2.11 Trying to induce labor

"You're too good," Michelle sighs as Christian rubs her feet. "Why are you so good to me?"

"I love you,"
"No, no, no. There must be something wrong with you. Are you secretly a serial killer or something?"

"Not that I'm aware of," he laughs.

"There must be something wrong with you. You're too perfect," she smiles.

"Well, let's see. I only have a brother in South Dakota: both of my parents have died, and I've never had a long-term relationship. Women tend to get freaked out by OBGYNs."
"You do stick your hands in multiple vaginas daily…" Michelle chuckles.

"Yeah, I once dated a girl who said it was like I was cheating on her."
"It's your job, that's stupid,"

"Right, when I'm at work it's like… it's like women come in for an oil change,"
"Oh my god, I've never thought of it like that!" They both laugh for a while.

"But when we're in bed…" he says as he kisses her feet, "I know all the tricks…"

"Woah, there. Let's just stick with a foot rub today. Okay?"
"That's fine with me. We should have sex sometime this week, though."
"Why? God, I can't imagine that. I'd crush you. Plus, I'm so tired I don't think I'll ever have sex again."

"Isn't tomorrow your due date?"

"Yes! Thank God."

"Well, if he doesn't come, you get to try all the crazy ways to induce labor."
"Like what?"

"Spicy food, dancing, and sex. At least, those are the ones I've known to work."

"I'm so ready for him to be out…" she thinks for a minute, "but at the same time I'm not. I don't want to be pregnant anymore, but I don't know that I'm ready to take care of him. I'm so afraid I'm going to mess this up. I wish there could be a break between having the baby and having to take care of it."

"Sorry it doesn't work like that. Fanny and I will help you."
"I still can't believe you. Are you sure you want to do this? Last chance…" she laughs, "you can back out now. You don't need to help me raise a baby. That's not what you signed up for."

"But it is! I'm fine with baggage, and yours just happens to be that you're about to have a baby."
"You really are perfect," she says, kissing him sweetly.
"Alright, I'll come clean. I'm not perfect." She looks at him, confused. He admits, "Sometimes I wear socks with sandals, and I have two left feet."
Michelle laughs and says, "I think I can live with that. I love you."

"I love you too." He reaches over to her stomach and kisses it. "And we're going to love you so much."

Michelle plays with the rings on her finger as he continues to massage her swollen feet. She can't believe how sweet he his. He's amazing.

…

"Good morning," Dr. Anderson greets them as she enters the exam room. "How are you feeling?"
"Like a really tired incubator," Michelle groans.

"She's doing great," Christian tells Dr. Anderson.

"Sure, that's what you think," Michelle laughs. "Is he coming anytime soon? I'm more than ready at this point."

"Well, let me see." Dr. Anderson says as she presses on Michelle's stomach. "Ooh, I guess he doesn't like that. Did you feel that kick?" Dr. Anderson laughs.
"Did I feel it? I think he's broken all of my lower ribs this week."

"Well, that's a good sign. I can tell that he's head-down, so that basically means he's getting ready. We can't rush him, though. Babies are pretty content in their mommy's bellies. It's nice and warm and protected in there. I don't blame them for wanting to stay put."

Michelle whispers to her belly, "We're ready for you, Hubbell. Come on out, I promise you'll be so loved." Christian kisses her hand and rests his head on her shoulder.

"You're going to be such a good mom…" he tells her.
"Is there anything we can do to speed up this process?" Michelle asks the doctor.
"Well, there are the usual wives tales about spicy food and sex, I'm sure Christian knows more."
"Wait you're serious? I thought he was just joking."
"No, it's true. I tell all my patients the same thing."
"When labor starts, don't panic, just take it easy and make sure to breathe and do the things you learned in birth class. When the contractions get to 10 minutes apart, give me a call and I'll meet you here. Okay?"

"Sounds good. Thanks Dr. Anderson."
"See you soon, you two." Dr. Anderson says as she leaves the room.

"Are you sure you want to be here for the birth?" Michelle asks Christian.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

…

They get back to the house late after a nice Thai dinner (with lots of spice) and walk into the kitchen. They find a note on the counter.
"Come to the dance studio."

They walk in and there's a huge party.

"What's this?" Michelle asks.
"It's a dance party!" Fanny says as she starts the music.
"We're going to dance all night!" Sasha yells over the noise.

"Why?"

"She said that wrong," Fanny tells her, "you're going to dance all night, and we're going to dance with you. We're going to get this baby out!"

"No, come on, all I want to do is sleep."

"Too bad!" Christian says as he spins her around. She reluctantly follows his lead and they slow dance for a minute.
"That's not going to do it!" Fanny says as she puts on a song from a routine Michelle choreographed. It's the "Oh So Quiet" routine.
"Fanny, no."

"I have a whole schedule. Get in there!" she says as the first ballet section of the song ends. Melanie and Ginny pull Michelle onto the dance floor.

"Ready?" they ask.
"I guess, follow the pregnant broad in front!" she jokes.

They dance to the song and she barely can keep up. By the end she's skipped half of the steps. They finish the routine with big jazz hands around Michelle. They all cheer and she leaves the dance floor.

"Where do you think you're going?" Fanny asks as she ushers the adult tap class onto the floor.

"Is this how the whole night is going to be?" Michelle asks.
"Yes. Drink some water, put your tap shoes on, and then get back out here. Go go go!"

"She's trying to kill me," Michelle whispers to Christian.
"She's trying to help," he answers.
"I'm still exhausted."

"You look great out there. I love watching you dance."

"I look like a flailing whale."
"A cute one…" he teases as he kisses her.
"Michelle! Get out here. 5, 6, 7, 8!"

"Bye, I love you!" she says quickly as she scuffs onto the floor.

…

"Michelle, here, drink some water," Fanny tells her.

"Fanny, can she have a break?" Christian asks as a sweaty Michelle leans on him.

"The rule is everyone has to dance all night. How about you two slow dance for a little while?"
"Please…" Michelle groans.

"I'll find some music," Christian says. Michelle sits down for the first time in hours while he fumbles through the CD collection. He puts on "Picture in a Frame," the same song that they played for Hubbell's memorial.
Fanny sits down sadly and Michelle gets up.

"I don't think we can play that one," she says as she rushes over to the CD player.
"No, it's perfect," Fanny says. "Dance! That's the point."

Christian takes Michelle's hand and spins her into his arms. She rests her head on his shoulder, and they sway back and forth to the sad song.
"We played this for Hubbell's memorial," she whispers to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"I know you didn't. It's a beautiful song…" she says as she tears up. She looks over at Fanny. She's trying not to cry too.

"I'm glad to have a break," Michelle says. "I can't do this all night. I don't know how to tell Fanny. She won't listen to me. When she gets an idea…"

"I have an idea," Christian says confidently, "she's not going to stop until you go into labor, right? So go into labor."

"You're the doctor here. It doesn't just happen because you want it to. You told me that, idiot."
"No, I mean fake it. Then tomorrow we'll tell everyone it was a false alarm."
"I love you so much right now," Michelle grins.
"Put that acting to use. I want a Broadway performance!" he teases.
"All right, I'll wait until the next song. This one is almost over." The song ends and everyone claps.

"Advanced ballet class out here, please!" Fanny announces.

"What now?" Michelle whines.
"Time for my favorite," Fanny smiles, "Boo, hit it!"

The music starts, "It's time to dance!"

"Fanny, no!" Michelle complains. Boo and Sasha drag her onto the dance floor and she half-heartedly dances along. She jetés a couple of times, then she stops and acts like her stomach is cramping. Fanny notices and stops the music.
"Did it work?" Ginny asks excitedly.

"I'm not sure," Michelle groans. "Ooooh," she moans as she doubles over.

"Christian!" Fanny yells. Christian runs onto the floor and grabs Michelle. He supports her as she walks off the floor. Fanny takes her other side and they set her down on a chair. Michelle fakes discomfort for about 30 seconds. It's not hard to act because she's really thinking about how much her feet hurt.

"I think I should take her to her place. I'll monitor her until it's time to go to the hospital," Christian tells Fanny.

"Okay, I'll clean up here and check in later," Fanny says to them, "Let me know if you need anything, I'll be over soon." To everyone else, Fanny announces, "Thank you everyone! We did it! Go home, we'll send news when there is any." Michelle and Christian sit for a while watching everyone go home. They wave and wish them well, thanking them for dancing for so long.

Christian helps Michelle up as she tries to stifle a smile.

"Easy," he says, "don't worry, sweetie. You're doing great. You should have another contraction soon," he hints.

"Right," she whispers. They get to the door and she grabs the doorframe, stopping in her tracks. "Ooooh," she moans. "They're getting stronger…"

"Not too much," he whispers.

"Oh look, it's already subsiding," she says loudly. He shakes his head and they leave the studio. They giggle all the way to her place.
"That was brilliant! I'd give you a Tony for that performance," he laughs.

"It was your idea. That was perfect. Now what are we going to do about Fanny?" Michelle says as she stuffs more ice cream into her mouth.
"I think we should just leave a note on the door."

"Perfect. Do you see a pen somewhere?"

"Here."

"Fanny-" she says as she writes, "False alarm, went to bed. Thanks for the party."

"Great!" He says.
"I'm so tired," she tells him.
"Well, there is another way to induce labor…" he teases.

"We already ate spicy food. Believe me, I'm still burping it up. That gave me awful heartburn."

"No, there's another way," he whispers as he reaches to kiss her.
"Ew gross!" she says as she swats his hand away. "Who would want to have sex with this?" she grabs her swollen stomach.
"I would," he laughs, "you're so beautiful."
"I'm not. I'm bloated and huge. My feet are swollen and I can't even tell you the last time I saw my legs. No way."
"How about tomorrow morning? Get some sleep, and we can have morning sex."

"There are dancers here in the morning, I wouldn't want to scar them for life…"

"We'll shut the curtains, and we'll be extra quiet. It'll be like making out in high school when your parents were home."
"That does sound sexy," she admits. "We'll see…"

He smiles from ear to ear. She might as well have said yes. "If I don't explode first," she tells him.

…

They wake up to Fanny banging on the door.

"What?" Michelle yells though the door, not moving from the warm bed.

"I know what you did last night!"

"Didn't you see the note?" Michelle yells back.
"You didn't really have contractions, did you?"

"Um, yeah she did. They went away though, Braxton Hicks…" Christian tries to subdue Fanny.

"You two better not pull that crap again!" Fanny yells through the door.
"Is she gone?" he whispers.
"Yeah, she has to teach now."

"Okay, ready for sex?" he asks excitedly.

"Wow, you know how to set the mood. Let me brush my teeth first," she says.

"Good idea. I'll brush mine too."

They get up, and she stares at herself in the mirror while she brushes. She looks fat and pale. How could he think was beautiful? she thinks sadly.
"Alright, let's get it over with," she says as she climbs back onto the bed.

"That's not the right attitude," he tells her.
"I'm letting you do this, I don't think you can nitpick my attitude. I've never felt less sexy in my life."

"Let me see if I can change that…"

"Shhhhh." She shushes him as they hear a group of girls walk past the house.

"Shhhhhh," he answers as his head lowers onto her neck.

They both collapse on the bed– exhausted. After lying there for a minute, he asks, "So?"
"Way better than secretly making out in high school."
"No, I mean any contractions?"

"No, sorry. He's kicking a lot."

"Your heart rate goes up during sex, he noticed."
"Or maybe he was intimidated by you," she laughs.
"I doubt it. It doesn't quite work like that."

He lies with his head resting on her shoulder. She kisses his forehead and gets up. "I need to get ready. I have a class after Fanny's is over."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" he asks.

"Sure. Hey Christian," Michelle says slowly, "what are we going to do after he's born?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well they already started construction on the house. I can't leave here, but you have your apartment. We're engaged now. Are we going to keep living separately?"

"I was thinking about that too, but I didn't want to stress you out about it."

"Don't worry, I already stressed myself," she chuckles. "Would you want to live here?" she asks worriedly, "I know it's weird because Fanny is here, but I can't leave her. I can't leave this house. Hubbell left it to me, and I've made a life here."

"I would love to live here with you. I would live in a cardboard box if you wanted me to."

"I'm going to talk to Fanny about this, but I think she'll say yes. She really likes you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I love you," he says again.

"You already said that," she laughs.
"I could never say it enough."