Hearts and five of Diamonds.
"Okay. Everybody know their number? Who wants another card?"
A number of them raised their hands. Duo contemplated playing it safe, not going over twenty-one, but the odds of someone ending up with less than fifteen were not good, so he hesitantly raised his hand also. He dealt a four of Clubs. He was pleased with his total score, with a smirk he lay his cards face down on the table.
"One more, anybody?"
With a scrunched up face Quatre raised his hand.
"Bold move, blondie, bold move," Commented the dealer as she gave him another card.
"Fuck!" Exclaimed the short man when he turned his card over. With pursed lips he showed his set of four; two threes, a five and an Ace.
Everyone was challenged to lay their cards face up on the table. They all curiously looked around, trying to figure out who the other loser – with the lowest number – would be. The handsome Treize was the unlucky one, with a total score of sixteen.
Trowa got up from his seat, "I'll go get the tequila. Luc?"
"Army print shopping bag in the corner of the kitchen. I brought plastic shot glasses too," She directed.
When Trowa returned he put a little plastic cup in front of everyone and poured Treize and Quatre a drink.
"Bottoms up."
"Quatre should tell his secret first," Argued the sophisticated looking man.
The blond buried his red face in his hand. "What kind of secret?"
"I'm thinking something funny and embarrassing, not telling us where you hid the body," Quipped the instigator of the game.
Une groaned, drawing all eyes to her.
"That was one of your secrets? Who? What?" Stammered the innocent blond.
"Mister Bojangles!"
Lucrezia was already laughing, having heard the story before.
"My sister's hamster," Une clarified, then she made a face. "Why the fuck am I telling you this, it isn't my turn!"
The group laughed but started to pester Quatre on behalf of her.
"Alright! Alright!" He raised his hands in surrender. He took the shot and had a fit of the giggles afterwards as he tried to think of a suitable secret to share. "Okay. I lost my virginity at sixteen."
"Oh, come on, you have to do better than that," Interrupted Lucrezia.
"I wasn't done yet!" He shouted back. "I lost my virginity at sixteen, but for four years I told all my boyfriends I was still a virgin." He buried his face in his hands again.
"You little minx!"
The group laughed.
"But why?" Asked Duo mildly.
Quatre shrugged. Red-faced he answered: "I liked that when they thought I was still a virgin they didn't mind taking things slow."
His friends let out a collective: "Awwwww."
"Shut up!" Quatre stuck his tongue out at them. "It's your turn Treize."
He straightened in his seat and took the small cup into his hands. "I have to warn you all. You see this charming, smoldering thing I've got going on?" He gestured at himself, "When I tell you this secret the illusion will be shattered."
"I'm just glad you are admitting that it is an illusion and nothing more," Jested Milliardo.
Treize downed his drink and started: "So, when I was in college, I dated quite a bit. I met this one guy, super hot -"
Duo frowned. Treize was gay? He hadn't realized. He thought the tall man was with Une, who had been sitting next to him most during the course of the evening.
"- and I mean super hot. I asked him out and I was thrilled that he said yes. Took him to this nice little Mexican place, rookie mistake. We have a lovely evening, but my stomach starts to feel a little funny."
They all made a face.
"I drive him home, not expecting anything, but the guy invites me into his apartment, his roommate would be gone all night anyway. And this guy is all over me, practically pounces me. Now, my stomach was a little upset, but nothing I could handle, I wasn't going to push him off me. So he gets me to lie down on his bed, feet still on the floor, he kneels between my legs and yanks my pants down and he goes to town on me. Now, he was a little more toothy than I like, but it was nice. However, I can tell my stomach is starting to rumble and gurgle. I felt it more than I heard it. Anyway, so he's sucking my dick and then my balls and then he goes down further."
At that point Milliardo started laughing hysterically, barely able to breathe.
"While he is rimming me," Treize continued, "I farted."
Duo wasn't really sure what rimming was, but he had enough information for an unpleasant mental picture and he joined the others in shocked laughter.
"I'm not talking a puff of air. I full on farted, to this day I don't know if something came out, it wouldn't surprise me. It was that kind of fart. Right in his face!"
Quatre was clutching his sides, the most amused of all, probably also because he was relieved his secret wasn't nearly as embarrassing.
"And you know what the really fucked-up thing was? I think he liked it!"
"Oh, no!"
"Seriously, he went on like nothing had happened. So what happened then is I started to judge him. I was the one who farted in someone face but I judged him because he totally seemed… into it! All these things were going through my mind and I was really worried I was going to be caught off guard by some kind of fetish. So I couldn't go through with it."
"You left him hanging?" Lucrezia sputtered.
Treize shrugged.
"The man took a fart in the face for you, Treize!"
Their laughter roared through the quiet neighborhood. Once everyone had teased Treize to their satisfaction and wiped the tears from the corners of their eyes, it was Trowa's turn to deal new cards.
Duo toyed with his red six and black seven and was relieved the additional card he requested was a five. He hoped his score would be sufficient, he didn't dare to ask for another card.
Everyone showed their hand. Heero got poured a drink because his total score was twenty-four and Une and Milliardo got a shot for their shared lowest score of sixteen. Une explained what had happened with her sister's hamster; an embarrassing accident. Milliardo recounted the tale of a 'cross-dressing incident'. Heero shamefully shared his obsession with reruns of the TV series 'Friends' when he was a teenager, adding with a red hue on his cheeks:
"I always really wanted Joey and Chandler to get together, romantically. I seriously shipped those two, it was pathetic. I was genuinely upset when Chandler got with Monica. I wrote the show an angry letter."
Duo didn't know what 'shipped' meant, but he didn't dare to admit that, thinking it was due to the age-gap he didn't want to draw attention to. Regardless, Heero's confession was endearing. The young man was much more of a softy than he oftentimes let on, perhaps that was his greatest secret.
The game continued and every round Duo was spared the embarrassing experience of sharing a secret, to the dismay of the others who were gradually getting drunk. They coerced him into taking the occasional shot as well. They were determined not to end the game until Duo had lost at least once.
He scowled when he ended up with an Ace, a three of Hearts and a King of Spades. When Quatre was done telling his fifth story of the night, in disjointed manner as he was impaired by the alcohol in his system, Duo looked at the crowd hesitantly as they looked at him expectantly. He downed the drink and immediately asked for a refill, earning cheers and catcalls. He took the second shot for courage and then boldly proclaimed: "I haven't had sex in seven years."
They stared at him.
Quatre was the first to start laughing, interrupting the awkward silence with his mirthful, drunk chortles. The others joined in, Duo laughed as well, even though he had never thought it to be particularly amusing before. He was drunk and easily amused because of it.
Since they had achieved their goal of getting the older man to spill a secret the end of the game was announced and Heero served strong coffee and some left-overs so his guests could sober up a little before they would head home. They listened to the quiet music coming from the radio and the snoring of the big sleeping dog under the table.
"So how did you all meet?" Duo wondered, curious to understand the dynamic of the group of friends.
"Heero and I were in business school together," Started Quatre, nursing his big cup of black coffee. "And Heero met Trowa when he hired him for some detail woodwork on one of his first renovations. They became friends and Heero introduced us."
"What about you guys?"
Milliardo tiredly stirred his coffee, but he shared a kind smile with Heero. "Heero and I dated a couple of years back."
Duo frowned, realizing the long-haired man was gay also, discrediting the author's previous assumption that he and Lucrezia, affectionately called 'Luc' by her friends – and she insisted Duo did also - were an item.
The man with the admirable blond hair continued: "We met when Heero was waiting to get tested for HIV, I was volunteering at the gay and lesbian center at the time, as a counselor, helping people through the six month waiting period. We cared deeply for each other, but it didn't work out. I am, however, very happy we managed to stay friends."
"Why didn't it work out?"
"Heero turned out to be negative. Thank God. But I'm positive. Some people can make that work, but… Not everyone. I was too worried about infecting him and… I'll admit, I was at times resentful that he turned out to be clean and I hadn't been so lucky."
Duo was rendered silent by the unexpected seriousness of the conversation.
Milliardo elevated the atmosphere with a brilliant smile: "We work better as friends,"
Duo mirrored his smile but it was forced.
"And then I met Treize a little while later at a Pos-men dating event, and we've been together ever since. And he's to blame for dragging the lesbians along," He said with a wink.
Surprised Duo directed his gaze at the two women.
"I used to date Treize," Une elaborated.
Treize explained matter-of-factly: "I'm bi."
Une snorted. "Yeah, I thought I was too. But now I can't imagine being married to anyone other than Luc, especially not a man."
"You're married?"
"Four years," Replied the two women in unison, exchanging a loving look.
"So… You are all gay?" The religious American blurted.
At the opposite end of the table Trowa demonstratively wrapped an arm around Quatre and stated dryly: "Yes, of course. Heero doesn't have any straight friends."
"Not after Marc," Remarked Une, but then she looked like she immediately regretted saying anything.
Duo got up from his seat and looked at them perplexed, feeling deceived and entrapped. They were all gay and they were all a couple and he realized every single one of them assumed he was gay also and that he and Heero were together. "I'm not gay!" He argued defensively.
They shared confused looks between them.
"Duo," Heero tried, "Please, don't get upset. It's an honest mistake."
"A mistake you purposefully let them make!"
Trowa shot up from his seat at Duo's raised voice. "Hey! Calm down."
"It's none of your business."
"It is my business," The auburn-haired man asserted.
Duo shook his head at Trowa, then at Heero. Everything clicked. The embraces. The hostile attitude. The over-protectiveness. Something was going on between the two of them, behind Quatre's back. Behind his own back. He felt sick. "I'm leaving," He announced and promptly did so. He turned around only long enough to thank them for the evening and to apologize for letting it end like that, then he stormed off. Heero followed him and didn't stop even as Trowa barked his name.
He allowed Heero to follow him into his house, rather than locking the front door behind him. He didn't want Heero to keep knocking on his door and calling out to him, it would wake the whole neighborhood and draw curious eyes to them.
"Duo, please don't be upset," Heero pleaded in the darkness of the hallway.
"I feel totally humiliated! This entire evening they all thought I was like them!"
Heero reeled back. "Like them? What would be so bad about that?"
"I'm not gay, Heero," He stressed. He buried his hands in his hair. "I know you don't believe me. But I'm not. I'm not. I mean… I like you… I like being with you, I like touching you… but that's it! To be gay means to fall in love with people of the same gender and that's not me. It's one thing for a stranger to see us holding hands in a restaurant, they are not going to think twice about it. But to let your friends think I'm gay? I feel like you are trying to change me, trying to convince me that 'being gay is okay'. But that is not what we agreed on and it hurts me that it seems like you are trying to trick me into becoming someone else. I am not going to change. When you leave I'm going to be the same man I always was." He could see the younger man's face contort with the effort to keep his emotions in check. Duo tried not to be affected and harsly continued: "Besides, why should this mean anything to me when it obviously doesn't mean anything to you? You don't give a damn about relationships, not about your own and not about the relationships of others."
"What are you talking about?"
"The way you are with Trowa!"
Heero frowned at him. "We're just friends!"
"So you haven't slept with him?"
The young man bit back: "So we had sex a couple of times! So what? It doesn't mean anything!"
Duo took a few steps back, surprised at the jealous sting in his chest. "It doesn't mean anything?" He challenged.
Heero reached out to him, laying soothing hands on Duo's upper arms, a gesture that would normally calm the older man, but he was too livid. With cobalt eyes filled with an earnest turmoil he assured the taller one: "I haven't slept with him since we… since we… I promise."
"No?"
"No, of course not."
Duo scoffed. "Of course not," He huffed indignantly. "And what about Quatre? He's with Trowa, isn't he? Have you two been fucking behind his back?"
"Not exactly…"
"Not exactly?" As far as Duo was concerned that meant yes. How could Heero do that to one of his friends? "How could you? If that's the kind of person you are… Just go back to your friends. Use one of them for sex. Betray the other one. If that's all you want… then what are you doing here? What do you want from me?"
"Look, yes, Trowa and I have slept together a couple of times, even now that he is with Quatre. But he and Quatre have an open relationship. Quatre knows that Trowa and I sometimes do stuff when he comes over for a weekend to help with renovations and he is okay with it. He's had casual sexual encounters of his own."
"Then why was Trowa so over-protective? If it's just sex?"
"He's my best friend! Of course he wants to protect me, especially since he is the only one who knows the terms of my relationship with you and he doesn't agree with it. You made a bad impression on him last time, Trowa isn't one to easily forgive and forget."
Duo took a deep breath, feeling a little bit more at ease. "So you aren't fooling around with Trowa anymore?"
"No."
"And, according to the rules he set up with Quatre, Trowa wasn't cheating on him with you?"
Heero shook his head. "No. They love each other. And they are great together. They are meant to be together, they just have their own idea of what a committed relationship between two gay men looks like. To them, all that matters is that they come home to each other at the end of the day and love only each other, not the others."
The American frowned when he picked up on the sadness in Heero's whispered words.
"Trowa doesn't love me," He continued, casting his sullen gaze to a dark corner, "He has sex with me, but he doesn't love me. He goes home to Quatre every time… I- I like the sex, but it's not enough for me. For once in my life I want to be the person someone comes home to. I don't want to always be the guy who just 'works better as a friend'." He looked up at Duo pathetically, torment apparent in his eyes. "But that's always how it ends up. I'm never more to people than just a friend. To Marc. To Milliardo. To Trowa… To you. It's not what I want but it's all I've ever gotten and you can't blame me for taking as much of it as I can get!"
His anger was diffused by his sympathy for the younger man. He moved in closer, putting his hands on Heero's shoulders but he stopped short of drawing him into an embrace. He could feel Heero's shorter frame tremble and he could hear his shaky breaths. He didn't what to do or what to say.
"I'm sorry about tonight," Offered the Asian man, wiping fingers under his eyes to remove the evidence of crying. "I just wanted what they have, what they all have, for one night. Someone who is mine. I didn't lie to them, but you're right, I- I let them believe that we…- I'm sorry." He took a deep breath and then looked up uncertainly.
Duo kissed his forehead and then decided to wrap his arms around him. With his face buried in messy, chocolate brown hair he muttered: "You are more than just a friend to me… Now I'm not saying-… That doesn't mean-… But I am yours."
Heero returned the hug tightly, gratefully.
Duo disentangled them to be able to look the younger man in the eye. "But only for a little while," He added, he didn't want Heero to get the wrong idea, to get his hopes up. "And no one needs to know. This is between us."
He nodded. "Yeah. Okay."
"I'm sorry too. About getting mad and acting like a total infant in front of your friends. I actually really liked that 'bunch of oddly named motherfuckers'."
Heero chuckled.
"You should probably go back, before Trowa comes barging in here."
He nodded and started towards the door. "Hey, Duo? Since I basically lured you into a quadruple date, tonight was our third official date."
The American didn't know what to say, he just knew that he got nervous and aroused all at once.
"I could come back. If you leave your kitchen door unlocked…"
"I will," He agreed eagerly, much to his embarrassment. "But only if you're sure."
"I am. I want to."
"Me too." He watched Heero leave, halfheartedly waving goodbye. He moved through his dark house to the back door, with his hand on the key he stilled. By getting involved with him Heero was making the same mistake the had before; diving into a relationship with a person who couldn't give him what he wanted and needed; who couldn't fully reciprocate his feelings. He worried Heero still believed he could change the religious man, knowing the young man was in for bitter disappointment. He should keep the door locked, he should protect Heero from himself. They had both already let it get too far and now they were preparing to go even further. But he didn't want to shut the likable young man out, he was selfish that way. He would miss the exciting neighbor. He had let it go too far and now he was addicted to him; to the sight of him, to the smell of him, to the taste of him.
Besides… He scoffed at himself, he may be the older one, but it was not his responsibility to make the right choices for the other. Young as he was, he was an adult, he was mature enough to decide for himself what he should or should not get into. Wasn't it incredibly vain of Duo to think himself to be so irresistible the young man would inevitably fall head-over-heels in love with him?
He unlocked the door and nodded to himself. Like he had said to himself before: It was up to Heero to 'close the door', if that was what he wanted, what he thought was best. If Heero believed he could go through with it without getting too emotionally invested and making himself vulnerable for heartache, than who was he to argue with that decision?
Vanity was a sin, after all.
Friend, fellow author and amazing artist CaseyCuervo has made an illustration for chapter twelve of "Thousand Words". You can find the artwork by copy-pasting the link below, or, if you don't feel like deleting all those breaks, you can just go to (www .) archiveofourown (. o r g) and search for author CaseyCuervo. The artwork is titled "Fanart No. 4: Thousand Words". Be warned, the image is only suitable for mature viewers :P
w-w-w-.-archiveofourown-.-o-r-g-/-works-/-1502945
But before you go there (and perhaps have to take a cold shower afterwards), let me know what you thought of this chapter. What did you think of the appearance of the other GW characters?