Planet 63: Door to Door Sales
The camera zoomed in taking a close up of a light purple alien man with bright orange hair. He carried a large black suitcase and was dressed in a black suit and tie. The alien approached his target, Maximus' lair, and rung the door bell. Minimus opened the door and looked at the alien suspiciously. He eyed his suitcase wondering what could be in it.
"Allow me to introduce myself!" The alien spoke in an overly cheerful voice, a little too loud. "I represent BARK the best encyclopedia in the known universe!" He opened his suitcase to reveal many small disks. "Everything known in the universe is recorded right here!" The alien ranted for a while about the benefits of the encyclopedia, just as he was trained to do, before he noticed Minimus waving his arms around. "Do you have a question?"
"Finally, I thought you'd never shut up!" Minimus' angry face growled. He changed back to his normal face and asked his question. "What does BARK stand for?"
The encyclopedia salesman opened his mouth as if to speak, but no sound came out. He assumed the classic thinking position with a hand on his chin, then he scratched the top of his head and finally answered. "I have no idea. I've been working for this company all my life and I still don't know." There was a moment of silence while each of them tried to find what to say next. Then the alien asked what he had come to ask. "Are you going to buy it?"
"I can't," Minimus replied. "His evilness told me to stop buying junk because there's no room for my junk in his lair." He changed to his evil face. "But there's plenty of room for his junk!" Once again Minimus changed to normal. "I'll ask him if he wants to buy it." Being his sidekick for so long, Minimus should have predicted Maximus' reaction, but he didn't.
xoxox xox xoxox
Minimus returned to the door with Maximus. "BARK? I'll tell you what that stands for, Boring annoying random kollection! That's what that collection of CDs are!" Today Maximus wasn't in the mood to deal with door to door space sales people.
"But your evilness, collection starts with a c," Minimus pointed out.
"My point exactly, they can't even spell it right!" Maximus yelled. "Besides, I'm a super genius I already know everything there is to know and I bet you don't have ways to destroy Atomic Betty in there anyway!"
"Actually, we have an entire chapter dedicated to Atomic Betty," the bark salesman proudly declared. "What she likes to do in her free time, her favorite color, everything!"
"Her home planet? How to destroy her?" Maximus asked.
"No, I think we're missing that part, but we have all the other information and with the online update you can continue receiving the latest information! You'll know things about Atomic Betty that very few know," the orange haired alien cheered.
"Atomic Betty's secrets, maybe not her home planet or how to destroy her, but her secrets that can be used against her. What kind of information is in there?" Maximus asked.
"Everything," the alien hoped that maybe he would finally sell something, then again even when he thought he had a client, they always turned him down when he told them the price, but maybe this time it would be different. Maybe Maximus IQ would be the first to buy this product and save BARK from bankruptcy. "For example do you know what color Betty painted her nails?"
"No," Maximus was trying to figure out why would that be relevant at all.
"If you buy the encyclopedia then you will know!" The alien cheerfully laughed, but then his laugh turned into an insane maniac laughter. "Sorry about that," he coughed. "I'm getting over a little cold. So will you buy it?"
"No!" Maximus didn't even give the alien a chance to tell him the price that would probably make him yell even louder, if that's even possible. "Why would I care what color Atomic Betty's nails are? I'm not some creepy obsessive fan boy stalker!"
"You're not?" The alien was surprised. "But there was this gossip magazine you were stalking Atomic Betty."
"Idiot! I'm following her because I want to know where she lives!" Maximus took a moment to think about his words. It did kind of sound like he was stalking her. "But I'm not her fan boy, I only want to know where she lives so I can destroy her home planet!"
"Sure you do," the alien teased. "Everyone's an Atomic Betty fan these days."
"Guards!" No way was Maximus going to stand there and be insulted in his own lair. The guards chased after the alien, but he quickly grabbed his suitcase and escaped before they could catch him.
xoxox xox xoxox
A few minutes passed and someone else came. This time it was an alien of a different species selling pots and pans. Maximus almost kicked him out, literally, but Bernadette pushed Minimus in the way and the little sidekick served as a shield.
"Don't scare away the sales people!" The chef scolded, "especially when they're selling such high quality products."
While Minimus complained about the way he was being treated, Maximus became very confused. To him the pots and pans looked normal with nothing special, maybe it took a chef to tell the difference.
xoxox xox xoxox
After Bernadette finished shopping, all was quiet in Maximus' lair until once more there was someone at the door. But this time Maximus was ready. As soon as the intruder was standing in front of the door Maximus opened it and yelled. "I'm not buying anything!" Then he closed the door and walked a way with a satisfied smile.
However, it took a moment for his brain to register the image he had seen when he opened the door. That wasn't one of those annoying space sales people, it was a just a kid.
Maximus remembered the last time he accidentally yelled at a little kid like that. He almost got cooked by an angry mother, then again that was a dragon child he mixed up with an annoying sales person that time and this kid wasn't a dragon. He heard what sounded like sad meows coming from the other side of the door and slowly opened it with curiosity.
There stood a little lynx girl meowing sadly. "No one will buy my cookies." She gave Maximus the sad kitten look that all lynx children learn by instinct. In fact he used it quite often when he was little. "Now I'll have to go back to the orphanage and tell that mean lady that I couldn't sell the cookies. I'm a bad girl and no one will want to adopt me."
Maximus was about to say something, but he felt like he was being watched. Sure enough that annoying gossipy reporter, Exa Jerada, was standing there watching. "Don't mind me," Exa grinned mischievously. "I'll just stand here quietly and watch as Maximus IQ helps a good cause. Oh, yeah and I'll also publish the video to trash your super villain reputation for money."
Before Maximus could say anything the cute little kitten girl looked at Exa and her expression changed. She no longer looked like an innocent little girl, but had a look of pure evil in her face. She showed her sharp fangs and claws as she approached Exa, who slowly backed away. "Listen lady, back off and leave my client alone!" She hissed and looked like she was about to jump on Exa and tare her apart.
The blue alien reporter knew when it was time to run for her life and this was definitely a good time. Once Exa was gone, the girl walked back to Maximus, scaring him with her evil look. Then she smiled sweetly, as all traces of evil disappeared from her face.
"How did you do that? When I was little and tried to look evil, it never came out right!" Maximus was in shock.
"What can I say? I have natural talent," the girl bragged.
"You're not really a little orphan girl are you?" Maximus asked.
"Nope, I'm a super villain in training and I'm selling cookies to buy weapons of mass destruction." The girl spoke with so much sweetness in her voice, it made it sound very creepy.
"Why didn't you say so? It's good to see young super villains working so hard to achieve their goals. I'm sure someday you'll be a professional. Those cookies aren't poisoned are they?" Maximus asked.
"No, that would blow my sweet little girl cover and besides if I kill my clients, I can't over charge them for cookies the next day and that means I lose money," the girl reasoned.
"Good point," Maximus agreed. "Well since it's for an evil cause, I'll buy some cookies."
xoxox xox xoxox
When Chef Bernadette heard about the purchased cookies, she wasn't too happy about that. "I spend hours baking cookies and then you go and buy them?"
"But it was for an evil cause!" Maximus tried to explain.
"Since when are you interested in cooperating for causes?" Bernadette argued.
"That little girl was creepy. If she comes back I'll pretend I'm not home," Maximus decided.
xoxox xox xoxox
Meanwhile on Earth, Betty was once again selling candy to support her school. However, this time her dad was away in a business trip and couldn't help her and her mom was too busy spoiling Purrsey. Worse yet, Penelope had her father hire a professional to sell her candy and every house Betty visited already had candy from Penelope. Not even her Galactic Guardian sales speech was working now.
Betty wondered if someone somewhere in the universe was feeling as annoyed as her. But she wasn't going to give up; no way was Penelope going to beat her. Betty couldn't let her win; then she got an idea that was crazy enough to work.
xoxox xox xoxox
Once again someone stood at Maximus' door. For a minute he was afraid it was that creepy villain girl but it wasn't her. Instead there was a green alien girl of Sparky's species with red hair in a pony tail. "Hi, I'm selling candy. Wanna buy some?" Her speech was simple and to the point. There was a moment of silence in which Betty wondered just what she was doing there.
Maximus thought about it, Bernadette was still offended about the cookies and refused to make any sweets. Who knows how long her mood swing would last, so he better stock up on sweets. "Only if they're really good" Maximus finally answered, much to Betty's surprise.
"I'll let you try one," Betty offered. Even if he didn't buy any in the end, she was curious to know what he thought of the candy that was secretly from Earth.
Maximus ate the candy, "this is good, I'll buy them all!"
xoxox xox xoxox
It took a quick trip to the black market after that to exchange the universal currency into Earth currency, specifically from Canada. Betty couldn't do this at a space bank, since Earth currency wasn't supposed to be found in space, being Earth a pre-contact planet. But sometimes you have to bend the rules to win. Besides, Penelope was already bending the rules her own way. At least Betty actually sold the candy in person instead of hiring someone to do it and there was no established geological area for the sales anyway.
End of Planet 63
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
o0o0o o0o0o o0o0o o0o0o o0o0o o0o0o o0o0o o0o0o o0o0o
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Planet 64: Lost in the Mall
Sparky looked scared as he walked around the mall. He had learned that Earth could be a dangerous planet. Never underestimate the potential of a pre-contact race. He had become separated from Betty because he was distracted by the scent of fast food coming from the food court.
Not too far from the food court was an arcade. Sparky knew he didn't have earth money to pay for the food so he tried to stay away from it to resist the temptation to eat everything he saw. She ran inside the arcade wondering if Betty had gone there. In the arcade, Sparky found Betty's earthling friend Noah. "Hi, have you seen Betty?"
"No, I haven't seen her, but how do you know her? I don't think I've seen you in school." Noah didn't recognize him as the new kid since now he wasn't green or had a big nose.
Sparky was now in a complete holographic human disguise. "I go to the same school as the sister of the best friend of the neighbor of her cousin," Sparky spoke quickly, hoping Noah wouldn't ask about it.
"Oh," Noah was confused, but he decided not to ask. "Well I haven't seen her since yesterday at school." Today was Saturday.
"Okay, thanks I'll find her," Sparky hoped it was soon.
He was about to walk out of the arcade but Noah followed him. "I'll help you look for Betty."
Sparky wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to sound mean, but he wasn't sure if he could interact with earth people who didn't know about life outside of their planet for a long period of time. "Um, thanks."
Sparky and Noah headed off to search for Betty. "Maybe she's in the video store. She likes science fiction movies," Noah guessed. They entered the video store and looked around.
"This place is big," Sparky looked at the many aisles. To him, it looked like some sort of maze. He didn't understand why earthlings build their video stores in such a way. On his planet movies were kept on a server and copied to a standard disk at the moment of purchase. The process took three to five seconds depending on how long the movie was and how many extras the disk would include. If he was only renting the movie then the disk would automatically erase itself after the time expired and it could be recycled.
Noah took his comment as a suggestion to split up and search for Betty. "You go that way," he pointed to the left, "and I'll go this way," he pointed to the right. "We'll meet back at the entrance in ten minutes."
"Okay, I got it!" Sparky headed in his assigned direction. Maybe this was some sort of game. Like who could go in and out of the maze first. Sadly, Sparky got lost. He was sure he had walked by that little box with a picture of Anakin Skywalker on it at least seven times. He knew about Star Wars. Almost everyone in the universe knew about Star Wars.
Noah stood at the entrance to the video store waiting for that new kid to come out. It had already been twenty minutes and there was no sign of him. He was sure the boy had a watch, so he should know it was time to meet him. Of course Noah didn't know that the so called watch was actually the source of his hologram disguise.
"Great, he ditched me," Noah sadly concluded. Now not only Betty ran off all the time, but even some new kid he just met left without him. "Am I that boring?" Noah sighed sadly, no one wanted to be around him, and left the video store.
"Hi Noah," a girl's voice spoke.
Noah looked up from staring at the floor and saw Megan. "Hi Megan, what are you doing here?" He was a little surprised to find her by herself instead of following Penelope around as she usually did.
"Well I'm not following Penelope," Megan sounded a little upset. "She asked, no, she told me, to go with her to the make up store then she kept criticizing me when I tried on some make up. I'm not going to put up with it. She can carry her own bags today."
"I don't know how you put up with her in the first place," Noah admitted as they started to walk back to the arcade.
"She's popular and pretty and has a lot of friends. She's everything I'm not," Megan explained.
"Who would want to be like her? She's annoying, mean and a spoiled brat," Noah's comment caused Megan to giggle. "What? It's true."
"How come you never said that before?" Megan asked.
"I don't know, I guess I rather stay out of trouble," Noah admitted. They both laugh and entered the arcade.
xoxox xox xoxox
Meanwhile, Sparky had made it out of the video store maze and concluded that Noah ditched him. Those earthlings were so mean, with the exception of Betty of course.
The mall was full of people since it was a Saturday afternoon and he didn't know where Betty could be. Sparky sat on a bench near the food court, wishing he had earth money to buy some food and drown his worries in it. But he knew he would get into trouble if he ate anything without paying for it and he didn't want to get into any more trouble.
"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," a boy said as he walked by.
"Oh yeah? Well I'm so hungry I could eat an entire alien race!" Another boy replied as the two headed towards the food court.
Sparky's eyes widened in fear. "Cannibals!" He ran for his life. Betty hasn't said anything about there being cannibals on this planet, but you never know what may come from such a strange place. In his panic, he bumped into a red haired girl.
"Sparky!" Betty was relived to find him. "I've been looking all over for you."
"Chief!" Sparky hugged her happily. "I was running away from the cannibals. Don't let them eat me!"
Betty hugged him back and petted his head gently. "It's okay Sparky; no one's going to eat you. Now let's go to the store, get what we need and leave." Betty wondered where Sparky got the strange idea that there were cannibals at the mall.
Sparky nodded, "okay, chief, I feel safe when you're here."
End of Planet 64
Disclaimer, I don't own Atomic Betty or Star Wars.