Here it is.

The epic event we have all been waiting for.

Even though it's so epic, it isn't the end. Though it should be.

But it isn't. Because I really like getting reviews.

This chapter contains the following:

Blood

Guts

Top 40 music

Product placement

Drug use

And a lot of other bull shit.

I really hope you enjoy this. And review. Because it took a lot of time to will myself to write this chapter.

Unknown to the majority of internet users, the world is controlled by Facebook, which is controlled by Weird Al Yankovic, who is, in turn, a robot controlled by Lord Voldemort, who has, up until this point, been a relatively sane, well-read gentleman. But today, something totally unexpected has happened—it's exactly been three weeks since the due date of the ghostly apparition of Lady Gaga. But the ghostly apparition of Lady Gaga is still…not there. And everyone is pissed.

"Damn you, Bellatrix," said Lucius, banging his head calmly against the table. "I'm so sick of waiting like this."

"Shut up," said Bellatrix, staring longingly at a picture of Mozart. "Cissy, could you get me some barbed wire? I'm hungry."

Narcissa sighed and turned up the volume on her iPod. "It felt so wrong, it felt so—"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Bellatrix. "I'M CHAINED TO A LA-Z-BOY, THERE'S CAUTION TAPE IN MY HAIR, IT'S ONE-HUNDRED AND EIGHT DEGREES OUTSIDE, DRACO'S WATCHING DISNEY CHANEL, WEIRD AL YANKOVIC'S DEAD, ROTTING BODY IS BEING STORED IN MY BEDROOM, MY HUSBAND IS A GAY ICON, AND I'M SICK OF LISTENING TO KATY PERRY!"

She paused, panting. "AND I DON'T HAVE A GODDAMNED WAFFLE IRON!"

She burst into miserable, bored, pregnant-lady/impatient three year old tears. This created a bit of an awkward silence for everyone, because, seeing as Bellatrix was in charge of the fate of their favorite superstar, she could easily get rid of it.

"Um," said Draco. "Do you guys want to go to…uh…a Nazi museum?"

"YEAH!" screamed everyone in joy. They ran outside and piled into the motorcycle sidecar. Dobby drove.

"Oh, raspberries are awesome," sang Lucius. "They smell awesome in women's shampoo..."

Bellatrix bitch slapped him. "You would know."

Within twenty minutes, they were at the Nazi museum. It was all very enjoyable until Draco almost killed himself in one of the gas showers. Then, they went back home.

"Bored," said Voldemort. "Bored. Bored. Bored…"

"Mmmmmma," groaned Bellatrix. "Someone play a ukulele or something."

"Okay!" said Draco, taking the opportunity to play his favorite song in the whole big sunny world. "When you were here before…"

"I couldn't look you in the eyes…" filled in Voldemort.

"You looked like an angel," sang Dobby.

"You're skin makes me cry," whispered Rodolphus.

"Let's just skip to the chorus," suggested Narcissa, and they did.

"I'M A CREEP!" shouted the cast. "I'M A WEIRDO! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE? I DON'T BELONG HERE…"

They were going to go on to the second verse, but then, the ghostly apparition of Lady Gaga had an epiphany. As much as she liked having a uterus all to herself where she was always on the top charts, she was bored of having only a placenta to talk to. Plus, it scared her.

Bellatrix screamed a bunch of words that the author censored, and so began…

THE TOTALLY GORY BIRTH SCENE!

"Oh…my…God," said Draco, who was tied to a chair place in front of Bellatrix's gaping genitalia.

"Shut up, Draco," said Narcissa. "See, I always wanted you to see a baby/thing be born, but due to my craziness, you never got to see my own, bleeding, shit-wrecked, diseased vagina contract while—"

"OBLADI, OBLADA, LIFE GOES ON…RA!" screamed Draco, closing his eyes.

"Drugs," hissed Bellatrix. "Drugs. I want…drugs."

"Only a few more hours, Bellatrix," said Voldemort with agonizing calm. "Then we can start having sex again."

Bellatrix sniffed, coughed up some glitter, and felt confetti fly from her—lady parts.

"This is so going on YouTube," muttered Wormtail, flipping out his secret camera. "Now, if only it was in HD…"

There was a gory, unmentionable event, and Narcissa screamed in horror as a small copy of the Eiffel Tower came out of…lady parts.

"SO FUCKING PAINFUL!" screamed Bellatrix.

"HOLY SHIT IT'S CROWNING!" screamed Lucius, and then, weird, fantastical orchestra music came out of nowhere. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up, a bit confused. Then, the chaos started again.

"This is worse then getting Rick Rolled," whispered Draco, eyes huge.

"This is better than S&M porn," said Lucius, tongue hanging out.

"This makes me vomit banana peels," said Narcissa, vomiting banana peels.

"This strangely reminds me of Conversations With Other Women," said Voldemort thoughtfully.

Bellatrix just screamed.

Torrents of blood hit the crowd. Vortexes of confetti whipped at their hair. Giant pieces of aluminum that looked like Abraham Lincoln wrestled with Lucius. And then, with a scream, a Lady Gaga's head was…out.

There was a deathly pause. No one could take their eyes off of it. Even the fantastical music scratched to a stop.

"So…is she…" began Lucius, not able to go on.

Wormtail smiled. "I know what to do," he said, taking out a large pot of water. "Throw it in, will you?"

Lucius gingerly picked up the head—it really was beautiful, all glistening and covered with…stuff—and placed it in gently.

Almost instantly, plumes of smoke and disco balls started to fly from it. There was a bunch of strange noises that sounded like a donkey raping a unicorn, and then, a figure stood, still obscured by the mist.

"W…T…F," whispered Bellatrix, licking her hand.

Suddenly, the mist cleared away, and who the figure was became totally obvious.

"That was probably the most cramped living quarters I've ever been forced to live in," said Lady Gaga, sighing a bit and wrapping herself in some barbed wire. "But, anyway, I love you all, buy my CDs, gay rights, whatever…ciao."

And she walked out of the door.

The cast sat there for a few seconds, totally in shock. Then, Lucius spoke.

"That's it?" he demanded. "We don't get paid?"

"I had to get all gross and chubby just so I could get dissed?" asked Bellatrix, eyes huge. "And then she advertised?"

"Well, there's something to be learned from this," said Draco. "Even though you love famous people, the likelihood of them not appreciating the millions of CDs you purchase or your obsessive behavior is pretty fluffing huge."

"That was…beautiful," said Voldemort. "But sad."

And the cast started to cry.

So. Wasn't that DEVESTATING?

Review. Please. I need something to read that's kind of positive.